IceIceBaby Posted January 19, 2007 Posted January 19, 2007 I have been with my boyfriend for a year. We are 24 and 25. Basically we do everything but actually have sex. Is that weird considering we've been together for a year? I don't say anything to him because I have it in my head that he doesn't want to because he's never brought it up. He's the only guy I've ever been with who hasn't mentioned it. Everything else in our relationship is perfect, the rest of our physical relationship is fantastic, but I'm just starting to feel like it's weird that we haven't had sex yet. Any thoughts????
CaliGuy Posted January 19, 2007 Posted January 19, 2007 I have a better question. Why haven't EITHER of you brought it up? Communication breakdowns (ie: lack of communication) is probably the most common factor in relationships ending. If you aren't tallking, you have no clue what each other is thinking and you can't possibly be on the same page. Edit: At 24, I am surprised you know who Vanilla Ice is. Haha. Ice Ice Baby indeed, "Mr. Miami!"
clatan Posted January 19, 2007 Posted January 19, 2007 No, it's not abnormal at all. It's funny that what once was seen as a virtue is seen as dysfunctional today?! I won't claim to know everything about you two by just reading a few lines in a forum post, but from what you write, it sounds like you both are happy being together. If so, why worry about it? Don't guage yourself by everyone else. If it works for you, to Hell with everyone else. You say he's the only guy you've dated that hasn't brought up sex? I sense you may be thinking that it's because he isn't attracted to you or something like that. Look at it another way... Maybe he's the first guy that actually has respect for you and is interested in you for other reasons than what a "good lay" you are? I'm not coming at this from an entirely old fashioned, prudish perspective. I just don't understand the thinking of some people, that sex is going improve things. It's kind of like married people who think having a child will improve their failing marriage, when it almost always only complicates it. If you decide to have sex, it may not ruin your relationship, but I don't see that it's ever going to improve it.
norajane Posted January 20, 2007 Posted January 20, 2007 CaliGuy asks a great question - why haven't you asked your bf about it? Don't you want to have sex with him? Do you have physical contact - hugging, holding hands, kissing, long make out sessions on the couch? Do you have any sexual contact, seen each other naked?
revolutionphilosophy Posted January 20, 2007 Posted January 20, 2007 Despite my rather obvious newness to the place... I'm having to co-sign with the "Why haven't either of you brought it up?" trend. Maybe he believes in waiting till marriage (some people are still chaste -- fortunately I'm not one of them)? No clues. I'd ask gently... or maybe try to instigate yourself? Maybe he's rather inexperienced? Surely you know how to initiate by this age. Christ... I don't know how you've gone a year. I think I'd die.
whichwayisup Posted January 20, 2007 Posted January 20, 2007 Is that weird considering we've been together for a year? Yes, and considering your ages, double yes. Is he a virgin? OR is he planning on waiting till he's married? Just curious... I don't say anything to him because I have it in my head that he doesn't want to because he's never brought it up. He's the only guy I've ever been with who hasn't mentioned it. Everything else in our relationship is perfect, the rest of our physical relationship is fantastic, but I'm just starting to feel like it's weird that we haven't had sex yet. Any thoughts???? Uhmm, he's your boyfriend so talk to him, find out what he is thinking about and why you two aren't having sex. Tell him you want to have sex with him!! Just do it, like the Nike ad says so!
Author IceIceBaby Posted January 20, 2007 Author Posted January 20, 2007 Let me try and answer everyone's questions here. No he is not a virgin and he does not believe in waiting until marraige. He's slept with other people, we've talked about it. And yes, we have other physical contact. We are very affectionate, have seen each other naked, make out, fool around, etc. And I know I should just ask, but for some reason I feel weird doing that. Like I said, I have it in my head that he doesn't want to. And I feel like if I ask about it, he'll feel like he has to. And what if he doesn't want to? Yes, I know that sounds crazy, but that's my brain working overtime.
IpAncA Posted January 20, 2007 Posted January 20, 2007 No I don't think it's abnormal that you haven't had sex. But I do think it's odd that you haven't talked about it for a whole year. You've done everything but that? Probably should mention it. I can't even say what the problem is because I don't know. Maybe he had a bad experience or is waiting for you to say something. Have some mild weeds to dig through here. COMMUNICATE!!
Green Posted January 20, 2007 Posted January 20, 2007 yeah its definetly weird, maybe you guys waited so long it just got awkward and now ur both afraid I mean u could make a move to you know it takes two to tango
norajane Posted January 20, 2007 Posted January 20, 2007 Let me try and answer everyone's questions here. No he is not a virgin and he does not believe in waiting until marraige. He's slept with other people, we've talked about it. And yes, we have other physical contact. We are very affectionate, have seen each other naked, make out, fool around, etc. And I know I should just ask, but for some reason I feel weird doing that. Like I said, I have it in my head that he doesn't want to. And I feel like if I ask about it, he'll feel like he has to. And what if he doesn't want to? Yes, I know that sounds crazy, but that's my brain working overtime. Of course he wants to - just about every guy does. If he weren't attracted to you, he wouldn't be sticking around all this time!! He is probably wondering if you are into him, or maybe thinks you don't want to have sex. You two are probably missing out on a lot of monkey lovin' just because you're too insecure of each other's desire. Why don't you just start with the assumption that of course he wants you, and one night when you're fooling around, whisper into his ear that you started taking birth control pills last month, or ask him if he has a condom (he probably has one that's been in his wallet all year, just waiting for the right moment, so don't use that one!).
reservoirdog1 Posted January 21, 2007 Posted January 21, 2007 Personally, I find the whole thing a bit weird. The combination of the lack of doing it, the lack of talking about it, the fact that you've both done it before, and the fact that you've seen each other naked. Not sure what to say beyond that...
pricillia Posted January 21, 2007 Posted January 21, 2007 Personally, I find the whole thing a bit weird. The combination of the lack of doing it, the lack of talking about it, the fact that you've both done it before, and the fact that you've seen each other naked. Not sure what to say beyond that... and, maybe he does not like women
Lauriebell82 Posted January 21, 2007 Posted January 21, 2007 ok let me get this straight..u've both seen each other naked and fooled around and he's NEVER tried to have sex with u??? thats real weird. do u want to have sex with him? cause if u do then step it up a notch and initiate it! or just ask him about it. maybe he is scared that his performance will be poor. does he have any health problems? maybe he's embarrassed. just suck it up and ask him if ur really that curious, because yes its weird u've been physical and been together a year and never had sex.
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