emmaUK Posted January 19, 2007 Posted January 19, 2007 i didnt know where to put this thread so put it in here. basically i have a daughter who is nearly 3. me and her dad split up when i was 3 months preg coz i found out he was meeting other girls and after i told him it was over he didnt realyl bother with me thru the whole pregnancy n i was left to rot in a mother and baby hostel till my daughter was 8 weeks old and then i was able to start renting a flat. he ended up in a reltioanhip with one of the girls he had met behind my back and it has been hard coz i have had to deal with it and him flaunting her in my face.. but once i got over him i was glad she took him off my hand coz he was a liar and lied his was thru the whole relationship. i have always found it hard to trust him since my daughter was born coz of the lies n the fact he ditched me when i wsa pregnant.... so i have been pretty protective over my daughter. i was jsu starting to trust him a little bit more and was starting to let my daughter go to spend the weekend with him and his GF (still the same on he met behind my back) .. i trust her more then him 2 b honest n i realyl dont hold grusge against her coz i know the situation wasnt her fault. anyway they were supposed to be having my daughter next week and he text me and told me he cudnt have her coz they have split up and she has kicked him out n he has been sleeping in car, i spoke to her on msn and she said he owes her alot of money still (he told me he had nearly paid it back) and she doesnt know wot he does with his money but he always had the money to spend on weed (also this guys has only given me £150 in 3 years so i was fuming to find out he been spending his money on weed. she said he uses her as a bank.. he is lazy and parranoid and the icing in the cake was when they hadmy daughter last weekend n he went out for the evening and left her to feed, bath and put my daughter to bed. sh also told me that thru the whole of my pregnancy he told her that the baby probably wasnt even his coz i was a cheater and the baby was gonna come out black n when i first told him was pregnant he didnt beleive me so marched me up the clinic to hear it from a proffesional... i was so angry coz that was all bull**** .. i was fuming coz he must think so low of me already to leave me to rot in the mum n baby hostel but to make out i am some dirty cheating slut who dont use condoms n dont even know who the father of my baby is... well that was so horrible to find out, so in a rage i told her that he had tried to get back with me TWICE while she was with him. and now im feeling realyl relly bad... it was true .. but for some reason i feel sorry for him coz he has no family and not many friends and is sleeping in his car and i have jsut ruined his chances of getting back with her by telling her about that. im not sure if i should feel bad or not. this guy took me for a fool.. left me to rot in that hostel... lied n lied to me ... has lied to other ppl about me and hasnt even been a great dad. but i jsut feel terrible i told her n i feel so sorry for him. do u think i should have told her??? do u think i should be feeling as bad as i am now. i have been thinkin about it all day n i just feel awful now.
Art_Critic Posted January 19, 2007 Posted January 19, 2007 im not sure if i should feel bad or not. No.. you should not feel bad.. He is a dead beat dad and is worthless.. He doesn't pay you child support yet you still let him see the child.. You have already gone the extra mile with him.. Let Him Rot in his car.. he made his own bed.. Oh.. You might want to stop talking to his ExGF so you don't say anything else that might make you feel guilty..
Author emmaUK Posted January 19, 2007 Author Posted January 19, 2007 i guess so!!! why cant i stop feelin so guilty. ahhhhhhhhhhhhh To be honest though... i dont want to stop seeing his ex coz she thinks the world of my daughter and my daughter adores her, her sisters and her parents. i dont want my daughter to lose them coz of the break up. i think that a child can never have too many ppl that show them love (even though it is a rather odd situatiohn) luckily ... i have said all of it now anyway... there is nothing worse i can possibly say.
revolutionphilosophy Posted January 20, 2007 Posted January 20, 2007 i guess so!!! why cant i stop feelin so guilty. ahhhhhhhhhhhhh To be honest though... i dont want to stop seeing his ex coz she thinks the world of my daughter and my daughter adores her, her sisters and her parents. i dont want my daughter to lose them coz of the break up. i think that a child can never have too many ppl that show them love (even though it is a rather odd situatiohn) luckily ... i have said all of it now anyway... there is nothing worse i can possibly say. Who says your daughter has to lose the company/love of your ex's ex and her family? (Seems like an odd concept -- eh?) Look at it like this. Your ex pretty officially sucks... he absolutely fails at life... he cheated on you... lied... owes you money. The guy sucks. However -- he happened to get with a girl who you actually found yourself rather compatible with. Obviously you must get along with her -- you've stated that you trust HER more than HIM; you have her on your MSN; and you didn't freak when he left the baby with her. Give me one good reason she can't be YOUR friend? Your ex? Don't feel bad about him... just pity him b/c he is truly pathetic. But at least you may've gotten a really good friend out of him (one who can empathize quite well with how you feel about the ex!)
whichwayisup Posted January 20, 2007 Posted January 20, 2007 Then tell her there's a new rule. NO dicussing the ex. If you two want a friendship, fine...Just don't talk about him at all.
oh_what_am_I_doing Posted January 20, 2007 Posted January 20, 2007 Well it sounds like to me you're even. She was with your boyfriend when the two of you were still together.... you told her that he wanted to get back together while they were dating.... sounds like you should call a truce. If you two of you really click and think you could be friends, then I'd say go for it. However, if the only thing you have in common is badmouthing the ex, I'd say find another friend. You don't want to dwell on that dead beat any more. Seeing her might just bring back painful memories everytime. I've found to really heal, you have to go no contact. I guess in this situation it would also refer to his other ex.
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