yousaveme Posted January 17, 2007 Posted January 17, 2007 I just wanted to say it is a real shame what this forum has turn out to be. A place were people could come and get advice and talk things out or vent. Now seems more like someones play toy. JMO.
BenThereDunThat Posted January 17, 2007 Posted January 17, 2007 I just wanted to say it is a real shame what this forum has turn out to be. A place were people could come and get advice and talk things out or vent. Now seems more like someones play toy. JMO. I'm with ya there. There's a few reasons I don't post as much, one being that I think exMM reads my posts, and the other being - what's the point? You can't express a thought or a feeling without someone jumping down your throat. And it's not just BS's. There have been a few OW's (okay, really only one or two) that I could do without. It has gotten to the point that when a good topic is brought up, one you think will open up great dialogue from both sides, you're afraid to even look because you know it's just going to be snide remarks. Maybe it's just me, but I don't think that's what this particular section of LS was meant for. And before anybody jumps in and says 'truth hurts, you can't take it, blah, blah, blah...' That's not at all what I mean. I've said it more than once, I always welcomed differing opinions. Always. In fact, I NEEDED/SOUGHT OUT differing opinions. I never wanted someone to coddle me. That being said, I will never berate someone for the situation they're in. If you specifically ask for my advice, I will give it to you. And, I know full well that my experience isn't the same as everyone else's. But I can only give you my opinion based on my experience. And again, only when it's asked for, and only when I think that I have something to offer, that maybe hasn't been brought up yet.
BenThereDunThat Posted January 17, 2007 Posted January 17, 2007 ...AND when I say one or two OW's...I really only mean ONE. Sorry, YSM, I was trying to be sensitive to your friendship with her. I gotta be blunt here. Really, ReneeT, peacelove, WHATEVER she called herself, gave us OW's a bad name. And frankly, I resented it. Not the least of which was because she wasn't really an OW. Not really. Definitely not in the sense that a lot of us who came here for help were/are.
RecordProducer Posted January 17, 2007 Posted January 17, 2007 I just wanted to say it is a real shame what this forum has turn out to be. Bon jour! Is this the first time you've noticed?
TYASAFAHICSI Posted January 17, 2007 Posted January 17, 2007 People's perceptions of "helping" are as different as the day is long. What you may consider berating, someone else may consider constructive criticism. THere are a lot of good people on here and some bad ones as well. I know I have been and can be snarky at times. You just need to weed out the bull****! They had a reputation system on here a while back that if it ws not abused would have been a great asset. Everyone can agree or disagree with any post and the poster will gain or lose reputation based on other's opinion. Then you could say take someone with a stellar rep to heart, whereas someone that everyone thought was snarky with a grain of salt. I say stick around. Don;t let it get to you.
BenThereDunThat Posted January 17, 2007 Posted January 17, 2007 Personally? I love snark. Bitchiness for the sheer sake of being bitchy? Not so much. But snark? Snark, particularly intelligent snark, I can appreciate.
BenThereDunThat Posted January 17, 2007 Posted January 17, 2007 And furthermore, I would just like to add: bla;lcja;lj;alcbvhpa idhfgal;dfj;lasd.......pblhhhh!!!!
pureinheart Posted January 17, 2007 Posted January 17, 2007 I'm with both of you...I am very angry concerning my own situation, and have wanted to vent, although don't want to offend BW's....
TYASAFAHICSI Posted January 17, 2007 Posted January 17, 2007 It is still driving you crazy isn't it? TYASAFAHICSI TYASAFAHICSI TYASAFAHICSI TYASAFAHICSI TYASAFAHICSI TYASAFAHICSI TYASAFAHICSI TYASAFAHICSI TYASAFAHICSI TYASAFAHICSI TYASAFAHICSI TYASAFAHICSI TYASAFAHICSI TYASAFAHICSI
BenThereDunThat Posted January 17, 2007 Posted January 17, 2007 It is still driving you crazy isn't it? TYASAFAHICSI TYASAFAHICSI TYASAFAHICSI TYASAFAHICSI TYASAFAHICSI TYASAFAHICSI TYASAFAHICSI TYASAFAHICSI TYASAFAHICSI TYASAFAHICSI TYASAFAHICSI TYASAFAHICSI TYASAFAHICSI TYASAFAHICSI YES!!! YES IT IS!!! Aaarghhh!!!! (All I know at this point is that it's Russian and Oriental....)
Art_Critic Posted January 17, 2007 Posted January 17, 2007 YES!!! YES IT IS!!! Aaarghhh!!!! (All I know at this point is that it's Russian and Oriental....) ..........
whichwayisup Posted January 17, 2007 Posted January 17, 2007 .......... .........................................Now I have more DOTS than you!
whichwayisup Posted January 17, 2007 Posted January 17, 2007 (All I know at this point is that it's Russian and Oriental....) huh? ...
Can'tGiveUp Posted January 17, 2007 Posted January 17, 2007 I'm with both of you...I am very angry concerning my own situation, and have wanted to vent, although don't want to offend BW's.... I also censor what I 'say'...it's hard enough to try and express what I am thinking and feeling with having to watch for and avoid 'trigger' comments that turn the threads into a p*ssing match. Easier to say nothing and hope to run into some helpful info in a response to someone else's post. Not sure why, on an anonymous forum, I feel the need to worry about others, but I do.
addicted2love Posted January 17, 2007 Posted January 17, 2007 I just wanted to say it is a real shame what this forum has turn out to be. A place were people could come and get advice and talk things out or vent. Now seems more like someones play toy. JMO. Yes it's a damn shame. I used to get a lot of great advice here and truly felt like it was a great place to vent and get/give support. Now I'm affraid to post anything at all regarding my own situation. Not because I don't want to hear "the truth" I appreciate an objective oppinion. Because I can't STAND the cruel, mean spirited comments that some people just can't help themselves from spewing. So instead of feeling like LS is a safe place to vent and connect with those who are living w/ similar situations it feels more like a shark tank!
Author yousaveme Posted January 17, 2007 Author Posted January 17, 2007 I know what you are saying. Things have gotten totally way out of hand. I am starting to believe that there are some people that have come to LS not to heal or help. But to actually harm others. This seems to be their mission. Your not the only one that feels you cant express your feelings. Yes it's a damn shame. I used to get a lot of great advice here and truly felt like it was a great place to vent and get/give support. Now I'm affraid to post anything at all regarding my own situation. Not because I don't want to hear "the truth" I appreciate an objective oppinion. Because I can't STAND the cruel, mean spirited comments that some people just can't help themselves from spewing. So instead of feeling like LS is a safe place to vent and connect with those who are living w/ similar situations it feels more like a shark tank!
Art_Critic Posted January 17, 2007 Posted January 17, 2007 I know what you are saying. Things have gotten totally way out of hand. I am starting to believe that there are some people that have come to LS not to heal or help. But to actually harm others. This seems to be their mission. Your not the only one that feels you cant express your feelings. so the proper way to handle it is create a thread so you can bash those people on your thread ? I'm sorry but threads like these do nothing but make the problem worse.. IMO
Author yousaveme Posted January 17, 2007 Author Posted January 17, 2007 Then how is it solved. I didnt want this to be a bashing. Just pointing out what this forum has more or less become. Their are many that feel like we cant say anything anymore. Wasnt like this when I joined. It was actually quite helpful. so the proper way to handle it is create a thread so you can bash those people on your thread ? I'm sorry but threads like these do nothing but make the problem worse.. IMO
Ladyjane14 Posted January 17, 2007 Posted January 17, 2007 Then how is it solved. I didnt want this to be a bashing. Just pointing out what this forum has more or less become. Their are many that feel like we cant say anything anymore. Wasnt like this when I joined. It was actually quite helpful. Art's right. LS has tools built-in for addressing these problems. There's an Ignore feature, a Report feature, and a link to Contact the moderators. These should be utilized, and offensive posters should NOT be engaged. Sometimes it takes awhile to get it ironed out, but eventually a poster who is presents a continuing problem will be banned. If memory serves, I think there was even a case at one time of an Established Member being given a 'time out' from posting on the OM/OW board. This kind of thread is NOT the answer to the problem. Taking positive action and using the tools provided to you is a better option.
Art_Critic Posted January 17, 2007 Posted January 17, 2007 Then how is it solved. I didnt want this to be a bashing. Just pointing out what this forum has more or less become. Their are many that feel like we cant say anything anymore. Wasnt like this when I joined. It was actually quite helpful. I know that the Mods on LS will tell you to report the abusive or rude posts with the ALERT US button.. Write a reason why the post is abusive and if they delete the post then they will most likely flag the OP of the abusive post.. I know this because I have been flagged for participating in a discussion rather than reporting it .. So.. to answer your question " You report the post " with the Alert Button and then let the mods deal with it.. If the post stays on the thread then they didn't feel the same as you did about the post
bluechocolate Posted January 17, 2007 Posted January 17, 2007 I think what you are describing can partly be a product of LS trying to be all things to all people. There are those who come here seeking help/advice because they have been cheated on & those who participate in the cheating come here also seeking help/advice. Under those conditions there is a bound to be conflict & tears before bedtime - it's kind of like holding an AA meeting at a local piss up during happy hour. The ignore feature is your friend.
erika2610 Posted January 18, 2007 Posted January 18, 2007 Art's right. LS has tools built-in for addressing these problems. There's an Ignore feature, a Report feature, and a link to Contact the moderators. These should be utilized, and offensive posters should NOT be engaged. Sometimes it takes awhile to get it ironed out, but eventually a poster who is presents a continuing problem will be banned. If memory serves, I think there was even a case at one time of an Established Member being given a 'time out' from posting on the OM/OW board. This kind of thread is NOT the answer to the problem. Taking positive action and using the tools provided to you is a better option. The problem is that lately, 99% of these threads in this forum turn into "pissing contests". If you were to report every offensive post, there would be hardly any left. Every time I go into a thread lately, I see posters attacking each other. Some BS just can not help themselves when it comes to attacking OW. Even some ex-OW join in the attack. It really is kind of sad. It wasn't like this when I joined. But once you're around enough, you learn who the nasty posters are, and it's easier to just kind of ignore them. If you ignore them enough, they will go away. But what I don't understand is why BS comes into this forum when they're obviously still so hurt, just to take digs at the OW who are obviously hurting. I rarely see OW in the Infidelity forum, ripping them apart. What YouSaveMe and the others who have a problem with this, the others are right, the ignore button works pretty well. And if you don't want to use it, just scroll right by the troublemakers. Don't give them a reaction.
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