Nemoralis Posted January 19, 2007 Posted January 19, 2007 ...Except I'm not even kidding. CLIFF NOTES: I'm about to become my "boyfriend's" step-sister. LONG STORY: I started kinda seeing this guy, we'll call him Josh. It was nothing too serious, just a casual kind of fling. He was fun, but we weren't really looking for anything serious and I got the feeling that he was kinda the player type. Well anyway, we started getting closer and closer, so I'm not sure what was going to happen between us - it was up in the air. Suddenly, my mom informs me that she is going to leave my step-father of 8 years. Obviously I'm pretty close to the guy, so this is a bit of a shock (I'm 17). But the real shock comes next. She tells me that she's leaving him for Josh's dad. Obviously a whole lot of crap went down from there, it was a huge messy ordeal. During that time, I decided to keep mine and Josh's relationship on a purely brother/sister level, since that's what our parents (my mom, his dad) wanted. And I thought I could handle that. But then throughout this whole ordeal we got pretty close. I mean we could turn to each other. It was a hard time for us, especially me, since I was losing the only father I'd ever known. But regardless, we ended up getting back together. I made him promise that he would keep it a secret. So we've been pursuing our relationship secretly for the last month or so. Our parents have gotten serious now that the divorce is coming through, and they'll almost certainly get married. His dad loves me to death and always tried to get me and Josh together before all of this happened, and he told me he really regrets that Josh and I had to back off of each other for their (my mom and his) sake. But I can tell he's worried that we're still seeing each other. It doesn't help that he noticed a hickey on my neck the day after Josh and I had spent a night alone together at our deer camp. (And he MUST have been looking for it too, because it was barely noticeable). He's a really, really smart guy. And he's catching on. Plus everyone at our deer camp (which is where we all met, btw) knows that Josh and I were "seeing" each other before all of this happened, and some of them have been assuming we're still together officially. We weren't exactly secret about it before now, so everyone, even our parents, knew what we were getting up to. Oh goodness...I don't know what I'm looking for here. Advice? I don't know. Opinions on what I should do now? I really care about Josh, but I'm not sure I'm ready for a relationship, nor is he. I'm worried he's getting too attached to me one minute, and then the next minute I'm worried I'm getting too attached to him. So come on...blast away and tell me what I'm doing is morally wrong. I'm prepared for it. I just want some general ideas/opinions. Or something.
PussInHeels Posted January 19, 2007 Posted January 19, 2007 I don't think what you're doing makes you a bad or dirty person. The problem though is that, crazily enough, the four of you are supposed to a family when your parents get married. If that's is what's going to happen, staying together will only cause further emotional tension between the two of you, as well as with your parents. This is unfortunate, and I don't think it's your fault... It would have been nice for your parents to take your relationship into account or at least consider it. Even if the relationship was really null and void, coming into this kind of set-up with a past history together can be hard or uncomfortable. But since your parents have made their desires clear, your relationship can become harmful for everyone involved, even though I don't think it's really fair that you two should be placed in this scenario.
Grrlish Posted January 19, 2007 Posted January 19, 2007 I'm not going to blast you about morality. There's a bit of a thin line here. I will say that since you two are not madly in love with each other, you should consider forfeiting the physical relationship for the sake of your future as family members. What you're doing also carries a stigma by which other people will judge you. You will forever be known as the brother and sister that were committing incest. At least, that's what other people will say and how they will see it. Don't believe anyone for a minute that you shouldn't care and don't try to convince yourself that you won't. When people are saying that stuff about you in 5 years, you WILL care. Think about who might hear it - potential boyfriends, a potential husband, an employer or potential employer. Honestly, if you were older and madly in love and in a relationship, etc., the stigma and family drama might not be such a big deal. If you were, say, 30, and in a serious relationship or married, and your parents fell in love, it might result in some eye-rolling rib jabs but it would be completely different than being 17. Consider: Is what you're doing really going to be worth it in the long run? These are some of the tough decisions that life throws at us as we get older. Each decision we make forms our personal integrity for life. Good luck with this decision.
daisydo Posted January 19, 2007 Posted January 19, 2007 I would recommend some family counseling for this type of situation because it really is a family issue. An adult needs to step up to the plate here and address these issues before it becomes a serious problem. If Josh's dad already knows what is going on (via the hickey) and your mother already knows your history then it shouldn't be a huge shock. If you and Josh are both unsure about the relationship - why not take some time apart and relate to each other on a strictly friendly basis. I would say that your age plus the uncertainty involved can only mean that the relationship needs to be forfeited. Turn to friends for support - do not keep this secret heavy on your shoulders. It is a very odd situation but you can get through this. It will just take some time and healing.
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