Leo48075 Posted January 16, 2007 Posted January 16, 2007 What is the actual purpose of NC? 1- Is it to try to forget about the ex and move on? 2- Is it to give and get space to rethink about your relationship? 3- Is it to make your ex think of you and hope that they will contact you? Is it different betwen men & women? Is it different for the dumpee than the dumper?
Lostandfound Posted January 16, 2007 Posted January 16, 2007 Welcome to the board!! The main purpose of NC is to move on with your life, and not open up the possibility for disappointment and even more time to grieve This of course depends from which side of the fence you are on, this is especially so if you are the one dumped, god i hate that term Of course if you are the dumper, then you wil not want contact with your ex, because you dont want them anymore, depending on the circumstances behind why you broke things off. Of course , there is another benefit of NC, which is for the dumped, whereby NC may create the feeling in the ex who broke things off, of what the other person is up to, and wondering how they are and creating curiosity, potentially leading up to them contacting their ex, then it comes down to how strong the other person is whether they accept the contact, and how they deal with it. I hope this helps
CaliGuy Posted January 17, 2007 Posted January 17, 2007 What is the actual purpose of NC? 1- Is it to try to forget about the ex and move on? 2- Is it to give and get space to rethink about your relationship? 3- Is it to make your ex think of you and hope that they will contact you? Is it different betwen men & women? Is it different for the dumpee than the dumper? It's simply meant as the quickest way possible for YOU to heal. Nothing more, nothing less.
DyingHeart Posted January 17, 2007 Posted January 17, 2007 It's simply meant as the quickest way possible for YOU to heal. Nothing more, nothing less. Yep agreed. It all depends on the situation you are in. Mine is if I would've not kept talking to my ex trying to find out what was going on, we'd be back together. If you've been dumped, it's wise not to contact him or her. It will only anger them and push them away further. I learned the hard way.
Art_Critic Posted January 17, 2007 Posted January 17, 2007 Both 1 and 2 but not 3..your gender makes no difference And also Caliguy is right.. the fastest way to stop the hurt is NC.. An old timer on LS once said " No new contacts = No new hurts "
CaliGuy Posted January 17, 2007 Posted January 17, 2007 An old timer on LS once said " No new contacts = No new hurts " Absolutely! I agree 100%.
Cossette4 Posted January 18, 2007 Posted January 18, 2007 Just curious on peoples' thoughts... If one does the total opposite of NC to begin with (calling nonstop, trying to meet and figure things out etc.) and then afterwards switches to NC, is it "too late" for NC to "work its magic" as much as it would have had a person adopted it immediately? In other words, are the two supposed effects of NC (1. healing yourself, 2. making the ex come crawling back) diminished if it is not done right away?
SoundedPlum Posted January 18, 2007 Posted January 18, 2007 It's not too late.. However, it certainly DOES depend on the person/situation. If I had kept talking to my ex, we would be back together... not the other way around. But in my case, he said we'd be back together, he just needed time. We broke up because of arguments, not because we stopped loving each other. I stopped calling him though and he took it the wrong way... he later found a new girlfriend and told me the reason. It was because we "drifted apart"... Now I'm kicking myself over and over again because I wish I called more instead of not calling, not texting, etc. I never did it incessantly, though.
CaliGuy Posted January 18, 2007 Posted January 18, 2007 It's not too late.. However, it certainly DOES depend on the person/situation. If I had kept talking to my ex, we would be back together... not the other way around. But in my case, he said we'd be back together, he just needed time. We broke up because of arguments, not because we stopped loving each other. I stopped calling him though and he took it the wrong way... he later found a new girlfriend and told me the reason. It was because we "drifted apart"... Now I'm kicking myself over and over again because I wish I called more instead of not calling, not texting, etc. I never did it incessantly, though. Doubtful. If he really, truly loved you and wanted to be with you he would have made a serious effort to reach out.
hardknocks Posted January 18, 2007 Posted January 18, 2007 clean breaks are the way to go. as others stated the fastsest way to heal. the analogy of a limb that has been broken is a good one - and you would hope for a clean break. the other way, it just keeps being re-injured and never heals properly - sometimes even when somebody breaks a leg or something the doctor needs to finish breaking it cleanly before it can be set what i have noticed when people don't make clean breaks/NC it is because one or the other doesn't really want to let go or is denial about the situation. you have to just let go - remember if somebody doesn't want to be in your life - you must LET THEM GO
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