ladies ... rip me apart

[kindred_soulman]

Holy he!! - totally missed this one.

 

1) How does paying naked women to grind on your equate to following the teachings of the Bible? You want to have your cake and eat it too. Arrogant and selfish.

 

2) No surprise there, but again, you need to take ownership of your own feelings and behavior. You're categorically treating and looking at women in a certain light, and no one likes to be pidgeon-holed.

 

3) Beauty fades. It does, period. You will NEVER be happy unless you learn to look at what's on the inside of a woman... her inner qualities could be what turn you on more than her super-model good looks.

 

You must be on another planet. So I dated a stripper once.... that does not mean I intended to make a wife of her or it was the best thing to do. I suppose you have never sinned or made a bad choice? I personally think you are jealous of strippers, because you seem to talk focus on them a lot.

 

I don't appreciate your comment about my happiness, because I am totally happy with myself. It's when I get a woman around that the trouble begins.

 

I can tell by your post that you have no clue, and I appreciate the advice of many people here but you are just plain ignorant.

 

Beauty does fade, but mostly unattractive women say stuff like that. You go ahead and date unattractive people, I am just not into that. I guess that makes me a terrible person. HA HA

[Kamille]

Hi Kindred

Thanks for answering

Thoughts on how to let go of bitterness:

 

I've changed a lot since I started dating again and I have learned a lot about myself. I manage not to be bitter thanks to:

 

1) being thankful for those truly beautiful men who have entered my life. Focusing on the ones that were positive and not the ones that just really burned me. (I am lucky in that most of the men who entered my life have taught me and brought me a lot).

 

2) knowing that I have the strenght to bounce back from any situation and having faith that I know how to be happy. In other words, having faith in myself.

 

3) believing that everything happens for a reason.

[Star Gazer]

You must be on another planet. So I dated a stripper once.... that does not mean I intended to make a wife of her or it was the best thing to do. I suppose you have never sinned or made a bad choice? I personally think you are jealous of strippers, because you seem to talk focus on them a lot.

 

I don't appreciate your comment about my happiness, because I am totally happy with myself. It's when I get a woman around that the trouble begins.

 

I can tell by your post that you have no clue, and I appreciate the advice of many people here but you are just plain ignorant.

 

Beauty does fade, but mostly unattractive women say stuff like that. You go ahead and date unattractive people, I am just not into that. I guess that makes me a terrible person. HA HA

 

You just proved my point about being completely full of yourself.

 

I do have a clue about you, and I harbor absolutely no jealousy towards strippers. I'm not even going to comment on your insinuation that I am unattractive, because clearly YOU are the one without a clue.

 

You have SERIOUS issues with women. You claim to be completely happy with yourself but then state that it's when you get around women that trouble develops. Here's a hint: over half of the world's population is female. You're in big trouble, sweetheart. I suggest you seek the advice of a therapist.

[Darkwall]

Beauty does fade, but mostly unattractive women say stuff like that. You go ahead and date unattractive people, I am just not into that. I guess that makes me a terrible person. HA HA

 

I disagree with this strongly. I have been told my whole life that I am beautiful and why am I still single lecture. While I don't see what these people have seen I agree with the comment made that beauty DOES fade. That's why it's so important to find someone you're compatible with because eventually you get so used to what your sweety looks like that you don't even know anymore if they're attractive or not. All you know is how they are compatible with you. Yes, you do need to be attracted to that person but there are so many levels of attraction. I have been asked so many times... "what do you see in that guy he's not very attractive" or "you have bad taste in men". I find men who are interesting, personable and great communicators... "HOT" stuff. That's just me. My ex was no prize. But, we broke up because he was on another planet and not emotionally connected to me the way I needed him to be.

 

So, careful what you say.

[freckles73]

Beauty does fade, but mostly unattractive women say stuff like that. You go ahead and date unattractive people, I am just not into that. I guess that makes me a terrible person. HA HA

 

Wow. Does cutting down other people make you feel better about yourself, or like a big man?

[Star Gazer]

Yes, you do need to be attracted to that person but there are so many levels of attraction. I have been asked so many times... "what do you see in that guy he's not very attractive" or "you have bad taste in men". I find men who are interesting, personable and great communicators... "HOT" stuff. That's just me.

 

That's "me" too. I find an interesting, charming, attentive, humorous, affable, sincere, understanding personality so much more attractive than just a hot bod/face.

[dropdeadlegs]

The saying goes that physical beauty is skin deep. The skin is pretty shallow in depth, like a quarter of an inch or less.

 

I do not consider myself a beautiful woman on the outside, but I'm not unattractive and I have gotten along pretty well based on my appearance alone.

 

I think my BF is one of the most beautiful people I have ever known. His friends and family love him. His coworkers love him. When I was asking around about him in the beginning, I couldn't find anyone that had anything bad to say about him, no red flags of any kind. He loves his partner with his entire being; emotionally, physically. He truly loves in body, mind, and soul. He is good to children and animals. He laughs when appropriate and cries when deeply hurt and deeply touched. All of that makes me attracted to him in a way that simple physical beauty cannot begin to compete with.

 

But many people see a person by their cover. Maybe maturity and experience is what changes ones perspective. I think I have always been this way, inner beauty being far more important.

[Darkwall]

That's "me" too. I find an interesting, charming, attentive, humorous, affable, sincere, understanding personality so much more attractive than just a hot bod/face.

 

WHY DOESN'T "KINDRED-SOULMAN" SEE THIS?

 

I do not consider myself a beautiful woman on the outside, but I'm not unattractive and I have gotten along pretty well based on my appearance alone.

But many people see a person by their cover. Maybe maturity and experience is what changes ones perspective. I think I have always been this way, inner beauty being far more important.

 

I LOOKED INTO YOUR PROFILE AND I THINK YOU AND YOUR SWEETY LOOK LIKE A LOT OF FUN. YOU'RE BOTH CUTIES!

 

AS FOR THE MATURITY THING... YOU'RE PARTLY RIGHT. MAYBE THIS IS KINDRED'S PROBLEM. ALTHOUGH, FOR ME IT ISN'T. I WAS ALWAYS EVEN GROWING UP... ATTRACTED TO BOYS/MEN WHO WERE "INTERESTING". I WENT TO HIGH SCHOOL WITH MANY "HOT" GUYS BUT THEY TURNED ME OFF. I HAD A HUGE CRUSH ON MY ENGLISH MEDIA TEACHER (HE HAD RED HAIR AND ACCORDING TO MY FRIENDS HE WAS UGLY). THEY WERE INTO THE ENGLISH TEACHER WHO LOOKED LIKE STEVEN SEAGULL.

[Darkwall]

KINDRED SOUL... I THINK YOU ARE LOSING YOUR OWN BATTLE.

 

I think I may have mentioned this to you already...

Sometimes if you give someone you would never consider dating a chance, you fall in love. This goes back to having an open mind.

 

While I admire some of your qualities I'm not digging the negativity and closed mindedness about you. It appears I might be an example of the type of woman you're looking for but, we wouldn't make it to date #2 for all the reasons I have mentioned in my earlier posts.

 

Any comments?

[IWalkAlone]

That's "me" too. I find an interesting, charming, attentive, humorous, affable, sincere, understanding personality so much more attractive than just a hot bod/face.

 

Many women will say this, but they will perceive a guy as more interesting, charming, attentive, humorous, affable, sincere and understanding when he has a hot bod/face.

[IWalkAlone]

I do like a "girly" girl. She does not have to be a super model, but most of the girls I dated I found to be attractive. I won't settle for less. I don't look for perfection, but I do knwo what I like. I find a lot of average women attractive, but I draw the line at obesity and other traits. Now if some loser guy with no job can get himself a nice looking gal, then why can't I?

 

You want an attractive girl, but not if she's casually dating anyone else.

 

So what you have to do is

 

1) Find an attractive girl who turns down all requests for dates, until YOU ask her out, or

 

2) Find an attractive girl who has recently left a relationship, and ask her out right at the moment she decides she's ready to date again. And if you like her enough for a second date, you'll have to get an exclusivity agreement right away.

 

Methinks you're setting unrealistic standards.

[Darkwall]

Many women will say this, but they will perceive a guy as more interesting, charming, attentive, humorous, affable, sincere and understanding when he has a hot bod/face.

 

FALSE. You are so wrong. Most of the men I dated who were "more" interesting... were far "more" interesting than the lookers. Most of the men I dated in the past who were by society's standards "hot" had no substance.

 

EVery man is different and unique in their own way.

[IWalkAlone]

TRUE: You are decribing yourself, and you are one women. I was speaking about women in general. Yes, there are women who's romantic feelings toward a man are not connected to how hot is face/bod are, but they are a minority.

 

You respose is like someone saying "Many men like football" and someone says "False! I hate football!"

[Kamille]

I totally thought i had added my two cents in the debate! But I don't see my post.

I've noticed on this forum that a lot of men seem to think that women pay a lot of attention to physical appearance and I wonder if it's not the result of the fact that it is men who pay a lot of attention to women's physical appearance. Since it matters for you guys, you naturally assume it is as important for 'most' of us girls.

 

Fact is, I know for me and, let's see, all my girlfriends, personnality weighs in way ahead of physical appearance. Granted, none of my friends are clubers but we do hang out in bars quite a lot.

 

For me, it's attitude that makes a man attractive: that he looks comfortable in his skin, happy, that he smiles a lot, that he has a good sense of humour and can maintain a decent conversation. All that trumps physical attraction... or rather informs who I will find attractive.

 

Right now, I'm wondering if we are talking about the same thing. I don't do the one-night thing or easy-score thing, so obviously I'm paying attention to a lot more then physical attributes. If I were looking to score, perhaps a hot bod would be more important.

 

This might also explain why it is men who seem to think it's so important because perhaps men are more prone to looking to score. It all depends what you're looking for.

[dropdeadlegs]

For me, it's attitude that makes a man attractive: that he looks comfortable in his skin, happy, that he smiles a lot, that he has a good sense of humour and can maintain a decent conversation. All that trumps physical attraction... or rather informs who I will find attractive.

That's a perfect description of how my mind works. He may not look like Brad Pitt, but those attributes definitely make him "hot" to me.

 

Guess I'm part of a minority too.

[kindred_soulman]

You want an attractive girl, but not if she's casually dating anyone else.

 

So what you have to do is

 

1) Find an attractive girl who turns down all requests for dates, until YOU ask her out, or

 

2) Find an attractive girl who has recently left a relationship, and ask her out right at the moment she decides she's ready to date again. And if you like her enough for a second date, you'll have to get an exclusivity agreement right away.

 

Methinks you're setting unrealistic standards.

 

No. What I am saying is I would like to meet an attractive and intelligent young woman with no drama.

 

Not someone who is dating 3 guys or is "seperated" or just broke up with her ex yesterday.

 

Oh wait, I forgot - this woman does not exist, so maybe you are right.

[serial muse]

kindred, this whole "no drama" thing is silly. good luck finding someone who has no issues - s/he is already dead.

 

look, you need to understand something here: you yourself are full of drama; it emanates from you in waves. anyone who goes into the dating world saying things like "good women don't exist" has already set the stage, made the costumes and painted the scenery. he's also already written the script - all you're looking for is the next actress to say the lines.

 

so the point is, maybe tear up the script and let go of those preconceptions. look for the kind of woman you'd like to be with in the kinds of places you'd like to be with her. stop sabotaging yourself, and then blaming the results on women in general. it's annoying and no woman worth her salt will let you get away with it - she'll be outta there.

[kindred_soulman]

kindred, this whole "no drama" thing is silly. good luck finding someone who has no issues - s/he is already dead.

 

I never said I was looking for someone with no issues......

 

I don't think what I am asking fo is too much to ask. Every woman I have dated in the past 3 years was "seperated" or broke up with her boy to be with me. I am so tired of that.

[kindred_soulman]

 

look, you need to understand something here: you yourself are full of drama; it emanates from you in waves. anyone who goes into the dating world saying things like "good women don't exist" has already set the stage, made the costumes and painted the scenery. he's also already written the script - all you're looking for is the next actress to say the lines.

 

so the point is, maybe tear up the script and let go of those preconceptions. look for the kind of woman you'd like to be with in the kinds of places you'd like to be with her. stop sabotaging yourself, and then blaming the results on women in general. it's annoying and no woman worth her salt will let you get away with it - she'll be outta there.

 

 

So I am just supposed to forget how evey woman I have been in a relationship cheated, or in some way got what she wanted and left?

 

This "preconceived" notion I have didn't just fall into my lap one day.

 

I refuse to forget and I refuse to be naive.

 

So, I'll just be single for the rest of my life. A sad existence to some, but I am beginning to embrace it.

 

I can't even put into words how I feel about dating anymore. The only satisfaction I get from it it knowing that some women out there are going to be single for the rest of their lives as well. eat your heart out, because here's a great guy that will never be with you.

 

Why? Because I have dealth with one selfish woman after another. Sure some good women exist, but if you were gambling and you lost the same hand everytime - would you keep putting all your resourses into a 5% chance? I think not.

 

I appreciate all of your input, but perhaps I am beyond help.

 

I am sick of our culture and our society, what a terrible time to be alive.

 

A three-ring circus sideshow it what it is.

[Kamille]

I'm so sorry Kindred that you are in this state of mind about women and the world right now.

 

But one thing does jump out from the whole conversation:

 

you seem to focus a lot of energy on the negative. you respond faster, and rather acerbly, to critical comments then to the good pieces of advice you have been given.

 

you seem to be doing the same with the women in your past. You would rather focus on the 'wrongs' done to you then on the good moments you most certainly shared with each of them.

 

 

and honey... Right now, with the attitude you have towards the monolith 'us women', I seriously think we're not missing out on much. Sorry. You asked for help, we tried to help but you don't want to change. You want to prove yourself right. Congratulation, you most likely will. Good luck.

 

Sidenote: the women you were with left other men to be with you? Well no wonder they'll do the same to you! Why would you even be courting someone who's taken?

[kindred_soulman]

Sidenote: the women you were with left other men to be with you? Well no wonder they'll do the same to you! Why would you even be courting someone who's taken?

 

99% of good looking women are taken.

 

95% jump from one relationship to another.

 

What's this thing called the dating pool again?

[kindred_soulman]

You want to prove yourself right. Congratulation, you most likely will. Good luck.

 

 

I already have, but I don't want to accept it myself.

 

I guess we can get used to anything over time.

[Star Gazer]

Kindred, you're right about one thing: You're beyond help.

[kindred_soulman]

Kindred, you're right about one thing: You're beyond help.

 

 

Obviously, because a innocent little woman can't be to blame! God forbid.

[Kamille]

Hmmm. You should move to my neck of the woods. The ratio of women to men is 6-4, so there are plenty of great single available chicks who do not boyfriend-hop.

 

My point is you're stuck in a self-fulfilling prophecy because your attitude towards the whole thing is all wrong. But I agree. You obviously need a break but please allow for the possibility that you might be wrong about 'all women'. Besides, you are looking for a significant other and all you need for that is ONE woman. One woman who shares your interests, whom you find attractive and who finds you attractive.

 

I'm also wondering given how significant good looks are for you, and how you have a tendency to lump all women together, if somewhere you're not looking for arm candy. Someone you can show off to your friends and colleagues and not actually someone who will mirror and challenge you, a life companion.

 

What do you want love to feel like in your life? What feeling are you looking for?

 

Seriously, I do wish you all the best. And I hope you will find that one person. But I also hope you realize she will have an incredibly wall to work though.