ilmw Posted January 19, 2007 Posted January 19, 2007 I was just thinking.... what have others done to help themselves get through this time... of seperation/divorce.. What have you done in the past.. or are presently doing... (so the old timers can respond too.. .. ) I thought this might help some of the newer folks on here... so they don't have to scower through all the threads... ME (ilmw) Running, lifting weights, reading reading reading.... getting out... just to get out... play more with my son... go out with friends... planning on starting to play hockey again... gettin some of my gear monday... going to fly to the UK once I get my passport back... Hmmm... Oh yeah... going skiiving in the spring.. Ummm.. I'm sure there is more... but you get the idea... Oh yeah... starting to play Golf in the spring too..
dgiirl Posted January 19, 2007 Posted January 19, 2007 in the very beginning i made a promise to myself to get up every single day, shower and get out of the house. Weekdays, weekends and holidays. I never skipped a day because I knew if I had stayed in bed hiding under the covers (which I really WANTED to do) I would slip into major depression. It was hard at first to find activities to do but I spent a LOT of time at the library, grocery stores, shopping (mostly just looking, trying new clothes just for the sake of seeing what it would look like on me, even if it wasnt exactly my style), walking and visiting local tourist sites. I eventually started taking my camera with me and taking photos of the places I visited. I also scheduled appointments with my therapist/doctors during weekends just so I had something to do on Saturday. I would go to the bank to pay bills just so I could socialize with the bank teller. I scheduled my tasks in such a way that I had something to do every single day. Instead of getting a week's worth of groceries, I'd get just the day's worth, forcing me to go out every day. I lived completely alone, no kids, in a big house, far away from friends and family. This kept my sanity. It also gave me the confidence to interact with the world alone. Since I worked at home, I lived like a monk for many months where I wouldnt see a single person. But getting out helped me stay sane.
RocketMan2 Posted January 19, 2007 Posted January 19, 2007 I went on a massive 8 day bender lol, god bless student nights Should really cut back now though, its taking its toll lol
PWSX3 Posted January 20, 2007 Posted January 20, 2007 Did you want to know what we are doing now or what we did once the sh*t hit the fan? Right now I'm typing on the computer. :laugh: For me being a male pig (I guess I can call it that) just doing things around the house such as laundry, cooking, cleaning were the first big changes I made. That was something the W did, but I do have to say in the last 5 years I did help out some and I would do the dishes after she cooked and I would cook once in a while in the last year, but nothing like I do now. I heard or was told that when good things happen then they start to domino with other things. I started getting out at lunch time at work just to clear my head, then I started doing it at night when I got home and 1/4 mile turned into a mile and then that turned into two and then three, then I started riding my bike because I enjoy that more so then when the cold weather showed up I went to a health club and I am still going at least 5 days a week if not more. I had started losing weight with all the stress because I wasn't eating as much, so I decided I wanted to lose some more weight so I started reading about eating habits and my food intake has changed, I eat lot more fruit and vegies, and I was just thinking tonight I don't like onions, but I bought some onion flavored tater tots by mystake so I went ahead and baked them (no deep frying here;)) and they weren't bad. I was going to give the bag to my folks but now I might just keep them. Lost 40 pounds and I'm not sure if that is all or not but I'm happy where I am for now. Just going to places like my insurance company and asking why I get so much mail and what does it all mean. Before the W took care of all that. Going to the doctor and having to handle it all by myself and make sure you give them the correct insurance cards and set up the appointment and all those things people take for granted sometimes. I've started cooking more with my son & we are both learning. Just spending more time with my son and we eat at the table instead of the TV. It's amazing how much you can learn by just talking at the table. Don't watch TV hardly at all, rather be on line or at the gym. Money has been in issue for me, so I'm going to start reading and see if I can change my habits with money. Hope to do more 4-wheeling this summer with my friends and anyone here is invited to go with. It's hard to explain the rush you get only going .001 MPH that's for sure. Like Ilmw said, I read, read, read, and that is not me, I used to just look at books with pictures. Have done some repairs around the house to make it look better, cleaned curtains and places that haven't been touched in years. Replaced some pictures in the house that after learning who I am and how a husband should treat his wife I felt they were not exceptable. A lot of the things you can change are small, but they all make a impact in the end goal and that is doing things that make you happy. Someone told me today that you think they are little steps but after a few little steps you look back and you see that you have walked a mile.
amaysngrace Posted January 20, 2007 Posted January 20, 2007 Well today I got to play Dad. My son was being picked on by a neighbor boy. This kid is big bad news. I stopped my child from playing with him in the early fall. My daughter missed the bus home (her once a month occurence) and so my son and I drove up to school to get her. He told me how this bully kid and two more kids were saying on the bus ride home that they were going to carve spears out of wood and attack my son and our house. On the way back we saw the boys outside. They were carving spears. We nearly went to the mall but I changed my mind. We went home instead because I was now starting to feel bullied. I was afraid they were going to vandalize my house. We went in and I got the camera. I was going to hide my car around the block for entrapment. I didn't have to. The three boys showed up at my door. When I opened it I took their picture. I told them that I have their picture. If they ever come near my house again and try to damage it I will go to the police. I told them if they ever go near my son again and threaten to hurt him I will go to the police. I told the bully boy if he so ever lays a hand on my son or my daughter that my son has my permission to kick his ass. I told him to stop poking my daughter. I told him nice boys don't hurt girls. I told them to go away and never come back here again. Within a half hour one boy and his dad came to my house. Ten minutes later another boy and his mom came to my house. They were all apologies. For me and my son. The parents and I realize that these boys have to buddy up with the bully or they will get bullied by him. It was happening to my son too for a while. About two hours later the bully boy's mom called. She tried to blame her son's behavior on a boy who wasn't even there. WTF? Anyway so that's what I've been doing lately. Scaring the crap out of bullies. And it felt so darn good to be da man.
Guest Posted January 20, 2007 Posted January 20, 2007 Did you want to know what we are doing now or what we did once the sh*t hit the fan? Right now I'm typing on the computer. :laugh: For me being a male pig (I guess I can call it that) just doing things around the house such as laundry, cooking, cleaning were the first big changes I made. That was something the W did, but I do have to say in the last 5 years I did help out some and I would do the dishes after she cooked and I would cook once in a while in the last year, but nothing like I do now. I heard or was told that when good things happen then they start to domino with other things. I started getting out at lunch time at work just to clear my head, then I started doing it at night when I got home and 1/4 mile turned into a mile and then that turned into two and then three, then I started riding my bike because I enjoy that more so then when the cold weather showed up I went to a health club and I am still going at least 5 days a week if not more. I had started losing weight with all the stress because I wasn't eating as much, so I decided I wanted to lose some more weight so I started reading about eating habits and my food intake has changed, I eat lot more fruit and vegies, and I was just thinking tonight I don't like onions, but I bought some onion flavored tater tots by mystake so I went ahead and baked them (no deep frying here;)) and they weren't bad. I was going to give the bag to my folks but now I might just keep them. Lost 40 pounds and I'm not sure if that is all or not but I'm happy where I am for now. Just going to places like my insurance company and asking why I get so much mail and what does it all mean. Before the W took care of all that. Going to the doctor and having to handle it all by myself and make sure you give them the correct insurance cards and set up the appointment and all those things people take for granted sometimes. I've started cooking more with my son & we are both learning. Just spending more time with my son and we eat at the table instead of the TV. It's amazing how much you can learn by just talking at the table. Don't watch TV hardly at all, rather be on line or at the gym. Money has been in issue for me, so I'm going to start reading and see if I can change my habits with money. Hope to do more 4-wheeling this summer with my friends and anyone here is invited to go with. It's hard to explain the rush you get only going .001 MPH that's for sure. Like Ilmw said, I read, read, read, and that is not me, I used to just look at books with pictures. Have done some repairs around the house to make it look better, cleaned curtains and places that haven't been touched in years. Replaced some pictures in the house that after learning who I am and how a husband should treat his wife I felt they were not exceptable. A lot of the things you can change are small, but they all make a impact in the end goal and that is doing things that make you happy. Someone told me today that you think they are little steps but after a few little steps you look back and you see that you have walked a mile. THAT SOUNDS PRETTY GOOD TO ME! YAH, THIS TIME AROUND I WANT TO DO THINGS RIGHT. ONE OF THE THINGS I FOUND THAT REALLY HELPED WAS HAVING MY EXGF ALWAYS GENTLY NUDGING ME IN THE RIGHT DIRECTION AND EVERY ONCE IN A WHILE I WOULD SEE HER, AND SHE WOULD RUN AWAY. I THINK THE BIGGEST THING IS THIS - I KNOW NOW I WANT TO DO THIS. I DON'T WANT TO LIVE IN JAIL, DO DRUGS, HURT LOVED ONES - I WANT TO ENJOY LIFES RICH PAGENT [AND WITH SOMEONE SPECIAL] - PLUS, MY DAUGHTER IS OLDER NOW - SHE DOESN'T NEED ME THE SAME WAY SHE DID 2 YEARS AGO - WE ARE ACTUALLY AT THE STAGE WHERE THINGS GET EASIER - IMAGAINE THAT WELL DONE C - U DID A TON OF GREAT WORK. COME HERE AND LET ME KISS YA BABE
Dad_of_3 Posted January 28, 2007 Posted January 28, 2007 Hmmm ... things I have done? Embrace life to start ! LOL But wait there's more! Since it all, going through it all has really opened my eyes to the life I've lead, and the life I choose for the future. In times such as this, it all started with the thought of 'winning' or 'impressing' the stbxw. Since then, so much has changed in my outlook on life and and myself. Have started guitar lessons, frequent visits to the gym, booked my motorbike course, went skydiving, reading alot on self-development books, planning my trip to New York and LA, writing and looking forward to living my list of 50 things to do. Going out and making new friends. Loving Life more and more.
Curmudgeon Posted January 28, 2007 Posted January 28, 2007 My car died two days before the marriage did so I moved downtown to a small apartment fairly near my work. Didn't know what my financial condition would be after the court finished with me so I wasn't going to replace the car. Bought a bike but usually just rode for fun on weekends. Meanwhile I walked about five miles a day. Bought some free weights and if I felt angry or upset I would work it out that way. Dropped over 40 pounds and really toned and strengthened. Spent two years living like a monk in terms of a social life, made a nice, comfortable home for myself. Kept it meticulously clean and honed my cooking skills which had been good before but became even better. Used my considerabe free time to focus on myself and my part and fault in the downfall of a 25-year marriage. Worked on changing what needed to be changed and improving what didn't. Came to really like myself for the first time in years and enjoy my own company. Also got a cat to have a little life around the place other than me. At the end of my two years as a recluse from life, asked out a former coworker and friend I'd known, admired and respected for five years. We were married two months later and just celebrated our 10th anniversary last month. Being 50 at the time I literally had my pick of available women at or near my own age but she was the one I felt most comfortable with then and still do. The best part is that I have never forgotten the lessons that were there for me from the former marriage, through the divorce and and into my couple of single years. They've been invaluable in helping make this marriage work and be a true joy.
Author ilmw Posted January 28, 2007 Author Posted January 28, 2007 My car died two days before the marriage did so I moved downtown to a small apartment fairly near my work. Didn't know what my financial condition would be after the court finished with me so I wasn't going to replace the car. Bought a bike but usually just rode for fun on weekends. Meanwhile I walked about five miles a day. Bought some free weights and if I felt angry or upset I would work it out that way. Dropped over 40 pounds and really toned and strengthened. Spent two years living like a monk in terms of a social life, made a nice, comfortable home for myself. Kept it meticulously clean and honed my cooking skills which had been good before but became even better. Used my considerabe free time to focus on myself and my part and fault in the downfall of a 25-year marriage. Worked on changing what needed to be changed and improving what didn't. Came to really like myself for the first time in years and enjoy my own company. Also got a cat to have a little life around the place other than me. At the end of my two years as a recluse from life, asked out a former coworker and friend I'd known, admired and respected for five years. We were married two months later and just celebrated our 10th anniversary last month. Being 50 at the time I literally had my pick of available women at or near my own age but she was the one I felt most comfortable with then and still do. The best part is that I have never forgotten the lessons that were there for me from the former marriage, through the divorce and and into my couple of single years. They've been invaluable in helping make this marriage work and be a true joy. This was for me an inspirational post. Thx Curmudgeon This was exactly the kind of stuff I was hoping the LS crowd would post... so that those who have been here less time... will get the benefit of the combined experience of the many. You have shown.. that in time.. with patience...life will go on... get better.. and in your case even improve.. BTW....Congrats on the 10yr anniversary;) ilmw
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