FireGlo Posted January 18, 2007 Posted January 18, 2007 Hi everyone...I'm new here and also new into a MM/MW relationship. I've been reading many posts from fellow LS's and it's helped me very much. My question is this or my dilemma....do many of you OW or MW ask about your MM's wife? I want to know about her, but don't even know how to start asking or what to ask. My curiosity is getting the better of me..but should I even broach this subject? Thanks in advance for any help.
frannie Posted January 18, 2007 Posted January 18, 2007 You want to know about her but don't know what to ask..? Why do you even want to know anything about her..? What kind of thing..? I mean, I do ask MM about his and his W's relationship and where he thinks it's gone wrong, and whether he thinks he could have fixed that and why he didn't.... but about his W personally, no. I've never asked anything, and what tiny bit I do know I really wish I didn't. I suppose that's mainly selfish, because it would be inevitable I'd start dwelling on our differences and similarities and I really don't want to do that.
LittleWingedOne Posted January 18, 2007 Posted January 18, 2007 I really don't ask much, besides if he's having trouble with her. I used to ask a little more. sometimes we'd be fooling around and i'd stop and keep telling him how i felt bad and couldn't do it.. now we've pretty much accepted the fact that we're morally corrupt in this situation and.. I just stopped asking. it hurts too much
noforgiveness Posted January 19, 2007 Posted January 19, 2007 well then it's only fair if the mm tells you all about the wife that he then tells the wife all about you.
stillafool Posted January 19, 2007 Posted January 19, 2007 Why do you want to know about her?????????? It's none of your business and if you really want to turn him off and hear a pack of lies, ask him about her. If I were you I would stay as far away from that subject as possible because if the two of you ever get caught you will surely find out more about her than you ever wanted to know!
bigblueeyes Posted January 19, 2007 Posted January 19, 2007 Don't go there. I did and am now too involved in their relationship. Also you risk hearing things, you really do not want to know
MustBeLove Posted January 19, 2007 Posted January 19, 2007 I understand what your feeling. I knew things because my MM and I were friends and Coworkers first. I know many things, that I thought I wanted to know and I wish I didn't. I would dwell about all of the things that I knew, and it was horrible. It would eat me up inside. It has taken me many months to get over all the the things I would dwell on. I feel better now. Now we don't talk about it. We have both learned that there are certain things that I or we get " weird" about, and we don't talk about them. It's a very hard situation. I'm the type to has to likes to know everything. I now know way to much about her. And it has ruined many things for me because when I see such things I know that's what she does or doesn't like...and so on.
Author FireGlo Posted January 19, 2007 Author Posted January 19, 2007 Thanks everyone....I think I'll keep my big mouth shut and not ask too many questions. Sometimes too much knowlege is not that great.
norajane Posted January 19, 2007 Posted January 19, 2007 I think there's really only one question you need to ask about his wife: is he leaving her? No other questions or answers matter.
puddleofmud Posted January 19, 2007 Posted January 19, 2007 What do YOU need and want from this R? You do have a right to express how you feel...perhaps you need to know how he feels about you vs. his marriage without any particular personal details about his wife. What kind of car she drives or what colour lipstick she wears has no bearing as to how YOU are being treated. If you need ask regarding his M and how how you are feeling about it--then simply ask! Best wishes to you! Hi everyone...I'm new here and also new into a MM/MW relationship. I've been reading many posts from fellow LS's and it's helped me very much. My question is this or my dilemma....do many of you OW or MW ask about your MM's wife? I want to know about her, but don't even know how to start asking or what to ask. My curiosity is getting the better of me..but should I even broach this subject? Thanks in advance for any help.
Je Ne Regrette Rien Posted January 20, 2007 Posted January 20, 2007 POM is right.,..don't get hung up on the inconsequential things. If you're asking him things to make a comparison upon yourself you're in for a whole load of heartache. I never asked about his wife - eventually I met her anyway when she confronted me at my workplace. To be honest, it made me feel guilty, I saw the pain in her eyes but was too loyal to my MM to tell her the answers she sought. I then asked questions, not directly about his W but about his relationship with his W. "When did you feel like it was starting to go wrong?", "How does she see your separation?" etc etc It brought a lot of pain to me, but it answered a lot of questions about my decision that I had to make - do I wait for MM through his separation until his divorce. I dont know, it probably sounds like a real contradiction to those BW's out there, but in my case, however painful, honesty was the best policy.
freakygal78 Posted January 20, 2007 Posted January 20, 2007 Aaah, you mean the nameless, faceless one? There is a good reason for that, it stops them from having to think about her while they're with you....I still know squat about what she was like....prolly best left that way than to find out she was a 6'4 blonde glam.... and me a quirky lil' oddball!
BurriedAlive Posted January 21, 2007 Posted January 21, 2007 The only thing I can say is Don't ask questions you don't want to know the answers to. I made the mistake of asking my MM how our A has affected his sex life with his W and he said it has improved it. Then, as if that wasn't enough, I had to ask how often they had sex and he said twice a week. That has eaten at me for months now. If only I had shut my big mouth!
Author FireGlo Posted January 21, 2007 Author Posted January 21, 2007 The only thing I can say is Don't ask questions you don't want to know the answers to. I made the mistake of asking my MM how our A has affected his sex life with his W and he said it has improved it. Then, as if that wasn't enough, I had to ask how often they had sex and he said twice a week. That has eaten at me for months now. If only I had shut my big mouth! Burried Alive, I'm sorry for your pain and I'm going to learn by it. I don't think I'll be asking that many questions at all. I don't even want to know her name, because then she becomes more of a person, if you get what I mean. It's bad enough what I'm doing to another woman....which makes me think twice at times.
BurriedAlive Posted January 21, 2007 Posted January 21, 2007 Thanks FG. Hopefully we can all learn from each others experiences. Then at least somehow there can be good that comes from our pain. Anyway, I find that when I stop and think of what I am going to W, it makes we want to stop. I work with MM and I have only met W twice. Part of me avoids her like the plague and the other part of me has this morbid curriosity about her. Sometimes I wonder if getting to know her and becoming her friend would help me stop wanting to have sex with her H. MM claims that we would really like each other. Somehow I think that getting to know her is the cure since I would NEVER have an A with a friend's H. That is a direct violation of the code. So, to remain detached from the situation and what you are doing, you are right, you probably don't even want to know her name! You know what they say - Curiosity killed the cat!
Arabess Posted January 22, 2007 Posted January 22, 2007 I think it's normal to love someone enough to want to know everything about them. If a man can't give you some definitive reason as to why he is sleeping with you...but yet staying married to someone else.....that kinda sucks. His married relationship is very important in determining if this particular love with you is justified or not. Maybe I'm a nosy prune....but GOD...I wanna know what is going on in the household I'm not a part of. I think if a guy loves me....he owes me that explanation. Ofcourse...chances are he will lie....but at least I'll get the benefit of a well thought out story.
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