puddleofmud Posted January 19, 2007 Posted January 19, 2007 PROPS to RMD! Love your soulful honesty and humour and they way you express yourself as a BS to OP, but much more just "human to human" and esecially "Sister to Sister". Your candor and they WAY you express yourself is much appreciated. I usually feel that one becomes irreverant--one is healing well. BTW, sis, your tat is waaay Sweeeeet! Go ahead little bunny, !!! vent away!!! lol BTW, I think the poster who said he wanted to bang you was a slight towards the MM, not you. Men actually do think alot alike. Primitive. Its for your own good we tell you these things. Anyway, I dont think that anybody here hasnt approached you too harshly (I think you are mostly judging yourself) and they also gave you some well meaning, sisterly advice, wether they are the BS or not. Look at us. Heck my life is so screwed up. How the hell did we end up here? I'm sayin!
puddleofmud Posted January 19, 2007 Posted January 19, 2007 The MC is our last effort I think. The void I feel with my H has been going on for years. Has nothing to do with MM. You are doing to good job of realizing what YOU need as to your marriage, marriage in general or from any partnership. I do feel terrible for you that you may not be within a marriage that you feel could work out after having done your best in counseling. Do you feel you could move on, alone, and to the unkown world of "divorced single-hood" if your marriage should end, as MM may or may not commit to your longing? I only ask since you have stated that the "void" in your marriage has nothing to do with MM. It's not a trick question, just something to consider since you seem to feel that your marriage may be over and there will be a "void" when you leave where you will be alone, a single parent, a single woman. MM may not be available to fulfill that void, either.... Do you feel prepared that you can deal with this "void" on your own?
Author addicted2love Posted January 19, 2007 Author Posted January 19, 2007 PROPS to RMD! Love your soulful honesty and humour and they way you express yourself as a BS to OP, but much more just "human to human" and esecially "Sister to Sister". Your candor and they WAY you express yourself is much appreciated. I usually feel that one becomes irreverant--one is healing well. BTW, sis, your tat is waaay Sweeeeet! Ditto....much more eloquently said than what I could have come up with!
Author addicted2love Posted January 19, 2007 Author Posted January 19, 2007 You are doing to good job of realizing what YOU need as to your marriage, marriage in general or from any partnership. I do feel terrible for you that you may not be within a marriage that you feel could work out after having done your best in counseling. Do you feel you could move on, alone, and to the unkown world of "divorced single-hood" if your marriage should end, as MM may or may not commit to your longing? I only ask since you have stated that the "void" in your marriage has nothing to do with MM. It's not a trick question, just something to consider since you seem to feel that your marriage may be over and there will be a "void" when you leave where you will be alone, a single parent, a single woman. MM may not be available to fulfill that void, either.... Do you feel prepared that you can deal with this "void" on your own? Currently I do feel as if I'm flying solo. I run my own business as well as wearing many hats...mother, cook, accountant...etc.etc. I often find myself thinking..."If I'm going to do it all myself, why aren't I by myself?" It's not a matter of knowing if I could handle being a single mother/woman...I KNOW 100% without a doubt that I could take care of myself and my child. It's so many other things....breaking a promise to myself for starters. I promised myself that I would stick it out good, bad or ugly and not give up on marriage like my parents did. Fear of admiting that I failed at marriage. Fear of being alone....In my head and in my heart I've always felt as though there is only one person that I was ever meant to be with. I didn't end up with that person so I tried for years to make the best of the life that I chose. Now that person comes back into my life and the situation just seems impossible. Friends have said that there might be someone else out there that I would be completely happy with but I just don't see it. I've always longed for my MM...I've compared every man and every R to him and how things were when we were together. I swear I am not like this in any other aspects of my life or personality. Anything else I can let go of, forget about and not dwell on. It is and always has been this one man that I want. I've known through out my entire M that he was the only person I would even consider straying from my H with. I know I'm making it sound like MM is God's gift. To me he's everything...always has been. He's a pain in the a**, he's stubborn, he's bullheaded and many other things but for reasons I can't even explain he's the ONE person I can't get over. Never could. I'm rambling again sorry.
puddleofmud Posted January 19, 2007 Posted January 19, 2007 Rambling is good--I do that a lot! You are being very honest with yourself and from what I am able to gather from your posts: You have two separate issues (from your statements): 1.) marriage will never work due to marriage issues soley being about the issues 2.) unrequited love As it now stands it would seem that you have accepted that your marriage is over via everything that could be done to resolve (counseling included). It would also seem that your H also feels similar (very important aspect). You feel capable about being independent and have a solid foundation within yourself to end your marriage. That being said and done--then it's perhaps high time you take ONE issue at at time and deal w/ them as to #1: end of marriage. Finding a good place for your children, working out a divorce with your H and all that entails being most importantly your children's well-being. That is a great deal upon one's plate. One thing at at time: baby steps, darling. Take it easy, as you will have a great deal to juggle for a while should you divorce, being that you must concentrate squarely and fairly upon your babies! Issue # 2 being much later in the scenario much less anything or any one else! Due to the fact that should you decide to leave your marriage--that will be THAT and there are no guarantees regarding "life" afterward. Think about what is best for you and what you feel you can handle and think about HOW to handle it-- a "dream love" will not feed, house nor clothe you. YOU will have to do that for yourself and your children. Nor should you use a man that you do not care about w/ all your heart and soul to do that for you. Life is all about the details--so take one detail at at time and examine what you feel is best for you and your family before you even THINK about another person being involved. Though I may seem "the voice of reason" I am only a stranger typing crap on the net....You are the one who has to decide what is reasonable for you and your family. Kisses and Hugs to you!
Author addicted2love Posted January 21, 2007 Author Posted January 21, 2007 Puddle...your responses truly make me think. I'm a thinker anyway but you give me more food for thought. With that said...does anyone else question faith? I've always believed that everything happens for a reason. But I seriously can't figure out why God would make two people fall in love, and stay in love w/ each other for 17 years but not see fit that they are together. Believe me when I say I don't blame God for my mistakes but I sure do question the reasons for all of the love, hurt, pain and longing in my heart for this man. I question everything about the situation. If he wasn't meant for me wouldn't I have just gotten over him and moved on years ago? Wouldn't he have done the same? Now we find ourselves wanting to be together yet faced with hurting our children. When MM first contacted me again he said to me..."there is a reason we can't get over each other." "It's no coincidence that we still feel the same way about each other and always have." "Something is telling us to get back together and make it right." If we weren't meant to be together wouldn't we both have just kept it casual and caught up on how life has been going for us and then moved on? No feelings involved? I feel like I need to understand "why" this is happening. Right now it seems like a cruel joke. Like salt in a wound. We are both aware now that our feelings have never changed but there doesn't seem to be a damn thing we can do about it without hurting people. Sucks to be us.
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