pricillia Posted January 17, 2007 Posted January 17, 2007 Everything just makes me wonder! Being Charmed by a man on the internet that tells you he is not married, or in person for that matter is a scary thing, by the time that you are into it...bamm you find out things that you did not want to actually be true. I am not talking about me on the internet, I have never trusted doing anything like that, I would rather meet the man in person and become friendly and get to know him then just a blind date or anything else for that matter. But as shown even in me being carefull, I still ended up being a OW. Today I will share, please BS's please don't tell me he is scum, some constructive sharing would be nice instead. I have be struggling with seeing him and still continue to do so, with that said here it goes . He told me that he was In Love with me, he has always said that he loved me but over the weekend he told me he is In Love... Asked me what I want to be to him, asked me if I had the chance to be his wife would I, but also said that he does not know what will happen. On another note... Today he seemed upset, and he does not tell me much about his home life, but today I push a little harder. He said that "She" is having a hard time with his son( not thiers) is jealous of how he treats him because she has another son by a different man and she feels that he favors his own son. So he is having a hard time saying that he does not know how much more he can take. I just guess that I wish that we were a family and that I was more to him than I am. Now before all the BS's tell me..."How could You" it is just that I have strong sentimental feelings of love and caring for him. Part of me knows it is unhealthy and the other part just does not want to fight it anymore. I am not the type of person can just let go and move on and look to another for the way that I feel is so intense, it is not just physical, not for me and I don't feel for him either. I don't know... for some reason I am all choked up right now... it is overwheming.
whichwayisup Posted January 18, 2007 Posted January 18, 2007 Asked me what I want to be to him, asked me if I had the chance to be his wife would I, but also said that he does not know what will happen. I guess I'm trying to understand the point of him wanting to know - Since he says he doesn't know what will happen...It's like he's feeling things out to make sure you're still interested and want him. Ego feed? He told me that he was In Love with me, he has always said that he loved me but over the weekend he told me he is In Love... Doesn't he realize how unfair of him telling you this, while he's still married? Talk about pulling on one's heart strings... I'm not going to beat up on you, I know you're hurting...I just wish that he would stop doing this to you. It's painful and unnecessary. Bottomline, if he wants out of his marriage, he will do so - And his actions seem not to show that (yet). His words, however are telling you the opposite, and that's not right to you!
Author pricillia Posted January 18, 2007 Author Posted January 18, 2007 It is difficult... and for the past couple of days he has not called as much. I know he is going through some things.
noforgiveness Posted January 18, 2007 Posted January 18, 2007 Everything just makes me wonder! Being Charmed by a man on the internet that tells you he is not married, or in person for that matter is a scary thing, by the time that you are into it...bamm you find out things that you did not want to actually be true. I am not talking about me on the internet, I have never trusted doing anything like that, I would rather meet the man in person and become friendly and get to know him then just a blind date or anything else for that matter. But as shown even in me being carefull, I still ended up being a OW. Today I will share, please BS's please don't tell me he is scum, some constructive sharing would be nice instead. I have be struggling with seeing him and still continue to do so, with that said here it goes . He told me that he was In Love with me, he has always said that he loved me but over the weekend he told me he is In Love... Asked me what I want to be to him, asked me if I had the chance to be his wife would I, but also said that he does not know what will happen. On another note... Today he seemed upset, and he does not tell me much about his home life, but today I push a little harder. He said that "She" is having a hard time with his son( not thiers) is jealous of how he treats him because she has another son by a different man and she feels that he favors his own son. So he is having a hard time saying that he does not know how much more he can take. I just guess that I wish that we were a family and that I was more to him than I am. Now before all the BS's tell me..."How could You" it is just that I have strong sentimental feelings of love and caring for him. Part of me knows it is unhealthy and the other part just does not want to fight it anymore. I am not the type of person can just let go and move on and look to another for the way that I feel is so intense, it is not just physical, not for me and I don't feel for him either. I don't know... for some reason I am all choked up right now... it is overwheming. I'm not going to jump on you but I think you can read it for yourself in his own words. Basically he doesn't know how much more he can take because his wife would like to talk about their kids? Because his wife is upset over how her child is treated? Sounds like a normal blended family conversation that he needs to examine not run away from into your arms. Obviously he has been married before since he has a son not by this wife. Is this what you want? A man who has failed on his second attempt at marriage? Why did his first marriage fail? I just think you need to really think about what it is YOU want and if this man is capable of being that man for you.
Je Ne Regrette Rien Posted January 18, 2007 Posted January 18, 2007 I've got to sway with WWIU, when someone you love says their "In love with you" its the greatest feeling in the world. When my MM said it, I was like a helium balloon for days floating around with a big grin on my face. Then a few days after that I realised that it was, after all, words. We eventually got to the "Action speaks louder than words" conversation (about 7 months later mind you!). I was in a similar predicament - I couldn't just let go on intense feelings, I thought if I did, I'd be losing "The One". But at the same time I didn't want to waste my future on something that may never happen *biological clock ticks loudly in background* lol He's separated now and we're dating. We've still got mountains to climb, believe me. But knowing that he has left, that he's able to call me every night instead of when his W is not there and knowing he's thinking about the future counts a million times more than any "I love you"'s he's said to me in the past. Hang on in there, if he's true, you'll see that his actions will mirror his words. He sounds like he's having a hard time but you take care of yourself first and foremost x
Author pricillia Posted January 18, 2007 Author Posted January 18, 2007 I'm not going to jump on you but I think you can read it for yourself in his own words. Basically he doesn't know how much more he can take because his wife would like to talk about their kids? Because his wife is upset over how her child is treated? Sounds like a normal blended family conversation that he needs to examine not run away from into your arms. Obviously he has been married before since he has a son not by this wife. Is this what you want? A man who has failed on his second attempt at marriage? Why did his first marriage fail? I just think you need to really think about what it is YOU want and if this man is capable of being that man for you. Thanks for Your Reply NF I think that his first marriage failed because she cheated on him, as for the second one, I am still in the dark about many things. He has told me that his current wife sometimes hits his son, this son is by the first marriage. I think mostly you guys that he is so embarrased about these things. He has been through so many things, not saying he is perfect here either. I am sharing here just to get some perspective on this whole thing. And I do not want to be in this situation, being lonely, waiting, thinking what if they do love eachother... not sure what to think anymore.
Author pricillia Posted January 18, 2007 Author Posted January 18, 2007 how old are the boys? I think that they are both around the same age 11 or so if I am correct.
puddleofmud Posted January 18, 2007 Posted January 18, 2007 That's a lot of drama as in "dramatic" situation and not contrived. What WOULD you like to see happen as to his reactions and his resolution about all of this? After all it is completely up to him as to how he handles his "home" life and you can't control that FOR him. Perhaps, the fact that you have no control over the external factors are are over whelming? Maybe you need a break-- a "time-out" to get your feelings together without so much influence. Even should he leave his wife, TONIGHT, all these factors would still be at work. May be you just need a little time to yourself to think about how you feel?
whichwayisup Posted January 18, 2007 Posted January 18, 2007 He has told me that his current wife sometimes hits his son, this son is by the first marriage. If this is true, then they have serious problems. His son is being smacked by his stepmom - The damage that is being done to that poor kid!! Does she hit her own son too?
Author pricillia Posted January 18, 2007 Author Posted January 18, 2007 That's a lot of drama as in "dramatic" situation and not contrived. What WOULD you like to see happen as to his reactions and his resolution about all of this? After all it is completely up to him as to how he handles his "home" life and you can't control that FOR him. Perhaps, the fact that you have no control over the external factors are are over whelming? Maybe you need a break-- a "time-out" to get your feelings together without so much influence. Even should he leave his wife, TONIGHT, all these factors would still be at work. May be you just need a little time to yourself to think about how you feel? Puddle you are right thank you for bringing this to light. He just called me a little while ago, and he sounded so down. I told him that I feel for him that he is so unhappy and he said well somtimes I get like this.
Author pricillia Posted January 18, 2007 Author Posted January 18, 2007 If this is true, then they have serious problems. His son is being smacked by his stepmom - The damage that is being done to that poor kid!! Does she hit her own son too? Not sure, I think that she is jealous of the relationship. His son came to live with him about a year and a half ago. I think that they have been married for about oh 4-5 years. He loves his son so much and I think this may be a bad situation. I feel powerless to do anything here.
noforgiveness Posted January 18, 2007 Posted January 18, 2007 If this is true, then they have serious problems. His son is being smacked by his stepmom - The damage that is being done to that poor kid!! Does she hit her own son too? especially at age 11.Just the damage on the boys self esteem alone. Does he have custody or does his first wife?
Author pricillia Posted January 18, 2007 Author Posted January 18, 2007 especially at age 11.Just the damage on the boys self esteem alone. Does he have custody or does his first wife? He has custody, she is out of the country. Who knows the emotional damage she is doing. I know it is not directly my problem but I care for him and after all the son should not be in this situation.
Author pricillia Posted January 18, 2007 Author Posted January 18, 2007 so what should I do, just listen to him, this is so frustrating you know... He knows that things are off, I do not want to be in the middle, but at the same time, I care for him. I know I am not in that role, but gosh I could just imagine the stress.
whichwayisup Posted January 18, 2007 Posted January 18, 2007 IN all honesty, he shouldn't be discussing his marriage, his wife and his marital problems with you. It's selfish of him. Yes, you care for him, but as you said, what can you do. It pulls at your heart strings and maybe subconsciously, gives you hope that he is going to eventually end his marriage. He should be talking to a male buddy or a therapist about his wife, especially if she is hitting his son. If the situation was reversed, don't you think his wife would be either calling the police or getting a divorce by now? Something is off - Unless he's not telling you the whole story.....Why is he allowing the hitting to go on?
Author pricillia Posted January 18, 2007 Author Posted January 18, 2007 IN all honesty, he shouldn't be discussing his marriage, his wife and his marital problems with you. It's selfish of him. Yes, you care for him, but as you said, what can you do. It pulls at your heart strings and maybe subconsciously, gives you hope that he is going to eventually end his marriage. He should be talking to a male buddy or a therapist about his wife, especially if she is hitting his son. If the situation was reversed, don't you think his wife would be either calling the police or getting a divorce by now? Something is off - Unless he's not telling you the whole story.....Why is he allowing the hitting to go on? Not sure if the hitting was just once or more than once. AHHHHH I am very confused and feel a little broken too. I have so many questions for him that I get answered slowly...
whichwayisup Posted January 18, 2007 Posted January 18, 2007 What kind of questions? List them here if you want. Are you talking about his personal life, or stuff between you and him?
Author pricillia Posted January 18, 2007 Author Posted January 18, 2007 Yes personal and between me and him... I only know where he lives because I did a google search, I know the town through conversation but not where. He calls her one name, I am sure to protect her, but I found out her real name. I know they work opposite shifts, and I know that they spent the holidays separately, x-mas and thanks giving, x-mas we spent time together. Sounds horrible I know. Ugh I am not sure what I would like to know at this point.
whichwayisup Posted January 18, 2007 Posted January 18, 2007 In a nutshell and I am so sorry I can't remember your full situation... So, he's not told you his wife's real name? That is abit strange... I think you need to just lay it all out for him. Email him and just ask what it is you need to know - And be firm about it. Tell him that he's driving you crazy and that you need answers. IF he can't respect you, and atleast open up to answer what you need to know, then you need to think about walking away from him.
Author pricillia Posted January 18, 2007 Author Posted January 18, 2007 In a nutshell and I am so sorry I can't remember your full situation... So, he's not told you his wife's real name? That is abit strange... I think you need to just lay it all out for him. Email him and just ask what it is you need to know - And be firm about it. Tell him that he's driving you crazy and that you need answers. IF he can't respect you, and atleast open up to answer what you need to know, then you need to think about walking away from him. Well tonight I told him I am sorry he is having a tough time, and I also said I hope I am not making it worse, he did not reply to that, then I said it again and he said... "I did not say that" Now keep in mind I really make it easy for him when it comes to the two of us. But today I had my phone on VM, last night he did not call me but once... and today I just did not want to make myself so accessable to him so I put it on VM... He was so mad that I did that and said that If I have a problem then I should deal with it. I think that he is taking out his frustrations out on me in a way.
whichwayisup Posted January 18, 2007 Posted January 18, 2007 His crap at home is his crap. If he is in a bad mood, don't make it about you or what have/haven't done. Uhmm, if you put your phone on VM and he gets pissed off, SO WHAT? You have a life too. Just like he does. I think he thinks you sit and "wait" for him, anxiously by the phone... Don't let him take his frustrations out on you! If he gets pissy with you, tell him "let's talk another time when you're feeling better." You wouldn't put up with this from a friend, a sister, or even your mom, right? So, don't put up with it from him. What's the worst that can happen? He gets madder? He's a big boy, let him deal with it.
Author pricillia Posted January 18, 2007 Author Posted January 18, 2007 Thanks WW for having this conversation with me. You have helped! Sigh...
frannie Posted January 18, 2007 Posted January 18, 2007 ... today I just did not want to make myself so accessable to him so I put it on VM... He was so mad that I did that and said that If I have a problem then I should deal with it. I think that he is taking out his frustrations out on me in a way. Oh... so he can have an affair, not sort things out at home properly, dump it all on you and tell you he's in love with you, ask you if you'd marry him if he messes up his current marriage and.... you put your phone on VM and he's ANGRY..?? Ahem! If you have a problem you should deal with it..? heh, like he does. No wonder you're feeling down. I know you love him and feel sympathetic for him and so on... but he's not being fair on you, and even if you could excuse that, he's being angry with you and that's just inexcusable. He can't go expecting you to be his safety valve outlet for his frustrations and his potential escape route and not get to the end of your patience and shut off your phone. He needs to stop dumping on you. You need some breathing space and to think things through here...
Author pricillia Posted January 19, 2007 Author Posted January 19, 2007 Oh... so he can have an affair, not sort things out at home properly, dump it all on you and tell you he's in love with you, ask you if you'd marry him if he messes up his current marriage and.... you put your phone on VM and he's ANGRY..?? Ahem! If you have a problem you should deal with it..? heh, like he does. No wonder you're feeling down. I know you love him and feel sympathetic for him and so on... but he's not being fair on you, and even if you could excuse that, he's being angry with you and that's just inexcusable. He can't go expecting you to be his safety valve outlet for his frustrations and his potential escape route and not get to the end of your patience and shut off your phone. He needs to stop dumping on you. You need some breathing space and to think things through here... Yes who knows what is going on in his head. I am confused here too... But for the past three days the phones calls from him have decreased.
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