Now What Do I Do??? (mixed Mssgs By Om/was I Dumped?)

[IslandGirl73]

I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS HAPPENED, HOW I ALLOWED MYSELF TO BE MADE A FOOL OF!!! I WAS JUST ON HERE A FEW DAYS AGO LOOKING FOR ADVICE ON WHAT TO DO (READ MY POST: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t109672/) AND TURNS OUT, OM MADE THE DECISION FOR ME!!! PLEASE NOTE THIS ALL HAPPENED OVER THE COURSE OF ONE WEEK, FROM OUR 1ST EVNG TOGETHER LAST FRIDAY...SINCE THEN, I'VE BEEN GETTING MIXED SIGNALS FROM HIM AS DESCRIBED BELOW...WHAT DOES IT ALL MEAN? SORRY SO LENGTHY BUT I HAD TO INCLUDE EVERYTHING TO GIVE A BETTER PICTURE OF THINGS:

 

LIKE I PREVIOUSLY EXPLAINED, WE SAW EACH OTHER OUT OF WORK FOR THE FIRST TIME A WEEK AGO, AFTER CHATTING IN EMAILS AND PHONECALLS FOR ABOUT 2 WEEKS(BUT WAS GIVING EACH OTHER THE "EYE" FROM AFAR OFF FOR ABOUT A MONTH). WE HAD A LOVELY EVENING TOGETHER, WENT FOR DINNER, TALKED, LAUGHED, STROLLED OUTSIDE UNDER THE MOON, AND THOUGH AGAINST MY BETTER JUDGEMENT, ENDED UP IN HIS APARTMENT BUT DID NOT SLEEP WITH HIM OUT OF RESPECT AND DIGNITY FOR MYSELF, HUBBY AND ESP. MY DAUGHTER. SO WE JUST HUNG OUT TOGETHER TILL I EVENTUALLY LEFT AT 5 IN THE MORNING. I FOUND OUT HE'S 27 AND I JUST TURNED 34 THIS MTH. WE ARE BOTH CAPRICORNS W/SIMILAR QUALITIES...I FELT IMMEDIATE CHEMISTRY WITH HIM!!!

 

UP TILL THIS POINT, WITH THE EMAILS, PHONECALLS AND OUR EVENING TOGETHER, I GOT NOTHING BUT GOOD VIBES FROM HIM, AND I WAS REALLY FALLING FOR HIM. I LOVED THE FACT THAT HE RESPECTED ME AND MY CONCERNS FOR MY MARRIAGE AND DID NOT PRESSURE ME ONCE WHEN ALONE WITH HIM AT HIS PLACE BUT CONTINUED TO BE SO SWEET AND GENTLE WITH ME, I FELT SO WARM AND SPECIAL INSIDE!

 

SO THE NEXT DAY, I CALLED HIM TO SEE HOW HE'S DOING AND HE WAS SHORT BUT SWEET TO ME ON THE PHONE. HE KIND WAS RUSHING OFF SAYING HE HAD THINGS TO DO ALL DAY, EVEN THOUGH I WAS JUST CALLING TO HEAR HIS VOICE, NOT TRYING TO HOOK UP AGAIN, SO THEN HE SAID HE'D CALL ME LATER AND RUSHED OFF THE PHONE, BUT NOT BEFORE GIVING ME HIS PERSONAL EMAIL ADDRESS AND ASKED ME TO REPEAT IT BACK TO HIM TO MAKE SURE I GOT IT CORRECT!

 

SO I THOUGHT NOTHING OF IT OTHER THAN HE WAS BUSY...SO THEN LATER THAT DAY, I SENT HIM AN ECARD WITH THE MESSG. "I MISS U ALREADY" THANKING HIM FOR THE TIME WE SPENT TOGETHER THE EVENING PRIOR AND HOW HE MAKES ME FEEL WARM AND SPECIAL INSIDE. LATER ON, I ALSO TEXT MSSG HIM A QUICK " I MISS U" NO REPLY BACK...

 

THEN I GO ABOUT MY DAY, TRYING TO FOCUS ON WHAT I HAVE TO DO. BUT ALL THE WHILE, HE'S LAYING HEAVILY ON MY MIND AND THE DILEMMA I'VE PLACED MYSELF IN WHILE YET BEING MARRIED BUT ALL I CAN THINK ABOUT IS HIM!!!

 

ABOUT 5-6 HRS GO BY AND I FINALLY GET A CALL FROM HIM AND HE ASKS ME HOW I'M DOING AND I TELL HIM I'M DOING BETTER NOW THAT I HEAR HIS VOICE! HE SKIPS RIGHT OVER WHAT I SAID, AND JUMPS RIGHT INTO ASKING IF I SENT HIM AN EMAIL YET TO HIS PERSONAL EMAIL ADDRESS CUZ HE DOESN'T SEE IT...I TOLD HIM I HAVEN'T YET, THEN HE TELLS ME OK, AND RUSHES OFF THE PHONE AGAIN WITHOUT ANYTHING ELSE TO SAY OTHER THAT "I'LL HIT U BACK" ( HE'LL CALL ME AGAIN)

 

BUT THE REST OF THE DAY AND EVENING GOES BY AND I DON'T HEAR FROM HIM!!!! SO NOW I'M STARTING TO GET A LITTLE CONCERNED AND CONFUSED. HIS ACTIONS ARE STARTING TO BE A COMPLETE OPPOSITE OF WHAT HE SHOWED ME WHEN WE WERE TOGETHER THE NITE BEFORE. BUT I TRY TO PUSH THAT IN THE BACK OF MY MIND AND JUST TELL MYSELF I'M READING TOO MUCH INTO IT...

 

SO THEN LATER THAT EVENING, I GO ONLINE AND SEND HIM THE EMAIL HE WAS INQUIRING ABOUT EARLIER AND AGAIN LET HIM KNOW THAT I'VE BEEN THINKING OF HIM ALL DAY SINCE WE WERE TOGETHER LAST AND THAT I LOVE SPENDING TIME WITH HIM AND HOPE WE CAN DO IT AGAIN SOON, WHENEVER HE'S READY, HE KNOWS MY #.

 

FINALLY, LATER THAT EVENING I GOT A RESPONSE BACK FROM THE ECARD WEBSITE SAYING HE PICKED UP MY CARD BUT I GOT NO REPLY IN RETURN BUT HE DID RESPOND TO MY EMAIL AT 2 AM AND HE WAS SO IMPERSONAL IN HIS REPLY LIKE HE WAS CHATTING WITH A FRIEND..WHAT?!? HE WAS BASICALLY LIKE," THANKS FOR TAKING THE TIME TO WRITE ME...I AM UP AND DON'T FEEL LIKE SLEEPING. HOPE U ARE HAVING A NICE WEEKEND...GOD BLESS AND TAKE CARE OF U AND YOUR FAMILY" HUH?!?!?! :eek:

 

SO NOW I'M REALLY CONFUSED AT THIS POINT SO I EMAIL HIM BACK AND ASK HIM WHY HE REPLIED THAT WAY. I THOUGHT TO MYSELF, HE DIDN'T EVEN ACKNOWLEDGE MY COMMENT ABOUT ME THINKING OF HIM AND HOW I'D LIKE TO GET TOGETHER AGAIN SOON...BUT TRYING TO KEEP IT COOL,I ASK HIM WHERE HE STANDS WITH PROBING QUESTIONS LIKE, "DID YOU FEEL THE SAME SPARKS BETWEEN US LIKE I DID? DO U THINK OF ME TOO?" U KNOW, THINGS LIKE THAT. THEN I TELL HIM THAT I WANT TO TAKE HIS ADVICE HE GAVE ME WHEN WE WERE TOGETHER ABOUT JUST LETTING THINGS FLOW AND NOT TRYING TO FIGHT WHAT WE'RE FEELING BUT AM AFRAID TO DO SO IF HE'S NOT ON THE SAME WAVELENGTH AS ME. SO THEN I ASK IF HE CAN AT LEAST TELL ME WHERE HE STANDS. NEEDLESS TO SAY, I GET NO RESPONSE BACK. ALONG WITH ANOTHER EVENING WITH NO CALL.

 

SO THE NEXT DAY AT WORK, I TELL MYSELF NOT TO RUN BEHIND HIM AND TO TRY TO PLAY IT COOL AND THEN WE RUN INTO EACH OTHER WHILE HE'S GETTING ON THE ELEVATOR AND I ASK HIM "WHAT'S GOING ON, I DIDN'T GET TO HEAR FROM YOU LAST NIGHT" AND THEN HE PULLS ME IN THE ELEVATOR WITH HIM AND WE GO TO THE BREAKROOM TO TALK. THE FIRST THING I ASK HIM IS IF HE ENJOYED OUR TIME TOGETHER AND HE SAYS YES, IT WAS SWEET. THEN HE ASKS ME WHAT HAPPENED THE NIGHT I CAME HOME TO HUBBY FROM HIS PLACE...I TOLD HIM I CONFESSED EVERYTHING AND EVEN NAMED HIM TO HUBBY CUZ HE ASKED ME HIS NAME...AFTERTHAT, I TRY TO GET HIM TO OPEN UP A LITTLE AND HE BASICALLY GRINS AND SAYS THIS IS HIS FIRST EXPERIENCE IN A SITUATION LIKE THIS (W/A MARRIED WOMAN) AND HE'S JUST TRYING TO KEEP COOL AND SEE HOW TO TAKE THINGS AS THEY COME ,SOMETHING TO THAT EFFECT.

 

SO I WAS UNDERSTANDING BUT I DID ASK HIM IF HE THINKS OF ME,AND AT FIRST HE WAS LIKE "I DID, THATS WHY I CALLED YOU THE NEXT DAY" AND THEN I WAS LIKE, "WELL I MEAN IN GENERAL, WHEN WE'RE APART, DO U THINK OF ME" TRYING TO FIGURE OUT IF WE'RE BOTH ON THE SAME PAGE ABOUT US, AND FINALLY HE GRINNED, AND WAS LIKE "YES"

 

SO THAT WAS THAT AND HE ASKS ME WHAT TIME WAS MY LUNCH...WE AGREE TO MEET FOR LUNCH AT 1:00 AND IN PRIOR TIMES, WHEN WE MADE LUNCH PLANS, HE'D EMAIL ME WHEN IT GETS CLOSE TO THE TIME OR CALLS MY EXT. TO SEE IF I'M READY TO GO, BUT ON THIS DAY, EVEN THOUGH HE SAID HE'D LIKE ME TO JOIN HIM FOR LUNCH, 1:00 COMES AND GOES AND I DON'T HEAR FROM HIM! AND OF COURSE, I DON'T WANT TO LOOK LIKE THE DESPERATE ONE GOING TO HIS DESK TO CHECK IF HE'S READY, I FIGURED AT THIS POINT, HE CAN SHOW ME THAT HE REALLY WANTS ME THERE SO I CAN DECIPHER THRU HIS MIXED SIGNALS!!!

 

WELL NEEDLESS TO SAY, AT ABOUT 20 MIN AFTER 1 I FINALLY GET UP AND HEAD OUT TO LUNCH BY MYSELF AND WHEN I GOT TO THE BREAK ROOM, THERE HE WAS, ALREADY SITTING DOWN EATING HIS LUNCH!!!SO ON THE WAY OUT, I LOOKED AT HIM AND WAS LIKE "WHY DIDN'T U GET ME?" AND HE MOTIONED FOR ME TO COME SIT WITH HIM AND I TOLD HIM I COULDN'T CUZ I HAVE TO GO BUY MY FOOD. SO WHEN I CAME BACK, HE WAS STILL IN THE BREAKROOM, BUT I JUST WALKED RIGHT THRU AND OUT THE DOOR TO GO BACK UP TO MY DEPT AND EAT THERE.

 

SO AT THIS POINT, I AM REALLY UPSET, THINKING WHY DID HE DO THIS? IS STANDING ME UP FOR LUNCH HIS WAY OF TELLING ME THAT HE DOESN'T WANT THIS ANYMORE? I MEAN, WE JUST SPENT ONE BRIEF EVENING TOGETHER! WHY IS HE BEHAVING LIKE THIS?

 

WELL, I'M SITTING THERE TRYING TO MAKE SENSE OF IT ALL AND HERE HE COMES AND APPROACHES ME AND NONCHALANTLY SAYS "HOW U'RE DOING?" SO I LOOKED AT HIM AND ASKED HIM HOW CAN HE TALK TO ME LIKE IF NOTHING HAPPENED(HE JUST STOOD ME UP!)...IS THIS A GAME TO HIM? SO HE JUST SITS THERE AND BEGINS TO MAKE UP SOME EXCUSE TELLING ME HE THOUGHT WE WERE GOING TO MEET IN THE BREAKROOM SO I ASKED HIM WHY DIDN'T HE JUST EMAIL ME WHEN HE WAS READY TO GO LIKE HE'S DONE BEFORE? AND I ASKED HIM "IS THIS YOUR WAY OF TRYING TO TELL ME U WANT ME TO LEAVE U ALONE?" SO HE JUST GOT UP AND TOLD ME "LATER" AND I SAID, "WELL IS IT?" AND HE JUST KEEPS GOING BACK TO HIS DESK.

 

WHEN I GOT BACK TO MINE, THAT'S WHEN I GOT HIS BOMBSHELL EMAIL WITH THE WORD "SORRY" IN THE SUBJECT. SAYING HE WAS SORRY ABOUT THE MISUNDERSTANDING BUT THAT HE DOESN'T FEEL COMFORTABLE WITH SEEING SOMEONE FROM WORK AND THAT I TRIED TO START A DISPUTE WHERE PEOPLE CAN HEAR IT AND IT WILL SPREAD AND THEN HE WILL LOOK BAD....AND THAT HE'S SORRY, HE CAN'T DO THIS BUT THAT WE CAN GO BACK TO FRIENDS AND SAYING HELLO LIKE BEFORE:o

 

SO I WAS LIKE "WHAT!" I EMAILED HIM BACK AND TOLD HIM HE'S GONNA SEND ME MIXED SIGNALS AND THEN DROPP ME JUST LIKE THAT? AND TOLD HIM I LET HIM MAKE A FOOL OF ME... THEN I CALLED HIM ON HIS EXT. AND TOLD HIM I WANTED TO HEAR HIM TELL ME HE DOESN'T WANT THIS ANYMORE...HE WOULDN'T DO IT, HE JUST SUCKED HIS TEETH AND SAID HE'LL CALL ME AFTER WORK. I WAS SAD AND HURT THE REST OF THAT DAY. I HAD BEEN REACHING OUT TO HIM SINCE OUR EVENING TOGETHER AND PLACED MY FEELINGS ON THE LINE FOR HIM AND NOW THIS! I DIDN'T EVEN WANT TO GO HOME AFTER WORK, I WAS SO TORN UP AND CONFUSED, SO I ENDED UP GOING TO A BAR AND SAT THERE HURT AND CONFUSED, CRYING, AND GOT DRUNK. I FINALLY CALLED HIM AT 530 PM TO SEE IF HE CAN COME MEET ME THERE BUT HE WOULDN'T ANSWER HIS CELL!

 

SO I SAT THERE LONGER AND DRANK SOME MORE. THEN UNDER THE INFLUENCE OF THE ALCHOHOL, I STARTED TO BLOW UP HIS PHONE, LEAVING NUMEROUS V'MS AND STILL NO CALL BACK. SO NEEDLESS TO SAY, I GOT MYSELF BACK TO SOMEWHAT BEING SOBER AND FINALLY LEFT TO GO TO HIS PLACE. BUT COULDN'T FIND WHERE IT WAS SO I PARKED AT A CVS PHARMACY AND CALLED HIM, GOT HIS V.M AND LEFT A MSSG ASKING IF HE CAN PLEASE COME MEET ME CUZ I DON'T KNOW HOW TO GET TO HIS PLACE. I SIT THERE IN THE PARKING LOT, DAZED AND CONFUSED. WHY IS HE DOING THIS TO ME? AFTER ALL HIS POSITIVE VIBES AND OUR EVENING TOGETHER, WHY DID HE SWITCH OUT ON ME LIKE THIS? WELL I ENDED UP SITTING THERE TILL ABOUT 12 MIDNIGHT AND AT ONE POINT I GOT HIM ON THE PHONE AND HE SAID HE WASN'T HOME YET AND AT HIS DAD'S HOUSE SO I TOLD HIM I'D HANG OUT AND WAIT. WELL I WAITED AND WAITED AND CALLED WHEN AN HOUR WOULD GO BY TO LET HIM KNOW I WAS STILL WAITING . AND THEN FINALLY AT 12 MIDNIGHT I GOT HIM ON THE PHONE AGAIN AND THATS WHEN HE FINALLY OPENED UP.

 

HE PROCEEDED TO SAY HOW UPSET HE WAS CUZ HE FELT I WAS SPEAKING A LITTLE TOO LOUD AT WORK WHEN I GOT UPSET AND HE DIDN'T WANT PEOPLE KNOWING HIS BUSINESS, THAT HE'S VERY PRIVATE...ALSO, THAT HIS MOM WAS MEAN TO HIM AND WOULD HIT HIM ALL THE TIME WHEN HE WAS YOUNG AND HE'S NOT ALLOWING ANY WOMAN BE MEAN TO HIM AGAIN....HE ALSO MENTIONED HOW HE USED TO BE IN THE ARMY AND WORKED AT A VA HSPTL AND WAS USED TO BEING FIRM WHEN SPEAKING WITH SOMEONE....AND THAT WHAT IF MY HUSBAND TRIES TO HUNT HIM DOWN AT WORK SINCE I TOLD HIM HIS NAME, HE DOESN'T WANT ANY TROUBLES...AND THAT HE DOESN'T WANT TO BE THE ONE TO BREAK UP A MARRIAGE...A FAMILY...THAT I'M IN...SO ON AND SO FORTH...I REMINDED HIM THAT MY MARRIAGE AT THIS POINT IS HELD TOGETHER FOR MY DAUGHTER'S SAKE, BUT THAT THE LOVE HAS GONE...AND THAT HE DOESN'T HAVE TO BE CONCERNED ABOUT THAT RIGHT NOW; IF WE CAN JUST TAKE IT ONE STEP AT A TIME-I'M NOT ASKING FOR A COMMITMENT, JUST TO SEE HIM FROM TIME TO TIME CUZ I LOVE SPENDING TIME WITH HIM AND LET NATURE TAKES ITS COURSE FROM THERE. THEN I TOLD HIM I WAS SORRY ABOUT MY REACTION EARLIER @ WORK BUT THAT I WAS JUST UPSET... THAT I DON'T WANT HIM TO JUDGE ME ON THIS ONE MISTAKE ALONE AND MESS IT UP FOR US...HE JUST SAID HE COULD FORGIVE ME BUT NOT CHANGE HIS MIND ABOUT HIS DECISION...AND THAT WAS THAT...

 

WE GOT OFF THE PHONE AND I WAS SAD AGAIN ON THE WAY HOME...BUT WHILE GETTING INTO BED, HE TEXT MSSGD MY PHONE WITH "HAPPY BIRTHDAY, MOMMIE" AND I FELT A LITTLE BETTER AFTER THAT. THE NEXT DAY AT WORK, I EMAILED HIM AND TOLD HIM THE BEST BIRTHDAY PRESENT HE COULD GIVE ME WAS IF I COULD PLEASE SEE HIM AFTERWORK FOR ABOUT AN HOUR, A COUPLE DRINKS AND SOME CONVERSATION, THATS ALL. I TOLD HIM HE MADE IT VERY CLEAR TO ME LAST NIGHT ON THE PHONE WHERE HE STOOD BUT IF HE COULD MAKE AN EXCEPTION THIS ONCE SINCE IT WAS MY BIRTHDAY AND THAT AFTERWARDS, I PROMISED TO NOT BOTHER HIM AGAIN. HE EMAILED ME BACK SAYING "I SEE YOUR POINT BUT I HAVE SCHOOL AFTER WORK. HAVE A GOOD DAY" AND THAT WAS IT:o

 

SO AGAIN, I'M SAD AND CONFUSED THE REST OF THE DAY. HE DOESN'T EMAIL ME ANYMORE AND NEITHER DID I. THE NIGHT BEFORE, I HAD SENT HIM ANOTHER ECARD AFTER WE GOT OFF THE PHONE, TELLING HIM AGAIN THAT I WAS SORRY AND THAT I WILL GIVE HIM HIS SPACE CUZ I DIDN'T WANT TO CROWD HIM BUT THAT I AM HUMBLY ASKING IF HE COULD FORGIVE AND FORGET AND RECONSDER HIS DECISION. I GOT A RESPONSE BACK FROM THE SITE SAYING HE PICKED UP THE CARD BUT HE DID NOT SEND A REPLY. THAT WAS 3 DAYS AGO.

 

SINCE THEN, I HAVE NOT CALLED HIM, EMAILED HIM...I'VE KEPT MY PHONE TURNED OFF AS WELL, ONLY CUZ IT HURTS TOO MUCH WHEN I GET A CALL AND ITS NOT HIM ON THE CALLER ID. I FEEL SO BAD AT THAT POINT, I DON'T EVEN WANT TO TAKE THE CALL! SO I JUST KEEP IT TURNED OFF TO AVOID BEING DISSAPOINTED. HOW COULD I LET MYSELF GET SO DEEP INTO HIM LIKE THIS? I THOUGHT I WAS GOING TO HAVE TO MAKE A DECISION ON THE BEST WAY TO HANDLE THIS WHILE STILL BEING MARRIED, AND IT TURNS OUT HE MADE THE DECISION FOR ME BUT I DON'T WANT TO LET HIM GO!!! ITS BEEN 3 DAYS & I'VE HAD NO CONTACT WITH HIM SINCE...I'M HOPING SOMEHOW, BY ME NOT CONTACTING HIM, HE WILL START TO MULL THINGS OVER AND RECONSIDER HIS DECISION WITH ME...AT WORK, I TAKE LUNCH AN HOUR BEFORE HE DOES, GO TO ANOTHER PART OF THE BUILDING FOR MY BREAKS, AND EVEN CHANGED THE DEFAULT PRINTER ON MY COMPUTER TO ANOTHER AREA TO AVOID RUNNING IN TO HIM! BUT STILL, SINCE THEN, HE'S SEEN ME A COUPLE TIMES AND EACH TIME MAKES IT A POINT TO TAP ME TO GET MY ATTENTION-WAVES A QUICK HI AND KEEPS ON GOING. TODAY, HE WAS BY THE PRINTER AT THE WALL AND I STOOD UP TO LOOK FOR MY COWORKER AND WHEN I TURNED IN THAT DIRECTION, THERE HE WAS, AND HE WAS LOOKING AT ME THRU THE BIG OPENING IN THE WALL. OUR EYES MET VERY BRIEFLY, AT THAT SECOND MY HEART STARTED TO THUMP AND RACE AND THEN I QUICKLY PULLED MY GAZE AWAY AND SAT BACK DOWN. HE LOOKS AT ME, TRIES TO GET MY ATTENTION WHEN HE RUNS IN TO ME...

 

WHY IS HE DOING THIS AND WHAT DOES IT ALL MEAN? DID HE STAND ME UP FOR LUNCH ON PURPOSE TO EVOKE A NEG REACTION FROM ME SO HE COULD HAVE A REASON TO CUT TIES W/ME? AT TIMES I THINK THIS IS WHAT HE WANTED BUT DIDN'T WANT TO HURT ME SO HE NEEDED TO FIND A REASON FOR DOING IT... I WONDER EVERY DAY IF HE EVEN LIKED ME THE WAY THAT I DID OR WAS HE JUST RUNNING GAMES, NOT REALIZING I'D TAKE HIM SERIOUSLY... I'M SO HURT NOW, AND EVERY DAY THAT GOES BACK THAT I DON'T GET TO BE WITH HIM OR HEAR HIS VOICE, I GO CRAZY MORE AND MORE. AND WHATS WORSE, I HAVE TO CONTEND WITH HAVING TO TRY TO AVOID HIM AT WORK CUZ IT HURTS SO BAD SEEING HIM AND I WANT TO JUST GO RUN AND GRAB HIM!!! SORRY SOOOOOO LONG, BUT I'M JUST SO HURT AND CONFUSED...WHY DO MEN DO THIS? DID I DO SOMETHING WRONG? THE MORE I THINK OF HIM, THE MORE I WANT OUT OF MY MARRIAGE AND BE WITH HIM INSTEAD...I KNOW ITS NOT THE NICEST THING TO SAY BUT ITS HOW I FEEL...WILL HE STAY AWAY FOR GOOD? AND SHOULD I JUST GIVE HIM UP??? I REALLY DON'T KNOW ANYMORE, AT THIS POINT.

[whichwayisup]

Bottomline - You are married with a daughter. Sounds like he wised up and decided he didn't want to be "someone on the side" and he changed his mind. Good for him because you two having an affair is just going to hurt SO MANY innocent people. Your husband, your daughter, you and him. It's a stupid choice to have an affair.

 

In all honesty, it doesn't matter why he ended it, you're a married woman and that is the answer which should make sense to you most.

 

The way you're reacting - Confused, hurt, IMAGINE the feelings your husband is going to feel if he finds out you want another man. Magnify it 1000x.

 

Give up on the MM, fix your marriage.

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t109636/

 

Read my other reply to you on the other thread..

[IslandGirl73]

I Was Afraid Of This Answer But In All Honesty I Can See Your Point...also, I Feel That Maybe Some Of My Actions May Have Scared Him Away As Well...

[guin_girl]

He's also a new employee, the last thing he wants to do is put his job in jeopardy. You are married, I'm sure everyone knows this at work, he doesn't want to be known as the home wrecker. Honestly, I think it's smart on his part to know when to get out before it goes too far. It protects him as well as you.

And yes, you came on awfully strong for someone within 5 days of your original post... you came at him in overdrive.

Let him go and work on your marriage or let your husband go... you need to make that decision without any outside interference.

[pureinheart]

Personally I think he's playing games....I've seen people like this before, and this is the type of person I never want in my life, it is disgusting....

 

He gets off on you chasing him and falling for him only to tell you he's not interested in millions of excuses....then you back off and the games start again...I can guarantee you he will do this continually....it makes no difference to him whether you are married or not....it's simply a game to him

[MoonGirl]

You didn't say anything about your husband or your marriage in this thread. If you're not happy in your marriage (which it sounds like you're not if you're out looking for an OM) and your hubby is generally a good guy, maybe some counseling could help? Think of how cheating will hurt your husband and your child. If you think that you cannot save your marriage, get a divorce and then do the things you want to do. I am a MW with an OM (emotional affair), which I think is wrong. I did not go looking for an OM nor did I want one...mine is an old flame of mine that never died...and, at best, it is ALWAYS confusing and never fulfilling enough. In my case, however, my marriage is not savable. H is very abusive; we live on different floors of the house and have not been intimate in over 2 years. That is no real excuse, but I just want to point out to you that even with a horrible marriage, having an affair is not a fulfilling way to live life. It is confusing and not right. I am finally trying to leave my marriage - something I should have done the first time my H told me he wished I would die a slow painful death and certainly after the first time he hit me. If your husband is a nice man, he doesn't deserve the disrespect you are giving him. Think about all of the great things you have and don't screw up your life, your husband's life, and your daughter's life for something that will only bring you heartache. It's not worth it.

[frannie]

I don't really see that you've been made a fool of exactly. From what I can work out from your messages you've been chatting to this man for a couple of weeks, feel that you're 'in love' with him, have confessed spending time with him to your husband, and given his name. I don't really understand why you have done that, because it's putting this OM in a really bad position. He's new at work, everyone knows you're married, you're not being very discrete. Almost seems like you're making him a target for your husband's anger too... a way of getting back at your husband for his affair?

 

It's no wonder this OM has told you he doesn't want to get further involved. That's leaving aside the fact that after just a few weeks of acquaintance you're sitting on car parks calling him in the small hours, blowing up his phone... eek. No wonder he's distancing himself.

 

It seems like you've dived into this feet first really really fast for some reason and you're not seeing things clearly (just my perspective). This OM might be giving somewhat mixed signals, but on the whole he's saying 'no' to being in an affair situation with you. This isn't an ordinary dating scenario where he's blowing hot and cold for no good reason... the reasons for his actions (imho) are that though he might like you, he's concerned with your behaviour, with you being married, with the possibility of your H coming after him, with repercussions at work!

 

What do you do..? Well I think you need to back right off from him and sort out your life. Ask yourself why you're throwing yourself into this so quickly, why you can't take 'no thanks' (no matter how 'mixed' the message) for an answer. Ask yourself why a small rebuff lands you in the bar and calling someone's phone all evening when you barely know him. It all sounds bad, and sad and upsetting and it doesn't sound like you're in any state to start a relationship with someone new, even IF it wasn't an affair. You sound very unhappy... and starting something with an OM isn't the answer (jmho).

[IslandGirl73]

thanks so much for the input...it definitely gives me a reality check and seeing this from another perspective. yes, my husband's been trying really hard in his own ways since he found out about this potential other man. he tells me he doesn't want me to look to another man for what i need...but in the state of mind i'm in and being hurt by the om like this, i haven't really been in the best moods to be receptive to my hubby's gestures of kindness...i feel like i will be stuck in this limbo for who knows how long and at the end of it all, my heart still yearns for HIM (om) i hate it too, cuz i don't want to be selfish like this and i owe it to my marriage and child to at least try...but what if its too late and i never stop thinking of the OM? oh god, what have i done...

[Blue Phoenix]

--"I'VE KEPT MY PHONE TURNED OFF AS WELL, ONLY CUZ IT HURTS TOO MUCH WHEN I GET A CALL AND ITS NOT HIM ON THE CALLER ID. I FEEL SO BAD AT THAT POINT, I DON'T EVEN WANT TO TAKE THE CALL! SO I JUST KEEP IT TURNED OFF TO AVOID BEING DISSAPOINTED"-- Wow just wow I usualy try to avoid this section of these bords but I some how got myself roped into reading this post. And I have to say I am just realy taken with how much you became attached to this man that quickly. Are you sure nothing more happned between you to then just hangeing out one night??? So you only went out on one date with him?? Not trying to say ya lieing or nothing but wow. Its kinda like infactuation from what your describing that in its self may have been a turn off for him. Any ways I def agree with the op let it go and consentrate on your marrage. If your going to stay toghter for your dauter then she derserves her parents to make a real effort to try and fix things. And if it realy cant be fixed at this point then call it quits compleatly. Yea divorce is hard on kids but belive me liveing in a broken home is even harder. Just imagen if you took all the energy your spending on this other man and put it to use trying to salvage your marrage just a thought..

[stillafool]

He's 27 and unmarried....why would he want to get involved with a 34 year old married woman with a child? It sounds like he lost respect for you pretty quick. If I were you I would try to learn from this, hope my husband would forgive me for being so foolish, go to marriage counseling and stop chasing this guy. Gosh, you must be so embarassed!

[frannie]

Gosh, you must be so embarassed!

 

So would I be with spelling like that...

[stillafool]

Wow frannie I guess you have never made a typo before. Sorry I left the extra "r" out of "embarrassed". I bet you could barely understand what I was saying.

[puddleofmud]

From all of the men that I have known, that being friends, BF, husbands, and even gay men seeking gay partners--none are fond of women being so...shall we say.. excitable. Most seem to like the more "illusive, mysterious" woman as opposed to the "in your face" woman.

The tend to like a "wink" and a sexy smile not a loud boistering lady. They also like a challenge--where a woman is confident and not all about "where are you, why aren't you with me, why don't you want me?, etc."

Seeing how patient and kind he was about that should tell you something about the man his is and what he appreciates.

He may be one who has no taste for the type of behavior you have presented.

Calm down and stop chasing the poor guy. Let him chase you should you be what he wants--if not, all your very huge amount of... "energy" is wasted.

BTW: just because one has had sex with someone does not give them the right to upset their ex or not so ex sexual partner's life.

[InaPanic]

I think your OM might be my ex-OM. Seriously...he's 27 & goes after a married woman w/kids in her 30's. Reels her in & then backs off. Claims that 'you are my first married woman' (in reality i was #3). Sounds very familiar. What state are you in. I think it could be him. It's his M.O.

[Guest]

For what it's worth. I was in a similar position last year. The OM helped me, (Part of his job,) but we got friendly. We only hugged twice, but there was an attraction between us. I was falling for the guy big style! I thought about him day and night, I contacted him maybe once a fortnight, to ask advice but it felt good to hear him, and vice versa.

 

The first hug meant nothing to me, and he continued to see me and play with my emotions, but the second hug I gave into and wanted it.

 

Things then took a U-turn, he refused to speak with me and I could not understand it. I confronted him and said, 'Why has a nice, kind guy turned so horrid!' He would not answer me and, looked at me as if I was mad!

 

I believe he is a charmer, and once he got a reaction, boom!

 

It hurts like hell to let go, because of the way they play it, you think they will come back, but they won't. I'm 7 months after the boom, and it still plays on my mind.

 

Keep yourself busy, when your thinking of him - quick think to your DH, things will come back into place and you will think, 'He's not worth it and, why did I bother.' You will be ok, I'm living proof!

 

These type of people are insecure themselves and think it's hilarious to do this to other people. They will take the fall in the end, and you will come out strong!

 

Keep smiling

[herenow]

These type of people are insecure themselves and think it's hilarious to do this to other people. They will take the fall in the end, and you will come out strong!

Keep smiling

 

How is it that this guy is to blame for any of this MARRIED WOMAN'S feelings? It seems very clear that she is the one pursuing him. He may have had a temporary lapse in judgment when he let a MARRIED WOMAN into his apartment, but he soon realized that what he did was wrong and stopped it. She is the one who can't let go. She waits for him until midnight and calls him continuously. Can you say stalker?

 

Many OW on this board have said that they can't help who they fall in love with. Well, if this SINGLE MAN was attracted at all to this MW, he obviously is able to deny himself any involvement with her, because he knows it's wrong.

I have nothing but admiration for someone who makes the choice to not hurt others by giving in to selfishness. He is not married and she should leave him alone. He has been honest with her about his morals and how he feels about seeing a MARRIED WOMAN. What's wrong with that?

[BenThereDunThat]

It's all moot now anyway. The OM complained about her at work and they fired her.

 

Which I still don't get. My exMM is inappropriate ALL over the place, has been complained about (not by me!), and his dumb a** is still here...

[herenow]

It's all moot now anyway. The OM complained about her at work and they fired her.

 

Which I still don't get. My exMM is inappropriate ALL over the place, has been complained about (not by me!), and his dumb a** is still here...

 

Seriously, she got fired. How do you know that?

[BenThereDunThat]

Seriously, she got fired. How do you know that?

 

Yup. She posted it on Infidelity. It's called "Paid The Ultimate" or something like that.

[herenow]

Yup. She posted it on Infidelity. It's called "Paid The Ultimate" or something like that.

 

I guess that's proof that he really didn't want to have anything to do with her. There are no mixed signals there.

 

More important, how are you BTDT?

[BenThereDunThat]

I guess that's proof that he really didn't want to have anything to do with her. There are no mixed signals there.

 

More important, how are you BTDT?

 

That whole story was so weird! I hate for anyone to lose their job, but that was probably the best thing that could have happened to her.

 

I'm pretty groovy, thanks for askin'! Nothing exciting going on, which is a good thing these days. My life is nice and boring right now.

 

How are you?

[herenow]

That whole story was so weird! I hate for anyone to lose their job, but that was probably the best thing that could have happened to her.

 

I'm pretty groovy, thanks for askin'! Nothing exciting going on, which is a good thing these days. My life is nice and boring right now.

 

How are you?

 

I haven't been spending much time on LS lately, which for me has been a good thing. It has been a year since I found out about the OW and I think I've turned the corner. Things are going great with my marriage. We have cut back on MC since we seem to have figured it out. I will never take my husband for granted again and he has learned to be more open with his feelings. He is once again, the happy and loving man I fell in love with.

 

With all the talk on LS about the OW sending letters to the wife, maybe I should send a letter to the OW thanking her because, since my H's affair, my marriage is stronger than ever.

[BenThereDunThat]

I haven't been spending much time on LS lately, which for me has been a good thing. It has been a year since I found out about the OW and I think I've turned the corner. Things are going great with my marriage. We have cut back on MC since we seem to have figured it out. I will never take my husband for granted again and he has learned to be more open with his feelings. He is once again, the happy and loving man I fell in love with.

 

With all the talk on LS about the OW sending letters to the wife, maybe I should send a letter to the OW thanking her because, since my H's affair, my marriage is stronger than ever.

 

That's awesome - good for you!

 

That happened to a friend of mine too, except she was the one who strayed. She confessed all, they both made some major changes, they are still in counseling.

 

They've fallen in love with each other all over again and are a very happy, solid couple.

[herenow]

That's awesome - good for you!

 

That happened to a friend of mine too, except she was the one who strayed. She confessed all, they both made some major changes, they are still in counseling.

 

They've fallen in love with each other all over again and are a very happy, solid couple.

 

I'm glad to hear that you are doing better as well, you deserve all the happiness in the world.

[BenThereDunThat]

I'm glad to hear that you are doing better as well, you deserve all the happiness in the world.

 

Thanks, HN!