PussInHeels Posted January 19, 2007 Share Posted January 19, 2007 Even if you get the gusto to be assertive and stick up to her, she sees you as a doormat now and probably will continue to since she's been able to get away with it. I think you had the right idea: drop off what is rightfully hers and tell her to get bent. Just keep up your end and don't talk to her. It's obvious she still upsets you so you don't need to talk to her AT ALL and give her that position of control again. If she's so insistent on the money, and you do give in and decide to give it to her, write a check and mail it. I personally would wait and see just how persistent she is (because I'm stubborn ), but if she ends up just giving you a lot of grief over the money, just write it off as a loss. If that's what'll take to get rid of her for good, I would probably do it. Good luck and don't let her get you so worked up. We may bleed excessively without consequence, but we are still human, we can be defeated. Link to post Share on other sites
lovelorcet Posted January 19, 2007 Share Posted January 19, 2007 It is good that you wrote that... Now print it out and burn it. DO NOT send a reply like that. You are feeding into the drama and it will escalate and you are going to get hurt even more. TRUST ME! No matter what you do or what you say you are not going to get what you want from her. You may feel that you have the right to complain about being her doormat but now is too late. You need to give her back her stuff and the money. Do you see how she is using this to f*ck with you. Free yourself of this. Pack up the stuff and bring it somewhere and then write: Your stuff is at XXXXX (where ever the hell you bring it) THAT'S IT! No more information than that. Do you really want to fight with her? If you give her more information she will just keep fighting with you and you can not handle that at the moment. Link to post Share on other sites
lovelorcet Posted January 19, 2007 Share Posted January 19, 2007 And hang in there dude... It DOES get better, it just takes a little time. Link to post Share on other sites
johnnytable Posted January 19, 2007 Share Posted January 19, 2007 Look up some of the threads that I started last summer and see what I was going through. I eventually cut my ex off and it was the best thing that I could have done. You need to cut her off. Give her the "money" or whatever and then block her from your life. $50 is a small price to pay for freedom. Link to post Share on other sites
Author RocketMan2 Posted January 19, 2007 Author Share Posted January 19, 2007 Arg im so torn on what to do :s Im just too much of a nice guy, i know i need to man up and grow some balls I was always absolutely as nice as possible, which has obviously made her see me as a wuss. I know that, i can see that now, and ive learnt from it. I know that because i never stood up to her she thinks she can get away with whatever she wants. Trust me, i hate myself for being such a wuss and allowing her to slip away. But, lesson learnt. I know what you mean about feeding the drama, but i cant resist. I cant have people talking to me like crap, i need to stand up to her. Im not a complete wuss lol, its just when it comes to the ladies, i turn into putty in their hands. Link to post Share on other sites
lovelorcet Posted January 19, 2007 Share Posted January 19, 2007 Think of it like this... If you want to fight with her that is fine but you have a knife sticking in your heart. You can throw all the punches you want but all she has to do it give that knife a little turn and it will bring you to your knees... The longer you stay in this drama the longer that knife is going to be piercing your heart. Link to post Share on other sites
Author RocketMan2 Posted January 19, 2007 Author Share Posted January 19, 2007 I know mate. I hate her and love her at the same time. No, I dont love her, i love the girl she was 6months ago and when we started going out. So many happy memories. Why would she be so horrible to me I feel sick missing her. I cant imagine anyone replacing her Link to post Share on other sites
lovelorcet Posted January 19, 2007 Share Posted January 19, 2007 Why would she be so horrible to me I feel sick missing her. I cant imagine anyone replacing her She is just not interested anymore, don't worry about the why... She is only 18. You are going to need some time and then you will build up the balls to ask out some other girl and she will have been replaced faster than you can imagine. It just takes time. Do the hard work now and stay in strict NC and with in a few weeks this will all blow over. Trust me... I had to go through a break with someone who I was together with for 10 years... It will get better... Link to post Share on other sites
Author RocketMan2 Posted January 19, 2007 Author Share Posted January 19, 2007 Thanks for the support mate I just want rid of this feeling Link to post Share on other sites
princessa Posted January 19, 2007 Share Posted January 19, 2007 Heyyyyyy hey hey there... Dude, you need to man up, and stand up for yourself. You said it yourself, she totally abused your financial resources without even a hint of gratitude. And now she wants 50 bucks on top of everything? If I were you I'd just drop her shoes on her front porch (flaming dog shyt on top is optional), and leave it at that. Seriously though, I know you feel weak, but do you really want her to run away with the last bit of dignity that you have left? She does have debts towards you so it's only right that you keep that money despite what you said. You're broken up now, so you don't have to keep your promises anymore. I say keep the money, and if she keeps harrassing you about it, you will only feel better because you'll get to see her at her ugliest! Plus it will be fun to see her get worked up when she sees that she doesn't have any power over you. Link to post Share on other sites
shockandawed Posted January 19, 2007 Share Posted January 19, 2007 Ok, I generally agree with just paying her and getting on, but I see Princessas point. What exactly is the $50 about? Link to post Share on other sites
Author RocketMan2 Posted January 19, 2007 Author Share Posted January 19, 2007 I agree with both of you, im still on the fence. Its £50 ($100) for joint xmas pressies for friends and familly (she paid it all initially) I knew i owed it her before we split. I feel slightly guilty, but shes got a bloody cheek! Link to post Share on other sites
princessa Posted January 19, 2007 Share Posted January 19, 2007 You shouldn't give it back if only to show her not to f. with you, and put her back into her place. Link to post Share on other sites
shockandawed Posted January 19, 2007 Share Posted January 19, 2007 If you agreed to pay them before she bought it and they were for your friends and families, you should simply pay it. I would take the check and shoes and put them at her place when you know she is not there. Send her a text or something that simply says the stuff is located.....nothing more. Really, pay her by check. If you are concerned that she may claim not to have received them, give them to her in person, just stay way cool. I did that on Monday when I got the diamond back. Not going to say it didn't hurt, because it did like hell. But I do feel some progression this week. Small, but progression. Link to post Share on other sites
johnnytable Posted January 19, 2007 Share Posted January 19, 2007 What you do in this short term probably doesn't matter much. Pay her, don't pay her, whatever. Once you have moved on and removed this person from your life, you won't think twice about whatever you do now. So do what you need to do to get out of the drama. That is the important part because it is keeping you stuck. Then "stand up" for yourself by removing this person from your life 100%. She is no good for you so GET RID of her. Eventually you will move on and care less about this stuff. I had the same deal with my ex and a $10 hairdryer. I just mailed it back to her. If I had not mailed it back and rather kept ignoring her, it would probably not have changed where I am now. However it would have kept the drama alive. They only take your dignity and your power if you give it to them in your mind. It is all in your mind. Link to post Share on other sites
Author RocketMan2 Posted January 19, 2007 Author Share Posted January 19, 2007 Im not going to decide this one, plus the more time i spend thinking about it, the more she has control over me. I do feel guilty about the money, and i cant be bothered to fight myself about that. I feel guilty not giving it her because im a good, honest person. I shouldnt change that just to spite her, as much as the cheeky cow doesnt deserve it. As a compromise to myself, i think ill take her the shoes and money tomorrow when i know shes out, and tell her to get the other stuff from my friends house herself (its a 5 min walk from her work 2moro, so she cant complain about not being able to get there) What do you reckon, am i gonna be satisfied with my decision when its too late to change it? lol Link to post Share on other sites
johnnytable Posted January 19, 2007 Share Posted January 19, 2007 Whatever you do, you might bounce back and forth. I was the same way with the hairdryer. One day I was happy that I sent it back and the next I was pissed at her and wanted to smash it to pieces and just ignore her. So I was flip flopping. I would have done this either way. Now I simply don't care. That is where you want get. Complete indifference. Link to post Share on other sites
Author RocketMan2 Posted January 20, 2007 Author Share Posted January 20, 2007 Well, I did it. Took her stuff and money round. I knew she wouldnt be in, I left the stuff with her step dad, who was polite and understanding That helped. Seeing her house though, stroking her cat. I almost cried when I saw the bus stop i used to drop her off at! It really dragged up the memories. Im glad i didnt meet her, I'd probaby have to kill myself to end the pain that would have been caused. I miss what we had so much. I know now that its for the best, that it could never have worked. Hopefully I can move on now. I miss you K. Link to post Share on other sites
shockandawed Posted January 20, 2007 Share Posted January 20, 2007 Rocket, Sounds like it worked out the best. When I saw L, I read into everything, the way she looked, etc... The memories suck and I know how you feel. Everything reminds me of her. I guess eventually you replay them enough, you begin to get numb to it. I still feel like crap, but I am lightyears ahead of where I was two weeks ago. That weekend I spent Saturday night sitting in a chair with the chills, just miserable and depressed. The good news is there is no reason for her to contact you now. You can begin healing..Hang in there Rocket!! Link to post Share on other sites
johnnytable Posted January 20, 2007 Share Posted January 20, 2007 Have you blocked her email address and other means of her contacting you? Link to post Share on other sites
FallenTree Posted January 20, 2007 Share Posted January 20, 2007 The longer you stay in this drama the longer that knife is going to be piercing your heart.Wow, so true! It makes it worse for one to continue... Link to post Share on other sites
JCD Posted January 21, 2007 Share Posted January 21, 2007 Don't block her because she might grow up and come back to you. That's what happened to my friend. The thing is that you should not hope she will come back to you instead get on with your life without her. I'm also glad that you gave back her stuff and the money. It's really not about revenge but about moving on with a good conscience. Link to post Share on other sites
johnnytable Posted January 21, 2007 Share Posted January 21, 2007 Don't block her because she might grow up and come back to you. That's what happened to my friend. The thing is that you should not hope she will come back to you instead get on with your life without her. I'm also glad that you gave back her stuff and the money. It's really not about revenge but about moving on with a good conscience. Do you really want somebody like this coming back into your life? It would be especially dangerous if you have not moved on if she came back to mess with you. Link to post Share on other sites
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