Guest Posted January 19, 2007 Posted January 19, 2007 I have been married for 13 years with no children. My husband was going out a lot with his buddies during those years. We had many fights, went to counselling but he just would not give up his nights with the boys so I just got used to it. Usually those nights were tied with soccer games on Fridays. Then suddenly in the summer of 2004 he stopped being affecionate and I felt something was going on. He denied for months, even at the counselling sessions. He kept saying that I am not spicy enough, I don't wear enough revealing clothes etc. His newest thing was that he actually wants to live alone. Finally in November 2004 he admited that he slept only once with this woman that also played soccer. I was devastated but decided to work through it...needless to say he did not sleep with that women only once but it was a full-blown affair. He moved out twice to his aunt's house for a short period of time and then came back saying it is over between them... and then finally in June 2005 he rented apartment and moved out completely. We had no contact for a few weeks and then when he found out I started dating he came to see me. We had a huge fight and I thought it was over. The next day I went to his new place and talked to him. I told him that this was his last chance to come back. So he did break up with that woman, we sold our old house and bought a new one, he quit soccer and going out and we went to counselling again. It has been 18 months since he broke off his affair. He has not done anything since to make me suspicious, he is very attentive and affecionate but not in a sexual way. I could count how many times we slept together and one of those times I got pregnant (we were trying to have a baby now but we were not to optimistic considering that I was 38). Now we have a beautiful baby girl that we both adore. He has been a great dad so far and good husband but I cannot forget about the affair. Maybe one of the reasons is that we hardly ever sleep together (his excuse is that he sees pain in my eyes and does not want to make love with me until I have forgiven him and forgot about the affair). I have this need to talk about the affair and the other woman. I check every day her soccer team's website to see what is going on, I even called her once and hung up. I never had a conversation with her and I have a feeling that if I had that that would bring closure for me. I just feel I need to tell her how her interfering in our marriage caused so much pain. I do not blame only her; after all he is the one who strayed. I wish I could stop obsessing and focus on our marriage and our baby. I keep thinking that maybe it is still all too fresh in my mind and as time goes by my obsessing will diminish. I am even embaressed to talk to my friends about this, because by now my husband has proved that he is commited to our marriage . I have been so hurt by his actions and his lies, I would dare say traumatized, that I just cannot forget it that easily. Please help.
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