Uncertain1983 Posted January 18, 2007 Posted January 18, 2007 Gosh, I could really use the help of you women that have been in my place. I posted my story a long time ago. And I know how awful it is, but here I am regardless and I feel like other women that also gone through this are the only ones that can understand. I started seeing my married boss about 1 year ago. We both felt this was horribly wrong, but fell madly in love like nothing either of us had experienced before, but there were many many complications. He tried to leave several times- once for just 3 days and after a fight, we called it quits. Then got right back together. Then 2 months go by and he leaves for real. He told his wife about me, but that it wasn't about me and he left. We started our lives together for real, but it was hard emotionally to deal with the guilt and stress of it all and then we had a blow up fight in which I did something truly crazy and he ended it. He could not forgive me and he wouldn't talk to me. About two weeks later, he said he was going back to his wife, she wanted him back...he said he didn't love her, but he couldn't forgive me. It was awful and now the really awful thing is...he wants me back. He realizes he acted too hastily and now wants to be with me again. That I am the love of his life and he wants to be with me. Do I do this again? Do I trust him? Will he leave? Am I completely delusional? I would appreciate any real help.
quankanne Posted January 18, 2007 Posted January 18, 2007 cut your losses. Now. Because someone who tells you he wants to be with you, not his wife and he leaves her for you ... then tells you he'd rather be with her because he cannot forgive you screams a very loud message: He may care for you, but he is truly not ready to be with you. at best, he's got divided loyalties between his wife and the extra woman; at worse, he's mindscrewing the both of you so that he can get what he wants. Either way, he's not really free to come to you until he gets out of his marriage and can legally, ethically and morally pursue another relationship. until then, you should really be strong and tell him no. He'll find reasons to waffle because you and his wife are allowing him to do so. Both of you deserve better than a man who can't commit to either of you. just my two cents ...
Je Ne Regrette Rien Posted January 18, 2007 Posted January 18, 2007 Gosh, I could really use the help of you women that have been in my place. I posted my story a long time ago. And I know how awful it is, but here I am regardless and I feel like other women that also gone through this are the only ones that can understand. I started seeing my married boss about 1 year ago. We both felt this was horribly wrong, but fell madly in love like nothing either of us had experienced before, but there were many many complications. He tried to leave several times- once for just 3 days and after a fight, we called it quits. Then got right back together. Then 2 months go by and he leaves for real. He told his wife about me, but that it wasn't about me and he left. We started our lives together for real, but it was hard emotionally to deal with the guilt and stress of it all and then we had a blow up fight in which I did something truly crazy and he ended it. He could not forgive me and he wouldn't talk to me. About two weeks later, he said he was going back to his wife, she wanted him back...he said he didn't love her, but he couldn't forgive me. It was awful and now the really awful thing is...he wants me back. He realizes he acted too hastily and now wants to be with me again. That I am the love of his life and he wants to be with me. Do I do this again? Do I trust him? Will he leave? Am I completely delusional? I would appreciate any real help. Looking at the timeline everything has moved so fast. You embark on an affair, he tries to leave several times, he moves out, moves back then moves out for real. He then begins a "proper" relationship with you, you have an argument, after two weeks he moves back and then he decides he wants you again. Leaving the marriage and then immediately beginning a new relationship is possibly where the problems have lain. He needs time to think, without going back to the marriage and without returning to save your relationship. You haven't said but when you began your relationship "for real" was this in the manner of dating or did he move in with you? You need to think about yourself and how his actions are affecting you. The two weeks after your bust-up sounds like he was thinking "grass is greener at home". He gets there and thinks "Ah, the grass isn't greener here, I want to go back!" Whilst he's doing this he's hurting you and he's hurting his wife - and as long as he's not hurting himself, he's not overly bothered! IMHO, I would tell him that if he wants your relationship to work he has to decide that his marriage is over - that he didnt leave for your relationship, he left for himself. And as soon as something goes wrong with you, he cannot go back to his M and expect you to be waiting for him. No-one can live under that kind of pressure! I would advise him that he needs some time alone without the safety net of having you when his M isn't working and his W when his relationship with you. Men - can't live with 'em, cant put their head in with a shovel!
quankanne Posted January 18, 2007 Posted January 18, 2007 hee hee ... I thought it was, "can't live with 'em, can't choke 'em" :laugh:
Je Ne Regrette Rien Posted January 18, 2007 Posted January 18, 2007 hee hee ... I thought it was, "can't live with 'em, can't choke 'em" :laugh: Lol, it's too quick for them!
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