hardknocks Posted January 20, 2007 Posted January 20, 2007 ok so I broke up with the love of my life - it has been close to a month of NC. I'm feeling a little better everyday, but it's still tough. I took down all her pictures today and gatherred up all the things that remind me of her and put them in a little pile in the closet. It took me a while to do it because each thing made me stop and think about the love we had and I wished we still did. I miss her terribly but I know I have to go on. My question is, what do you do with all the sentimental stuff after you break up? Do you keep it? Hide it? Burn it? or what?
whichwayisup Posted January 20, 2007 Posted January 20, 2007 Keep it in a box in the closet. No need to burn or throw stuff out unless you're ready to.
shockandawed Posted January 20, 2007 Posted January 20, 2007 Thats exactly what I did, it was a hard day, and went over everything as I looked at it, but it helps. I put it in a box in the basement. I will eventually decide what to do with it, but for now, it is out of sight, out of mind.
LiveAndLetLive Posted January 20, 2007 Posted January 20, 2007 "My question is, what do you do with all the sentimental stuff after you break up? Do you keep it? Hide it? Burn it? or what?" Keep it.
Tormented Posted January 21, 2007 Posted January 21, 2007 My question is, what do you do with all the sentimental stuff after you break up? Do you keep it? Hide it? Burn it? or what? I did as many here did...boxed it up and put it away. I think that if I destroyed it I would come to regret it someday. Because the day will come when the memory of him won't cause me pain, and that will be the day I can look at all these things and smile. ~T~
polywog Posted January 21, 2007 Posted January 21, 2007 The thing is, this person is a chapter in your life. I still have a dirty handkerchief from my college sweetheart who I broke up with over 20 years ago (no, I am not certifiably mentally ill at this time). Whenever I think of tossing it, I don't because he/it is a link to my history that I value, for myself, not just a sentimental token of him. Someday it is likely that it will be tossed. But for now, because I am not in touch with him, it provokes memories of my life back then for its own sake. Think Proust!
RocketMan2 Posted January 21, 2007 Posted January 21, 2007 Yeah dont throw it away. I've got a box in the attic where i deposite sentimental items from time to time as people come and go. Putting it away keeps it out of your mind, but youve still got it if you want it in the future. You'll quite probably regret thowing anything away.
My Fair Katie Posted January 21, 2007 Posted January 21, 2007 I toss it. But then I don't assign much sentimental value to stuff. So, I'm the type of person that doesn't save ticket stubs, I don't save or dry flowers, I'm not into stuffed animals. I can certainly understand why people save mementos, it's just something I never did. I think if the circumstances were different (like due to a death) I'd have a deeper attachment to things. Useable stuff I kept, tshirts, perfume, CDs. Phased out the tshirts after I got married.
polywog Posted January 21, 2007 Posted January 21, 2007 I toss it. But then I don't assign much sentimental value to stuff. So, I'm the type of person that doesn't save ticket stubs, I don't save or dry flowers, I'm not into stuffed animals. Oh, thank god... I was worried that your cute canine avatar was a taxidermy project! Not, I hope, right?
My Fair Katie Posted January 21, 2007 Posted January 21, 2007 Oh, thank god... I was worried that your cute canine avatar was a taxidermy project! Not, I hope, right? Both avatar pooch and profile pooch are alive and well. Sometimes when they're incessantly barking I think a taxidermy project would be a much better option. Certainly cheaper vet bills.
polywog Posted January 21, 2007 Posted January 21, 2007 Tell me about it! 4 elderly cats, one 8 yr old Golden Retriever, friend and fan of All Breeds, big and small. shared with the SO who has called it quits...OK I'll stop whining.... the pets come first, they're more loyal.....
LostHeart Posted January 21, 2007 Posted January 21, 2007 I think it's best to keep the things until you see you no longer feel attached to them. Honestly, if you threw them out you'd just be upset that you no longer have them--you may even feel stupid for throwing them out. Wait until you are not longer attached to them. My friend still has things from her ex from 2 or 3 years ago. She says she no longer feels attached to them but she wants to keep those good memories for the future. It's your own personal decision but I'd say it wouldn't be wise to throw them out or such until it's your own idea to do so.
Pyro Posted January 21, 2007 Posted January 21, 2007 ok so I broke up with the love of my life - it has been close to a month of NC. I'm feeling a little better everyday, but it's still tough. I took down all her pictures today and gatherred up all the things that remind me of her and put them in a little pile in the closet. It took me a while to do it because each thing made me stop and think about the love we had and I wished we still did. I miss her terribly but I know I have to go on. My question is, what do you do with all the sentimental stuff after you break up? Do you keep it? Hide it? Burn it? or what? I toss it. We are broken up, so I have no need to keep any of the stuff. With my last ex, I took all the stuff, put it in a bag and dropped it off on her porch and made her get rid of it.
Am4Real Posted January 21, 2007 Posted January 21, 2007 It seems like I am in the minority on this one but I definitely needed to rid myself and my house of any tangible memories -- but of course it was done over time. Like all the posters, the things she gave to me or were remnants of our relationship were gathered (photos, gifts, jewelry, clothes, token items, birthday cards, love letters, you name it) and piled in a closet. I avoided that closet like the plague. A few more weeks passed and I would find another item or two and they would be added to the pile. When I felt I had everything I boxed them all up, sealed the box with packing tape and labeled it to my EX’s home address with a simple note, it read: “most of these items are fond memories of you, of us, and I no longer have use for them in my life under the circumstances. Perhaps some of the tangible items are useful to you or can be directed to your favorite charity”. And that was it, my ties were broken. I believe each of us heal and remember our life history differently. I have very good memories, but honestly, keeping those things even when I finally do become 100% healed will only make me wonder things, question myself, and perhaps drift into a semi-conscious state of what it would be like today. Worst of all, whatever these items are for you or me will likely hurt or make whoever enters our life next question themselves and their status against what we really feel or think of our EX’s. It would for me if I found an entire box of collectables. So far, this has worked for me and I hope everyone methods does the same for them. Am4Real
Pyro Posted January 21, 2007 Posted January 21, 2007 It seems like I am in the minority on this one but I definitely needed to rid myself and my house of any tangible memories -- but of course it was done over time. Like all the posters, the things she gave to me or were remnants of our relationship were gathered (photos, gifts, jewelry, clothes, token items, birthday cards, love letters, you name it) and piled in a closet. I avoided that closet like the plague. A few more weeks passed and I would find another item or two and they would be added to the pile. When I felt I had everything I boxed them all up, sealed the box with packing tape and labeled it to my EX’s home address with a simple note, it read: “most of these items are fond memories of you, of us, and I no longer have use for them in my life under the circumstances. Perhaps some of the tangible items are useful to you or can be directed to your favorite charity”. And that was it, my ties were broken. I believe each of us heal and remember our life history differently. I have very good memories, but honestly, keeping those things even when I finally do become 100% healed will only make me wonder things, question myself, and perhaps drift into a semi-conscious state of what it would be like today. Worst of all, whatever these items are for you or me will likely hurt or make whoever enters our life next question themselves and their status against what we really feel or think of our EX’s. It would for me if I found an entire box of collectables. So far, this has worked for me and I hope everyone methods does the same for them. Am4Real You should have sold the jewelry to a pawn shop or something IMHO. Anything that my ex did get me that is of real value or is useful to me, I have held on to, but the things don't remind me of her at all, so it may be different for you.
Am4Real Posted January 21, 2007 Posted January 21, 2007 Hey Riddler, Yes, this is the only way I could deal with those tangible items, it does strir my memories. BTW, it didn't cross my mind to pawn the items. Good one. Am4Real
Pyro Posted January 21, 2007 Posted January 21, 2007 Just keep that in mind if you ever are in that situation again. Take advantage of what you can.
Am4Real Posted January 21, 2007 Posted January 21, 2007 Gosh, I hope this is the very last time I go through this. Lucky enough, this is the only the third break up of consequence -- perhaps it ranks the most difficult for two reasons. One, I'm older and wiser (my opinion on the latter, it's natue on the former, haha), was pretty sure about this one but, secondly, there was no marriage binding us together leagally so that make it easier to change course. I'm not promoting anything, just saying why it was harder than the first two. My lessons, it really hurts but God its good to feel alive too! Am4Real
CaliGuy Posted January 22, 2007 Posted January 22, 2007 ok so I broke up with the love of my life - it has been close to a month of NC. I'm feeling a little better everyday, but it's still tough. I took down all her pictures today and gatherred up all the things that remind me of her and put them in a little pile in the closet. It took me a while to do it because each thing made me stop and think about the love we had and I wished we still did. I miss her terribly but I know I have to go on. My question is, what do you do with all the sentimental stuff after you break up? Do you keep it? Hide it? Burn it? or what? I boxed up everything and put it in storage. Pictures, gifts, mementos, etc. You name it. It's out of the house and out of arms reach. The rest I did a long time ago: Changed her name in my phone to DO NOT ANSWER, deleted all text messages, deleted her from all IMs, deleted old emails, etc. I think that is very important too. Cleanse yourself from all reminders. That way it's easier to look forward instead of back.
myhotrod123456789 Posted January 22, 2007 Posted January 22, 2007 Changed her name in my phone to DO NOT ANSWER thats a good idea
CaliGuy Posted January 22, 2007 Posted January 22, 2007 thats a good idea It's a gentle reminder for NC
EnigmaXOXO Posted January 22, 2007 Posted January 22, 2007 I'm just like My Fair Katie, almost word for word. I've never felt nostalgic or melancholy enough that I needed to thumb through old love letters, photos and stuff to remind me of past loves. Not into showing them off like trophies to friends or current relationship partners either. When it's over, I just toss it and move on. Not even deliberately either, cause I've just never really given much thought to it beyond needing to clean out, make room, and get rid of clutter. But I do keep everything that my current boyfriend gives me … cause I still love him and the sentimental value is still all there for me. As a matter of fact, he has a growing stack of mushy cards on his desk from me that he hasn't thrown away yet either. I wouldn't toss out anything that I still have practical use for, though. Jewelry and stuff like that are "keepers" just like any other gift you received from old friends and relatives. The only "relationship related" thing I've kept was the old wedding album and it's up in the dusty attic for my daughter to decide what she wants to do with one day. The old wedding band, engagement ring, and the all rest of the jewelry her father bought over the years are also being passed along to her one item at a time.
Am4Real Posted February 8, 2007 Posted February 8, 2007 I wouldn't toss out anything that I still have practical use for, though. Jewelry and stuff like that are "keepers" just like any other gift you received from old friends and relatives. Many who have posted on LS rid themselves of items both tangible and electronic to separate from any memories and look ahead (and heal). For me keeping anything, even if practical is just another thing to perhaps stoke a memory or bewilderment about the other person. Perhaps you are the dumper more often than not by any chance? I'm happy you can keep those practical items, for me they are all impractical no matter what side of the fence I am on.
luvtoto Posted February 8, 2007 Posted February 8, 2007 It took me a while to do it because each thing made me stop and think about the love we had and I wished we still did. By keeping those items in your home, you are torturing yourself.
KittenMoon Posted February 8, 2007 Posted February 8, 2007 Anything not utilitarian I boxed up. (I guess I don't attach much sentimentality to everyday stuff) It's in my closet. I hate that box sometimes, but at the same time, to throw it out would be to throw out years of college pictures, years of good memories, etc. The box is actually quite small, and having it has gotten easier as time has passed. I know I would regret throwing the stuff out, so I haven't. Ideally I want to be able to look back and remember that Halloween or that BBQ or that day in the dorms without such strong memories of him. Maybe in 20 years I'll be able to look back on the days of my first love and it's innocence, or maybe I'll feel nothing at all. In any case, the box will stay. It doesn't deserve to be in the trash. That being said, the box stays in the closet. I've only pawed through it once, on what would have been our 7th year anniversary, and I learned my lesson. If you keep stuff, don't revisit it. Just let it be.
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