Leo48075 Posted January 16, 2007 Posted January 16, 2007 I am going to tell my story and make it as short as I can, and I am looking for some honest advise. I met my girlfriend "J" about six years ago, and at that time we were just friends, we both had feelings for each other but kept it as friendship only. I got married in 2001 to someone else, "J" was in my wedding as a guest. my marriage did not last, few months later I a divorce, during all this time kept close friendship with "J". after my divorce my feelings for her got stronger and talked to her about it, but she wanted to keep as friendship, even we used to go out together and talk to each other everyday but we were not officially dating till 11 months later. Since then, like any couple, we had our ups and downs, I found out that she lied to several times, about some stupid things but it really got me angry at times. Any ways our real problems started early 2006, she asked several times about were our relationship was going and that she wants to get married, but I was not ready mainly because of the problems and the lies. In April, 2006 we were together, at the same time she was talking to another guy for several days (on the phone only), she was introduced to him by one of her friends because he was looking for someone to marry, (this is common in our middle-eastern community), when I found out about it and confronted her, first she tried to lie about it, but then she admitted to it and again said that she is feeling that she is getting old and want to get married. After thinking about it for few days, I found myself at fault too, plus I loved (and still do) her too much, so I called her and we talked and got back together. After that we still had allot of problems, because I was having hard time to fully trust her again, to make things worst one day she talled me that someone called from over seas, an ex-boyfriend from 12 years ago, that she new when she was in our home country, (that someone is a Muslim - which is totally not acceptable in our Christan community), when I asked her how did he get her number she said that she had no idea, (I found out later from her cell bills that she texed him few days after we got back together and that was before he made the first call to her), this made things much worst, and I told her that I will never be able to forget all this crab, and for several months I was telling her that we are not together any more although we were talking and still doing few things together, but at the same time I still loved her and was not even thinking about meeting any other girl. One week before Christmas, she went to California for an interview, when she came back she was totally a different person, she met someone there, and she has been talking to him since, I also found about that from her cell bills, (I see her call details on line because we have been sharing an account plan for along time now), 2 days before new years I asked her about it and she admitted to it and again told me that she is looking to get married and that it is over between us and that she is over our relationship. She also said that this person from California is serious (he is 11 years older than her and he is a doctor) At this point I told her that I am ready to marry her, first she said no and then she said to give her sometime. I still love her, I do want to marry her, but I am not sure if I will be able to trust her. It is totally over for 3 weeks now, she is still talking to that guy from California, and she also taxed the Muslim guy again few days ago. One day befor new year she text me saying that she still love me but she needs time, few days later she called me and left me a voice mail saying that she still love me and she always will but it is hard for her to come back to me. 2 days after that she calls me and ask me to give mm "my things" back, she ment the gifts I have given her in the past 3 years of our relationship, I rejected that. I also think that she is under some kind of presure (maybe from her mother or sister) I know that she has not "physicaly" cheated till now. What should I do, forgive her and try to get her back or just let go and live the misery of breaking up for good. Is her relationship with the guy from Cali just a rebound? specially it is over the phone LDR?
Lostandfound Posted January 16, 2007 Posted January 16, 2007 A classic example of what should have stayed a friednship and nothing more. Of course the religious thing is an issue, but i dont want to comment on that. My previous post answering your furst question said that NC is there to alow healing and create curiosity in some cases, this is what i suggest you do. If this girl, has love for you as you say she does, then NC will do that. If it doesnt, then im sure you will heal a little quicker, notice i did not say get over it, because that takes a long long time, and if it definitely is not going anywhere, why pursue, and prolong your pain and grief I wish you well
Author Leo48075 Posted January 17, 2007 Author Posted January 17, 2007 Thank you for your answers. It is very painfull, ... like I said I do love her and I do want to marry her, hopping that making it an "official marriage" relationship would solve some of the issues we had.
Lostandfound Posted January 17, 2007 Posted January 17, 2007 You have to both want this to work, trust me i know, if one of you does not want the relationship as is, then you have to move on. You can change or offer her the world, if she does not want it, then its like pushing water uphill with a fork
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