square1 Posted January 19, 2007 Posted January 19, 2007 Ok, I'm new here and just want to share my story...kinda long... Well the other day, I walked in on my husband looking at STD symptoms and treatment and this made me verrrry confused and alarmed. Of course, I asked him why he was looking it up and he says oh he was just curious about it. My mind is telling me that something isn't right. Later that day I say we need to talk because what you told me earlier isn't making sense to me. That's when I got another story about this STD is "going around" and some of the guys at his job have been catching it and he thinks he has it. I mean he's speaking of it like it's the flu. I play it off and say oh ok, well just get tested and we'll go from there. I'm no dummy, I know how you get STD's, so my mind is again telling me that something isn't right and it's obvious I'm not going to get the truth from him. Later that night, I go through his phone. Text messages I find of him sending to another female, very innapropriate messages for a married man. Saying things like when are we going to hook up and you should let me...well you know. That made me furious and I confronted him that next morning and we had a biiiig falling out. I told him exactly why I felt the need to snoop (the b.s. story about the STD) and we argue and fight for a couple of days after that. He's sorry, doesn't know why he did it, he was just playing, etc. I love my husband so finally I say ok, I'm going to try to put this behind me and we're going to work it out BUT if it happens again, that's your ass. I even told him that as of that particular day, I did NOT trust him and was leary but I was going to try. Would you know the same day I told him this, he's sending text messages to another female asking her to send him a nasty picture over the phone. He's since asked her again and I haven't said anything about it but I'm dumbfounded really. We just had a big fight about him sending innapropriate messages and he does it again. He probably doesn't think I'm looking anymore because I said I was going to try to put it past me but I just don't get it. He says he's never cheated but what the hell??? Does he really think this is OK? I mean I just don't get it...I told him I felt betrayed, disrespected with the first text messages and he's still at it. So I'm just playing it cool for the moment, don't want to alarm him because obviously he's going to keep doing it and nothing I say is going to make him stop. I'm just documenting everything that is going on and looks like I'm going to have to leave my husband. Opinions are welcomed.
Poboy Posted January 19, 2007 Posted January 19, 2007 So I'm just playing it cool for the moment, don't want to alarm him because obviously he's going to keep doing it and nothing I say is going to make him stop. I'm just documenting everything that is going on and looks like I'm going to have to leave my husband. Opinions are welcomed. firstly , get yourself checked for std's just to be sure ... if he is checking out std related stuff , there might be something going on. get him checked too you playing cool is incentive to him to continue his activities. sounds like you dont want to resolve this issue and want out , is it ? he is is lying , cheating etc and is not taking you seriouslly... if everything turns out good medically , you can try to give the marriage another shot if you want to. counselling would be the way to go.
Sup Posted January 19, 2007 Posted January 19, 2007 Stop having sex with your husband, get check for STD's, and then DUMP HIS BUTT NOW!
lovelorcet Posted January 19, 2007 Posted January 19, 2007 What SUP said... This guy is not going to change and you are going to end up with the STD.
Ladyjane14 Posted January 19, 2007 Posted January 19, 2007 If your investment is small, no kids, minor assets, I believe I'd just dump him and be done with it if I were you. He's a player. If you've got alot invested though, I think "playing it cool" might be a good thing. It'll give you time to build a case against him. Most states are "No Fault" these days, but that doesn't mean that there aren't good reasons for filing on grounds. For example, in some states it can significantly decrease the amount of time you'll wait for a divorce. There are internet sites available, such as http://divorcenet.com where you can check out state-by-state laws. First things first, get a thorough STD check-up. Give your GYN a call and don't be bashful. They've heard it ALL so nothing you say is going to surprise them. After that, you might consider abstaining from sexual contact until you have all the facts. It doesn't do you any good to get a check-up and THEN turn right around and get infected. If you're not getting detail records on your cell phones, contact your provider and get them. This can often be done on-line. If your husband hasn't password protected your account... you can check it TODAY. You might consider putting a key-logger on the computer, and even a voice-activated recorder in his vehicle. Get a good one that doesn't make noise, and make sure you hide it pretty well. If there are any lights on the unit, cover them with tape. Also... if you haven't checked out your bank/credit card statements in detail lately, get a copy of those too. Cheaters most often use cash... but every now and then they'll slip up. A receipt from a gas station out of town on a day when he was supposed to be at work would tell you something. Check his pay stub too for used leave that he can't account for. Keep detailed records and put them in a safe place. Also, get you a plain old spiral bound notebook and make dated entries in ink for whatever you find. Don't keep your notes in the computer. Seriously though, if you don't have a whole lot to protect... I'd just show him the door and never look back. Married guys shouldn't be out looking for "hook-ups". He's just going to lie to you anyway, and tell you he was "only curious" when you bust him. More than likely, you're NEVER going to get the whole truth out of him....just a series of bullsh*it stories designed to keep you from handing him his hat.
Romeo Must Die Posted January 19, 2007 Posted January 19, 2007 I second and third what everybody else said. Guts for glory. If that was my hubby, I would send him a dirty picture of myself naked and giving him the finger and tm him saying "you're busted" or "my what a bad boy you have been lately!" Rip the rug out from underneath them, just for effect so they can grasp the reality of what they've done.
whichwayisup Posted January 19, 2007 Posted January 19, 2007 Yup, get tested asap and do not have sex with him, whatever you do! obviously he's going to keep doing it and nothing I say is going to make him stop. He is going to learn the painful lesson of cheating, getting caught and cheating again... I'm just documenting everything that is going on and looks like I'm going to have to leave my husband. I am sorry for your pain. Until HE feels consquences of his actions and choices, which might be when you leave him, nothing will change.......He doesn't feel (or care) what he is doing is wrong, he's acting selfish and putting himself FIRST.
BeenAround_N_Back Posted January 19, 2007 Posted January 19, 2007 If it was me, he's be out by now! I wouldn't even want to hear anymore lame excuses, the facts really speak for themselves!
Author square1 Posted January 19, 2007 Author Posted January 19, 2007 The reason I'm playing it cool is because I've moved far, far away (thousands of miles) to be with him and I've only been here a month...we haven't even been married six months yet so yes the investment is small. With these next text messages, I almost feel like they are some type of sick joke and he's going to say "I just wanted to see if you would still read it". Either that or he's just incredibly dumb.
NoIDidn't Posted January 19, 2007 Posted January 19, 2007 Def. get tested. Playing it cool isn't going to make him stop what he's doing. Snoop as much as you want. If he is endangering your health, you have every right to snoop into his phone. I would do what RMD said. Besides being funny, he wouldn't be expecting it. You could send it from yahoo nowadays, so he wouldn't immediately know it was from you until he saw the picture. But you might want to be clothed to avoid breaking any fed. laws. Have a big sign that says "BUSTED". Man, this sucks. Sorry you had to move so far for this BS.
Author square1 Posted January 19, 2007 Author Posted January 19, 2007 Oh I'm definately not playing it cool in hopes that he'll stop. I just want to see what else I'll find out...
Poboy Posted January 20, 2007 Posted January 20, 2007 Oh I'm definately not playing it cool in hopes that he'll stop. I just want to see what else I'll find out... what more do you need to find out ... he wants to have sex ,affair with other women and you have proof and he knows it and everybody here has told you to get checked and in your two responses , you havent shown any indication of doing so ... are you serious or all this is some joke ... what your hubby is doing is not a joke certainly.
Author square1 Posted January 20, 2007 Author Posted January 20, 2007 Is it a joke? No. Am I getting checked? Yes. That is common sense (in my opinion) that is why I did not address it. As I mentioned, I've literally moved thousands of miles away from anyone else I know so just packing my stuff and leaving is not possible...can't drive over water. I have to figure out how I'm going to get all my belongings back and have the $$$ to do so. I started to mention the texts last night but held my tongue because I know more is coming.
RecordProducer Posted January 20, 2007 Posted January 20, 2007 Right now you are juist angry and thinking of revenge, dumping him, anything that makes your blood boil. I say: talk to him. As hard as it sounds YOU will have a closure. YOU. No matter what he ays or doesn't say, you will know where to begin, continue, and end the more you talk to him. Forget the threats, tell him how much he is hurting you, tell him the truth. Or just pack your bags and leave. I think that's the best in this case. that's what I would do. I bet he will be begging you to come back.
Author square1 Posted January 21, 2007 Author Posted January 21, 2007 I really don't plan on doing anything revengeful...I told him how much he hurt me, how betrayed I felt, embarassed, etc. with the first texts, so I'm not really in the mood of repeating myself...but I will mention the new ones in due time.
Djaba Posted January 21, 2007 Posted January 21, 2007 Get out, and get tested. Anything else is insanity.
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