robkris8079 Posted January 18, 2007 Posted January 18, 2007 I've been seeing this girl. She is wonderful but she acts so shy around me. I liked it in the beginning. It was very cute. I mean I still like it but I'm thinking I want a little more. We text and conversation is great. But when we are alone she is a little quiet. I usually carry the conversation pretty well but it feels one sided sometimes. Any one have any pointers for me to have her open up a little? After we part ways for the night she usually texts me and we talk. But the things she brings up why couldn't she do face to face? Will this eventually happen just by us continueing to hang out? Will she start to be more comfortable as time goes on? Is any of this a warning sign?
Capatinacen Posted January 18, 2007 Posted January 18, 2007 I don't think it's a warning sign. Lots of people are shy. Maybe when she feels more comfortable around you she less shy. Have you talked to her about this?
Poboy Posted January 18, 2007 Posted January 18, 2007 talk to her about this and see her response ... that will most probably tell you whether u should see her again or not .
TheDC Posted January 18, 2007 Posted January 18, 2007 You could just ask her open ended questions all the time that force her to talk. I'm sure that as you two grow closer together she'll loosen up and engage you more in conversation. Also the next time you are chatting with her online you could say something to the effect of "why weren't you all chatty like this when we are together?" Perhaps she'll let you know why.
Author robkris8079 Posted January 18, 2007 Author Posted January 18, 2007 We've discussed it. She tells me it's because she likes me. We joke about the shyness and everything now. I guess I will just keep hanging out and I'll do most of the talking when we are together and hope she gets less shy. What else can I do.
TheDC Posted January 18, 2007 Posted January 18, 2007 Nothing really. She knows it and so do you, she's just shy. I'm sure it will pass. Until then you'll just have to live with it. Really of all the relationship problems I have seen on here this one is pretty mild. Count your blessings that it isn't something worse.
Author robkris8079 Posted January 18, 2007 Author Posted January 18, 2007 I'm just glad I'm outta the divo boards and finally on the dating boards. I married young and never really dated so you might see some of my posts as mild. I have no clue as what to expect or even how this whole dating thing works! I never even really dated my ex wife.
Poboy Posted January 19, 2007 Posted January 19, 2007 We've discussed it. She tells me it's because she likes me. We joke about the shyness and everything now. I guess I will just keep hanging out and I'll do most of the talking when we are together and hope she gets less shy. What else can I do. if she likes you , why is she shy , maybe there is more to this than you know. is she shy just with you or with friends and people around well if she doesnt overcome this , it can become an issue ... are you two intimate physically or havent reached there yet. thats one way to start
MotherGooze Posted January 19, 2007 Posted January 19, 2007 if she likes you , why is she shy , maybe there is more to this than you know. I don't really agree with this, because if I like someone a LOT, I become very shy as well. And otherwise I can be very open and social. I think she likes him more then just friends and that she is developing feelings for him. It scares her off a bit, and that's why she's shy. It'll get better, once she knows you a bit more
IpAncA Posted January 19, 2007 Posted January 19, 2007 We've discussed it. She tells me it's because she likes me. We joke about the shyness and everything now. I guess I will just keep hanging out and I'll do most of the talking when we are together and hope she gets less shy. What else can I do. Shes just shy. At least you get some quite time. My H is always trying to figure out ways to shut me up. I love talking so it bugs me when no one says anything. Except when I have my recharge time or when I sleep. Then I like it quite. I can talk and talk and talk and I don't get tired. . I am a chatter box.
Author robkris8079 Posted January 19, 2007 Author Posted January 19, 2007 I'm not intimate with anyone currently. I am sorta wierd when it comes to intamacy I guess. I haven't been with alot of people and I honestly believed I was in love with them. There was only one person I slept with that I didn't have that strong emotional bond with and it just wasn't for me. So that whole part of the relationship is probably quite a ways away. I would never use that to "break the ice". Before I started hanging out with her we socially chatted at parties or mutual friends houses. When she is around friends she is more open but still seems a little shy towards me. Most gatherings include the consumption of alcohol so all shyness goes right out the window. I hope it gets better as she gets to know me but hopefully she isn't getting any real strong feelings for me in the meantime. Reason I say this is because I need to get to know her and find out if there is something special there. I mean I'm showing her me, and she seems to really like it. But I am not getting to see her. I do like her. Alot actually but I'm just about to be divo'ed and been with the same person practically my whole life. I don't want to rush into things with the first girl I'm interested in.
IpAncA Posted January 19, 2007 Posted January 19, 2007 Hum...Maybe the dating is new to her. I would let it play out and see where it ends up.
oh_what_am_I_doing Posted January 20, 2007 Posted January 20, 2007 Well it sounds like you're more patient than I am! I absolutely HATE it when I feel like we're having a one-sided conversation and the weight of the it all is on my shoulders. (I just went on a date like that two nights ago!) It sounds like my situation exactly. He's very chatty on IM but in person was a dud. Kudos to you for sticking it out! I was complaining to my mom about the same thing, and she mentioned maybe it was because we weren't out doing something fun, like bowling, pool, etc (vs. the standard drinks and dinner type thing). Try taking her out on dates where she doesn't have to do a lot of talking, or perhaps double date with a friend of yours and a friend of hers, and play cards or something. Good luck!
Hitman10000 Posted January 21, 2007 Posted January 21, 2007 She sounds like an introvert, however..besides shy reasons. Here's a more important question: Can you see yourself being married to her and tolerating her current behavior? Don't rationalize or give me some explanation, a quick yes or no.
Author robkris8079 Posted January 22, 2007 Author Posted January 22, 2007 We did the dinner, movie, pool, bowling with another couple. It's all been done. She is good with other people around, still not that chatty with me but at least she talks. We were just at a party last sat and I don't think she said two words to me? Then I get a text the next day saying she wish she hung out with me more that night? I don't get it? hitman the quick answer is no.
Poboy Posted January 22, 2007 Posted January 22, 2007 i think you should let this one go ... she has some kind of issues which is her acting like this ... i can understand shy , introvert but after so many interactions ... its more likely she likes you as friend more ... hanging out with you , enjoys your company etc. and since you said , you dont think there is a future , better to move on now than later.
revolutionphilosophy Posted January 22, 2007 Posted January 22, 2007 So she's shy? Big deal man... a person's level of social comfort (be it low or high) has nothing to do with their value as a person. Maybe she texts or calls you afterwards b/c it's an easier interaction for her? One where she has some time to think about what she's saying. My current girl is very shy initially... to say the least. When we first started talking... she didn't do too much beyond smile or laugh (Unless she was drinking). In fact, we'd hang out with some of my friends quite often and for the first month, she really didn't talk at ALL around them. (My best friend even told her jokingly that she was making him nervous and asked that she cough or hum or something sporadically just so he'd know she was still around). She also has a lot of trouble making new friends because she is so shy. Sound anything like this one? The reason? She's afraid of saying something silly or dumb around new people... essentially she's really really nervous. She's an incredible person and a great girlfriend... she is just afraid of negatively affecting a new person's opinion of her at first. Luckily... I'm as extroverted as she is introverted (I talk to random people at bars... tell jokes to someone like I've known them my whole life... etc.) -- so I have no problem doing most of the social interaction for us in what would be an uncomfortable situation for her. Having been with me for nearly a year... she's starting to become a little more socially capable (we were hanging out with friends of mine that she'd not met the other weekend and she was playing off of my jokes to tell her own)... but it took a little patience at first. Give it a little time man... you may find her to be an incredible girl who's just nervous.
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