Anyone here in a happy marriage? need on how to achieve that!

[jl5099]

I was just wondering if anyone could offer some advice on how their marriage is working? What makes you a happy couple? Besides the obvious, sex, counseling, etc. The little every day things? Do you have date nights? How often? Do you make him lunch every day? Does he buy you flowers? What are the little things (but actually big things) that make your marriage great? I need some pretty major help but I know it's the little things that can make a big difference! Any and all opinions would be appreciated!!

[Woggle]

I am in a happy marriage and I treat my wife the way I would like her to treat me and she does the same. The problem with too many couples is that they look at each other as adversaries instead of partners. My and I may disagree sometimes but we always rememeber that we are partners and we are in this together. We are both on the same side and we both want the best for each other. We let each other know that all the time as well. It's not just one thing but an overral feeling that both of you are being loved and appreciated.

[Touche]

Speaking for myself, and I've been happily married for almost 12 years, it's really not the little things that have made our marriage a success. It's one BIG thing called compatibility. I mean 99% of the time we're on the same page on the big issues. I think that's made all the difference for us.

 

The other thing I attribute our compatibility to is the fact that our temperaments are very similar. Neither one of us is moody or into silent treatments or grudges. We immediately hash out our problems in a mature way (no name-calling, etc.)

 

The little things are just the icing on the cake but without the solid foundation of compatible personalities, values, etc. the little things are just not enough to keep a marriage going.

[My Fair Katie]

I'm not sure if any of the following is what makes our marriage happy, but they're some things that we enjoy.

 

We walk the dogs together at least once a day, a long walk. It's great, uninterrupted conversation (well except when we have to stoop and scoop) and getting some fresh air.

 

Every Tuesday we meet at the same restaurant for lunch, we're regulars there.

 

We both plan activities and try to be enthusiastic even if it's not our bag. For instance, I don't really like video games, but I'll play some Nintendo or Play Station now and then because I know he enjoys it.

 

Basically any activity that gives us time to talk and catch up makes us feel good.

[stillafool]

I have been happily married for 9 years. We are both on the same page about "the big things" and have the same taste. We don't say mean things to each as we both feel there is a language to love. Not to say we don't disagree and every now and then we clear the air. Lately, there hasn't been a lot of money so we haven't been out much. That's okay because we both love our home and spending time together. We built our home together 3 years ago and that brought us even closer. Our friends said it would tear us apart but we found the opposite to be true. I tell my husband how proud I am of him at least once a week. Since coming to LS I also let him know often how much I respect him as a man. I do pack his lunch because it is healthier for him and it saves us money. He loves the surprises I put into them. We both act like an excited dog when the other gets home we are so glad to see each other. We laugh a lot.

[Mythical]

im happy to hear it is possible... something I have been sad about for a bit.

[bab]

First and foremost, neither of us are into head games. We also are ready to forgive. If either of us does something and we didn't intentionally do it to hurt the other, then it's forgivable quite quickly. (For instance today is my B-Day, and I'm pretty sure H has forgotten even though we talked about it yesterday. Certainly he didn't forget on purpose, so it doesn't upset me) Since neither of us are cruel types of people (no name calling--EVER) we haven't had anything linger for more than a couple hours.

 

The other thing we do, is think about the other. Anticipate their needs. For instance, I didn't sleep well the other night, so I decided to sleep in the next morning. My H knows how much I HATE being cold, so he turned the heat up before he left for work so that I wouldn't be cold when I got out of bed. I made sure to make a trip to the store late last night because H was out of his favorite kind of cereal and I knew he would want it this AM. These aren't big things, but they are the things that remind us that we are thinking of each other and that we are loved. When we feel loved, it's easy to love in return.

 

Now I'm feeling all lovey dovey. :love:

 

And of course: COMMUNICATION!!!

[Mythical]

First and foremost, neither of us are into head games. We also are ready to forgive. If either of us does something and we didn't intentionally do it to hurt the other, then it's forgivable quite quickly. (For instance today is my B-Day, and I'm pretty sure H has forgotten even though we talked about it yesterday. Certainly he didn't forget on purpose, so it doesn't upset me) Since neither of us are cruel types of people (no name calling--EVER) we haven't had anything linger for more than a couple hours.

 

The other thing we do, is think about the other. Anticipate their needs. For instance, I didn't sleep well the other night, so I decided to sleep in the next morning. My H knows how much I HATE being cold, so he turned the heat up before he left for work so that I wouldn't be cold when I got out of bed. I made sure to make a trip to the store late last night because H was out of his favorite kind of cereal and I knew he would want it this AM. These aren't big things, but they are the things that remind us that we are thinking of each other and that we are loved. When we feel loved, it's easy to love in return.

 

Now I'm feeling all lovey dovey. :love:

 

And of course: COMMUNICATION!!!

 

 

 

AWWWWWWWWW thats way too cute!!

My boy does the heat thing too and I know what you mean by all those little thigns thier the best!!!

 

Im happy for you....I hope I can have that long term

[silktricks]

We've been together for almost 30 years. Married for 17. It hasn't all been happy, or I never would have found LS, but other than a couple of rather serious squalls, over the years together we have been happy, and are now as well.

 

Our personalities are quite similar, we are both artistic, vitriolic, moody, passionate, intelligent, critical people with a broad swath of kindness and love. Our lives have never been boring, but sometimes they've been difficult.

 

We do things together, make a point of talking to each other everyday while at work, and look forward to seeing each other every evening. Each of us is more committed to our relationship than our occupations, so will leave meetings/work commitments if the other is in need. But we are also both very careful to not cry wolf.

 

We work at showing each other respect and admiration. We don't let our families intrude in our lives. Though we invite people in, we do not allow them to penetrate into our private companionship. We support each others endeavors, pick each other up when we are down (it's really rough if we're both down at the same time, though).

 

Relationships take work, commitment, and constant nurturing. The end result is the sum of what both put into it.

[Romeo Must Die]

LOL... If I told you the secret then it wouldnt be a secret anymore.

 

[jl5099]

well c'mon! My husband and I do have some more serious issues and I even think compatibility is one of them, but it's kinda nice to see that it is possible to get through them. Look on the bright side once in awhile, instead of always focusing on what's wrong. I really needed that upper today!!! Thanks for your input!!

[Romeo Must Die]

My husband and I are exact opposites on everything. He says black and I say white. He is the biker blue collar type and I am the preppie girl. We fight like cats and dogs. The intimidating biker thing doesnt scare me. He snaps his finger and I look at him like he is mental and roll my eyes at him. I have driven an hour and a half out of my way just to buy him a slushie. He is really picky.

 

But the secret to being compatible for what it is worth. It's a seventeen year relationship. You could never start over with somebody and have that many years behind it even if you wanted to. It would be like giving up a brother or a sister, or a twin of yourself. It's when all your memories are his memories and vice versa. You cant speak in a compete sentence without saying the words "we" or "us" in it when you find yourself talking about it to someone else. Like We used to... and my husband and I like to... because I'm always talking about him. People are just a part of you that way.

 

[Curmudgeon]

In short, we romance one another daily in small ways -- special meals, flowers, cards, notes, calls, doing a chore the other usually does, encouraging being good to ourselves -- all of which keeps the love alive. We also talk together a lot.

[seibert253]

Any successful relationship, being marriage or whatever, boils down to two things; communication and respect.

[quankanne]

our secret after nearly 15 years of marriage? Is being sure in our love for each other even though we butt heads from time to time and have hit some serious snags. I think knowing that the love doesn't change brings a sense of stability and security through good times and hard ones, too.

 

then there's the little sweet things that he does: holds my hand or kisses me in public, which is pretty endearing.

 

funny, but the longer you are with someone, and the closer you grow toward each other, the more you become on the same page with that person. Like coming up with the same observation independently but simultaneously. Or finishing each other's sentences. Kinda of strange at first, but it starts solidifying the whole reason why you chose this person in the first place to do the forever thing with.

 

a personal note to Woggle: I'm so very, very happy that you've found what you have with your wife, because I know you've had some struggles with relationship issues in the past. Way to go, guy, way to go!

[Mz. Pixie]

I'm in my second marriage so I'm not sure that I'm an expert, but I am in a happy marriage.

 

We communicate. We also do little things for each other that make the other feel loved. Like I'll buy his favorite soda at the store- and greet him at the door with a glass of sweet tea and a kiss. I'll draw him a bath in the middle of the night if he's tired and sore when he comes home from his other job.

 

I have this little bed buddy thing that I warm in the microwave for my feet every night because I can't sleep with cold feet. He'll warm that up for me and bring it in to me in bed. He'll tuck me in when I don't feel good.

 

We both try to be forgiving and not hold resentment about things the other does that hurts us. That's really hard but that is what we're trying to do.

 

We give each other the freedom to be who we really are- no head games. We're honest with each other. We make the other a priority. Once the kids are in bed we head to our room to reconnect and cuddle.

 

We respect each other- which is huge. He knows I'm always behind him and vice versa. We have a rockin sex life too.

[riobikini]

jl5099, the happiest I've ever been was in my second marriage.

 

He died suddenly, and I guess I've (admittedly) been trying to find those same characteristics he possessed in someone else ever since.

 

I'm in a relationship now where a lot of the traits and characteristics I want and need in someone, and find so appealing and familiar, are present.

 

And I'm *happy*.

 

(Smile)

 

I know "L' is an individual who only possesses his own distinct version of these qualities, and that there's this whole new person in my life to get to know and love -and I'm learning to appreciate the differences that make him his own man, apart from anyone else I've ever known.

 

"L" has leadership traits -and that was a "must-have", for me.

 

I like someone who is every bit as personally driven as I am and stands firm and reasonable on issues -but gives me all the assurance I need to hand him the reigns and never fear abuse from doing so.

 

And it's a *relief* for me to be able to do that with someone -someone I know is capable.

 

He is a proven gentleman and has a very thoughtful, discerning, and caring nature towards those he loves and the world around him; and through his life experiences he's grown to become a man of mature conscious.

 

Other things: our taste in preferred lifestyle are strikingly similar; our friends are compatible; we have much the same views on raising children; we are both very social (we both love to cook and entertain others -esp. at home)

as well as very private people (we both love a day or so of intimate togetherness with nothing more than a huge bed and a bathroom); we love the same places for vacation, and "L" is an unusually great find in that he is a guy with fabulous taste who loves to shop (what more could I ask for?).

 

(Smile)

 

And there is so much that harmonizes between us in other areas.

 

Quick for instance: I've never liked that empty feeling of anyone leaving the house without saying, "Goodbye, etc. etc." and likewise, coming home without some sort of greeting.

 

"L" *always* looks me up when he arrives -and kisses me "Bye" before he leaves -it's as important to him as it is to me.

 

Just a simple, everyday gesture that people often "forget" to do -but with me, doing it carries so much weight.

 

Despite the memories of my second husband (which I will always cherish and carry with me) we're all happy and content here in this house -and it's getting better by the day.

 

(Smile)

 

-Rio

[quankanne]

I've never liked that empty feeling of anyone leaving the house without saying, "Goodbye, etc. etc." and likewise, coming home without some sort of greeting.

 

I didn't think of that one, but it's a good point. Ensuring those common courtesies (like greeting each other) grow into true acts of caring because you become more aware of the other person being on the receiving end of your actions.

 

and this reminds me about making sure you let you know the person you care about that you love him or her on a daily basis. No phone conversation ends without one of us telling the other "I love you," same at the end of the day ... even if we're spitting nails at each other. Again, I think that goes back to making the foundation of your relationship solid because you know the love is solid.

[EnigmaXOXO]

To add to what Rio and Quankanne shared … a simple "Thank-You" and a hug can also go a long way in continuing to show your partner how much they're appreciated. You know --- never take the little things they do for you for granted.

 

Seven years together … and Johnny still takes a moment every night to thank me with a kiss after dinner.

[jl5099]

My husband and I, I have to say, didn't say I love you nearly enough. That is something we have definately taken for granted. See, in the summer he works construction so he gets up really early and we generally don't see each other. At the same time he goes to bed early so he's asleep before I get to bed! Not an excuse I know, but just how things were. We are working on that though. Thank you all for your suggestions. They really do help!