Marielle Posted January 21, 2007 Posted January 21, 2007 Update. It has been 1 week I guess we broke off, well I did . (just saw him 1 day I do not regret breaking up, but sometimes, specially in the afternoons I get very emotional. I am starting to get better, overall...but I wish i could not think about him. It's like I wonder what he's doing, if he has another OW, if he's suffering...a lot of crap. How do I move on and erase everything from my mind? I try to keep busy, and it works for a while then I have this empty feeling just to hear his voice. But I really do not feel like calling him. WHat are your thoughts? Or your experiences?
Author Marielle Posted January 21, 2007 Author Posted January 21, 2007 I just wanted to add, that the deciding factor to break up was not 100% that he was married. After a conversation I had with my family dr, who s also my friend, councellor (!), he made me asl myself: If he was single and with you, are you happy in the R? Are your needs beeing met? My answer was NO, he's a lyar...caugh him in many (by lies I mean omission of truth, which is the same) lies about things other than his M. I cannot trust him. I deserve a man that is honest...white lies are ok, but if you have to watch your back constantly...that's a biggie. PLus he was very jealous of my past! (my past was"omg" I had more than 1 boyfriend!!! serious R, and he had a hard time accepting it, stupid meeeeee) Sorry, just venting!
Freedom Now Posted January 21, 2007 Posted January 21, 2007 You are going through the steps of grieving. You will go back and forth until you are completely healed. I think we all go through a little obsessing after the affair is over. We wonder if he really truly loved us, if he thinks of us, if he hurts... It's the "not knowing" and the replays of conversations you had with him that gets you during the early stages of NC.... It is natural what you are going through. Peace.
Author Marielle Posted January 21, 2007 Author Posted January 21, 2007 You are going through the steps of grieving. You will go back and forth until you are completely healed. I think we all go through a little obsessing after the affair is over. We wonder if he really truly loved us, if he thinks of us, if he hurts... It's the "not knowing" and the replays of conversations you had with him that gets you during the early stages of NC.... It is natural what you are going through. Peace. Wow, you described exactly what I m feeling! I wish it could go away fast... How long did it take you to get better?
Freedom Now Posted January 21, 2007 Posted January 21, 2007 I'm still not completely better and I haven't seen him for ten months. BUT, he still tries to get into my world from time to time. He still contacts me and offers to fly me to him and travel with him. Still tells me he adores me, loves me, misses me, etc. etc. etc. And after ten months, I am astounded. It is a slow process. One day at a time. And I am pretty much healed, but I do stumble a bit when he tries to tempt me with trips to see him "one last time." But, I am holding strong. I will never be the OW again. So, to answer your question: it is a day by day thing. Good days and bad days. But, NOW, I have many, many more good days than bad days. You can PM me if you want to talk more...
ratingsguy Posted January 21, 2007 Posted January 21, 2007 ...but I wish i could not think about him. It's like I wonder what he's doing, if he has another OW... I know exactly what you're going through. It's very painful and will consume your thoughts. Although in recent days, while I still do spend a great amount of time thinking about my xMW, I'm spending less time crying over it. In fact, a few nights ago, I got angry for the very first time. The anger was very helpful in coping with all this. What you're going through is normal... especially the wondering what he or she is up to. I can definately relate to that a lot... especially on my xMW's free nights... I wonder if she's out with another guy... and my mind really wanders later on at night if you know what I mean. I think this is how you know you have to cut ties. Go out with some friends and talk over your situation. I went out last night with a buddy I've known for 12 years. He's a pretty brilliant person and after telling him my entire story, he gave me a lot of good advice. He made me look at things much differently than I had been before.
Author Marielle Posted January 21, 2007 Author Posted January 21, 2007 RAting guy: Thanks for replying... I know it helps going out with friends, but I m at a stage that if I go out EVERYTHING reminds me of him...I feel like being alone at home all the time. I changed my sheets, took out all his pictures of vacation together...I m going crazy now. I wish this will pass soon. It's helping that he's not contacting me for the past 3 days...does that mean he accepts it? Or he's trying to ignore me so I call him? (I will never call him again or take his calls)
Freedom Now Posted January 21, 2007 Posted January 21, 2007 It is too soon to know what is gonna happen with your MM. In MY experience, and from those who post here on LS, you WILL hear from him. Prepare for it and expect it. These MM are quite predictable, you know.
Author Marielle Posted January 21, 2007 Author Posted January 21, 2007 Freedom: It's not like I WANT him to call me, i DON"T want him to not call me, like all of this was easy for him...what I mean is, i hate to think I m all suffering here while he's ok....does it make sense? I had a high last week when I posted, when I broke up, thought it would be easier, but know I m starting to experiment the low...it's depressive. I m for the first time looking for monday, to go to work and distract myself. At least if I call him and ignore his calls I would feel in a better mood, my pride would be back faster, and feel sort off revenge. I m sorry to sound shallow or stupid...
whichwayisup Posted January 21, 2007 Posted January 21, 2007 BUT, he still tries to get into my world from time to time. He still contacts me and offers to fly me to him and travel with him. Still tells me he adores me, loves me, misses me, etc. etc. etc. And after ten months, Gaawwd that's just gotta piss you off hearing all that from him. What an idiot! Marielle, keep busy and keep distracting yourself. Time is on your side, and cliche expression here - Time heals all wounds.
forbidden fruit Posted January 21, 2007 Posted January 21, 2007 Freedom: It's not like I WANT him to call me, i DON"T want him to not call me, like all of this was easy for him...what I mean is, i hate to think I m all suffering here while he's ok....does it make sense? I had a high last week when I posted, when I broke up, thought it would be easier, but know I m starting to experiment the low...it's depressive. I m for the first time looking for monday, to go to work and distract myself. At least if I call him and ignore his calls I would feel in a better mood, my pride would be back faster, and feel sort off revenge. I m sorry to sound shallow or stupid... I am going through the exact same thing as you Marielle. I am in the same stage of NC. I went NC four days ago and had to because I could see it was never going to change no matter what. I have to say on Sat. I could not stop crying and it was so hard because all I wanted to do was hide, but i have a H and kids so they were wondering what was wrong with me. I really felt a loss and like I was withdrawing from a drug. I am now exhausted and see a little light at the end of the tunnel. I talked to my mom and best friend all day long just to get through it. Like you I am now wondering why it so easy for him to let go. Is he in any pain and has he already looking for another OW. The unanswered questions and the not knowing are the hardest. I was the one who ended it and up until my last words and driving away was he still trying to salvage the R. It was the hardest thing I have ever had to do because I could of kept it going and not had to go through any of this. However, how he is ever going to change if I don't go NC. Even if he never changes then that is my answer. I was so tired of forcing him to look at his life when he obviously wasn't ready so now I am focusing on my life and what is important to me. It was always about him-how exhausting
cbl Posted January 21, 2007 Posted January 21, 2007 Freedom: It's not like I WANT him to call me, i DON"T want him to not call me, like all of this was easy for him...what I mean is, i hate to think I m all suffering here while he's ok....does it make sense? I had a high last week when I posted, when I broke up, thought it would be easier, but know I m starting to experiment the low...it's depressive. I m for the first time looking for monday, to go to work and distract myself. At least if I call him and ignore his calls I would feel in a better mood, my pride would be back faster, and feel sort off revenge. I m sorry to sound shallow or stupid... i had a hard time understanding the same thing, when i broke up with my MM. why does his world go on while my world collaps? later i realize his life always goes on, with or without me. if he can find a new OW, he will. if not, even if he wants to come back to me, i don't want him. i deserve far better than just being his OW. and if i don't do something about MY own life, no one will. and definitely not the MM. think more about yourself, less about him.... stay away from your computer and go out to have some fun
Author Marielle Posted January 21, 2007 Author Posted January 21, 2007 Gaawwd that's just gotta piss you off hearing all that from him. What an idiot! Marielle, keep busy and keep distracting yourself. Time is on your side, and cliche expression here - Time heals all wounds. I know, I just wish I could FF time with a remote, lol....
Author Marielle Posted January 21, 2007 Author Posted January 21, 2007 i had a hard time understanding the same thing, when i broke up with my MM. why does his world go on while my world collaps? later i realize his life always goes on, with or without me. if he can find a new OW, he will. if not, even if he wants to come back to me, i don't want him. i deserve far better than just being his OW. and if i don't do something about MY own life, no one will. and definitely not the MM. think more about yourself, less about him.... stay away from your computer and go out to have some fun I know I should stay away....but today I feel like being home, it's freezing here in Montreal...and I look like sh** I m trying to do things at home, reorganizing my closet, removing anything that reminds me of him (sheets, bedding, pics) and paying those dreaded bills. ALso listening to easy music (jazz, not sad or hyper...) I am doing my best for now I appreciate all your support and I need it now!!! I know many of you said you are going through the same, so let's support each other with the goal of being back the great chicks we where before all this drama. Step by step
StuckinaRut Posted January 21, 2007 Posted January 21, 2007 Marielle, I'm so proud of you. Keep at it...you're doing great. Just like any other relationship it will get easier as time goes on. You deserve a lot better than a loser like him. (((hugs)))
Author Marielle Posted January 21, 2007 Author Posted January 21, 2007 Marielle, I'm so proud of you. Keep at it...you're doing great. Just like any other relationship it will get easier as time goes on. You deserve a lot better than a loser like him. (((hugs))) Thanks (((hugs))) to you and all the suffering woman
ratingsguy Posted January 21, 2007 Posted January 21, 2007 I know, I just wish I could FF time with a remote, lol.... What I wouldn't pay to get my hands on that remote control!
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