pink smartie Posted January 19, 2007 Posted January 19, 2007 And nor do I. There is not real reason that any of us can put our finger on. My mom finds him manipulative and my dad calls him a big baby because he is always whining about this or that. I dislike the fact that his last two relationships ended because he cheated on his ex-wife with his ex-girlfriend whom he cheated on with yet another girl. And that he spends his time flirting with my friends and yes even me! I dislike the fact that he threw a party when my sister was out of town where he invited his ex-girlfriend. I dislike the fact that all he cares about is money despite the fact that he lost his job recently. My sister's a doctor so we all can't help but feel that he is somewhat taking advantage of the situation, even though it really shouldn't be any of our business. I hate his deregatory sense of humor. This is my sister's first real relationship. She is 29 had a few flings but never considered herself to be in love before. They moved in together within weeks. I really don't understand what she sees in him. I sometimes feel that she is in love with being in love and is not picking up on all the red flags. None of us have ever mentioned anything to her. We all figure it's her life and her decision Just needed to let it out.
Pyro Posted January 19, 2007 Posted January 19, 2007 And nor do I. There is not real reason that any of us can put our finger on. My mom finds him manipulative and my dad calls him a big baby because he is always whining about this or that. I dislike the fact that his last two relationships ended because he cheated on his ex-wife with his ex-girlfriend whom he cheated on with yet another girl. And that he spends his time flirting with my friends and yes even me! I dislike the fact that he threw a party when my sister was out of town where he invited his ex-girlfriend. I dislike the fact that all he cares about is money despite the fact that he lost his job recently. My sister's a doctor so we all can't help but feel that he is somewhat taking advantage of the situation, even though it really shouldn't be any of our business. I hate his deregatory sense of humor. This is my sister's first real relationship. She is 29 had a few flings but never considered herself to be in love before. They moved in together within weeks. I really don't understand what she sees in him. I sometimes feel that she is in love with being in love and is not picking up on all the red flags. None of us have ever mentioned anything to her. We all figure it's her life and her decision Just needed to let it out. You are her sister. You need to tell her what he does and how he acts. Otherwise he will continue to act in that manner. She probably has no idea how he acts toward you and your friends, nor does she have any idea that he had a party and invited his ex, so as far as she knows, he is this great guy. You need to let her know what is going on. I would want my brother to tell me if my GF was doing anything bad.
Author pink smartie Posted January 19, 2007 Author Posted January 19, 2007 Well she knows he threw a party and his ex was there. But I don't really know how to bring up any of the rest, especially since she is on cloud nine and so happy to be in love. And my sister and I have always had a very complicated relationship. I've always had a really hard time speaking to her on such topics. She is older then me, and a doctor, and has always enjoyed bossing me around but she has never been very good at taking advice from me. She is the doctor and I am merely the French lit undergrad. As far as I can tell, she doesn't really turn to anyone for advice on anything as she is a very protected and very proud person. She is even harsh with my mom, accusing her of being over-emotional and over sensitive. I get the impression she would just tell me to mind my own business and even actually put me down in the process as in: why would she take any advice from me, I am nothing but a (fill in blank). When she first told me about him I was elated that she had finally found someone. But he's driving us all of us insane! But her. She loves him. There is stuff she puts up with from him that she can't stand in me. Hmmm. Maybe my issue is with my sister and not her boyfriend! Yet another moment of clairvoyance provided by Love shack!
Author pink smartie Posted January 20, 2007 Author Posted January 20, 2007 Ah yeah, and about the party and the ex, I was over when they were talking about it and she was acting as though it was cool. When I brought it up later she was kind of snappy with me and was like: whatever he felt like having a party and I trust him. but I still got the impression that it bugged her but that she didn't want to tell him anything about it because she wants to be the 'cool' girlfriend.
Pyro Posted January 20, 2007 Posted January 20, 2007 Well she knows he threw a party and his ex was there. But I don't really know how to bring up any of the rest, especially since she is on cloud nine and so happy to be in love. And my sister and I have always had a very complicated relationship. I've always had a really hard time speaking to her on such topics. She is older then me, and a doctor, and has always enjoyed bossing me around but she has never been very good at taking advice from me. She is the doctor and I am merely the French lit undergrad. As far as I can tell, she doesn't really turn to anyone for advice on anything as she is a very protected and very proud person. She is even harsh with my mom, accusing her of being over-emotional and over sensitive. I get the impression she would just tell me to mind my own business and even actually put me down in the process as in: why would she take any advice from me, I am nothing but a (fill in blank). When she first told me about him I was elated that she had finally found someone. But he's driving us all of us insane! But her. She loves him. There is stuff she puts up with from him that she can't stand in me. Hmmm. Maybe my issue is with my sister and not her boyfriend! Yet another moment of clairvoyance provided by Love shack! Don't tell it to her like you are trying to give her advice. Next time you see her, just say "look, you are my sister and I love you and I just want you to know that your BF is not who you think he is". Then tell her everything and then just say "just so you know." No advice is given and she now has an idea that her BF is not such a great guy.
Author pink smartie Posted January 20, 2007 Author Posted January 20, 2007 But what if we're wrong? What if she sees him for who he is and we're the ones hung up on details? She obviously sees something in him and I have nothing that I can point to and say : he did this and it is wrong. Well there is the cheating on his exes. But she knows he cheated on his exes. He tells her it's because his exes were clingy and needy, unlike her. And it is true, my sister is a very independant woman, but at the same time I'm afraid his rhetoric is a bit manipulative in that she also tries really hard to not come off as needy and clingy. I once brought up the flirting and my sister whisked it off as 'whatever, he was just being friendly. he's allowed to be friends with girls you know' and then walked away. I think the point is that she does not want anyone to burst her love bubble. And so neither my mom, my dad or me know how to approach it. And we all just know that we'll be there for her if anything happens, even though my mother worries the most about it. She's afraid he will break my sister's heart and shatter her already fragile confidence.
Pyro Posted January 20, 2007 Posted January 20, 2007 Whether or not she accepts or believes what you have to say is up to her, but you still need to tell her. You believe that it was flirting, so you tell her that it was flirting. I don't know the guy, but from what you say about him, he is nothing but trouble. I hope that in time, your sister does see him for who he appears to be and that she dumps him.
Author pink smartie Posted January 20, 2007 Author Posted January 20, 2007 Thanks The Riddler. I will try to bring it up with her. I know I do get a bad feeling from this guy and so do my parents. I'll think about how to go about doing it and get back to you guys. It actually scares me doing this. Isn't that weird? I just get the impression she won't take it very well.
Pyro Posted January 20, 2007 Posted January 20, 2007 Thanks The Riddler. I will try to bring it up with her. I know I do get a bad feeling from this guy and so do my parents. I'll think about how to go about doing it and get back to you guys. It actually scares me doing this. Isn't that weird? I just get the impression she won't take it very well. You know her better than us, but you have to at least try to help her. Good luck.
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