'ex' got a BF - trouble coping

[blue16]

Ok I posted about this girl in another section...

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t100534/

 

But the main story is...

 

Asked out this girl from work who I had been hanging out for a few months, didn't get a definite answer (she thought I liked her best friend). After saying I didn't wanna be just friends, she finally admitted her feelings for me later on that night in a phone call and after some discussion of the complications and risks we agreed we were gonna go out and see what happens. This whole thing occurred on the weekend and we were busy so we tentatively agreed to hang out on tuesday which would be our first official 'date' as more than friends. We didn't speak for a couple days, and Tuesday rolled around so i texted her and it looked like she was flaking out...and we got into an unrelated argument and she seemed really furious. I was frustrated at the whole thing as well so I started to distance myself a little bit because it seemed to me that she really would prefer to be just friends. I wanted her to put some effort into this thing. We slowly started hanging out again...but at this point there seemed to be confusion as to whether we were still gonna go out and see what happened or are we back to being friends? Of course neither of us communicated anything so after a couple months things just kinda fizzled out - i figured she wasn't interested.

 

Well last week I just found out she got a BF, who she met like 2 weeks ago. Even tho we hadn't been talking much recently, I just had to talk to her about what happened to at least clear the air. I told her I felt bad about what happened between us...and she seemed kind of upset mentioning how she thought we were gonna go out and see what happened between us (but I guess in her eyes, we never really did - and she's right). I also found out she accidentally told a mutual friend of ours that I 'used to like her' even tho I still have strong feelings for her. Anyways, it just get the impression that she thinks after I asked her out amongst all the confusion I 'changed my mind' or my feelings went away. Believe me, it took a lot of work convincing her in the first place I really was interested in her and not her best friend, lol. So after a few months of not knowing where we stood, she moved on to someone else. Neither of us communicated during the whole thing and it's kind of sad how we let things fizzle out for no good reason whatsoever.

 

Ok so the hard part - moving on. Call me crazy, but I still think she has feelings for me but we never communicated and she thought I wasn't interested so she moved on. Regardless, I've tried to initiate NC because whether she likes me or not, she has a BF now so it's a moot point. The problem is that I'm dealing with more than this girl here. Her best friend is also a good friend of mine too. We have a couple other mutual friends. We WORK together...she's on my myspace top 8 etc. How can I go about extricating her from my life without extricating FRIENDS and MY JOB? This is just a part-time job so don't feel tooooo sorry for me but i still have to see her once or twice a week. We did happen to see each other on the weekend through some mutual friends...and it was a little tense at first but in no time we were jokin and havin' fun like old times. She gave me the biggest hug at the end of the night. I can handle seeing her OCCASIONALLY in a casual situation, but what if she brings her BF? I don't think I can handle that. I just don't know what to do to make this whole situation easier.

[JCD]

You need to look deep inside and ask yourself if you really love her. If so then tell her how you feel and ask her the same. See what she says and then act accordingly. If you two end up together then you need to take stronger initiative with her. She is probably one of those girls that like to be lead by her man. So step up to the plate and be proactive and decisive with her.

 

If she doesn't want you as her BF then it will sting for couple of months but you'll learn to accept her as she is with her BF and all. During that time you must say to yourself that you're free to date other women and that should make you excited and forget about her sooner.

[blue16]

I don't love her because I really haven't dated her yet so it's unfair to say that. I do like her a lot tho.

 

Tonight was a very weird night...I met up with this girl and her best friend (who is also a good friend of mine now) for coffee and we talked for an hour so, and low and behold...look who shows up - the BF.

 

Now what I'm about to say might come across as bitter to some, but I'm trying my best to be honestly objective. I of course immediately compared myself to him...and really he was not a good looking guy IMO. I'm no model by any means...but i would consider myself easily more attractive physically. I knew him vaguely from high school, and he seems like a reasonable guy but not a popular stud by any means. And to add the fact that he asked her to be his gf after only TEN DAYS...it just seems really odd to me. Like ok maybe they clicked really good and everything, but that seems like a very short time to declare an official relationship...it doesn't necessarily mean he was desperate or whatever but it is an interesting note IMO nonetheless. Also her online status still says "single"...even tho she goes on the internet every day.

 

I'm in a much better mood now though. I must admit that the feelings for her have subsided a little bit...I'm not sure what to do. I'd love to give it a shot still tho...but there are just so many complications. For the first time in a WHILE things between us are actually cool...we really vibed well tonight and it's obvious the attraction is still there. She kept complimenting me how I looked good and what not. Also we work together, have mutual friends etc. Everything is where it should be for the first time in a while...and I dunno if I complicate things by revealing my feelings for her it might just f*** everything up. She might shoot me down, she say she's taken and that's it...it could get awkward...who knows right? I was thinking of talking to her best friend about it (again, she is also my good friend) so maybe I can get a better idea whether it's worth the risk. Again, the main reason why i am afraid to share my feelings with her is nearly entirely based on outside interferences (work, friends) which is preventing me from going for it without first considering the risks.

 

PS - and yes, if I do decide to go through and tell her i will definitely be more proactive this time around.

[JCD]

I think you're in a good position and if she decided to leave her BF then she might think of you. I would not tell her how you feel about her while she has BF because out of respect for him and also she might distance herself from you and you would lose her friendship. While waiting for her, do go out with other girls that interest you. Simply because she might never leave her BF or leave him and go out with someone else. So don't hope too much for anything but do keep her in back of your mind.