joel Posted January 17, 2007 Posted January 17, 2007 myself dating and girls my whole life has been pretty sad. in HS i didn;t date at all, or have any female friend , in 3rd year of college i started talkin to girls.but mostly ended being casual aquitances and nothing else-no date, nothing. sad hey, well during that time i started goin online dating such as plentyof fish, myspace, okcupid.. the free dating online. all and all i met quiete a few girls-from all sizes, races and personatlity types. i would chat up with these girls via msn-hobbies, school , life , work etc and later on like after couple of chats depending on the girl -i ask for her number and we meet up for coffee. the thing is i never can keep the girl for long, its like we'll go out for coffee on our first (meeting date), and then i arrange a lunch(2nd date) , and then another such date be it lunch again or hanging out at malls (3rd date). i saw on average i probably get 3 dates out of a girl probably on average , some longer-longest was 2 months-once a week and shortest was like one date. the thing is i met quiete a lot of girls off the net(approx 13) , considering my social network of friends and girls i now from real life are really few to like none. why is that? are girls that picky? like if they feel your too homebody its a turnoff, too quiet or what not. i feel i have more chances with unexperienced girls-hardly dated, had 1 bf , than those who dated and had bfs -experienced girls anwyays its pretty hard now-at 26 yr old i guess i didn;t date and meet girl when i was in my early 20's now its so hard-everyone is taken , or even more picky-considering the girls know what they want and not want in a man. my mom was like this in the morning"hey joe why don't you go find a gf and date" ,"you now u can", i'm like ya its not that easy ya now-u want the girl , she don;t want u, i'm like - and now u tell me to date , how about before. i lack total experience. comin from a strict sheltered family household didn't help out either- parents were like we had to come home at certain times, didn;t beleive in friends and school was the only thing that mattered. kinda of lost a lot of social skills that kids develop when younger.
JCD Posted January 18, 2007 Posted January 18, 2007 The way I look at it is that the girls on the net are desperate to have fun and to be with somebody so they're looking forward to having fun dates like dancing, bar hopping, etc. The homebody girls are not on the net but instead read books, watch tv, etc. That's my take on it.
CaliGuy Posted January 18, 2007 Posted January 18, 2007 You're just inexperienced and not very confident around them. You just need to continue to date and learn. The more dates you go on the more comfortable you'll get. And don't put and high expectations on the date. Just go out, have fun and go home. You need to give them some time to digest the date and think about you, ya know? Don't get anxious. Experience requires time as well as dates.
Porn_Guy Posted January 18, 2007 Posted January 18, 2007 well JOEL after reading many of your posts I've come to the conclusion that your communication skills are lacking and this is why the chicks don't hang out.
Green Posted January 18, 2007 Posted January 18, 2007 3 dates is alot in my book. now in these three dates how far physicaly did you get with these girls. Did you get to play with them?
Author joel Posted January 18, 2007 Author Posted January 18, 2007 what do u mean by communication skills -eleborate. how do u get physical with em, unless u get to go over to her place-my place is out of question. oh do u just ask em to come over to ur place.
Poboy Posted January 18, 2007 Posted January 18, 2007 agree with JCD , you need to go fun places like a pub or club 2nd or the 3rd date... maybe they get bored or something while at these lunch , dinner stuff confidence is the key
Porn_Guy Posted January 18, 2007 Posted January 18, 2007 what do u mean by communication skills -eleborate. . well if your verbal skills are half as cryptic as your writing skills then we have a problem. How are you gonna bag chicks like that?
Green Posted January 19, 2007 Posted January 19, 2007 I meant like make out with them, you can kiss them after dinner, during a movie or at a car. I mean if you had three dates you dont have to go back to a place to start kissing or cop a feel
Grrlish Posted January 19, 2007 Posted January 19, 2007 Joel: I think that it would be great if you had a female friend with whom you could discuss the details of your dates and get some honest feedback. Here's the thing: We're all different. If you're not into clubbing or that sort of thing, then don't go. If you're not into it, why try to develop a relationship with someone who is into those things? It will wind up becoming something to argue about. However, at 26, I would say that hanging out in a mall isn't the best choice for a third date. Or any date, really, if you're over the age of about 15. Hanging out in a mall is for kids or people after they know each other and they're actually shopping. Sorry to be so blunt, that's just kind of a weird thing to do on an early date. Coffee, lunch and then drinks and dinner seems like the next best step. Then a fun activity, whether it's daytime or nighttime - a cool local music show in a cool venue, some kind of art & wine festival (summertime), or just a cool trendy restaurant with activity. If you're just asking her to lunch, she may not actually think you're all that interested. She may also think that, well, you're a tightwad. At 26, frankly, a woman does want to be shown a good time on a date. At 41, I check a guy out to see if he's a tightwad. I make a decent living and I can afford to take myself out, and I an afford to take a guy on a date. But I want to make sure that I'm not dating someone who is going to expect me to pay for him most of the time (I go about 50/50 with my boyfriend since we make about the same money and his house payment is higher than my rent). And I want to make sure that a guy is able and willing to at least pay his part so that we can go DO stuff. (One of my best friends dated a guy for a couple of years who was so cheap, he wouldn't pay his own way so she either had to pay for them both or just sit at home with him.) Edit: If you're asking a girl out, I hope you're not asking her to pay! For those who are getting their panties in a bunch: I'm not interested in arguing the political correctness of going dutch or not, or who pays. I'm just putting this out there for Joel to consider along with the rest of everyone's input. Joel, if you're a homebody, then pay attention to a girl before you ask her out to see if she's a low-key person, as well. And if you're meeting women online, make sure that you're presenting yourself online the same way that you are in person. I'm personally not into meeting guys online but I have in the past and based on my experience and that of others, a lot of people present themselves much differently online than they are in person. And all of that chat Maybe a dating site would be better than chat. Better yet, start meeting women in person, in real life! Lastly, what are you talking about on your dates? Are you initiating topics and maintaining the conversation? If a guy expects me to carry the conversation when he's asking me out on a date, I'm going to be bored, ticked off and...bored. Contrary to popular belief, not all women want to sit and yammer about themselves. If a guy just sits there and expects me to talk the whole time, I figure he's just biding his time until he can try to get in my pants. And then you can bet there will be no chance of that. Figure out what you like to do for fun, and meet girls there...in person. If you're living on the computer, get off of it and find some real life activities to do. That's where you'll meet women with whom you have things in common.
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