IslandGirl73 Posted January 19, 2007 Posted January 19, 2007 I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS HAPPENED, HOW I ALLOWED MYSELF TO BE SO FOOLISH, I'M ALMOST TOO ASHAMED AND EMBARRASED TO POST THIS!!! I WAS JUST ON HERE A FEW DAYS AGO LOOKING FOR ADVICE ON WHAT TO DO (READ MY POST: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t109672/) AND TURNS OUT, OM MADE THE DECISION FOR ME!!! SINCE OUR 1ST EVNG TOGETHER LAST FRIDAY..., I'VE BEEN GETTING MIXED SIGNALS FROM HIM AS DESCRIBED BELOW...WHAT DOES IT ALL MEAN? SORRY SO LENGTHY BUT I HAD TO INCLUDE EVERYTHING TO GIVE A BETTER PICTURE OF THINGS: LIKE I PREVIOUSLY EXPLAINED, WE SAW EACH OTHER OUT OF WORK FOR THE FIRST TIME A WEEK AGO, AFTER CHATTING IN EMAILS AND PHONECALLS FOR ABOUT 2 WEEKS(BUT WAS GIVING EACH OTHER THE "EYE" FROM AFAR OFF FOR ABOUT A MONTH). WE HAD A LOVELY EVENING TOGETHER, WENT FOR DINNER, TALKED, LAUGHED, STROLLED OUTSIDE UNDER THE MOON, AND THOUGH AGAINST MY BETTER JUDGEMENT, ENDED UP IN HIS APARTMENT BUT DID NOT SLEEP WITH HIM OUT OF RESPECT AND DIGNITY FOR MYSELF, HUBBY AND ESP. MY DAUGHTER. SO WE JUST HUNG OUT TOGETHER TILL I EVENTUALLY LEFT AT 5 IN THE MORNING. I FOUND OUT HE'S 27 AND I JUST TURNED 34 THIS MTH. WE ARE BOTH CAPRICORNS W/SIMILAR QUALITIES...I FELT IMMEDIATE CHEMISTRY WITH HIM!!! UP TILL THIS POINT, WITH THE EMAILS, PHONECALLS AND OUR EVENING TOGETHER, I GOT NOTHING BUT GOOD VIBES FROM HIM, AND I WAS REALLY FALLING FOR HIM. I LOVED THE FACT THAT HE RESPECTED ME AND MY CONCERNS FOR MY MARRIAGE AND DID NOT PRESSURE ME ONCE WHEN ALONE WITH HIM AT HIS PLACE BUT CONTINUED TO BE SO SWEET AND GENTLE WITH ME, I FELT SO WARM AND SPECIAL INSIDE! SO THE NEXT DAY, I CALLED HIM TO SEE HOW HE'S DOING AND HE WAS SHORT BUT SWEET TO ME ON THE PHONE. HE KIND WAS RUSHING OFF SAYING HE HAD THINGS TO DO ALL DAY, EVEN THOUGH I WAS JUST CALLING TO HEAR HIS VOICE, NOT TRYING TO HOOK UP AGAIN, SO THEN HE SAID HE'D CALL ME LATER AND RUSHED OFF THE PHONE, BUT NOT BEFORE GIVING ME HIS PERSONAL EMAIL ADDRESS AND ASKED ME TO REPEAT IT BACK TO HIM TO MAKE SURE I GOT IT CORRECT! SO I THOUGHT NOTHING OF IT OTHER THAN HE WAS BUSY...SO THEN LATER THAT DAY, I SENT HIM AN ECARD WITH THE MESSG. "I MISS U ALREADY" THANKING HIM FOR THE TIME WE SPENT TOGETHER THE EVENING PRIOR AND HOW HE MAKES ME FEEL WARM AND SPECIAL INSIDE. LATER ON, I ALSO TEXT MSSG HIM A QUICK " I MISS U" NO REPLY BACK... THEN I GO ABOUT MY DAY, TRYING TO FOCUS ON WHAT I HAVE TO DO. BUT ALL THE WHILE, HE'S LAYING HEAVILY ON MY MIND AND THE DILEMMA I'VE PLACED MYSELF IN WHILE YET BEING MARRIED BUT ALL I CAN THINK ABOUT IS HIM!!! ABOUT 5-6 HRS GO BY AND I FINALLY GET A CALL FROM HIM AND HE ASKS ME HOW I'M DOING AND I TELL HIM I'M DOING BETTER NOW THAT I HEAR HIS VOICE! HE SKIPS RIGHT OVER WHAT I SAID, AND JUMPS RIGHT INTO ASKING IF I SENT HIM AN EMAIL YET TO HIS PERSONAL EMAIL ADDRESS CUZ HE DOESN'T SEE IT...I TOLD HIM I HAVEN'T YET, THEN HE TELLS ME OK, AND RUSHES OFF THE PHONE AGAIN WITHOUT ANYTHING ELSE TO SAY OTHER THAT "I'LL HIT U BACK" ( HE'LL CALL ME AGAIN) BUT THE REST OF THE DAY AND EVENING GOES BY AND I DON'T HEAR FROM HIM!!!! SO NOW I'M STARTING TO GET A LITTLE CONCERNED AND CONFUSED. HIS ACTIONS ARE STARTING TO BE A COMPLETE OPPOSITE OF WHAT HE SHOWED ME WHEN WE WERE TOGETHER THE NITE BEFORE. BUT I TRY TO PUSH THAT IN THE BACK OF MY MIND AND JUST TELL MYSELF I'M READING TOO MUCH INTO IT... SO THEN LATER THAT EVENING, I GO ONLINE AND SEND HIM THE EMAIL HE WAS INQUIRING ABOUT EARLIER AND AGAIN LET HIM KNOW THAT I'VE BEEN THINKING OF HIM ALL DAY SINCE WE WERE TOGETHER LAST AND THAT I LOVE SPENDING TIME WITH HIM AND HOPE WE CAN DO IT AGAIN SOON, WHENEVER HE'S READY, HE KNOWS MY #. FINALLY, LATER THAT EVENING I GOT A RESPONSE BACK FROM THE ECARD WEBSITE SAYING HE PICKED UP MY CARD BUT I GOT NO REPLY IN RETURN SO THE NEXT DAY AT WORK, I TELL MYSELF NOT TO RUN BEHIND HIM AND TO TRY TO PLAY IT COOL AND THEN WE RUN INTO EACH OTHER WHILE HE'S GETTING ON THE ELEVATOR AND I ASK HIM "WHAT'S GOING ON, I DIDN'T GET TO HEAR FROM YOU LAST NIGHT" AND THEN HE PULLS ME IN THE ELEVATOR WITH HIM AND WE GO TO THE BREAKROOM TO TALK. THE FIRST THING I ASK HIM IS IF HE ENJOYED OUR TIME TOGETHER AND HE SAYS YES, IT WAS SWEET. THEN HE ASKS ME WHAT HAPPENED THE NIGHT I CAME HOME TO HUBBY FROM HIS PLACE...I TOLD HIM I CONFESSED EVERYTHING AND EVEN NAMED HIM TO HUBBY CUZ HE ASKED ME HIS NAME...AFTERTHAT, I TRY TO GET HIM TO OPEN UP A LITTLE AND HE BASICALLY GRINS AND SAYS THIS IS HIS FIRST EXPERIENCE IN A SITUATION LIKE THIS (W/A MARRIED WOMAN) AND HE'S JUST TRYING TO KEEP COOL AND SEE HOW TO TAKE THINGS AS THEY COME ,SOMETHING TO THAT EFFECT. SO I WAS UNDERSTANDING BUT I DID ASK HIM IF HE THINKS OF ME,AND AT FIRST HE WAS LIKE "I DID, THATS WHY I CALLED YOU THE NEXT DAY" AND THEN I WAS LIKE, "WELL I MEAN IN GENERAL, WHEN WE'RE APART, DO U THINK OF ME" TRYING TO FIGURE OUT IF WE'RE BOTH ON THE SAME PAGE ABOUT US, AND FINALLY HE GRINNED, AND WAS LIKE "YES" SO THAT WAS THAT AND HE ASKS ME WHAT TIME WAS MY LUNCH...WE AGREE TO MEET FOR LUNCH AT 1:00 AND IN PRIOR TIMES, WHEN WE MADE LUNCH PLANS, HE'D EMAIL ME WHEN IT GETS CLOSE TO THE TIME OR CALLS MY EXT. TO SEE IF I'M READY TO GO, BUT ON THIS DAY, EVEN THOUGH HE SAID HE'D LIKE ME TO JOIN HIM FOR LUNCH, 1:00 COMES AND GOES AND I DON'T HEAR FROM HIM! AND OF COURSE, I DON'T WANT TO LOOK LIKE THE DESPERATE ONE GOING TO HIS DESK TO CHECK IF HE'S READY, I FIGURED AT THIS POINT, HE CAN SHOW ME THAT HE REALLY WANTS ME THERE SO I CAN DECIPHER THRU HIS MIXED SIGNALS!!! WELL NEEDLESS TO SAY, AT ABOUT 20 MIN AFTER 1 I FINALLY GET UP AND HEAD OUT TO LUNCH BY MYSELF AND WHEN I GOT TO THE BREAK ROOM, THERE HE WAS, ALREADY SITTING DOWN EATING HIS LUNCH!!!SO ON THE WAY OUT, I LOOKED AT HIM AND WAS LIKE "WHY DIDN'T U GET ME?" AND HE MOTIONED FOR ME TO COME SIT WITH HIM AND I TOLD HIM I COULDN'T CUZ I HAVE TO GO BUY MY FOOD. SO WHEN I CAME BACK, HE WAS STILL IN THE BREAKROOM, BUT I JUST WALKED RIGHT THRU AND OUT THE DOOR TO GO BACK UP TO MY DEPT AND EAT THERE. SO AT THIS POINT, I AM REALLY UPSET, THINKING WHY DID HE DO THIS? IS STANDING ME UP FOR LUNCH HIS WAY OF TELLING ME THAT HE DOESN'T WANT THIS ANYMORE? I MEAN, WE JUST SPENT ONE BRIEF EVENING TOGETHER! WHY IS HE BEHAVING LIKE THIS? WELL, I'M SITTING THERE TRYING TO MAKE SENSE OF IT ALL AND HERE HE COMES AND APPROACHES ME AND NONCHALANTLY SAYS "HOW U'RE DOING?" SO I LOOKED AT HIM AND ASKED HIM HOW CAN HE TALK TO ME LIKE IF NOTHING HAPPENED(HE JUST STOOD ME UP!)...IS THIS A GAME TO HIM? SO HE JUST SITS THERE AND BEGINS TO MAKE UP SOME EXCUSE TELLING ME HE THOUGHT WE WERE GOING TO MEET IN THE BREAKROOM SO I ASKED HIM WHY DIDN'T HE JUST EMAIL ME WHEN HE WAS READY TO GO LIKE HE'S DONE BEFORE? AND I ASKED HIM "IS THIS YOUR WAY OF TRYING TO TELL ME U WANT ME TO LEAVE U ALONE?" SO HE JUST GOT UP AND TOLD ME "LATER" AND I SAID, "WELL IS IT?" AND HE JUST KEEPS GOING BACK TO HIS DESK. WHEN I GOT BACK TO MINE, THAT'S WHEN I GOT HIS BOMBSHELL EMAIL WITH THE WORD "SORRY" IN THE SUBJECT. SAYING HE WAS SORRY ABOUT THE MISUNDERSTANDING BUT THAT HE DOESN'T FEEL COMFORTABLE WITH SEEING SOMEONE FROM WORK AND THAT I TRIED TO START A DISPUTE WHERE PEOPLE CAN HEAR IT AND IT WILL SPREAD AND THEN HE WILL LOOK BAD....AND THAT HE'S SORRY, HE CAN'T DO THIS BUT THAT WE CAN GO BACK TO FRIENDS AND SAYING HELLO LIKE BEFOREhttp://www.loveshack.org/forums/t110122/images/smilies/redface.gif' alt='redface.gif'> SO I WAS LIKE "WHAT!" I EMAILED HIM BACK AND TOLD HIM HE'S GONNA SEND ME MIXED SIGNALS AND THEN DROPP ME JUST LIKE THAT? AND TOLD HIM I LET HIM MAKE A FOOL OF ME... THEN I CALLED HIM ON HIS EXT. AND TOLD HIM I WANTED TO HEAR HIM TELL ME HE DOESN'T WANT THIS ANYMORE...HE WOULDN'T DO IT, HE JUST SUCKED HIS TEETH AND SAID HE'LL CALL ME AFTER WORK. I WAS SAD AND HURT THE REST OF THAT DAY. I HAD BEEN REACHING OUT TO HIM SINCE OUR EVENING TOGETHER AND PLACED MY FEELINGS ON THE LINE FOR HIM AND NOW THIS! I DIDN'T EVEN WANT TO GO HOME AFTER WORK, I WAS SO TORN UP AND CONFUSED, SO I ENDED UP GOING TO A BAR AND SAT THERE HURT AND CONFUSED, CRYING, AND GOT DRUNK. I FINALLY CALLED HIM AT 530 PM TO SEE IF HE CAN COME MEET ME THERE BUT HE WOULDN'T ANSWER HIS CELL! SO I SAT THERE LONGER AND DRANK SOME MORE. THEN UNDER THE INFLUENCE OF THE ALCHOHOL, I STARTED TO BLOW UP HIS PHONE, LEAVING NUMEROUS V'MS AND STILL NO CALL BACK. SO NEEDLESS TO SAY, I GOT MYSELF BACK TO SOMEWHAT BEING SOBER AND FINALLY LEFT TO GO TO HIS PLACE. BUT COULDN'T FIND WHERE IT WAS SO I PARKED AT A CVS PHARMACY AND CALLED HIM, GOT HIS V.M AND LEFT A MSSG ASKING IF HE CAN PLEASE COME MEET ME CUZ I DON'T KNOW HOW TO GET TO HIS PLACE. I SIT THERE IN THE PARKING LOT, DAZED AND CONFUSED. WHY IS HE DOING THIS TO ME? AFTER ALL HIS POSITIVE VIBES AND OUR EVENING TOGETHER, WHY DID HE SWITCH OUT ON ME LIKE THIS? WELL I ENDED UP SITTING THERE TILL ABOUT 12 MIDNIGHT AND AT ONE POINT I GOT HIM ON THE PHONE AND HE SAID HE WASN'T HOME YET AND AT HIS DAD'S HOUSE SO I TOLD HIM I'D HANG OUT AND WAIT. WELL I WAITED AND WAITED AND CALLED WHEN AN HOUR WOULD GO BY TO LET HIM KNOW I WAS STILL WAITING . AND THEN FINALLY AT 12 MIDNIGHT I GOT HIM ON THE PHONE AGAIN AND THATS WHEN HE FINALLY OPENED UP. HE PROCEEDED TO SAY HOW UPSET HE WAS CUZ HE FELT I WAS SPEAKING A LITTLE TOO LOUD AT WORK WHEN I GOT UPSET AND HE DIDN'T WANT PEOPLE KNOWING HIS BUSINESS, THAT HE'S VERY PRIVATE...ALSO, THAT HIS MOM WAS MEAN TO HIM AND WOULD HIT HIM ALL THE TIME WHEN HE WAS YOUNG AND HE'S NOT ALLOWING ANY WOMAN BE MEAN TO HIM AGAIN....HE ALSO MENTIONED HOW HE USED TO BE IN THE ARMY AND WORKED AT A VA HSPTL AND WAS USED TO BEING FIRM WHEN SPEAKING WITH SOMEONE....AND THAT WHAT IF MY HUSBAND TRIES TO HUNT HIM DOWN AT WORK SINCE I TOLD HIM HIS NAME, HE DOESN'T WANT ANY TROUBLES...AND THAT HE DOESN'T WANT TO BE THE ONE TO BREAK UP A MARRIAGE...A FAMILY...THAT I'M IN...SO ON AND SO FORTH...I REMINDED HIM THAT MY MARRIAGE AT THIS POINT IS HELD TOGETHER FOR MY DAUGHTER'S SAKE, BUT THAT THE LOVE HAS GONE...AND THAT HE DOESN'T HAVE TO BE CONCERNED ABOUT THAT RIGHT NOW; IF WE CAN JUST TAKE IT ONE STEP AT A TIME-I'M NOT ASKING FOR A COMMITMENT, JUST TO SEE HIM FROM TIME TO TIME CUZ I LOVE SPENDING TIME WITH HIM AND LET NATURE TAKES ITS COURSE FROM THERE. THEN I TOLD HIM I WAS SORRY ABOUT MY REACTION EARLIER @ WORK BUT THAT I WAS JUST UPSET... THAT I DON'T WANT HIM TO JUDGE ME ON THIS ONE MISTAKE ALONE AND MESS IT UP FOR US...HE JUST SAID HE COULD FORGIVE ME BUT NOT CHANGE HIS MIND ABOUT HIS DECISION...AND THAT WAS THAT... WE GOT OFF THE PHONE AND I WAS SAD AGAIN ON THE WAY HOME...BUT WHILE GETTING INTO BED, HE TEXT MSSGD MY PHONE WITH "HAPPY BIRTHDAY, MOMMIE" AND I FELT A LITTLE BETTER AFTER THAT. THE NEXT DAY AT WORK, I EMAILED HIM AND TOLD HIM THE BEST BIRTHDAY PRESENT HE COULD GIVE ME WAS IF I COULD PLEASE SEE HIM AFTERWORK FOR ABOUT AN HOUR, A COUPLE DRINKS AND SOME CONVERSATION, THATS ALL. I TOLD HIM HE MADE IT VERY CLEAR TO ME LAST NIGHT ON THE PHONE WHERE HE STOOD BUT IF HE COULD MAKE AN EXCEPTION THIS ONCE SINCE IT WAS MY BIRTHDAY AND THAT AFTERWARDS, I PROMISED TO NOT BOTHER HIM AGAIN. HE EMAILED ME BACK SAYING "I SEE YOUR POINT BUT I HAVE SCHOOL AFTER WORK. HAVE A GOOD DAY" AND THAT WAS IT SO AGAIN, I'M SAD AND CONFUSED THE REST OF THE DAY. HE DOESN'T EMAIL ME ANYMORE AND NEITHER DID I. THE NIGHT BEFORE, I HAD SENT HIM ANOTHER ECARD AFTER WE GOT OFF THE PHONE, TELLING HIM AGAIN THAT I WAS SORRY AND THAT I WILL GIVE HIM HIS SPACE CUZ I DIDN'T WANT TO CROWD HIM BUT THAT I AM HUMBLY ASKING IF HE COULD FORGIVE AND FORGET AND RECONSDER HIS DECISION. I GOT A RESPONSE BACK FROM THE SITE SAYING HE PICKED UP THE CARD BUT HE DID NOT SEND A REPLY. THAT WAS 3 DAYS AGO. SINCE THEN, I HAVE NOT CALLED HIM, EMAILED HIM...I'VE KEPT MY PHONE TURNED OFF AS WELL, ONLY CUZ IT HURTS TOO MUCH WHEN I GET A CALL AND ITS NOT HIM ON THE CALLER ID. I FEEL SO BAD AT THAT POINT, I DON'T EVEN WANT TO TAKE THE CALL! SO I JUST KEEP IT TURNED OFF TO AVOID BEING DISSAPOINTED. HOW COULD I LET MYSELF GET SO DEEP INTO HIM LIKE THIS? I THOUGHT I WAS GOING TO HAVE TO MAKE A DECISION ON THE BEST WAY TO HANDLE THIS WHILE STILL BEING MARRIED, AND IT TURNS OUT HE MADE THE DECISION FOR ME BUT I DON'T WANT TO LET HIM GO!!! ITS BEEN 3 DAYS & I'VE HAD NO CONTACT WITH HIM SINCE...I'M HOPING SOMEHOW, BY ME NOT CONTACTING HIM, HE WILL START TO MULL THINGS OVER AND RECONSIDER HIS DECISION WITH ME...AT WORK, I TAKE LUNCH AN HOUR BEFORE HE DOES, GO TO ANOTHER PART OF THE BUILDING FOR MY BREAKS, AND EVEN CHANGED THE DEFAULT PRINTER ON MY COMPUTER TO ANOTHER AREA TO AVOID RUNNING IN TO HIM! BUT STILL, SINCE THEN, HE'S SEEN ME A COUPLE TIMES AND EACH TIME MAKES IT A POINT TO TAP ME TO GET MY ATTENTION-WAVES A QUICK HI AND KEEPS ON GOING. TODAY, HE WAS BY THE PRINTER AT THE WALL AND I STOOD UP TO LOOK FOR MY COWORKER AND WHEN I TURNED IN THAT DIRECTION, THERE HE WAS, AND HE WAS LOOKING AT ME THRU THE BIG OPENING IN THE WALL. OUR EYES MET VERY BRIEFLY, AT THAT SECOND MY HEART STARTED TO THUMP AND RACE AND THEN I QUICKLY PULLED MY GAZE AWAY AND SAT BACK DOWN. HE LOOKS AT ME, TRIES TO GET MY ATTENTION WHEN HE RUNS IN TO ME... WHY IS HE DOING THIS AND WHAT DOES IT ALL MEAN? DID HE STAND ME UP FOR LUNCH ON PURPOSE TO EVOKE A NEG REACTION FROM ME SO HE COULD HAVE A REASON TO CUT TIES W/ME? AT TIMES I THINK THIS IS WHAT HE WANTED BUT DIDN'T WANT TO HURT ME SO HE NEEDED TO FIND A REASON FOR DOING IT... I WONDER EVERY DAY IF HE EVEN LIKED ME THE WAY THAT I DID OR WAS HE JUST RUNNING GAMES, NOT REALIZING I'D TAKE HIM SERIOUSLY... I'M SO HURT NOW, AND EVERY DAY THAT GOES BACK THAT I DON'T GET TO BE WITH HIM OR HEAR HIS VOICE, I GO CRAZY MORE AND MORE. AND WHATS WORSE, I HAVE TO CONTEND WITH HAVING TO TRY TO AVOID HIM AT WORK CUZ IT HURTS SO BAD SEEING HIM AND I WANT TO JUST GO RUN AND GRAB HIM!!! SORRY SOOOOOO LONG, BUT I'M JUST SO HURT AND CONFUSED...WHY DO MEN DO THIS? DID I DO SOMETHING WRONG? THE MORE I THINK OF HIM, THE MORE I WANT OUT OF MY MARRIAGE AND BE WITH HIM INSTEAD...I KNOW ITS NOT THE NICEST THING TO SAY BUT ITS HOW I FEEL...WILL HE STAY AWAY FOR GOOD? AND SHOULD I JUST GIVE HIM UP??? I REALLY DON'T KNOW
whichwayisup Posted January 19, 2007 Posted January 19, 2007 J, you've posted this already in the OW/OM section, it's against LS rules to post the same thing all over the place. You've had some good replies there.
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