Boond0ckSaint Posted January 24, 2007 Posted January 24, 2007 You could be. So was the swimming pool the first time you tried. Next thing you know you're swimming around like a frog. The easiest way to build confidence and overcome your fears is to face them... You don't think the first time I was on stage playing before a live audience I wasn't p*ssing myself scared? After about 5 shows I was thriving and actually craving being in front of an audience. The largest show I ever did was 10,000 people and you know what, I probably played the best I ever did that night. Confidence is merely tackling your fears head on and win/lose/draw, not matter what happens, you will end up more confident than you were before you tried. Oh man, my first time on stage was just like that too! And then after a few times, it's the best feeling in the world! I know what you mea. As far as having 3 candidates in the pipeline...that's kinda hard for those of us who don't have the ability to even have 1 in the pipeline.
Author Sand&Water Posted January 24, 2007 Author Posted January 24, 2007 RE: Dating a number of men. This isn't a problem for me, since it could be easily done. But, at this point, it could be unhealthy and cause potential mishaps in my life. And, I certainly don't need anymore drama and issues. CaliGuy: The more prospects you have, the better life seems (and really is). Not quite prospects. Opportunities. There are other opportunities that I could pursue, IF I want to, and it surely would be fun -but I want to feel secure -and stay true to myself. The only way for this to occur, is if I take each chance at my own pace one person at a time. Pretty Fly: With all due respect, then why insist on taking it so slowly? There are a number of factors that contribute to me taking it slowly with this man: (a) He lives far away from me -at least a couple of hours. IF I get involved too much too soon, I will get hurt. And, him and I getting together is difficult because of schedules and other grasps. (b) At first he pursued hard -showed a ton of interest. He was persistent, and I was at the time very hesitant. I wasn't sure if he was serious, so I applied the brakes. I did what I felt comfortable doing. © This was a major one. He had made out with a co-worker in the company. Now, I don't know if he has dropped her, yet, or how far he's gone with her. That right there, says to me he is keeping his options open, no seriousness and basically fooling/messing around. So, why would he even consider me if he's running around with other women? Francis: But I wouldn't want to be involved romantically with one person, knowing he was keeping his options open. Ditto. This man doesn't have a sense of direction. All he said to me was that he: (1) Is not in a rush to get into a relationship and (2) Just wants to see where me and him lead to. . . a lasting relationship, perhaps. I had a weird conversation with him, yesterday. He was out-of-tune, busy, not interested, lame, flamboyant, and didn't put much effort into conversing with me. So it is safe to say, I'm on Earth and he's on Mars. I'm going to move on. I'll just keep him as an acquaintance. All The Best, Sand&Water
Pretty Fly Posted January 24, 2007 Posted January 24, 2007 Ok, I'm a guy and I interpret this story like this: 1. He pursues you 2. You are hesitiant and "apply the brakes" 3. He becomes distant because you are showing little interest 4. You decide to call it a day because he isn't showing any interest 5. What could have potentially been a fulfilling relationship never happens because of fear of being hurt. I line from a song springs to mind: "You'll never fall in love if you don't fall at all". (If you can name the song, there's a prize. Hint: they're Welsh)
mental_traveller Posted January 24, 2007 Posted January 24, 2007 You describe it as a friendship, yet "taking things slow" is not something you do with friendships. It's something you do with potential lovers. And this is in the dating section not the friends section. So to me you are confused. You call him a friend but are acting like he is romance material. If the latter, then I think you've hurt the chances by going so slow. A year is a long time to wait, after all. I suspect he has either lost interest due to lack of progress, got other options (maybe met someone), or just decided to take off for a while. I would just wait a few weeks, then send an email saying you are just curious where he's gone, no pressure but you'd appreciate a reply even if just to say "Hi, I'm ok".
mental_traveller Posted January 24, 2007 Posted January 24, 2007 I agree with Riddler. You've done your part. One thing I have learned about dating is that it's good to have several prospects going on at once. That way you aren't overly concerned with the outcome of one and don't come off as clingy and needy. That isn't to say you should be sleeping with them or anything, I just mean that if you have options then your outlook is much more positive. You won't really care one way or another about one particular prospect because you will have others that could pan out. That's some of the best dating advice I have gotten and it's made a major impact on my attitude when going out on a date. I am much more relaxed, fun and have a good time without putting all my eggs in one basket. Dating really is a numbers game. Normally I agree with your advice Cali, but I'm not so sure here. Whilst multiple dating is good for *your* state of mind, what about the other person? I know that if anyone I was considering was "keeping her options open", then I'd immediately stop considering her seriously (I might still see her for fun, but nothing more). Really, isn't it better to address an issue directly, than going the long way round and affecting someone else into the bargain? If the issue is clinginess, then we should get rid of it! Not do something that might make us look feckless & disrespectful in the eyes of another. The cure is to become less clingy/desperate, not to date lots of people in a misguided attempt to boost one's flagging self-esteem and loneliness.
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