norajane Posted January 20, 2007 Posted January 20, 2007 Well, he has actually He has what? Guaranteed that he's going to be there for you after his divorce? How can he tell you anything when he hasn't even decided if he is going to leave his wife? He can't tell you anything that you can believe because he has no idea how he's going to feel if he goes through with the divorce. Right now, he has no idea what his feelings will be.
GreenEyedLady Posted January 20, 2007 Posted January 20, 2007 BBE: YOU just know when the time's up...I'm sure it's different for everyone...but it's when you're ready for things to change...
frannie Posted January 20, 2007 Posted January 20, 2007 He knows I will not wait forever... I'm not sure that I need NC to drive home that point. Besides, I do have an upper hand as he goes home to his empty flat on weekdays or his unhappy marriage on weekends, while he knows that I am in a town with loads of really good friends to party with, a great job and a lot of dinner invites, if I wanted to date There is an incentive in that on its own I agree that NC isn't necessarily all it's cracked up to be in the 'getting a MM to make a choice' sense. I think NC is great to give an OW a break, and to get out of the affair. But using NC to 'make him make a decision' is no more or less than manipulation by any other name. Your MM has said that he can't make a decision now, and your question is... how long should you wait for him to make a decision. Just going on my own experience, it sounds like your MM could take years... .and you have to ask yourself, whether you want to do this for years. And no sensible person is going to say 'yes' to that... are they..? You have all those opportunities to go out to dinner, see friends, etc. Then why not take them up..? For YOU. Not so it will 'make him see what he's missing', etc. But because you only have one life, and why would you want to throw it away waiting for something that may never happen..? On another note, as I said on page one of this thread... your MM is saying things that don't sound good: asking for your assurance that you will be there for the long haul isn't fair to you, and sends up a few red flags about the kind of person he is. I'd think about that some more, rather than concentrating on whether or not he will make a decision... Someone like that is in danger of flip-flopping between people for a long time, and breaking everyone's heart in the process.
laliquel Posted January 23, 2007 Posted January 23, 2007 Question about this no contact business: What if he's moved out no contact was initiated because he was till in lompo status living in an empty apartment greiving the loss of the marriage but not wanting to go back. So NC with OW but the W is still in the picture trying to win him back (no kids in the picture)? How good can NC be in this case? He is vulnerbale and there has been a lot of grief w the OW because he is stuck in limbo?
Author bigblueeyes Posted February 3, 2007 Author Posted February 3, 2007 Many thanks for all your insights and advice. For the time being, I am staying put and waiting to see what happens.
Meredith63 Posted February 5, 2007 Posted February 5, 2007 I waited for him to do X Y and Z prior to leaving. I did not wait for him to decide that he was leaving, he made that decision prior to us even sharing a first kiss. Honestly, I would not have waited if he was trying to decide "me or her". I would have made the decision for him and walked away. JMveryHO
Anka Posted February 6, 2007 Posted February 6, 2007 Don't you realize that he could be lying to you? His wife probably thinks that thier M was open and honest lol. If he wanted to be with you, he would be. He wouldnt be with his wife. It really is that simple.
Author bigblueeyes Posted February 6, 2007 Author Posted February 6, 2007 Anka, I'm sorry but I don't think life is simple and I don't think he is lying. That does of course not mean that he can put his words into action, but that is a completely different matter. I have actually set myself a date for decision time. It will be in a couple of weeks, when we start getting close to being together a year. For me that is time enough to know and to make decisions. So wish me luck
frannie Posted February 7, 2007 Posted February 7, 2007 Don't you realize that he could be lying to you? His wife probably thinks that thier M was open and honest lol. If he wanted to be with you, he would be. He wouldnt be with his wife. It really is that simple. Of course he could be lying. But it really isn't that simple. A man doesn't just up and walk out on a marriage and children even IF he falls in love with someone else. It's a whole lot more complicated and difficult than that. True love doesn't conquer all, not even a bad marriage nobody wants to be in.
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