BenThereDunThat Posted January 20, 2007 Posted January 20, 2007 As I look at all the titles of these threads, I just feel ill. "does he love me?", "does he think about me?" ... on and on..... You know what? NO! No, he does NOT think about you. No, he does NOT love you....(at least not in the way that you love him - at minimum) You know what he thinks about? He thinks about whether or not he'll get caught by the wife, whether or not you'll wise up and finally be onto him, and if so, how can he still hold onto this new (um, here's where I get hung up, not wanting to say the graphic words that I KNOW he's thinking...) THAT's what he thinks about. THAT is what is on his mind. Believe me, I WISH I was wrong on this. But I'm not. I'm sure there are the rare cases that I AM wrong (I'm thinking of you, StillHere...) But even then, I can't help but wonder. I don't know about you all, but I DO KNOW that I deserve better than that! I REFUSE to be somebody's afterthought....
Author BenThereDunThat Posted January 20, 2007 Author Posted January 20, 2007 C'mon, Magic....I said some beautiful, profound stuff here. Don't minimize it!
magichands Posted January 20, 2007 Posted January 20, 2007 C'mon, Magic....I said some beautiful, profound stuff here. Sorry. I agree that it's beautiful, and profound. So what's it about, then?
burning 4 revenge Posted January 20, 2007 Posted January 20, 2007 Sorry. I agree that it's beautiful, and profound. So what's it about, then?Don't overanalyze profundities Magic. Don't you know analysis renders all things meaningless?
Author BenThereDunThat Posted January 20, 2007 Author Posted January 20, 2007 Just so you know, I HATED The Young Ones.... (ok, not really....but STILL...yer pissin' me off...)
movinon05 Posted January 20, 2007 Posted January 20, 2007 BTDT! I see you're in the anger/realistic stage! Good for you. Just don't take it out on any new guys! lol!
frannie Posted January 20, 2007 Posted January 20, 2007 Of course some people would suggest you never let love enter the picture at all. I found this interesting reading, but I've never been sure where to post it http://www.bbc.co.uk/dna/h2g2/A878204
movinon05 Posted January 20, 2007 Posted January 20, 2007 Of course some people would suggest you never let love enter the picture at all. I found this interesting reading, but I've never been sure where to post it http://www.bbc.co.uk/dna/h2g2/A878204 After reading that, obviously no OW on this forum ever considered being a real tried and true mistress.
LucreziaBorgia Posted January 20, 2007 Posted January 20, 2007 To me it reads like the textbook for "How to be a HOW".
Author BenThereDunThat Posted January 20, 2007 Author Posted January 20, 2007 How depressing. I love sex and all, but I want LOVE. I had a little detour as far as where I THOUGHT I found it. Someday soon I'll be able to post all the recent events. I'm not trying to be a tease, but there are reasons, privacy concerns, which won't let me too open about it yet. But I can't wait until I can, if for no other reason than to see if anyone else has come across someone like this. I've just never seen anything like it. and oh yeah - I was pretty drunk when I started this thread last night! lol
magichands Posted January 20, 2007 Posted January 20, 2007 Someday soon I'll be able to post all the recent events. I'm not trying to be a tease, but there are reasons, privacy concerns, which won't let me too open about it yet. Maybe it was tongue-in-cheek, but I think movinon05 is right. I'm feeling the anger. Hopefully, and soon, you can put all this behind you.
Author BenThereDunThat Posted January 20, 2007 Author Posted January 20, 2007 There is still some anger, but really, it's been replaced by acceptance. And a little bit of awe. It's been weighing heavily on my mind though and I'm not able to use my normal resource (you guys!) to get it out yet. But I will though. Soon!
movinon05 Posted January 20, 2007 Posted January 20, 2007 Anger is good and healthy on different levels. And channeled in the right direction, it leads to indifference/acceptance. That's where you want to get to anyway. I think you're doing very well.
BUTAFLY Posted January 20, 2007 Posted January 20, 2007 BTDT is absoultly right. He is thinking "how he's gotten away with his behavior and always scheming how to continue to get away with it." It's a game where he plays both women, then pits them against one another when caught. What a dangerous game...but he wins everytime because we are soooooo in love and can't let go. I wish i as wise enough in the begining to see this game. I wish his wife will wise up and see the light also.
Romeo Must Die Posted January 20, 2007 Posted January 20, 2007 I like the part about not having to wash anyone elses socks. like ever. That rocks. You lucky devils!
Romeo Must Die Posted January 20, 2007 Posted January 20, 2007 Disclaimer The views and experiences expressed in this entry are those of the Researchers and their friends and not those of the BBC. Neither the BBC nor h2g2 in any way encourage, condone, authorise or endorse having an affair with a married man. Always practice safe sex. Always use condoms. Never break marriages, hearts or crockery. LOL
frannie Posted January 20, 2007 Posted January 20, 2007 I like the part about not having to wash anyone elses socks. like ever. It's a trade-off
frannie Posted January 20, 2007 Posted January 20, 2007 Disclaimer The views and experiences expressed in this entry are those of the Researchers and their friends and not those of the BBC. Neither the BBC nor h2g2 in any way encourage, condone, authorise or endorse having an affair with a married man. Always practice safe sex. Always use condoms. Never break marriages, hearts or crockery. LOL Got to love the BBC
GreenEyedLady Posted January 20, 2007 Posted January 20, 2007 After reading that, obviously no OW on this forum ever considered being a real tried and true mistress. Amen to that...I found that article stomach churning...
frannie Posted January 20, 2007 Posted January 20, 2007 Amen to that...I found that article stomach churning... But you could say, at least anyone who follows those rules... at least they're not hoping a marriage gets broken up. MM gets his 'needs' met and so does the OW and no-one gets their heart broken.
Kamille Posted January 20, 2007 Posted January 20, 2007 So true BTDT and yup, the BBC is absolutely right. these are wise words of advice for anyone who is either a prospective OW or at the beginning of an A: Leave love out of the equation. I think because there is such a strong moral imperative against affairs, both the MM and the OW have a tendency to use 'love' as a way to justify going ahead with the attraction they feel for each other. In my case, we did exactly what the article recommends: i never let it be about love, I never allowed him to tell me anything about his wife, I would always change the subject when he would start talking about why he was diong what he was doing (his way of justifying himself) and I certainly would not believe him when he would try to hint that maybe he felt something more then just attraction for me. And, most importantly, I ended things the minute I started feeling vulnerable. for those of you who feel miserable and stuck in the affair because you are in love with your MM, know that you do have the strenght to walk away. Have the strenght and the courage to make yourself happy. 'Love' does not justify misery. On a sidenote, the crazy thing is, MM and I are now good friends, if not great friends because of how we handled the affair. He even told his SO and, amazing woman that she is, she is not only ok with it, she is even courteous towards me. I mean I don't expect an invitation to dinner anytime soon, but affairs don't always have to end badly and dramatically.
pricillia Posted January 20, 2007 Posted January 20, 2007 Although that article hit home on some points...I think that most women at least the ones who come to this forum are looking for something more. Now keep in mind I would like a future with him but I also do not expect anything either. And the part with me not calling him, let him call you... I do practice that and when I don't call he thinks that there is something wrong. But to change the subject... BTDT, Is he seeing another OW?
GreenEyedLady Posted January 20, 2007 Posted January 20, 2007 But you could say, at least anyone who follows those rules... at least they're not hoping a marriage gets broken up. MM gets his 'needs' met and so does the OW and no-one gets their heart broken. But who can really do that? If you stay with someone long enough, I think that love becomes the byproduct...and I personally can't see getting into a R with that mindset... And does it really matter that they are hoping a M doesn't get broken up? If the W were to find out, there's always the possiblity... I think you'd have to be a pretty cold woman to follow those rules, period...
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