FireGlo Posted January 20, 2007 Posted January 20, 2007 I really need your opinions about this and I need them fast! Here's what happened.....I've been talking and chatting to the MM for a couple months now. We get along fine but there's one thing that bothers me, no matter if I care about the person or not...I can't stand lying. Well, just last night he was telling me he doesn't go into chat rooms anymore and I'm the only one he chats to now. I know, I know, sounds too good to be true, right? Well I found out it was. My friend happened to be in a chat room 2 nights ago and HE typed to her saying "hi". He then went on to say that he's looking, she asked him if he has anyone, and then he said "yes" and that he's NOT looking. She didn't say bye, just left him hanging. Nice MM huh? I was chatting with him last night on messenger and I outright asked him "so you don't chat anymore?" His response: "Exactly. I found the one for me." What an outright lie! I also appear invisible sometimes and he writes me an offline, but then continues to be on for an hour! Of course I know he's probably chatting with someone else! Why do MM's feel the need to lie? Should I confront him with all this? And what to say? I can take all the honest truths there are, but lieing hurts like crazy. We're supposed to meet this Wednesday..........what do all of you think?
frannie Posted January 20, 2007 Posted January 20, 2007 Hmmm well from what your friend found out it sounds like he's chatting to and possibly even seeing lots of other women in addition to you... that isn't a very nice position to be in. Why be involved with someone who is lying to you? How could you ever trust him..?
Curmudgeon Posted January 20, 2007 Posted January 20, 2007 Why do MM's feel the need to lie? Are you serious? Of course they need to lie. Their entire existence is a lie from beginning to end. They're lying to their wives and children, if applicable. Why would you think they wouldn't lie to you and to the other women they court for affairs? They need to lie to get what they want without being caught by the people who are supposed to mean the most to them which is the biggest lie of all.
whichwayisup Posted January 20, 2007 Posted January 20, 2007 You don't trust him. Listen to your gut. Ofcourse he lies! Hello!! He's married and lying to his wife, so why wouldn't he lie to you. You'll never know who else he talks to online. Maybe it's other women, maybe he talks to his buddies...You can't control that anyway, so don't focus on that.
sb129 Posted January 20, 2007 Posted January 20, 2007 Why do MM's feel the need to lie? Should I confront him with all this? And what to say? Are you serious? Of course they need to lie. Their entire existence is a lie from beginning to end. They're lying to their wives and children, if applicable. Why would you think they wouldn't lie to you and to the other women they court for affairs? They need to lie to get what they want without being caught by the people who are supposed to mean the most to them which is the biggest lie of all. Curmudgeon, you hit the nail on the head. FireGlo, beware of the MM's biggest lie which is usually "Oh, but I would never lie to you". Codswallop usually.
cbl Posted January 21, 2007 Posted January 21, 2007 even single guys lie about not chatting with other people. what would you do if you find out the single guy you are dating lies to you? i suggest that you ask yourself this question and whatever reaction that you could have toward the single guy, do it to your MM.... think about yourself more. and not worry about his marriage status.
Seen_It_All Posted January 21, 2007 Posted January 21, 2007 Well, just last night he was telling me he doesn't go into chat rooms anymore and I'm the only one he chats to now. Honestly, Fire, why are you even wasting your time on the computer talking to some scumbag whose out trawling the internet for a good time? What is the POINT? I know, I know, sounds too good to be true, right? WHAT sounds 'too good to be true?' That some married lying CHEATER has chosen only YOU as his supposed chat buddy? What the he*ll's so great about THAT? My friend happened to be in a chat room 2 nights ago and HE typed to her saying "hi". He then went on to say that he's looking, she asked him if he has anyone, and then he said "yes" and that he's NOT looking. She didn't say bye, just left him hanging. Nice MM huh? Are you HONESTLY surprised that the guy's a lying piece of trash? I mean, come on. I outright asked him "so you don't chat anymore?" His response: "Exactly. I found the one for me." Yeah, that's what the loser told his wife when he proposed to her. We all see where THAT got her, don't we? Why are OW continually surprised when these scumbags lie to THEM as well? WHY????? We're supposed to meet this Wednesday..........what do all of you think? You're KIDDING me, right?
ratingsguy Posted January 21, 2007 Posted January 21, 2007 I tend to agree that just by virtue of the fact that someone is involved with a MM/MW, trust will always be an issue. I used to get this sinking feeling in my stomach when I would watch my xMW lie on the phone to her husband and kids about where she was and what she was doing. And she did it quite well... which makes me wonder what she's lied to me about. I wonder if she ever felt any guilt about what she was doing. No matter how honest your MM/MW comes off, you need to remember that you as the OW/OM are the biggest lie of all. Now that I'm removed from my situation, I can see a little more clearly. Things that should have been red flags never were. Only as I look back do I see some of the warning signs. Trust is the foundation for any relationship. When trust is in doubt, that foundation has a lot of serious cracks in it.
Author FireGlo Posted January 21, 2007 Author Posted January 21, 2007 Yep, I got it everyone...thanks so much. I know in my gut what is happening and I can't ignore it. The only thing I can do is stop it or accept it as pure fun. And when it's not fun anymore, say goodbye. Guys do it all the time...why can't I?
GreenEyedLady Posted January 22, 2007 Posted January 22, 2007 Just brace yourself for him to be lying about EVERYTHING...
Romeo Must Die Posted January 22, 2007 Posted January 22, 2007 He is married and chatting to girls on the internet. Alright, well, thats a no no. You know he does this because he is talking to you and doing the same thing with you. So you know he's done this at least once or twice with you. Thats the whole idea about chatting anyway, right? To chat. Have you ever noticed that when people lie they give vague answers. I mean, what is "I'm not looking" really mean? That is a defensive and a self protective statement and it doesnt answer the question. She didnt ask him "Are you looking?", she asked if was he chatting much. That's basicly a yes or no question. This is how I always busted my FWS in a lie. Dont react emotionally. React intellectually. A WS/MM could throw some wicked fastballs but you can catch them all one by one, intellectually. In other words. Use your brain : )
lovelorcet Posted January 22, 2007 Posted January 22, 2007 Originally Posted by FireGlo Why do MM's feel the need to lie? That is just too funny... Why do you even need to ask this... Maybe you should ask his wife if he always lies about this kind of stuff...
BUTAFLY Posted January 22, 2007 Posted January 22, 2007 He then went on to say that he's looking, she asked him if he has anyone, and then he said "yes" and that he's NOT looking. Do you think that someone is you?
MoonGirl Posted January 22, 2007 Posted January 22, 2007 There are lots of single guys available to chat and date. Why pick a MM? I don't get it, really. I could maybe understand it if you've known him personally for years and have always had a deep connection, but you don't really know this guy. Think about what you already know: he's MARRIED and he LIES and he CHEATS. Sounds like someone I wouldn't even need to contemplate throwing out of my life. Find someone who deserves your attention.
BeenAround_N_Back Posted January 22, 2007 Posted January 22, 2007 If this was me, I would drop him faster than a fire cracker! He lies to his wife, why would you be an exception to the lies?
crazy_grl Posted January 22, 2007 Posted January 22, 2007 The only thing I can do is stop it or accept it as pure fun. And when it's not fun anymore, say goodbye. Guys do it all the time...why can't I? That's a really horrible thing to say. I can feel compassion for the OW/OM on who get tricked into thinking the MM/MW is single, and I even feel some compassion for the ones who ended up in the relationship unintentionally after knowing each other over a long period of time. But anyone who has the attitude that they can sleep with someone else's spouse just for "fun" deserves whatever nasty thing comes to them as a result. How incredibly selfish. Only someone with major issues would think of an affair as fun. Please, PLEASE tell me you weren't being serious.
Seen_It_All Posted January 22, 2007 Posted January 22, 2007 The only thing I can do is stop it or accept it as pure fun. And when it's not fun anymore, say goodbye. Guys do it all the time...why can't I? Crazy Girl is absolutely right. Where's your RESPECT for yourself to say nothing of KNOWING that you're engaging in behavior that could hurt other people? If you're looking to get laid THAT bad, then why don't you hang out at the local bar and wait til closing time? There are plenty of single guys who'll take you home since you're just looking for random sex. Guess what? The world doesn't revolve around YOU. All of our actions have CONSEQUENCES and affect OTHER people besides YOU. Look past your own friggen nose for a CHANGE. What a repulsive attitude.
puddleofmud Posted January 23, 2007 Posted January 23, 2007 In all honesty, what would be the advantage of seeking a liasion with a MM? Whether one is amoral and just doesn't care; why would one wish the difficulties involved? Just doesn't make sense that any self-confident single person would WANT an affair with a married person and seek that for themselves, knowingly... Sex and attention within the single world just isn't that hard to get!!! What is the attraction of a dead-end, two hours of "fun"? with a married guy? Being caught up in a court case would be enough to worry me...
Author FireGlo Posted January 23, 2007 Author Posted January 23, 2007 OF COURSE I'm not being serious. I wrote that because I was angry and upset but think about it ladies, guys have that attitude about affairs alot, and it's horrible. In all honesty, I wasn't tricked at all into this relationship and I knew exactly what was happening. I got swept up into it, and it's wrong. I know what I have to do.
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