citygal24 Posted January 20, 2007 Posted January 20, 2007 I apologize for the length but in this situation I really do need to include all the details, its so strange. I have been dating this guy for a couple of weeks and things went REALLY fast and were going almost too good to be true. I have known him for a few months through work and lately things just skyrocketed and we've spent several days together, for the entire day at times (12+ hours). I knew it was going really fast, but I liked it. Well hes 32, Im 24. Anyway, up until Tuesday night, the past few times we have gotten together, he has seemed to be very into me and really thinking this was going to go great, but also very focused on marriage (Im sure b/c he is older and thinking about that). Like for instance, he asked me a lot of questions like what i want in the future, what things I look for in another person, etc. At times I felt like he was looking for certain answers instead of just having a conversation with me. But, through all of this we just get along SO well. As of Tuesday night he brought up his religion. We are both Christian, but he is much more so than I am (evangelical). I am somewhat liberal; he is not. The specific issues he mentioned that I might have with him are that he is pro-choice and that he is strongly against homosexuality. I am not against either. However, I have also had relationships in the past with ppl of completely different religions than me, and I believe that, as long as you have mutual respect for each other's beliefs and figure out a way to compromise regarding raising the children, than it can be OK. No one will ever agree on everything- my philosophy is that you have to agree to disagree and compromise your differences. Anyway. After that, he seemingly tried to end things, but then by the end of the night things were fine again. When I got home, he called me to see if I got home OK, and said that he just wanted to make me happy, he didn't want to hurt me, and he agreed when I said I wanted to give things a chance, but then he said he still wanted to think about things. Then, as of Thurs., it got a little strange. Wed. night he called me and told me this story that I think I misunderstood (the story is besides the point). Well I was kind of irritated by it. So Thurs morning on the way to work, he came up to me on the train and I brought it up. He explained my misunderstanding, and then he said "I think you need some space". How can he tell me how I feel???? What is that?? So I said do YOU need space? Because if you do, then say you do, don’t turn it around on me. Well then I got quiet and he asked me what was wrong, that he was fine, everything was OK with him, he just wants to ‘help me’ and make sure I have thought about things. When I remained quiet (bc I was really confused), he apologized profusely and started kissing my forehead. Anyway, so I said just call me when you want then, I won’t call you, and he got all upset. He said, "oh...this isn’t good. We’re nowhere". I didnt know what that meant. We are of different cultures and language backgrounds but we both speak the same language...yet I don't get why I cant understand what the hell he means half the time. Maybe he was kidding...he has a strange sense of humor that Im still getting used to. Then he asked me to get a bagel with him (???). In the bagel place, he again said that we were nowhere. I just let it drop- and then he kissed my forehead, moved my hair out of my face, and held my hand the way back to work. ???????? So when I went into my office, I get a text message that said “so sorry. I didn’t expect to get into this mess with you, hahaha. And I love spending time with you, but Im afraid that it will work out. Understand?’ I wrote back- 'afraid it will or it won't work out?' and he responded 'afraid it will', and then asked if Id walk with him after work. I did, I figured it would be good to talk to figure out what he was talking about. So when we were walking, he said that there are barriers between us, but that he feels things will work out, that he just has no doubts about me, that I am sincere and things are so natural and easy and that it is scary. I told him that there is a difference between letting things grow and deliberately sabotaging them, and that he is doing the latter. He said, I know, its me, and I said 'i know its you!'. I told him to chill out and just enjoy everything. So we had coffee, and while we're getting coffee he says, randomly 'don't you think you deserve someone better than me?' Im thinking- what??! Then about 3 min. later, again randomly goes 'how long have things been going on between us? 2 weeks?' Then on the way out in the elevator, he went in to kiss me, then pulled away, and then when I went in to kiss me, he wouldnt. WHAT is going on??! Today, the only thing htat happened was that we texted each other, and then I said to call me later and he hasn't. I planned to give him space but then figured I dont really believe in 'space' anyway (I think its bulls****), but now Im thinking I should let things go. I just cant tell if he wants to break things off but is too chicken to do it due to guilt, or if he really truly is into me like he says and is sincerely scared and therefore acting weird. What do you think?
Guest Posted January 20, 2007 Posted January 20, 2007 i think he is just concerned about your feelings if it was me, and my exgf and i were actually face to face and walking - you know doing stuff, that's all the assurance i would need - and maybe at some point i would surprise her with a passinate kiss in some mysterious place. like walk into club 18 or the mecuray lounge and pull her behind the red curtains and kiss her like i want to right now oppppppppppsy soorry - don't mind me folks in fact, if she could spring me right now i'd take her to a nice quiet place for a drinkie or coffee [oppppppsy 12:44] well, we could drive around listen to tunes and talk make out in the back seat wink sorry
Poboy Posted January 20, 2007 Posted January 20, 2007 this dude certainly needs to get his head checked ... he is not certain what he says and means and changes his attitude, demeanour very quickly ... firstly , he 30 + and wants to get married quick while you have doubts about him and more so marrying him. religion is something if it plays a major role in somebody , anybody around him with different views and opinions is surely going to have a hard time managing. its all about compromises & sacrifices but sounds like he is quite stubborn. also his responses seems disconnected , either he is too much sarcasm for you to understand or just a impulsive responder who doent know what he is saying or the implications of doing so. from all you said , he has issues which i dont know are solvable or managable. you have a weird one on your hands and it will get difficult.
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