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How to deal with knowing shes with someone else


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Posted

Well its not happened yet, but I know ill find out something sooner or later and i just want to be prepared so she doesnt cause me any more hurt.

 

If shes with someone I don't know I suppose it wont be as bad, but I know that if she did go out with anyone I know, it wouldn't be anyone I'd approve of.

 

I don't want that to sound arrogant or big headed or anything because thats not how i mean it....

 

I just know the kind of people she used to hang around with and theyre all idiot players. I guess what hurts about that is that I don't like the idea that she left me, her loving, caring, generous boyfriend to be with some d*ckhead thats just gonna mess her around. I guess its probably the blow to my ego and jealousy to know that someone who, well who i suppose i think im better than has beaten me.

Is that wrong? I must sound really arrogant, but i cant help feeling it :( Is this normal?

 

It doesnt help that shes absolutely gorgeous and would have to make absolutely zero effort to find someone else :(

 

I know its her choice at the end of the day, and of course i want her to be happy, im not being selfish like that...

 

How do i prepare for the news? Especially as i suspect she'll have gone off with someone pretty soon :(

Posted

The only thing I'm going to say is that you need to take the focus of her and concerntrate on yourself.You are putting far too much energy and time even thinking about who and what she goes out with.

 

Why would it bother you so much if she went out with either a two headed alien or Brad Pitt?It seems that it is just your ego talking.

She's obviously getting on with things and I'm sure shes not pining away each night.Maybe its time that you start seeing more of your mates, and finding a hobby/interest to take up.

Posted

Just accept the fact that she is banging some other dude that you are going to hate him...

 

And then you know what... forget about it. It doesn't matter anymore, remove her from your mind and life...

Posted

I know how you feel. I went through the exact same thought process when my ex-boyfriend and I broke up. I think it's normal to think about it.

 

And it did some day happen... He met and fell in love with someone I knew... Well except unlike in your case, she was a beautiful kind-hearted girl. It really hurt at first and I felt like I was back at square one, but in the end it only helped me accept that the break up was final. It helped me move on.

 

lorr is right however. Do your best to keep the focus off of her and focus on yourself.

Posted

How do i prepare for the news? Especially as i suspect she'll have gone off with someone pretty soon

 

Move on yourself is all that I can say to you. You cannot continue to worry about what she is doing or who she is with all of the time. The only thing you need concern youself about is the fact that you are not with her and will not be with her again.

 

So what if she goes out with somebody else? For that matter, So what if she goes out with somebody that you do not like? What has it got to do with you anymore? Really? What has it got to do with anyone except her and her new partner?

 

I am not meaning to sound insensitive but you need to start working on moving your own life on. Why dont YOU go and find someone new to date. Once you are at one with yourself again then I guarantee that you wont give a damn about who she is with.

Posted

The way I dealt with it was to understand that *I* am worthy of being with someone who loves me as much as I love her. Just because your ex doesn't feel that way about you does not make you unworthy of being loved.

 

So she's with someone else? She was with someone else before you as were you as well. That's just life. Not everyone who comes into our lives is meant to be with us forever. They are there to teach us a lesson and move on.

 

That's what you need to do. Understand that it wasn't mean to last forever and that you were to learn something from this. Take what you have learned, become a better/stronger person because of it. Because when you meet the next great woman in your life she will benefit from all you have learned.

 

And so will you.

 

Exs are exs for a reason. Don't focus on the past, focus on the here and now which is the one thing in your life you can control.

 

She's not a part of your life anymore. You need to accept that. Whatever she does doesn't matter anymore. The only concern in your life right now should be you, your healing and moving on.

Posted

I feel your pain Rocket Man,

 

First, everything Cali has said is correct. I have read many posts he has made on this subject and it really helps.

 

As you may know, my ex-fiance suddenly broke things off a week before Christmas. This was just a week back from a Carribean Cruise. After about a week of n/c, I saw her online, we chatted briefly and she admitted she was involved with someone else. No real suprise considering her sudden ending of a 3 year engangement. Her only description was there were no kid issues with him.

 

It hurt like hell. I spent days trying to figure out what type of man he was. I struggled so much with the thoughts of him and her together, laying on her couch like we did, having sex like we did, cooking dinner for him like she did me, etc. All just weeks earlier. Ravaged my brain.. I thought seriously of driving by but then one day, I took that thought process all the way out. I realized there was nothing I could gain by that.

 

If I went by and there was a Porsche or such in the drive, I would feel like crap.

 

If I went by and there was a junked out beater, I would feel like crap.

 

If I went by and no car, I would get all kinds of false hope but also realize she could be with him or he could be parked in the garage. Then feel like crap.

 

My point is, there was no outcome that would be acceptable. The only solution is to try to focus on you and your needs. Damn hard, I know, but it's what you have to do. Everyday seems to get a slight bit better!!!

Posted

Point well taken....don't drive urself crazy with those thoughts. just push them away & focus on something else. it's what i'm tying to do...its not easy, but u have to mend urself first.

Posted

Rocketman2,

 

I hope you read this in the hopes of learning from my mistakes. My fiance left me for another man nearly two months ago to the day. She never admitted cheating on me, but i knew...Anyways, we had slight contact shortly before the holidays. It was clear, at least from her point of view, that it was over. It is weird because I hold myself partially responsible for her seeking out other men. But that is a story for another thread.

 

These past 2 weeks I began missing her very much. I "caved in" and checked her myspace and email accounts (she never changed the pw's) as well as performing a couple of late night anoymous rides past her home. I discovered she is still seeing the person she left me for. I just put things together and that was his car in her driveway at 3:30 am on an early Sunday morning. In fact, one of her emails confirmed she is sleeping with him and waiting on him to let her know if he wants a relationship.

 

Furthermore, she has numerous males friends. Much to my chagrin, one of these friends is taking her to Vegas next weekend. She has cyber sex with various people she has met on the internet and will freely give them her phone number so that she may help these men "finish" in a proper fashion and will even join in with one of her "toys." She also indicated that such encounters could lead to in person meetings. She barely knows any of these people.

 

So your question is what do when you find out they are sleeping with someone else? Everyone else on this forum gives such good advice I would just listen to them. But the advice I can give you is to do nothing, and I mean absolutely nothing...which would reveal such information. It just plain hurts and has been a setback for my recovery from this relationship.

 

Hope this helps...thank god a good friend of mine just called right now to go out and have a beer...because i was just ready to go sit in a corner and cry for a while :)

Posted

It sucks now but you will get through this!

Posted

Pity is actually a pretty good way to deal with those jealous thoughts. You already know she's attracted to idiot players. Obviously, she's messed up. Pity her. Feel sorry for her. And be happy that she's not your problem anymore and can't do anything to make you miserable anymore.

 

When the bad thoughts start, immediately stop them and replace with something like, "Too bad for her that she's with another loser! Not my problem!" or "Yeah, she's setting herself up to get screwed again - sucks to be her!"

Posted

Oh dang, I know the pain man...when it first happen to me, it seriously hurt like hell! I never thought such pain could come from that! But the thing is, her new b/f is SO FREAKIN' UGLY! HAHA, I find it downright hilarious...yeah I wonder why she left me for that, but that is not my problem....its her loss, she lost out on a good flourishing relationship that we both would have benefited from. Norajane is right, pity her....that does work. Not saying it doesn't hurt or anything, but don't focus too much on that...she doesn't deserve your love. My only problem with it right now is the fact that she is probably going to be with this fruitcake longer than she was with me....yeah it was only 4 months, but still it was special. Anyone got any input on that?

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