climbergirl Posted January 19, 2007 Posted January 19, 2007 A guy I've been friends with for a couple of years wants to head out to Las Vegas (climbing) for 4-5 days. I really want to go-I love Red Rocks, but is this giving him a green light for something else? I was involved with someone else for the past couple of years-so our relationship has been strictly platonic-but I am now recently single. I suggested camping or asking others to come with...his response was, "nah". Camping requires too much equipment, and there's a huge group going out in March, so many wouldn't want to go in May. Looks like our options are pared down to a hotel room. By going on this trip, is he getting the impression that I'm saying, "Yeah, I'll f*ck you"? BTW-this is a climbing trip. Climbing only. NO climbing on.
My Fair Katie Posted January 19, 2007 Posted January 19, 2007 By going on this trip, is he getting the impression that I'm saying, "Yeah, I'll f*ck you"? Sorry, but yes it is. Unless you have seperate hotel accomodations and you each pay your own way.
pink smartie Posted January 19, 2007 Posted January 19, 2007 This really all depends on your relationship with your friend and how confortable you feel with him. I never consider that anyone should expect sex from me, so my immediate response is no, he cannot expect anything sexual. He could, however, be viewing this trip as romantic. Would you feel confortable making it clear that you would consider the trip to be purely platonic? Do you trust him to respect that? In a way, the very fact you ask the question speaks for itself.
Author climbergirl Posted January 19, 2007 Author Posted January 19, 2007 Sorry, but yes it is. Unless you have seperate hotel accomodations and you each pay your own way. We are both paying our own way. The thing is that I did say, "We should try to get a more people out and all share a condo rather than the added expense of hotel rooms." And I have gone on climbing trips with the opposite sex and shared a room. No sexual activity involved. In fact, it's quite common to share rooms, share tents to save expenses. Also, this guy has been a great friend and a complete gentleman, but I'm pretty sure he's attracted to me.
My Fair Katie Posted January 19, 2007 Posted January 19, 2007 Also, this guy has been a great friend and a complete gentleman, but I'm pretty sure he's attracted to me. Well there you have it, he's attracted to you, so it would be natural of him to think if ya'all would share a room you're sending him a sign. I'm not saying you shouldn't go, just make sure you have your own rooms to retire to and that he's not paying your way. ESPECIALLY since you think he has a crush on you, otherwise it would be sorta leading him on. That said have a great time climbing, I've always wanted to try but when it comes down to it, I'm a wuss!
Author climbergirl Posted January 19, 2007 Author Posted January 19, 2007 Would you feel confortable making it clear that you would consider the trip to be purely platonic? Do you trust him to respect that? Do I think he would attack me? No, he hasn't given me the impression that he's like that. But, respect could be another issue. The times I've hung out with him he has been very respectful, but one thing he did in the past bothered me. When I was in a relationship my BF had huge insecurities about him, so even though nothing has ever happened between us, I told this guy that I was committed to my BF and didn't want to do anything to cause trouble. So, I told him that I couldn't climb with him anymore OR talk to him anymore. I felt pretty weird telling someone something like that since he and I never really saw each other. But he called a lot and that bothered my boyfriend...so I said it. But he still called in spite of what I said. In a way, the very fact you ask the question speaks for itself. True enough-well put. But the fact that we've never dated, have never spoken of dating each other is putting me in a grey area.
Author climbergirl Posted January 19, 2007 Author Posted January 19, 2007 That said have a great time climbing, I've always wanted to try but when it comes down to it, I'm a wuss! Thanks for the replies. And, hey, I'm still a wuss!
revolutionphilosophy Posted January 20, 2007 Posted January 20, 2007 from a guy's perspective... Really and truly it depends... if you know/think he is attracted to you or has a thing for you; then yes in all honesty he probably is trying to make this into a bit of a 'get-away' for the two of you (especially seeing as how you're recently single). That said -- I have a LOT of female friends that I am strictly platonic with. I've taken road trips with them and never expected it to lead to anything beyond what I'd expect from another male (i.e. nothing). Guys and girls really can be friends... but only if you're both certain of the others non-attraction to you. Personally... I think the easiest way for you to gauge his level of attraction is make a joke out of the sleeping arrangement. you : "OK... so are you sleeping in the tub or am I?" him : 'Well we can both just share a bed.' you : "Nah that's ok... i REALLY like my space when I sleep... let's just get a room with two beds" and see where it goes... if he insists on having a single bed... then yeah I'd say it'd be leading him on to go... Maybe you should be more certain where his feelings towards you lie before you take this trip? (Personally -- I think he was disrespectful by calling you when you asked him not to).
michelangelo Posted January 21, 2007 Posted January 21, 2007 Could be that this bivvy stance is all spaghetti 11mm. Or it's tied in bombproof from the beginning. If I were you I'd make sure he knows he's your belayer, nothing more. And none of this "all I could get is a single queen bed" stuff. Get a suite or two rooms. You'll have to tell him the beta or he'll try the wrong route.
Yamaha Posted January 21, 2007 Posted January 21, 2007 He definitely is looking at this as a romantic adventure. I would tell him no unless some other people join in the trip.
Salicious Crumb Posted January 21, 2007 Posted January 21, 2007 Its not leading him on if you pay your own airfare, hotel, and all other expenses. If you let him pay for everything, you are not obligate to "f#ck him", but it is leading him on.
Author climbergirl Posted January 21, 2007 Author Posted January 21, 2007 Could be that this bivvy stance is all spaghetti 11mm. Or it's tied in bombproof from the beginning. If I were you I'd make sure he knows he's your belayer, nothing more. And none of this "all I could get is a single queen bed" stuff. Get a suite or two rooms. You'll have to tell him the beta or he'll try the wrong route. -awesome. I'd definately let him know that he's off route. Ok, I'll give him the beta that this trip isn't about FA's.
michelangelo Posted January 21, 2007 Posted January 21, 2007 Yeah, otherwise he'll try to flash the moves on the first pitch and take a screamer. Hey, have fun at red rocks. Cracks or face? Trad, right?
IpAncA Posted January 21, 2007 Posted January 21, 2007 Unless both of you have made it clear that you want nothing to come out of the relationship, it's leading him on. Especially if it's just the two of you and your sharing a room. I would talk to him about this and see where he stands.
Author climbergirl Posted January 21, 2007 Author Posted January 21, 2007 Hey, have fun at red rocks. Cracks or face? Trad, right? I'll take a 5.10 face over a 5.7 crack anyday! We're looking at Tunnel Vision on Mescalito--3-4 pitches. Yep, trad -but I'll be a second. I can only recall one sport area. Yeah, otherwise he'll try to flash the moves on the first pitch and take a screamer. Why is that turning me on? Anyway, holds are bomber but no onsighting *this* project!
Author climbergirl Posted January 21, 2007 Author Posted January 21, 2007 I would talk to him about this and see where he stands. You're right. I don't want to be looking over my shoulder-so I will broach the subject. I feel weird bringing it up, though. Not sure how to approach that.
IpAncA Posted January 21, 2007 Posted January 21, 2007 You're right. I don't want to be looking over my shoulder-so I will broach the subject. I feel weird bringing it up, though. Not sure how to approach that. You know I really don't know. I would feel werid too.
michelangelo Posted January 21, 2007 Posted January 21, 2007 I'll take a 5.10 face over a 5.7 crack anyday! We're looking at Tunnel Vision on Mescalito--3-4 pitches. Yep, trad -but I'll be a second. I can only recall one sport area. Why is that turning me on? Anyway, holds are bomber but no onsighting *this* project! You're funny! seriously, make sure your rack has lots of nuts and cams and don't forget your friends. Don't wanna get runout near the top. BTW, I'm with you, I'll smear and dime edge better than fingerjam and overhang.
longlegzs80 Posted January 23, 2007 Posted January 23, 2007 a just friends situation unless either one of you been giving the other mixed signals. I'd go with him, just make sure you and him are on the same page as far as the feelings you have towards eachother that your going as friends having a fun week in VEGAS.
amerikajin Posted January 23, 2007 Posted January 23, 2007 This is silly. Like you didn't know all along that he wanted to sleep with you... You just liked having him as a guy in the background to make yourself feel more secure in your relationship with your boyfriend. But now this friendship of yours is a bit precarious. Will this trip lead him on? Babe, you've already led him on. You've known all along what he's wanted. You played it. You knew what was up. But now you've probably got more than one suitor and the field is wide open so he's not really necessary anymore. Yeah, anyway...have fun on the trip.
amerikajin Posted January 23, 2007 Posted January 23, 2007 This is silly. Like you didn't know all along that he wanted to sleep with you... You just liked having him as a guy in the background to make yourself feel more secure in your relationship with your boyfriend. But now this friendship of yours is a bit precarious. Will this trip lead him on? Babe, you've already led him on. You've known all along what he's wanted. You played it. You knew what was up. But now you've probably got more than one suitor and the field is wide open so he's not really necessary anymore. Yeah, anyway...have fun on the trip. God d@mn, did I write that last night? Wheeeeww! Posting under the influence makes one a bit obnoxious. Sorry. Ignore.
IpAncA Posted January 23, 2007 Posted January 23, 2007 God d@mn, did I write that last night? Wheeeeww! Posting under the influence makes one a bit obnoxious. Sorry. Ignore. Thats ok . I do that on here too.
Author climbergirl Posted January 23, 2007 Author Posted January 23, 2007 God d@mn, did I write that last night? Wheeeeww! Posting under the influence makes one a bit obnoxious. Sorry. Ignore. Not a problem. 'TWI' -done it myself.
Author climbergirl Posted January 24, 2007 Author Posted January 24, 2007 This is silly. Like you didn't know all along that he wanted to sleep with you... You just liked having him as a guy in the background to make yourself feel more secure in your relationship with your boyfriend. But now this friendship of yours is a bit precarious. Will this trip lead him on? Babe, you've already led him on. You've known all along what he's wanted. You played it. You knew what was up. But now you've probably got more than one suitor and the field is wide open so he's not really necessary anymore. Yeah, anyway...have fun on the trip. You know, this is actually very good (although inebriated )insight. I don't agree that I've led him on, as I am not flirtatious with him and have only seen him half a dozen times in 2 years. He's inferred what he has wanted to....but this post did make me think a lot about going on this trip with him. If I even question that this trip could lead him on and if I have no intentions of carrying this further than a friendship, then I shouldn't go. Period.
Recommended Posts