Guest Posted January 20, 2007 Posted January 20, 2007 Hi all! I'm new to this board although I’ve been reading these pages for some time now. I've managed to get myself into a bit of a situation and so i thought i would pose a question of my own and see if any of you can offer some advice. It's quite a long story so i apologise in advance for the length. I'll do my best to summarise. OK, a couple of months ago i went to a friend’s birthday party. The party was a good 300 miles from where i live and so i travelled there with another friend, let's call him Simon. I've known Simon for a long time now but we've never been close as we hardly see each other (only on very rare occasions such as this one). Anyway on the journey to the party we obviously got chatting. We get on well and make each other laugh, i started to realise he was very fun to be around. Well when we arrive at the party it was mayhem and as it turned out we had nowhere to stop. I thought that perhaps it would be best if i booked a hotel room but it seemed that Simon had the same idea and he managed to get in there before me and book the last room! As i was a little stranded he offered to share the room with me and being a gentleman he offered to sleep on the floor! So we party all night long. A couple of guys start to hit on me and although flattered i wasn't interested in any of them. One of the guys was being very forward with me and i became a little uncomfortable so i told him i was actually with someone - Simon. When we left the party we both rolled up to our hotel room and i must admit we were quite drunk. I told Simon about how i'd lied and fobbed men off with the excuse that i was seeing someone. At first he just laughed but then he looked at me and asked "well, would you like that?". I let out a nervous laugh but the truth is i really liked the guy. He kissed me and we ended up rolling around together in bed. We didn't actually sleep with one another but we both woke up in only our underwear, him with his arms around me. It was really, really fun but there was one problem - in the cold, harsh, reality of the day i just did NOT fancy him. He's not the type of guy i would usually go for, he's too short for me for one (i have a rule about dating men smaller than i am - the rule is i don't - but he IS smaller than me!) and he's got poor fashion sense which is another thing that turns me off. I just don't find him physically attractive. Anyway on the journey home we stopped off at a coffee shop and he bought me my lunch. I figured we'd both feel a little embarrassed but actually that was not the case at all. We ended up laughing and at one point he held my hand. I quickly snatched it away but it felt nice for the split second... When Simon and i both returned to our day to day lives things quickly settled back down and is wasn’t fun anymore. He began to call me everyday and became quite needy. I tried to explain to him that i didn't want anything more, it was just one night of fun for me, but he didn't want to listen. So i started to ignore him. I didn't hear for him for a couple of months and i'd pretty much forgotten about him but then last month I had some real problems at work and somehow he managed to find out about them. I lost my job and he was really there for me – like a good friend. He runs his own very successful business and he offered me a job doing his accounts until I got back on my feet – I agreed – I needed a job to pay the rent and any job would do. I knew he still liked me and that the reason he was offering me the job was probably (in part) because he fancied his chances but I took it all the same. We’ve been working together for little over a week now. We have fun and I really enjoy the work that I am doing although I’m still looking for something else. Just yesterday we were both alone in the office and I found myself fantasizing about him. It was odd. So I went home and mulled it over. Do I fancy this guy or not!? NOT. I’m sure of it..! But then I realised something. When we are alone I DO like him, I enjoy being with him, I actually find him cute. But when other people come into the equation it’s different. I’ve always looked for social acceptance and when it comes to a partner, I want the world to approve. My first real boyfriend and the only man who has ever broken my heart was 23 years my senior. You can imagine how much I had to really work on gaining social acceptance only for it to all end in tears 3 years later. Perhaps subconsciously I am likening this non-existent relationship to that one and to the idea that I might get hurt again? Or maybe I am just over analysing things as per usual. I’m unsure. Anyway, I like the person that Simon is and I like the way he treats me. I know that in terms of a relationship, a partnership, he could give me everything I could want and more but I just can’t shake off the stigma that I feel would come from us being together. What he looks like – what would be people – my FRIENDS even – think!? I’m embarrassed. I wouldn’t want to parade him around but I would love it if I could be with him in the comfort of my own home. This is my problem – no one else’s – my need to be accepted comes from my own insecurities I guess. This suggests to me I should just walk away right now but still…something is stopping me. I remember talking to my mum about him and telling her how he “just is NOT my type” she laughed and responded with “well I can see why!”. What would I tell her?! I have no idea. What do you guys think?? Any advice/comments appreciated. Oh, and a side note that night, the kiss – it was AMAZING.
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