Author RocketMan2 Posted January 16, 2007 Author Posted January 16, 2007 You tell me....what is so good about this woman? I am ready to hear it and keep in mind that she left you! One of the best things I have done so far is make a list of everything I didn't like about her. It started out with the few biggies but I kept wanting to go back and add to it. It got kind of silly but it really helps. Thanks you guys, let me have a go.... Very closed - never talked to me about her feelings, causing arguments when it built up. This probably extended to her also not showing me enough affection.Never made what i'd call enough effort in sex. I always initiated, and although it was brilliant and the 'acts' she did were amazing , she never seemed to do it of her own accord.Never treated me to anything, id always take her out and buy her flowers and stuffI could never tell her about something that was bugging me, she made me feel like if i did, shed turn it round on me and id get the blame, so i just shut up and put up.She always had difficulty understanding the consequences of her selfish actions, on multiple occasions she really hurt me and i had to explain for hours what she'd done. Her appologies when she did were never up to scratchShe was really jealous of my female friend, admittedly it was probably partly my fault, but she never spoke to me about it properly so we could deal with it, all i saw were the symptoms of her jealousy. She never let me know how deep the problem went - maybe ignorance on my part? I did really try though, i thought id done enough, obviously not.In fact she never considered my feelings at all. I was so taken for granted. I did EVERYTHING for that girl, i mean EVERYTHING and she never showed her appreciation at all. Well, not as much appreciation as i was putting in effort. Her whole family is the same, so i can see where she gets it from, its just a huge shame.grrrrr that did help!
Author RocketMan2 Posted January 16, 2007 Author Posted January 16, 2007 Dude... I just read that this girl is 18... Really, let her go and be a man. She looks 25, which is why i approached her in the first place. She had to show me her passport for me to believe it. Its obviously just a guise, she looks really mature, but obviously isnt inside
shockandawed Posted January 16, 2007 Posted January 16, 2007 Age doesn't matter. Obviously at the age of 18 she has some growing to do, but it has to do with maturity. My ex fiance just turned 40 and has many of the same flaws you listed. Especially the communication ones. Nice job, I bet you will want to add to it later.
Author RocketMan2 Posted January 16, 2007 Author Posted January 16, 2007 Age doesn't matter. Obviously at the age of 18 she has some growing to do, but it has to do with maturity. My ex fiance just turned 40 and has many of the same flaws you listed. Especially the communication ones. Thats what bugs me, i know its widespread, but that really is her only flaw, communication. I really tried to help her with it, I tried to be as approachable as possible, but i guess you just cant help people if they dont want it It just makes me sad that something that was so good, and had so much potential has failed. I keep repeating one thing she said to me over and over, i cant remember it word for word but it went something like: She said that she loved me so much, and has wanted so much to remain in love like we were at the start, but felt it just couldnt be achieved, and wasnt willing to try any more. It just really bugs me that she couldnt have sat me down and talked to me earlier. Why did she let all this build up inside her? oh man
cityboy Posted January 16, 2007 Posted January 16, 2007 She said that she loved me so much, and has wanted so much to remain in love like we were at the start, but felt it just couldnt be achieved, and wasnt willing to try any more. It just really bugs me that she couldnt have sat me down and talked to me earlier. Why did she let all this build up inside her? If it makes you feel any better (not that it should), my ex said virtually the same exact thing to me. After 7 years, no less. Your second paragraph, especially, I have heard myself say so many times - why didn't she say something earlier? I want you to do something. Think really hard and see if she did, in fact, say something earlier. I think you might be surprised to see that the red flags were there. This isn't saying that you're at fault for not seeing them - do NOT do that - but it does say that she's a crap communicator and you deserve better. It also says that no matter what you could have done she would have pulled this sooner or later anyway. Finally, and most important, it shows that she does, in a way, get off on stringing you along, and will continue to do so as long as you let her. Do not let her. I need to tell myself the same thing. We need to use this thread to kick one another's ass regularly, methinks.
Author RocketMan2 Posted January 16, 2007 Author Posted January 16, 2007 Think really hard and see if she did, in fact, say something earlier. I think you might be surprised to see that the red flags were there. This isn't saying that you're at fault for not seeing them - do NOT do that - but it does say that she's a crap communicator and you deserve better. What she seems to have done is ask me a question which was massively important to her, in just a passing sense when i wasnt really paying attention and i responded like "yeah ok" or "nah" because it was soooo just a passing comment you know? But she managed to infer all kinds of crazyness from my one word answer to a question i cant even remember her asking, because it was so insignificantly presented. We need to use this thread to kick one another's ass regularly, methinks. Fine by me mate This place is so good and full of such generous people. I love it, im addicted!
cityboy Posted January 16, 2007 Posted January 16, 2007 What she seems to have done is ask me a question which was massively important to her, in just a passing sense when i wasnt really paying attention and i responded like "yeah ok" or "nah" because it was soooo just a passing comment you know? But she managed to infer all kinds of crazyness from my one word answer to a question i cant even remember her asking, because it was so insignificantly presented. Yup, there you go. Women will do that - it's just how they are sometimes. They'll communicate in ways that they think you're being communicated to, only to find out that you didn't hear a thing, then you're the jerk for not listening in the first place. Learn from it, but don't blame yourself. She should have been more forthcoming and clearly wanted to get the answer she wanted in order to give her a path out. I had a deep dive last night as well, and today I'm doing better. I'm thinking about the person I was when I met her, all the thing I have stopped doing, all the things that made me the strong, attractive person I was then. I have a new job starting soon, and I look forward to that - more money, more responsibility, a chance to redefine myself. I'm determined to rise above, and I think you should do the same. Trust me - you feel so much better when you allow yourself to do so. Allow yourself to be a jerk, be selfish - heaven knows she's doing the same. I too became a bit of a wuss in the relationship, to be honest. I became indecisive in light of wanting to do what she wanted to do, and in turn that made me somewhat unattractive. Women don't dig that, an the irony is that in trying to make them happy, to do what they want, we're undermining what it is that they're looking for in men. I'm not saying be a controlling jerk, but sometimes when we fall head over heels for a girl, we lose ourselves in the process. The thing about that - they've lost what we lost too - the man they fell in love with.
Author RocketMan2 Posted January 17, 2007 Author Posted January 17, 2007 I too became a bit of a wuss in the relationship, to be honest. I became indecisive in light of wanting to do what she wanted to do, and in turn that made me somewhat unattractive. Women don't dig that, an the irony is that in trying to make them happy, to do what they want, we're undermining what it is that they're looking for in men. I'm not saying be a controlling jerk, but sometimes when we fall head over heels for a girl, we lose ourselves in the process. The thing about that - they've lost what we lost too - the man they fell in love with. Thats exactly what I did. I was pretty pussy whipped to be honest, and if i ever stood my ground she'd get upset, id feel guilty, etc etc What an IDIOT! Oh well you live and learn
D-Lish Posted January 17, 2007 Posted January 17, 2007 I've been the "whipper" before... It's not pretty...
Author RocketMan2 Posted January 17, 2007 Author Posted January 17, 2007 I've been the "whipper" before... It's not pretty... So I learn from this, Whats the best way to deal with a whipper? I guess the reason I didnt push back is because i was scared of not pleasing her, her getting mad and leaving etc.
cityboy Posted January 17, 2007 Posted January 17, 2007 So I learn from this, Whats the best way to deal with a whipper? I guess the reason I didnt push back is because i was scared of not pleasing her, her getting mad and leaving etc. Walk away. Man, I'm lucky this is my last week at my current job. I am getting no sleep.
lorr Posted January 17, 2007 Posted January 17, 2007 Been reading your post and you have to realise that at 18 she has alot of growing up to do.I hail from the UK, and as you know and see there are alot of young girls there who do not want to be tied down to one guy.They want the freedom to go out with their friends, date loads of guys etc and the fact is they are now settling down alot later. Your focus seems to be on what you should would and could have done for her but she's made up her mind and although it hurts, the quicker you can accept that things are well and truly over, the quicker you can move on.
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