Guest Posted January 18, 2007 Posted January 18, 2007 Heres the situation: 1. Husband and I have been separated for 6 months. 2. Financially I support myself. 3. Over the last 3 months him and I are dating each other. 4. We both say we love each other. 5. I spent the holidays with my family, he went on a vocation for two weeks. 6. Since he has been back from vocation, he has been putting more effort into fixing our marriage. 7. During our time together, we talk and laugh however we do have alot of silent moments, not so sure if this is a good thing. I am not a quiet person, I think I become silent because I am afraid of saying the wrong things. He has always been a quiet, sometimes you never know he was around. The problem is this is not enough for me. Since we have been separated I have had my struggles, however I am making it, financially and emotionally. The emotional part is still a struggle. I can admit I like the dating part it is like we are getting to know each other all over again. However, I have spent 10 years with this man and honestly I am not so sure going backwards in our relationship is going to fix our marriage. His side: He says he is not happy. He says he loves me. He says he wants me. However, he does not like were we live, in which I bought this house a year before even meeting him. He says the house is mine, not his and not ours, just mine. But I dont think like that, I feel that in the last 10 years we have spent our time together living in this house, we have made this house our home. He did suggest he would like to get another house to call his own, and then I can go live with him in his house. He says in order for him to get his own house he would need my help. I really have a problem with this. Besides if this is something he wants, I think he should be trying hard to make this happen. However, he is not. He has no credit, He is laid off, He has no savings, so it is only fair to say this is not going to happen anytime soon. Another issue he says we have in our marriage is that we are not able to provide insurance for our family. Even this sounds like an excuse, almost every other person I have been in contact with has some type of health insurance issues. Either they have or they dont. In my opinion, he has not provide insurance for our family in over 8 years, so why is a problem now. (over the past 8 years, I have had to tell the state we are separated so that my kids can get health insurance from the state.) I am only being honest so that others can understand alittle bit more about our situtation. (telling the state we our separated, has open the door for help with daycare expenses, health insurance, and pell grants for me to go to college, all of a sudden he feels this is wrong. The only issue I have is if it is so wrong then why hasnt he done anything to help fix our issue.) I dont know what to do anymore. These issues he presents to me seem more like excuses, and in reality he just wants girlfriend not a wife. I do not know if I am able to be that person. In my opinion, I feel that when two people are married they work together on the issues inside the marriage, and not live apart and handle things separately. The sad thing is that the issues he presents to me our not the issues I feel is wrong in our marriage. The biggest issue we have in my opinion is blending our family. The kids are teenagers, point made. He does not seem to think this is an issue. Anybody, somebody give me advice. I hope you dont judge me in the decisions I have made 8 years ago in order to get health insurance for my kids, I have two kids with health conditions, they our not his children, my son is epileptic and I have a daughter that has cerebral palsey and is deaf. When it comes to my children, I have taken complete responsiblities for them, at the beginning I turned to him for help, but for the last 5 years he just really hasnt helped or really been there for me. I really didnt think much about it, only because I did not see an interest from him for his own two children. I have asked him how he felt about the fact that my daughter might be with us forever, he says he does not have any problems with that, he loves her as if she was his own. I have heard people tell me that he shows his love in the only way he knows how, I guess what they are saying is that he just doesnt know how to show it. I can admit I have been molded to be a caregiver, I reached this point in my life where I am tired of taking care of others, its time someone takes care of me. Alot of my friends and family tell me to get over him and move on, because there is someone better out there for me, but I struggle with letting him go. I found myself telling him just yesterday, "I dont need you" its that "I want you". Honestly, I can not even tell you what I meant by that. I guess since time has pasted I have been on my own, and look I am making it without him.
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