justconfused28 Posted January 18, 2007 Share Posted January 18, 2007 I've been in a LDR for over a year now. Recently, I've been telling my gf that I would indeed move to her sometime around the summer of this year. However due to slips at my project at work, I dont think I could leave there in the summer.... more like the fall. Anyway, I have an opportunity to leave now, which I was ill-prepared for. She is very gung-ho about this idea, but I'm concerned. I agreed to an interview for a position that would work out well for me, but would mean moving in the next month. Unfortunately there is a slim chance I could find this job in the summer. Before the interview we discussed living together for a couple months until my lease here ends, then I'd get my own apartment. But she started to get excited about us just staying together. At first this made the most sense..... why would I want to leave after being there a few months? But then I started to get cold feet. We had an argument over my flipfloping on living in my own apartment. Since then I've had the interview, it went well, but I've had this AWFUL feeling in my heart the last two days. Now I'm doubting my feelings for her, my ability to do this move, and its not dissipating. Is this normal, doubting your affections when you arent ready for a move like this? I dont want to hurt her again by pulling the move off the table unless I absolutely need to. HELP! Link to post Share on other sites
BabyPhoenix Posted January 21, 2007 Share Posted January 21, 2007 Now I'm doubting my feelings for her, my ability to do this move, and its not dissipating. Is this normal, doubting your affections when you arent ready for a move like this? I dont want to hurt her again by pulling the move off the table unless I absolutely need to. HELP! It could be that the suddenness of the situation is causing the cold feet, not necessarily your affection (or lack there-of) for her. Think about it: all these things are brand new – moving to a new city, a new job, a new apartment – all out of the blue and within the span of a month. Moving to a new city and starting a new job within a month is a lot for anyone to digest. Now add to that a brand new live-in relationship – that is a lot of stress for the strongest of constitutions. However, I don’t necessarily think it is a bad thing. Instead of focusing on your fears and apprehensions, try to focus on the fundamental positives of the situation. For example, if you feel that this relationship is worth a try, go for it. Focus on your love for this woman. Also, a new job might be exciting and offer you countless new opportunities. And new cities also present fun new learning and experiential opportunities. Think things out logically, and focus on things from a practical perspective removed from your fears. That said, always listen to your gut. If it is still uneasy after a few days of focused deliberation, follow it. Link to post Share on other sites
norajane Posted January 21, 2007 Share Posted January 21, 2007 Have you ever lived in the same city with this girl? Did you know her prior to the LDR? How did you meet? How often do you see her? How well do you know each other? I can understand having a lot of issues about moving. Career is a big concern, but if you're not certain that you love her enough to change your whole life for her, it's better to wait. Would she consider moving to be near you? Would she change her whole life for you? How do you feel about that? Link to post Share on other sites
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