rckt365 Posted January 18, 2007 Posted January 18, 2007 About two weeks after my LDR g/f and I had both declared that the other was our 'ONE', issues about the distance between us ... our past ... how different we are ... started causing havoc. So (about 2-1/2 weeks ago), I called her (and in anger - I said I was done with 'us'). Then 36hours later (I realised I'd made a mistake) I called her (she answered right away) ... talked for 2 hours ... agreed we weren't back to 'official' but that "we'll just take it one day at a time". Two days later, (after MANY texts - such as -"I miss you/I've been thinking non-stop about you...") I called ... we chatted for 3.5 hours, things seemed on the road back to good. A few days later, she phoned me, and broke it off 'for good'. Since then, we've been texting the other (sometimes she starts it/sometimes I do). The sentiments haven't changed (they're still - "...I can't turn you 'off' in my head...") and in fact SHE wrote me saying "I really do hope that we are able to see each other again...!" Could someone explain to me what this is exactly? Is it a case of neither of us really wanting to end it? Or is this just an example of the repercussions of not following the NC policy? I'm confused cuz I usually move on pretty quickly, and the NC thing is usually no problem for me or the girlfriend/ex. Any advice?
Am4Real Posted January 19, 2007 Posted January 19, 2007 Could someone explain to me what this is exactly? Any advice? First you have to ask yourself (and she herself) is do you want the relationship to end. Both of you may be confusing being alone or apart or not being able to rely on each other with the actual relationship. If there is no doubt you would rather not have this relationship then I would agree it is likely just "hard to say goodbye". However, if it is the relationship you desire or think you desire it might be that you are not totally convinced, because if you were you would know exactly what you should be saying and doing. Good luck.
RocketMan2 Posted January 19, 2007 Posted January 19, 2007 Yeah I agree. I think you both need to take a good step back and try to decide exactly how you feel about each other deep down, ignoring the butterflies/uncertainty youre currently experiencing. You need to be clear what your feelings actually are. When my ex dumped me, I cried about how much i missed her for days. But after a while i realised i didnt actually miss HER, i just missed the company and companionship, and was burnt by being the dumpee. Once i realised that I could start to move on. See if you can do the same, try and decide exactly what your feelings are based on, and directed at This might involve giving each other x days of NC to clear your heads. In my opinion i think its really important to make sure you both understand why you need the NC. It could go dangerously wrong if you're like "i need some space" and dont explain yourself properly, she'll be left hanging, and in my book, doing that to someone is the second worst crime after cheating. You have to be prepared for the outcome though, either of you could decide its best that you break up. Can you both handle that? Let us know how it goes. Try writing your feelings down on here, it really helps so much more than just trying to think of everything at once. You can also come back every day and see if you still agree. Keep refining your thoughts until you know youve got it spot on All the best
Guest Posted January 20, 2007 Posted January 20, 2007 "When my ex dumped me, I cried about how much i missed her for days." TRY MONTHS - SOMEONE THAT IS THAT SPECIAL U DON'T GET OVER LIKE THAT - I BELIEVE IT CAME IN WAVES FOR ME. "But after a while i realised i didnt actually miss HER, i just missed the company and companionship, and was burnt by being the dumpee." I TOTALLY MISSED HER BECAUSE I HAD SPENT ALMOST 7 MONTHS ALONE [THAT WAS MY FAULT], THEN WHEN I CAME OUT OF THE FOG, ITS LIKE EVERY MEMORY, SCENT, EVERYTHING CAME FLOODING BACK FOR WEEKS AT A TIME - LIKE HOW SHE FLICKED HER CIG ASHES, WHICH HAND SSHE USES TO BRUSH HER HAIR, HOW MANY SWIPES OF UNDIE DEODRATE SHE DOES [9] HOW IT FEELS WHEN WE GO TO BED AND I SNUGGLE UP BEHIND HER AND WE FIT LIKE A GLOVE, AND ON AND ON ALL THAT IS HER I WAS NEVER BURNT ABOUT BEING DUMPED - I KNEW AT THE VERY LEAST MY BEHAVIOUR WAS PLENTY REASON - I JUST WAS GETTING BETTER [bUT I KNOW NOW THAT REALLY WASN'T ENUFF] AND I REALLY THOUGHT SHE HAD WALKED OUT OF MY LIFE FOREVER AND I WASN'T EVEN ALLOWED TO SAY HI TO LISE, THAT WAS TOUGH. I REALLY BELIEVED IN HER, STILL DO, I JUST KNEW SHE WAS REALLY HURT AND I TOOK A WHILE GETTING THINGS TOGETHER [listEN TO I'M SORRY BUT...AGAIN AND THE WORDS WILL BLOW U AWAY] ALL I KNOW IS I WANT THIS WOMAN IN MY LIFE, I WILL TAKE THINGS SLOW, AND I REALIZE THAT WORDS AND ACTIONS ARE NOT THE SAME. SO FAR ITS WORDS 0 - ACTIONS 5. I CANN'OT MAKE ANOTHER MISTAKE IN THINKING THIS TRANSFERS INTO REALITY. I PAID A HUGE PRICE THE LAST TWO TIMES AND I AM ALREADY FACING A PRETTY SCARY SITUATION WHERE MY LIFE COULD BE ALTERED BECAUSE I CALLED AND SAID I LOVE U SO, PLEASE TAKE THE TIME TO THINK ABOUT THAT YOU KNOW AS WELL, AS I, THAT WE CAN'T EVEN MEET UNTIL ALL THAT IS REMOVED - SO UNTIL THEN I MUST GO BACK TO NC I HOPE U HAVE A GREAT WEEKEND Once i realised that I could start to move on. See if you can do the same, try and decide exactly what your feelings are based on, and directed at"
Am4Real Posted January 20, 2007 Posted January 20, 2007 It could go dangerously wrong if you're like "i need some space" and dont explain yourself properly, she'll be left hanging, and in my book, doing that to someone is the second worst crime after cheating. You have to be prepared for the outcome though, either of you could decide its best that you break up. Can you both handle that? This is/was my story. It was my idea to take a break and the “break” lasted too long, by the time I knew what I really wanted she was gone. However making it worse or at least confusing us we never really ended it, just fell out of communication during the break and she did not respond to communication attempts (you can see my lengthy posting in the Coping threads…). I know she wasn’t over it/me either but harbored a lot of resentment (understandably) about the break. What happened next? It appears she has rebounded and in less than twelve weeks turned her new relationship into an engagement with a planned Wedding for lat Spring of this year. So your advice to the poster is perfect…each person in the relationship should try to determine exactly what they want or need before either taking time away or some other form of action. In other words what are you ready to accept if you take action, whatever the action may be? My “stupid” way was a hard knocks lesson and I am paying a price with my heart. In the recovery stage which I am no where through (details in my Coping section post if interested), I read hundreds and hundreds of articles about breaking up and recovery; I’m sure most of us have as well. I do my best to follow the advice of the pros and those with experience. THANK YOU EVERYONE, I sincerely mean that by the way! Anyway, one of the suggestions is to create a PROs and CONs list about your significant other or perhaps your EX. What an experience that was…on the first day I created the list there were at least 10 PROS or positives and absolutely no CONS or negatives (giggling out lout as I write this). And as you might expect every couple of days a CON or two would be added. Today my lists are almost equal in length. I then proceeded to objectively or perhaps “as she might comment” subjectively weigh each of the items on the list. I know, this takes work and thinking, but it does put some logic behind the emotions. The results of my list are irrelevant to my friends in this wonderful community, but hopefully the methodology may be of some use to another hurting or broken soul. Am4Real
RocketMan2 Posted January 20, 2007 Posted January 20, 2007 I wouldnt write a PRO list at all, it will only make you sad. You need to docus on the bad points.
Am4Real Posted January 20, 2007 Posted January 20, 2007 I understand your reasoning but for me, being objective and really measuing things up helps me except that no one is perfect and she had as many faults as anyone else. As I get over the "missing her" feelings, I can reasonably accept the fact there is someone else out there with a longer PRO list. It worked for me. Thanks for the comment RM2.
RocketMan2 Posted January 20, 2007 Posted January 20, 2007 I understand your reasoning but for me, being objective and really measuing things up helps me except that no one is perfect and she had as many faults as anyone else. As I get over the "missing her" feelings, I can reasonably accept the fact there is someone else out there with a longer PRO list. It worked for me. Thanks for the comment RM2. Everyones different. Just think before you do it Im having to resist thinking of her good points right now reading this, because i know it will send me into a massive relapse. Ah its too late, lets try your approach then... My ex is drop dead gorgeous I mean beautiful. I've never seen anyone even remotely as attractive, i mean noone in the world. Whenever we went out EVERY man would stop what they were doing and down right STARE at her, even if they were with their girlfriends! Was a right ego boost for me though She never behaved like one of those people who KNOW theyre hot though, she was very modest, i think thats why she was so special to me, because i was lucky to have her. perhaps thats why i behaved like such a doormat. I had to let everything go her way or she'd go off and find someone else before she got to the end of her street This has helped to get it off my chest actaully, so who knows! im talking such jive lol Sorry for the rant!
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