yousaveme Posted January 16, 2007 Posted January 16, 2007 Can you really trust someone? How do you know when someone you believe to be honest might be a liar?
herenow Posted January 16, 2007 Posted January 16, 2007 Can you really trust someone? How do you know when someone you believe to be honest might be a liar? YSM, let me tell you something with great certainty. A MM having an affair and not being honest with his wife is a liar. No two ways about it!
whichwayisup Posted January 16, 2007 Posted January 16, 2007 YSM, let me tell you something with great certainty. A MM having an affair and not being honest with his wife is a liar. No two ways about it! I agree 100% with HN's post reply.
NearlyThere Posted January 16, 2007 Posted January 16, 2007 but I dont agree with the other answers. Just because someone lies to one person does mean in that to them they are a liar. However it does not mean they lie to EVERYONE about EVERYTHING in the rest of their life. I will back up my argument, when I started seeing the MM I'm involved with, I lied to the partner I was with at the time about where I was going etc, however I did not lie to the MM about anything, so it is possible that other people do the same. Even after 14 months I dont think I have had any lies fed to me, in fact I get pretty brutal honest replies alot of the time, lies are very difficult to keep up, eventually liars trip themselves up, unless they keep a written record of the lies that they are telling. What is more likley however is that the truth might be concealed by avoidance.
herenow Posted January 16, 2007 Posted January 16, 2007 but I dont agree with the other answers. Just because someone lies to one person does mean in that to them they are a liar. However it does not mean they lie to EVERYONE about EVERYTHING in the rest of their life. I will back up my argument, when I started seeing the MM I'm involved with, I lied to the partner I was with at the time about where I was going etc, however I did not lie to the MM about anything, so it is possible that other people do the same. Even after 14 months I dont think I have had any lies fed to me, in fact I get pretty brutal honest replies alot of the time, lies are very difficult to keep up, eventually liars trip themselves up, unless they keep a written record of the lies that they are telling. What is more likley however is that the truth might be concealed by avoidance. So don't ask, don't tell is not lying? Or, what you don't know won't hurt you is OK too? I'm sure you're right. I think although avoiding the truth may not technically be lying, it's still dishonest.
whichwayisup Posted January 16, 2007 Posted January 16, 2007 Sure, you can trust MM with your life, in a sense...In an emergency situation he'll help. Sure, he can keep a secret or two...BUT, in the matters of the heart, no way. Fact is he is deceiving his wife, living a lie (aka other woman, kind of double life noone else knows about) how could he be 100% trustworthy?
NearlyThere Posted January 16, 2007 Posted January 16, 2007 So don't ask, don't tell is not lying? Or, what you don't know won't hurt you is OK too? I'm sure you're right. I think although avoiding the truth may not technically be lying, it's still dishonest. first of any apology, for some reason the word sorry got missed of my post when i went to say, sorry but i dont agree, so sorry for the missing sorry. I did not want to come accross as rude, in fact I was going to put IMO, but my fingers went faster than my brain and I hit enter on the keyboard. However HN I agree with you, yes I was dishonest, and I used the avoidance technique as oppose to out right lying more, does that make me a better person, of course not, a liar, techincally no. However I still did not lie to MM, and that was more the point I was trying to make. In answer to YSM questions though, you cant really ever know in this sitch,what to believe or not, and believe it or not I am still very sceptical, I keep in the back of my mind, well this time he might be lying, in fact on Saturday he asked me outright if I set traps for him to check if he is lying, talk about busted, lol.
Je Ne Regrette Rien Posted January 16, 2007 Posted January 16, 2007 I found my MM out in a lie, a tiny fib to be honest. But as soon as I found out that tiny fib my whole trust in everything he told me came crashing down and I went totally paranoid about everything that came out of his mouth for a few months. I know he lies to his W about me being in his life. and I KNOW he does the avoidance thing with me. But if I'm totally honest, I dont care now. He sometimes lies to save my feelings (he lied that he hadnt bought his wife a xmas present when he had). I didnt confront him about it. I reckon he was protecting my feelings and thought I would be hurt. However, if he lied about something big like getting a D (he's in the process) it would be over for me. IMHO it's the lie he's telling. Being totally honest, I have been known at some points in my life to tell the odd little white lie myself , so I cant really judge.
herenow Posted January 16, 2007 Posted January 16, 2007 The fact is that men who have affairs with their wives not knowing are capable of "successful" lying. If it had not been for an unusual situation, I may have never known that my H cheated. I think that you always have to be aware that these men will lie to save themselves and that means to both the W and the OW. My H has told me that when he was having the affair, he didn't lie to either of us. If you define the word "lie" as speaking a mistruth then yes, he didn't lie. Now he admits that he not only lied to me and the OW, that he was continually lying to himself. He need to lie to himself so that he could carry on both relationships and compartmentalize the affair. Lying become second nature to a man involved in an affair. I will always say that there are exceptions, but for the most part cheaters are liars.
herenow Posted January 16, 2007 Posted January 16, 2007 first of any apology, for some reason the word sorry got missed of my post when i went to say, sorry but i dont agree, so sorry for the missing sorry. I did not want to come accross as rude, in fact I was going to put IMO, but my fingers went faster than my brain and I hit enter on the keyboard. However HN I agree with you, yes I was dishonest, and I used the avoidance technique as oppose to out right lying more, does that make me a better person, of course not, a liar, techincally no. However I still did not lie to MM, and that was more the point I was trying to make. In answer to YSM questions though, you cant really ever know in this sitch,what to believe or not, and believe it or not I am still very sceptical, I keep in the back of my mind, well this time he might be lying, in fact on Saturday he asked me outright if I set traps for him to check if he is lying, talk about busted, lol. I do know that every situation is different and you never have to be sorry for having an opinion.
Author yousaveme Posted January 16, 2007 Author Posted January 16, 2007 thanks for the posts..however i wasnt talking about my MM. thank you again..
herenow Posted January 16, 2007 Posted January 16, 2007 thanks for the posts..however i wasnt talking about my MM. thank you again.. Then we need more info to answer your question.
whichwayisup Posted January 16, 2007 Posted January 16, 2007 thanks for the posts..however i wasnt talking about my MM. thank you again.. I think most assumed you were talking about your MM as you posted it in the OM/OW section...
Marielle Posted January 16, 2007 Posted January 16, 2007 Well, YSM, the only way t o find outta if someone is lying is find out "au hazard" or snooping...(not that I did it)
NearlyThere Posted January 16, 2007 Posted January 16, 2007 thanks for the posts..however i wasnt talking about my MM. thank you again.. In that case I think you should take a step back if its not someone your emotionally involved with and try and look at the evidence you have as objectively as you can and see what answers you come up with. I get the feeling that the evidence is saying to you that this person, whoever it is is not telling you the truth, but your wishing that orginal thoughts about this person were right because you like to believe in the best in people. Sorry if im completely wrong, dont mean to offend.
Author yousaveme Posted January 16, 2007 Author Posted January 16, 2007 Yea, probably. But i thought since I am mostly on here. i should have clarified. My fault I think most assumed you were talking about your MM as you posted it in the OM/OW section...
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