celesten10 Posted January 18, 2007 Posted January 18, 2007 i am new to all of this but i feel i need to vent. He wants to meet tonight!! After having NC for about a month. Right before christmas, when all his buddies were back in town, he gave me the line "i feel i need to choose between you and my friends, and i can't do that, i feel trapped" . He told me he would call me later, never called. After i hung up i was so puzzled. After 6 years of having and on/off relationship he would throw such a vague excuse to my face. After that date, december 16, i decided i was done with it. I took a short trip out of the country, and never made the attempt to communicate. He is not gonna have me around whenever he feels lonely or his friends are out of town, we're both 24 and it seems like an immature behavior on his part. I still love this guy, and for the love of me i cannot comprehend why i can't completely go. It's now been a month of NC, and all of the sudden, i receive a message saying he needs to meet up, because he needs "closure". I'm thinking i already went through the closure process on my own and DURING the holiday season. He saw me online and we get into a messaging process back and forth, i had to reply, i know i shouldn't have but i needed answers. He goes on and on with how he misses me and loves me and made the biggest mistake, feels so empty without me, etc, etc...and was afraid i was gonna end up leaving him and hook up with this new and handsome guy i work with. I had to laugh at all of it, and told him it was all very comical, and sounded like a broken record and that i did NOT want to see him. According to him, he wants to let go but needs to do so IN PERSON. (!!??) He kept persisting, through messages and texting only. I probably made the biggest mistake, and agreed to meet up at HIS place today. i am so scared of letting my guard down, but i need to know why he did what he did, the curiosity is killing me. I don't know how to act, part of me wants to be with him, and move away like we'd planned before our break up, this is all so confusing, i was already letting go. And on top of it, now he wants to give me this xmas gift a painting he made for me OF me... and that i need to see it! how can i be mean and direct, he's clever. i don't know how i'm gonna react to all of it, please please advise!!
dgiirl Posted January 18, 2007 Posted January 18, 2007 if you dont want to go, DONT GO. Just call him up and say you cant make it. Dont make excuses. Dont try to pretend something important came up. Dont feel the need to justify your reasons. You cant go, end of story. If you give him excuses, he can counter-attack them. If you give him nothing, he cant counter-attack them. His closure is his responsibility. He is the only one who can give himself closure. You're risking losing all the progress you have made so far, just for more confusion, more pain. Sounds like he wanted to have fun with his friends over the holiday's, and now he's got the holiday blues so he'll turn back to you.
lorr Posted January 18, 2007 Posted January 18, 2007 What about your needs? At the end of the day he is using the opportunity to play his little head games on you, and you should be no part of it. If he wants closure let him find closure in his own time,rather than using you to drag into his mess.What on earth is it going to achieve? Apart from him rejecting and confusing you once again.Your so much better than this, and why on earth would you want to see a guy who feels "trapped" because he cannot decide to choose between you and his friends?
RocketMan2 Posted January 18, 2007 Posted January 18, 2007 What answers do you need? Do you really NEED them? Or has the breaking of the NC just got you a bit upset again? What closure is he missing? I wouldnt go. I really needed closure from my ex but i never got it. Still havent. I know what if i talked to her now, id end up trying to convince her that her reasons are silly/wrong or whatever. It would get messy.
underpants Posted January 18, 2007 Posted January 18, 2007 Hey there, I would advise to Not go and meet him. Ha, just say something came up with friends and you can't make it. Ahhh, dish it back a little. Tell him you will call him.....then don't. What a jerk. Really though, it has been a month and I think he is missing you. Not enough time for him to really miss you enough to question his own actions. He says he made a big mistake, but has he elaborated on this, really gotten to the core of this mistake? Or is it a magic sentence sealed with a gift? 6 years is a long time, however you say it has been on and off. What has split you two up before? Any previous patterns of disrespect? If you two are 24 then this relationship began at 18. This is a time in life when we grow up on many levels. Figuring out who you are and what kind of person you want to be is confusing. Also if you easily take him back then you are defining the treatment you are willing to accept from him. These patterns will more then likely repeat themselves, unfortunately. I think you both may need more time to know yourselves outside of a relationship as well as time away from each other to see your relationship for what it is/was objectively. This is about the closest thing to closure you or him can hope for, IMHO. Just let things chill for another month or so. Good luck, I know it is so hard, but you don't want to set yourself up to have to take another vacation ...do you?
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