Lennox Posted February 24, 2007 Posted February 24, 2007 You have both been deceiving each other. He's lied to you about his porn use and disconnected from you as a result, and you are lying to him about your OM by not telling him. You both need a strong lesson in honesty. You feel ashamed of the affair and he SHOULD be ashamed about lying to you about the porn. Doesn't sound like he is though. Tell him the truth. One of you has to begin the process of honesty. Maybe this relationship won't survive, but it will help your next one if you can start being honest now. Being worried about his feelings is just an excuse not to tell him. As time passes, it just seems that nothing good comes out of porn use, either for the consumer or the actors.
Guest Posted February 25, 2007 Posted February 25, 2007 I've had similar problems with my H. No matter how hard I tried to make myself I just couldn't feel the same as I once did. There is no easy way to talk about things like this. I just straight out blurted it out one day because I just couldn't stand to be untrue and dishonest to him anymore. If you wait around for the perfect time or place to talk, then you'll never talk and will continue to hurt him and yourself because it will keep eating at you. You can't help who you do or do not love, but you need to tell him what your feeling and thinking regardless of how much it might hurt him. He might get mad and scream and cry and be hurt but you never know, maybe there's a chance he feels the same way. If your unhappy you know he has to be unhappy also. It sounds to me like you have the same problem we had in our relationship, no communication. W/o that.. you don't even have a relationship so best to end it now. I wish you the best of luck.
Author jennsana Posted March 11, 2007 Author Posted March 11, 2007 Thank you for your thoughts. I have a visit with my shrink tomotrrow which always seems to make things clear and I think I will talk with my husband. I have been the wrong one in this relationship to an extent but it is what it is. Life is too short and I need to tell him how I have been feeling and go from there. I just wish I knew if this was the right choice. Im scaried I am going to do this and I will be losing the best thing in my life. Lost
Guest Posted March 11, 2007 Posted March 11, 2007 Jenna, My first husband was controlling...liked to tell me what to do, what to say, how to act....he also was into young girls...I noticed that you said that he wanted you to turn him down when he offered you candy, and would get mad if you didn't do what he said...is he abusive? my first husband turned out to be a pedafile...not saying that your husband is the same.....i met my husband when i was 15 and he was 22. Is there a big age difference between you? I know every situation is different, but if your husband is controlling and I don't know how his personality is, but it may not be safe to be totally honest with him about the OM. You may want to make sure you are safe and discuss things with him over the phone. I stayed with my controlling husband for 7 yrs and I'll tell you what, the relationship ended when I was 22, but the effects he had on me still affect me today and I am 44 yrs old. there is alot more to my story, but I am not going to tell it now....I just wanted to comment on the things that seemed to pop out to me. I wish you well and please keep us posted.
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