stanchain Posted January 18, 2007 Posted January 18, 2007 It has been nearly a month, actually friday would have been a month. And she called. Now of course she did not call to talk to me about anything.... at first. She called about our cell phone bill. Then I responded letting her know I would take care of it, but I was kinda rude... kinda harsh. So I sent her a message apologizing and explaining that it was not because of her (which it wasnt) it was because I was busy with work and things of that nature. I swear not more than 2 minutes after I left that message she calls from a blocked number. I answered it not knowing it was her. Well we ended up talking for like a half an hour. Of course she mentioned she was seeing somebody and asked me if i was. I was honest and let her know I have been dating. She responded that i must be having more fun now because I can do all the fun things I could not do when her and I were together. Then of course she asked me if I had sex with anybody yet... because if so that means that I was over her (her words). I was honest and let her know that I hadnt. not because of her but just because it was not... not something I was worried about at this point with nay of the girls I have been seeing. She mentioned that she wishes she would have talked to me about the things that bothered her before letting go. And I just told her that would have been a good thing. then we got off the phone. Well about an hour later or so we got back on the phone (i had told her I would call her back) we talked for another half hour. nothing major just casual conversation. Told her about my trip to vegas coming up (which she was supposed to be on) and the trip I have planned for the end of next month. Of course she responded that I never wanted to do those things with her. I let her know that we could have done all of that and that infact the only reason I had a vegas trip planned was because it was for her birthday. OH and her response erked me. She had the nerve to say the only reason I wanted to go to vegas was because of her. UH WELL YEAH DUHHHH. That was the one thing that she always wanted to do was go to vegas for her 21st bday. I let her know she was right and most of the things we did was because she wanted to do them, and I was more than happy to do whatever I could to give her everything she has always wanted. I was busy at work and let her know that I had to get back to work. But if she had anything else she wanted to get off her chest she had my number. 9:20 rolls around my phone rings. It is her again. didnt have anything to get off her chest she was just enjoying talking to me and wanted somebody to talk to. so we talked for a while long (about 30 minutes) and then she said she had to go pick her boyfriend up from work. She said she may give me a call later on, if not she call me when she can. Now the whole time we talked I did not once say I missed her, or love her. infact I was proud of myself because although some of those things came to mind I never let them come out. I did say that it was nice hearing her voice, and that she was right what we had was something special. My thing is why is it she calls now? I mean I am dating having fun... had almost completely got her out of my mind. almost. I mean I still thought about her from time to time. but i was strong. So I need some advice support.. something. Why did she call... not only once... but twice... and what happens next? Do I act like we never talked? gosh.... gunny what happen... I was doing so well.... Dad of 3 you still out there... I need yall... oh and legs holla at me
Author stanchain Posted January 18, 2007 Author Posted January 18, 2007 Oh and of course she did the whole, they are not having sex because she is not ready for that. And that she feels bad because she is not able to open up to him because I still have her heart... and because she is not over us yet. Not to mention she said if I want to talk to her just call her.. but dont leave a message because he gets really jealous anytime anybody calls her, and she doesnt want to argue with him over me calling. because he is a really jealous person and my name gets brought up too much around her house with him around... I am so confused as to why she would even call... and no... I am not having a total relapse. I can say that. It is weird and I am trying to figure it out. But i am not repeat am not back at square one. It had an effect on me... but not like I thought it would.
dropdeadlegs Posted January 18, 2007 Posted January 18, 2007 I'm proud that you held your tongue about missing her and loving her, you've come a long way from three weeks ago. You know, I was just thinking about you yesterday, wondering how you were doing. Now, why she called, and wanted to keep entertaining conversations is probably at least partly due to the fact that you haven't been calling her! She noticed that. No contact draws her back in. I wish I could say that it is working to bring her back, but read on. Stan, it's hard to know what goes on in an individual mind, but she admitted she has a boyfriend. All this talk about wishing she had done things differently is nice, but she didn't say "I want another chance. I was wrong and want what we had." She is probably keeping you hooked, a lot of people like to do that. She probably already knew you have been dating, you live in the same area, right? People talk. I wish you wouldn't answer questions about your sex life because it is no longer any of her business, even if she chooses to share intimate details about her sex life. "How/why does that concern you?" would be a better answer to intimate questions. Intimacy is about more than sex, and she is sharing intimacy with someone else, not you. That last part about call her but don't leave a message because it would upset him - that's the part that makes me so sure that she is NOT trying to get back with you, but trying to ease her own conscience. "Don't rock my boat, Stan." You were healing and she sent you reeling. No, not a total relapse, not back to square one. For the life of me I will never understand why the "dumper" feels they have the right to do this to the "dumpee." How about "hey, Melissa, quit rocking MY boat! I was sailing pretty smooth and quit trying to put me back in choppy water!" Do you have any more "legitimate" reasons for contact? I mean in the way of bills and such. Do you still want her back? If you do, then state firmly that she is not to contact you for chit chat. No "hey, how are you doing?" Tell her the only conversation you will entertain with her is a conversation about reconciliation. No talk about life, trips, dates, and especially sex. Only reconciliation is the appropriate reason to call. No calls from blocked numbers, no calls at all. Stan, talking to her only prolongs the pain and healing if she never comes back. You can't be "friends" with someone you have strong feelings about. If she calls you about reconciliation, great. If she doesn't you can move on far easier. It's really that simple and best for both of you. It makes her think. She has no Stan to cling to while she makes a firm decision about whether she wants to be with you or not. Again, you did so much better than in the past, but be stronger and you will survive this heartbreak. Prior to coming to LS I didn't know what NC was , nor how it worked. I just did it by accident and it did bring him back. All the contact was only keeping me baited and hopeful and allowing him more time to hem and haw before getting off the proverbial pot. It does not, by any means, always bring your partner back to you, but it does allow you to heal more quickly. Be grateful you don't have children together because that makes NC harder to enforce. You can't make her come back, but you can take care of yourself. NC is the key to self preservation. See what today did to you? Good luck, Stan. I haven't seen Dad lately, but I have seen Gunny around. Keep up the good work and just apply yourself a bit more. You are making progress, my man. Don't stop dating if you have found it enjoyable, just keep moving along. This will pass.
Gunny376 Posted January 18, 2007 Posted January 18, 2007 "Either you "is" or you "isn't" Who your dating or not dating, who your sleeping with or not sleeping with isn't any more of her business than it is mine. Who she's dating or sleeping with isn't any more your business than it is mine. My "call on the ball" is that "Mr. Perfect" isn't so perfect and she's having second doubt, and she's sending in "scout-snipers" to see if she's still got you on the hook, if you're still "committed" Doesn't work that way! Either your in the game or your not. No! Don't be calling her. Don't be s**t for her. In for a penny, in for a pound. Its all or nothing. She misses what she had with you? She wants to be your friend? She wants to be friends with you ~ well once you've crossed a certain line in a relationship such as the two of you have there's no going back to being friends. You can be friendly and cordial ~ even civial to one another ~ but going back to being friends? Some do, most don't! Its not a tendable position. The bottom line is ~ she had her chance! She wants another chance? Fine! Here's the deal! Then spell it out to her. The guys that I have seen pull this off in getting back with their X's are the ones that state their bounderies, set their expectations, set their conditions and are willing to "walk" if they're not meet. They don't play second fiddle to anyone. They don't "suffer fools" easily, and they're no nonesense. They're saying "These are my terms! They're non-negotiable! Either meet them or I'll find someone who will!" I'm not saying that all women are promiscuious, but I know for a damn fact that all women are human beings ~ with real wants and needs. Most young women in their twenties are not living the life of a nun. You can believe what she's telling you, but I don't. I'm still in the "Chaulk it up as a learning experince, and move on!" group. She's still playing games. She's still putting all of the blame for the failure of the relationship on you! She's still not owned up to her part of it. It takes two to make it ~ and only one to break it! Climb your azz down off of that Lover's Cross, you've been up there long enough! Go find yourself someone who appreciates what you've got to offer. Better yet, date more than just one! You're young! That's what you're suppose to be doing. There's nothing wrong with dating more than one woman ~ just in so long as your honest with them about it. Quit sitting around "analysizing to the point of paralysis! Quit sitting around trying to read tea leaves? WTF? Quit sitting around digging up bones of something that's already gone. Let her play her silly high school drama games with the guys she's with. Next time you talk to her, tell her to grow the Hell up and get back with you in five to ten years. By then after she's been with every loser in town, she'll appreciate what she had in you!
Author stanchain Posted January 18, 2007 Author Posted January 18, 2007 I wanna make sure that I cover all of this legs....(havent learned how to mulit quote yet) 1) dating has been fun. I found a WOMAN, that I enjoy very much. She is my age, doing good things in her life and we have a real good time together. We talk pretty regularly... in fact it is the one I told you I met on New years eve. Since then we have gone out probably 4-5 times. She even came back to my place. Fooled around a bit, but I did not want to take it any farther. Yeah she turns me on and everything, I just want to make sure I am completely over Melissa before I start something like that. I have told her already something very similar. I mean she asked me the other day if I was at least open to a relationship (which of course is a trick question) And I told her that I have to at least see melissa face to face before I can answer that question. Because until I know I am completely over melissa... it wouldnt be fair to her or anybody else. But I can say I do enjoy her time very much. 2) We have no reason for any more contact at all. In fact we didnt have any reason this time. See we had the phone together but I suspended the service for two months. She went and cancelled it and wanted me to pay the cancelation fee. I am sure they told her it was suspended... but yeah she made a reason to call. I hadnt called her in a month. And then I went on a date over the weekend and her cousin saw me out on a date. That is the reason she found a reason to call. That and all her friends saw me at the club saturday night. So saturday her friends saw me and then sunday her cousin saw me. Now of course she said she hasnt talked to her cousin... but it is her cousin. And then her cousin called me monday and again yesterday to ask me about who I was with (didnt answer monday). Then melissa called today. 3) Do i even want her back? That is the one thing that I have thought about back and forth the last week. I am really enjoying the new girl (casie), she is fun and I enjoy her and well yeah all is well. And because of that I have been thinking about melissa a little bit. More along the lines that if she came back I think it is a little too late. Casie is a nice girl and I would like to see what it is like to date a woman again. now that is what i had been thinking about all week. Then the other part of it is... being afraid. part of me feels like it would be ok to have melissa back because then I do not have to learn about somebody new or risk being hurt by somebody new again... and then of course i remember how much melissa hurt me... so i dont really want her back either... if any of that makes sense to you. Basically A HUGE part of me doesnt want melissa back at all. But there is that part of my heart, that misses what we had and wouldnt mind having her back. 4) last but of course not least..I had no idea what NC was or anything of that nature. One thing that I realized I never did, was I never just let her know that she has no reason to call me unless it is for that, and even then it was not for sure that when she called I would be open to it. I just turned off my old phone and stopped calling her. Maybe if she calls again I will tell her that exact thing. I mean I am sure she is going to call again. Not sure when but if I know her at all she is going to call. She doesnt have a lot of friends and her believing she can talk to me will get her to call. But I will let her know that. And thank you... I have been doing a lot better when it comes to that whole situation. I have felt good and been having fun in my life. I'll talk to you later... stanchain
Author stanchain Posted January 18, 2007 Author Posted January 18, 2007 "Either you "is" or you "isn't" Who your dating or not dating, who your sleeping with or not sleeping with isn't any more of her business than it is mine. Who she's dating or sleeping with isn't any more your business than it is mine. My "call on the ball" is that "Mr. Perfect" isn't so perfect and she's having second doubt, and she's sending in "scout-snipers" to see if she's still got you on the hook, if you're still "committed" Doesn't work that way! Either your in the game or your not. No! Don't be calling her. Don't be s**t for her. In for a penny, in for a pound. Its all or nothing. She misses what she had with you? She wants to be your friend? She wants to be friends with you ~ well once you've crossed a certain line in a relationship such as the two of you have there's no going back to being friends. You can be friendly and cordial ~ even civial to one another ~ but going back to being friends? Some do, most don't! Its not a tendable position. The bottom line is ~ she had her chance! She wants another chance? Fine! Here's the deal! Then spell it out to her. The guys that I have seen pull this off in getting back with their X's are the ones that state their bounderies, set their expectations, set their conditions and are willing to "walk" if they're not meet. They don't play second fiddle to anyone. They don't "suffer fools" easily, and they're no nonesense. They're saying "These are my terms! They're non-negotiable! Either meet them or I'll find someone who will!" I'm not saying that all women are promiscuious, but I know for a damn fact that all women are human beings ~ with real wants and needs. Most young women in their twenties are not living the life of a nun. You can believe what she's telling you, but I don't. I'm still in the "Chaulk it up as a learning experince, and move on!" group. She's still playing games. She's still putting all of the blame for the failure of the relationship on you! She's still not owned up to her part of it. It takes two to make it ~ and only one to break it! Climb your azz down off of that Lover's Cross, you've been up there long enough! Go find yourself someone who appreciates what you've got to offer. Better yet, date more than just one! You're young! That's what you're suppose to be doing. There's nothing wrong with dating more than one woman ~ just in so long as your honest with them about it. Quit sitting around "analysizing to the point of paralysis! Quit sitting around trying to read tea leaves? WTF? Quit sitting around digging up bones of something that's already gone. Let her play her silly high school drama games with the guys she's with. Next time you talk to her, tell her to grow the Hell up and get back with you in five to ten years. By then after she's been with every loser in town, she'll appreciate what she had in you! Thats what I am talking about gunny... and just so you know I have been going out with a couple of different girls... just one more than the others and as we type on here I am on the phone with renay trying to see if she is going to let me come over and get some "quality time." So I am not sitting on my hands. And you are so right... so so right. I mean she sat and told me how bad things are right now. How she is not sure if she is going to have enough money to pay her car note, and how her dad may be getting locked up for a year or so and she is going to have to work two jobs to take care of her mom. So you are right on when you say she sees some of the light. I could not agree with you more. She is seeing that damn... stanchain was really not that bad.. in fact he wsa a pretty good guy. But like I told legs... and you responded to my other post... my life has been pretty good, and I am not sure if I would even take her a-s back. REALLY MEAN THAT!!!!!!!! I AM NOT SURE!!!! Cause I do not think would or could ever been the same. But if she calls again I will spell it out to her and she can do what she needs to do from there. But I am going to keep it moving.. The slogan for 2007 with me and my boys is 3 things... Keep it Moving !!! Keep it paid !!! and of course..... That sh-t is so 2006!!!! and as far as I am concerned right now... melissa... that sh-t is so 2006!!! just a slight relapse ya know
Gunny376 Posted January 18, 2007 Posted January 18, 2007 I had a bud in the Marines, (Still do) who back when he was a Sergreant, married {no children} came home one day and found that the wife had departed, and took everything that was worth stealing. "Cotton" said "Bet" picked up and moved on. He never re-married, but ended up doing 26 years in the Corps before retiring. He lived in the BEQ, (Bachelor Enlisted Quarters) rent free, utilities free, (except for cabel and telephone), ate in the chowhall for $2 or less a meal, etc. He ended up retiring at age 44, pulling down all the benefits and priviledges he had while in the Marine Corps, plus a Master Gunnery Sergeant retirement check. (About $2300 a month), got out and got a Civil Service job doing the same thing he did in the Marines ~ expect he's making about $20K more a year doing it, (which isn't much of anthing ~ he was in Supply) than he was in the Marine Corps. He had GF's literally all over the world. He never had kids, and when asked if he had children ~ he'd whip out his bill fold and show you pictures of his ten Harley Davidson. When he retired he bought about forty acres (paid cash) buiilt a 4,000 sq ft house (paid cash) with fish pond, and furnished it (paid cash). He build a barn, sealed it off down the middle, air tight. One side was for the horses, and the otherside was for his ten Harleys (and counting) and a fully restored 1969 Pontiac GTO convertable, and 57 Chevy Bel Aire (One bad ride ~ sweet) He meet a little gal about ten years younger than him. Told her, "You see all of this? This is mine! Your entitled to half of everything that we acquire after we get married, but all of this is mine! And, its going to be mine should we ever get divorced." Then he took her around to the "barn" and showed her two Rockweiller pups and told her that he was going to train them to kill everybody on the place if they ever see U-haul orange!" I pointed out to him that dogs are colorblind! LOL! This is what you should be working on! Last check, Cotton and his wife have two children ~ and they're very happy! If you build it ~ they will come!
Gunny376 Posted January 18, 2007 Posted January 18, 2007 How she is not sure if she is going to have enough money to pay her car note, and how her dad may be getting locked up for a year or so and she is going to have to work two jobs to take care of her mom. Sounds like a "personal" problem ~ what's that got to do with you? She use to have a guy that was willing to help her with those sort of things? But, she let that go to the side ~ I'd be telling her to deal with it, maybe the Fair Hair Golden Child she's "dating" might could help her out with that "personal" problem! Better yet? Here's a quarter ~ go call someone who cares! The slogan for 2007 with me and my boys is 3 things... Keep it Moving !!! Keep it paid !!! and of course..... That sh-t is so 2006!!!! I like that!!!!!! A lot! Adding to it: The time to get and keep it real ~ is now! Get your mind on your money and your money on your mind Keep it moving! Keep it paid At the end of the day ~ don't forget to take out the trash and kick it to the curb before you take it to the house!
Author stanchain Posted January 18, 2007 Author Posted January 18, 2007 Hey gunny.. real quick odd question... But if I may ask are you black? I mean I know I am and all but a couple of things you said sounded like tupac... i.e. Get your mind on you money money on your mind.... And as far as her bills go that is how I saw it. I mean in fact I wanted to laugh because she had a great life where everything was paid for and all she had to do was be there and be there for my son... and well that was not good enough for her. She mentioned that she wanted to fix her car up but didnt have the money... it was funny cause i was just like..." sorry to hear that.' that and she said she highlighted her hair ... and then was quick to say that he did it for her cause she couldnt afford to go and get it done. I just got a big warm feeling thorugh my whole body when she talk about it. In fact I got a big warm feeling throughout my whole body every time she talked about wanting to do something and not having the money. cause little does she know that even if I took her back she wouldnt have t emoney for anything cause if i was to take her a-s back it goes back to day one. she pays her sh-t and I pay mine. I may be in a good mood and help her out from time to time... but otherwise those are her bills. She took everything... so she is going to have to pay for everything ya feel me
burning 4 revenge Posted January 18, 2007 Posted January 18, 2007 WTF? Don't date these little goldiggers. I know some of them look so hot and cute and young, but you're setting yourself up for heartbreak and misunderstandings. Stick with women of character who are closer to your age. Many of these young girls have been misled by hip-hop videos-black and white-and it will take time and life experience for them to learn and mature.
PWSX3 Posted January 18, 2007 Posted January 18, 2007 My buddy told me that when things don't work out like the woman (men for that matter) think it should and they see you are moving on or are having a good time, then they want to make sure you aren't having a good time either so they start calling and bugging you. My W admitted to me the last time we were emailing each other that she was jealous of my changes. She has also said she misses the family, so like others have said her new little boy toy isn't keeping her happy and the other side of the fence wasn't as green as she thought it was. Sounds to me like you are doing very well moving on and I don't think you should give her the time of day unless getting back together is something "YOU" want to do and that decision is only up to you to make.
Mz. Pixie Posted January 18, 2007 Posted January 18, 2007 Most young women in their twenties are not living the life of a nun. You can believe what she's telling you, but I don't. Me either. This guy is young right? He's not hanging out for her sparkling personality- he's hitting that. I cannot believe you talked to her. You're not recovered enough to have a conversation with her. NC needs to last for longer than a month. You took a chance on potentially wrecking your recovery by even speaking to her.
dropdeadlegs Posted January 18, 2007 Posted January 18, 2007 You're not my son, and I'm technically not old enough to be your mother (but close!) I LOVE your 3 things for 2007! Those are great rules to live by. It's silly we consider a new year as the only time for "rebirth" and looking through a different set of eyes. We have the power to do that every day, but for some reason Jan. 1 is when we can often finally do it. So good to hear that you are dating, having fun, and moving on! Even happier to know that you are still taking it all slowly, that is so grown up and insightful. People often think a good old fashioned roll in the hay will take all the troubles away (I've been guilty of that myself) and help us to "get over" someone, but it usually just makes us feel bad about being so weak and vulnerable, and can also cause another some emotional pain. That kind of intimacy is best enjoyed with someone we really CARE about. Think about it, Stan, or go back and read your first thread. A month ago you were a total wreck (understandably) and look how empowered you feel now. No contact is a hard concept to grasp when your soul is bleeding and your heart is shattered, but I think you have wrapped your brain around it and how it is beneficial to both parties. Absence makes the heart grow fonder, and silence gives the brain time to process and think rationally without a constant change in direction. By George, I think you've got it! IF she comes back, it won't be coming back to the same old "Stan takes care of Melissa in all ways world." That world ceased to exist when she chose to exit the premises. There's a new Stan in town and he's a changed man by this experience, with a whole new way of thinking! Shared FINANCES are for MARRIED, COMMITTED couples. I pay my way, you pay yours, and shared EXPENSES are SHARED in a fair and equitable way even if that doesn't necessarily mean 50/50. Yep, it's back to square one in every way. Thanks for answering my questions, Stan. I wanted to be sure I had the facts straight. I can see from this thread that your thinking is so much clearer now and I'm happy to see that you have perspective. Keep it moving, Keep it paid, and THAT $hit is SO 2006!
Author stanchain Posted January 18, 2007 Author Posted January 18, 2007 My buddy told me that when things don't work out like the woman (men for that matter) think it should and they see you are moving on or are having a good time, then they want to make sure you aren't having a good time either so they start calling and bugging you. My W admitted to me the last time we were emailing each other that she was jealous of my changes. She has also said she misses the family, so like others have said her new little boy toy isn't keeping her happy and the other side of the fence wasn't as green as she thought it was. Sounds to me like you are doing very well moving on and I don't think you should give her the time of day unless getting back together is something "YOU" want to do and that decision is only up to you to make. It is funny you say that... I mentioned something like this in another post. About 5 years ago or so i was married. well she filed for divorce because well I was in the navy and I was always gone. Well shortly after I met one of the most wonderful women I have ever dated. She treated me better than anybody ever has... even to this day. Well when my sons mom found out she came back and was telling me how she wanted to work things out this and that. well two weeks later I gave in. ended things with the other girl.... two weeks later my sons mom left me again.. that happen like 2 more times with the same girl and after a while she got tired of the back and forth and left me alone. So I am very skeptical of Melissa right now without a doubt. And like I said to gunny, I am not sure that I even want her back Me either. This guy is young right? He's not hanging out for her sparkling personality- he's hitting that. I cannot believe you talked to her. You're not recovered enough to have a conversation with her. NC needs to last for longer than a month. You took a chance on potentially wrecking your recovery by even speaking to her. Pixie... I have ot say that.... you are the most brutally honest person... I want to get mad every time you say anything. Only because you ALWAYS AND I REPEAT ALWAYS hit the nail with the hammer. gosh... cant help but enjoy every time you have something to say. I agree with you that he is hitting it. wouldnt be there if he wasnt. The second part... i wanted to talk to her. not to get back together but i needed to know my reaction so i could decide on what i was doing with some of the other girls i am seeing. Both sexually and emotionally. didnt want to get involved and such if i was going to be playing a back and forth game with them... if that makes any sense. because most of them are just fun. but there is one that could be special and if i was still gaga over melissa i wanted to make sure to keep a safe distance for both her and my good. But after talking about melissa.... i dont really think I am gaga... i am more...i was afraid i would have went back to square one... and i didnt which i am happy about
Mz. Pixie Posted January 18, 2007 Posted January 18, 2007 Pixie... I have ot say that.... you are the most brutally honest person... I want to get mad every time you say anything. Only because you ALWAYS AND I REPEAT ALWAYS hit the nail with the hammer. gosh... cant help but enjoy every time you have something to say. I agree with you that he is hitting it. wouldnt be there if he wasnt. Yeah, I have that effect on people...... :lmao: I always say I'm not here to blow smoke up someone's butt- I'm here to call it like I see it. I don't mean to be ugly or harsh at all, I'm just kind of matter of fact. At this point in the game Stan you don't need to even pursuing a relationship with anyone........I say this because you're making noises that you're not interested in going back to her because of the new girl you've been seeing. You shouldn't be interested in getting back with her because she treated you like shxt- not because of some other girl. You need to heal- and not jump into a rebound romance!!!
jmargel Posted January 18, 2007 Posted January 18, 2007 Let her go already. She is only 20. Way too immature for a serious relationship. She'll destroy what you have with cassie, and she is not going to get back with you. She misses being the attention whore. Next time she calls, tell her you wish her luck in the future and that you have moved on with your life. Stop trying to analyze everything she does. Don't let her suck you into being that insecure person again.
Author stanchain Posted January 18, 2007 Author Posted January 18, 2007 Yeah, I have that effect on people...... :lmao: I always say I'm not here to blow smoke up someone's butt- I'm here to call it like I see it. I don't mean to be ugly or harsh at all, I'm just kind of matter of fact. At this point in the game Stan you don't need to even pursuing a relationship with anyone........I say this because you're making noises that you're not interested in going back to her because of the new girl you've been seeing. You shouldn't be interested in getting back with her because she treated you like shxt- not because of some other girl. you need to heal- and not jump into a rebound romance!!! Well Pixie... i will agree with you completely. And I must say that although the new WOMAN and women in my life are part of it. But most of it steems from the fact that my ex is a f---king liar. I mean last night I may have gotten on here completely different if I felt there was even a part of her that knew what the truth was and how to tell it. The was onl yone question that I asked her about the whole break up and that was why she lied and said she didnt have a boyfriend.... and of course she lied and said she didnt it just happen a few weeks ago. That told me that she will never change. Yeah Casie is a great woman and I am enjoying spending time wiht her, but I have told her that I am not in a rush to jump into anyhting and when the time is right so be it. Until then I just want to take our time and get to know one another. So when I said it is because of the girl I am seeing... that is partially true.... but most of it is because Melissa... never appreciated how wonderful of a life I gave her, and she is only seeing the begining of what life is really all about. I mean the not being able to pay her bills, and getting a second job. She is begining to see what the real world is like and NOW only now is starting to think... damn I had a good thing. She didnt think about that when she was walking out of my life. Now she wants some comfort because things are going bad in her life... where was she at when i spent Christmas and Thanksgiving alone. I may not always explain everything... and a lot has to do with I have a lot on my mind in regards to the subject so I may never stop typing. But I am one of those people that really hold a grudge. I mean I have not talked to my FAVORITE UNCLE and FAVORITE COUSIN cause i felt that did me wrong at my cousins wedding.... and they are family and that was almost 2 years ago. So as far as melisa goes... it is not a short term memory. I still remember all the pain she caused and is causing me, and I am not one that is just going to forgive it because she calls once and says I still have her heart. If I still had her heart she would have never really left..........
Dad_of_3 Posted January 19, 2007 Posted January 19, 2007 Hey Stan, Yup I'm still hanging around I've been a bit quiet of late on most threads as its been a real learning curve to listen and process things rather than blurt things out. Taking a step back from what people say and understanding it without putting my own opinions and values on it. To learn something from it. That and I'm definitely out more, enjoying the company of many varied people that inhabit this crazy city called Sydney Well well well, seems things have come full circle for lil ole melissa. I dont envy the position she's put herself in and still does. You've been this strong to keep your distance from her and move forward. That is great and fantastic to hear. But dont undo the good work by falling into it all over again. You have you've been travelling over this, You've fallen alot, as much as the next person. What have you learnt from it ? Her calling and wanting to speak to you is nothing more than to hit her own self-esteem issues and validate herself. Yes she's got this new guy, but I'm starting to sense she feeling its not all its cracked up to be. She needs that validation for herself, she calling you. Thats not ok. For you, that shouldnt be ok. It isnt doing anything for you, to continue to hurt and be a emotional mess again. The best part of this, is you are starting to identify it and taking steps to meet that issue on dead ahead. The question for advice is more sound and confident rather than how you where earlier. You really are travelling well my friend. Dont EVER loose sight of that. The change in you is great to see and definitely hear from ! You're out and about, meeting people, making friends. Thats definitely a far cry from where you were. You should be proud of yourself ! As for your new found friend. I hear nothing but a man in control of the situation. Good on you. Nothing like the attraction of another person to raise your self-esteem, but dont loose sight of your own path. You are walking it, you are treading it with each and every step. As for the phone calls etc. Don't feel obligated to speak to her. I'm not saying be a bastard to her or anything, but everytime someone throws you a ball, you dont have to catch it. Its your choice, you're not being heartless or selfish. You're taking take of yourself. Thats self-care. She calls and you cant talk. Let her know, no games no messing around. You choose to talk, so be it, but remember you are in the drivers seat here. The more and more I read your posts, its such a transition from where you were. Take a step back and re-read where you've come from. The very first thread you created and seeked peoples advice and opinions. To the point that I see now, you've come such a long way. Can you only imagine what it will be like in a years time? In 2 years time? Growth Stan, I see it. You're sailing ... which port do you want to call into. That choice my friend is up to you. Keep posting I'll be around!
Author stanchain Posted January 19, 2007 Author Posted January 19, 2007 How come things go like this for me? why is it when I am down things continue to pile on. Ok Ok... to my friends Thank you very much for the words of knowledge and support. But I must tell you what happen tonight. I got a little bored as the more bored i got the more SHE got on my mind. So i decided to go out. Had a great time... met another nice girl and was having fun. Why in the hell did my ex and I decide to go to the same drive through at the same time wiht him driving the car I bought her? can anybody explain that to me? I know I know... it was a sign. a sign that she is worthless, lying, and not worth my time... but boy did it hurt. I did not plain it or anything of that nature. But it so f-cking suck. to see him driving the car that I work my a-s off to buy. WOW. dad it is great to see you back. Havent heard from you in a while. But I must tell you all I had a pretty good night. decided to go out instead of sit and think baout you know who... what happens... wow. I must say I am very glad that I have each and every one of you on here... You dont know it... but i leave work from time to time to read and reread what you have written for strength and guidance ( i live close to my job). tonight was an up and down night. For some reason I got stuck on her, and then I forgot about it... then i leave the club to get something to eat and then of course I see her. What type of fa eis that? Well to me it was to let me know that she is a worthless person, that really does not care abou tme or what I have gvien her. and although that is what it means... it does mean that it hurts any less... I'll be srong, and I will not call her even though I wanted to.
Author stanchain Posted January 19, 2007 Author Posted January 19, 2007 I was drunk as can be last night and that whole run into her thing affected me way more than it should have. But I am sober and not really bothered by it any longer. Here is what I need from somebody.... well first off she called again today... I guess there was one more bill that she forgot to tell me about. and then said that there was something else that she had to ask... but forgot and she would call me later or whatever. I need to know how to tell her not to call me anymore unless it is to talk about reconcillation (not saying I am open to it... but legs made a point). That no other conversation is worth my time and even then if it is for that there would have to be a lot to make me even think about it. Cause her calling me and leaving me on the hook is getting on my nerves. I thought about sending her a voice message but everything I recorded sounded like it really affected me that she was calling... didnt want to give her that power. Should i just send her an email? or should I call and talk to her, face to face? I dont know all I know is that i do not want her calling me to just talk about random things. And that is what she is doing. should could have sent me a text message or something like that. But she called from a block number... I just dont want to play whatever game she is pllaying, but I do not want her to know it is affected me.... any ideas?
ilmw Posted January 19, 2007 Posted January 19, 2007 I was drunk as can be last night and that whole run into her thing affected me way more than it should have. But I am sober and not really bothered by it any longer. Here is what I need from somebody.... well first off she called again today... I guess there was one more bill that she forgot to tell me about. and then said that there was something else that she had to ask... but forgot and she would call me later or whatever. I need to know how to tell her not to call me anymore unless it is to talk about reconcillation (not saying I am open to it... but legs made a point). That no other conversation is worth my time and even then if it is for that there would have to be a lot to make me even think about it. Cause her calling me and leaving me on the hook is getting on my nerves. I thought about sending her a voice message but everything I recorded sounded like it really affected me that she was calling... didnt want to give her that power. Should i just send her an email? or should I call and talk to her, face to face? I dont know all I know is that i do not want her calling me to just talk about random things. And that is what she is doing. should could have sent me a text message or something like that. But she called from a block number... I just dont want to play whatever game she is pllaying, but I do not want her to know it is affected me.... any ideas? Send her nothing.... no calls... msgs ...Nothing! Listen to what Do3 just said to you.... he already answered this for you... Also... keep on doing what you are doing for yourself... going out and having fun... meeting new people... good stuff... and Lastly.... don't let her effect you.... don't give her that power... you are your own man... and if your not... pretend you are... until you are... What else have you been doing while tripping down this path your life has taken you on... been reading any books..?
Author stanchain Posted January 20, 2007 Author Posted January 20, 2007 Send her nothing.... no calls... msgs ...Nothing! Listen to what Do3 just said to you.... he already answered this for you... Also... keep on doing what you are doing for yourself... going out and having fun... meeting new people... good stuff... and Lastly.... don't let her effect you.... don't give her that power... you are your own man... and if your not... pretend you are... until you are... What else have you been doing while tripping down this path your life has taken you on... been reading any books..? Yeah, he did... i read it but I wasnt really sure if I should or shouldnt let her know that I do not want her calling me. But after reading what dad said again. If she calls again I will just let her know that I am busy. and KEEP IT MOVING (2007 SLOGAN). Well when i was on the phone wiht her I did not let her know it effected me in any way. I was very upbeat and happy I would say. Havent done much reading... I mean I am sure I have time.. but most of my time is spent out or at work.
Gunny376 Posted January 20, 2007 Posted January 20, 2007 This is what I would tell her, (but remember I'm a retired Marine) "Look, don't be calling me,texting me, nothing! Got it! You need to get up with me about a bill or some other un-finished business, send it through the mail. Other than that, we're through. Finished! Broke up, done with! NO! I don't want to be your friend! NO! I don't want to hang out! NO! I don't want to hear about your problems! NO! I don't want to hear about your worries! I KNOW I'm a good man with a lot to offer the right woman! What you've abused and thrown away, another can use! Yoiu had a good thing going with me, we had a good thing! You blew it, you've thrown it all away! You had your chance, now its time to give someone else a chance!" And then go strictly no contact! She pulls that block number routine again ~ tell her you've been out of high school a long time, and you don't have time for these games ~ you've got a life, you've got places to go, people to see, and things to do, and then hang up! You might want to consider that if she willing to dump Willy-boy, get her act together, get her head out of azz, that you might, just might be willing to consider reconciling with her, but that's a window of opportunity that closing, closing, closed with each passing day! But that she's going to have to work her way back to you, and that she's going to have to earn her way back. And, that means work. I personally don't see why you're hung up on this teenager? (That's what she is ~ damnit) Whatever she's got to offer you can find just as much of if not more, just a good as ~ if not better with a real woman that's got her act together. Instead of going out and finding some gal that needs you in order to get a ride ~ why not go out and find yoursefl that can get her own ride? A strong, self supporting, independent woman is very, very attractive. Personally, I don't need a woman that needs a man to take care of her because she's got to have a man in order to make it day to day. Its like I told my last LTR GF, who was a school teacher, had excellent credit, and was self supporting and independent. I don't love you because I need you, I need you because I love you! And, that's one of the things that I'm looking for in a woman. I don't want some woman that needs me, because of what I've got to offer materaily. I want a woman that wants, needs, and desires me just for being me. And vice versa. And that's the kind of gal that you should be looking for. You need to be looking for someone that's bringing something to the table besides a car load of youngin's by another man, a drawer full of bills, a clunker of a car, and a job making $7 an hour and a hot body! (That's not dis-respecting anyone that's in that position ~ been there myself. I'm not talking about the single mom that's in the above position, that's working two jobs, going to school, struggling to make a better life for themselves and her children ~ I'm talking about the gal that thinks she doesn't have to work, struggle, climb up the food chain ~ because she thinks she was born with all that she needs to get through life with!) Most men, if asked can describe to you down to the letter their version of a perfect ride! You ask them what they're looking for in a potential wife? And, generally the answer is that she can fog up a mirror if she breathes on it! You need to define that and quit collecting phone numbers in night clubs. Gordon Liddy, said that he knew he had found the right woman for him, and the Mother of his children when he meet her at a dance, and she was doing Differential Calculus to pass the time as though she was doing a crossword puzzle! Emotionally, women are about "ten years older" than men. You're best bet is to find a woman that's about ten years younger than you. Trouble is? You're in your late 20's. You're best bet, is to just date ~ and chill for the next ten years. Then find some gal that's about ten years younger than you. That's established in her carrer, stable, got her head and azz wired together, that has her act together. Meanwhile work on laying a foundation for the rest of your life ~ per the illustrations of my buddies from the Marines that I've posted in your thread! There's more to life than just a "booty-call"
Author stanchain Posted January 20, 2007 Author Posted January 20, 2007 Gunny that is what I was lookin for.... a way to tell her i do not want to be bothered with her or her BS. without coming across that it gets to me. And the second thing about taking her back... you are right as rain... the thing about it is that I know her pretty well and she would NEVER, and i repeat NEVER do what it would take to get me back. Because it would not be just walk back say you made a mistake and go back to be taking care of. So I am not really worried about that. i am collecting numbers and dating.. because well it is fun. i am not really looking to settle down with any of them, it is just fun and that is about it. And last but not least... you asked me why am I so hung up on this girl. For the life of me I do not know. What I do know is that when i love, I love with all my heart and soul. And that is what i did for the last 3 years. So to just let it all go is not easy... which I am sure you know. But as far as why.... It was just something special to me at least. So I am going to send her an email or something basically rewriting what you said. Cause that is how I feel abou it all. I was enjoying life (and still am) without being bothered with her little bull**** calls and such. KEEP IT MOVING, KEEP IT PAID, AND THAT SH-T IS SO 2006
Author stanchain Posted January 20, 2007 Author Posted January 20, 2007 Hey gunny hope you dont mind... but I took most of what you said, and sent her an email.... hope it was ok to borrow it About that blocked number routine again ~ I've been out of high school a long time, and I don't have time for those games ~ I've got a life, I've got places to go, people to see, and things to do. Look, don't be calling me,texting me, nothing! Got it! If you need to get up with me about a bill or some other un-finished business, send it through the mail. Other than that, we're through. Finished! Broke up, done with! NO! I don't want to be your friend! NO! I don't want to hang out! NO! I don't want to hear about your problems! NO! I don't want to hear about your worries! You use to have a guy that was willing to help you with those sort of things? But, you let that go to the side ~ those are your problems to deal with it, maybe the Fair Hair Golden Child your "dating" might/could help you out with those "personal" problem! Better yet? Here's a quarter ~ go call someone who cares! I KNOW I'm a good man with a lot to offer the RIGHT WOMAN! What you've abused and thrown away, another can use! You had a good thing going with me, we had a good thing! You blew it, you've thrown it all away! You had your chance, now its time to give someone else a chance. One day I might consider that if you were willing to dump Willy-boy, get you act together, get your head out of your azz, that I might, just might be willing to consider reconciling with you, but that's a window of opportunity that closing, closing, closed with each passing day! You would have to work your way back to me, and you would have to earn your way back. And, that means work. I didn't love you because I needed you, I needed you because I loved you! And, that's one of the things that I'm looking for in a woman now. the only conversation I might be will entertain with you is a conversation about reconciliation. No talk about life, trips, dates, and especially sex. Only reconciliation is the appropriate reason to call. No calls from blocked numbers, no calls at all. And I really dont think you need to call me for any bills. I mean I paid all of rent in Decemeber and you didnt drop a dime. I called PGE and they said that they havent even sent a bill out because they did not charge you from Dec 12th through Jan 1st. They are going to figure out what the charges should have been... deduct it from the deposit and then send you the remander. So I dont think I will be sending you $60.00. Those are my bounderies. I don't play second fiddle to anyone. I am not longer a "suffering fool" I am back to being no nonesense. Those are my terms! They're non-negotiable! The slogan for 2007 with me and my boys is: That **** is so 2006 The time to get and keep it real ~ is now! Get your mind on your money and your money on your mind Keep it moving! Keep it paid At the end of the day ~ don't forget to take out the trash and kick it to the curb before you take it to the house! So as far as playing games and **** as far as I am concerned right now... melissa... that **** is so 2006!!! peace!
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