Author DyingHeart Posted January 17, 2007 Author Posted January 17, 2007 Has he come right out and said that this is all about you and if you didn't do this and that it was over? At first he said it was him, then he said it was me, then it was him again. So I was pretty confused. He never talked in depth of what he was feeling. I wish he would've, it would've saved a lot of heartache.
Author DyingHeart Posted January 17, 2007 Author Posted January 17, 2007 I saw two Counselors early last year. One insisted I had a major problem and needed to see me once a week for the next YEAR. She also insisted I start taking medication, medication that could possibly cause more long term damage than the short term damage itself. The other listened to me, understood what I was going through and said "Hey listen, I don't think you're bad off. You just need some time to adjust and get over it. Come see me when you feel you need to talk. Otherwise I think you'll be a-ok." Which Doctor do you think had my best interest in mind? See my point? You need to go see one or two more Doctors and find the one that LISTENS to you and has your best interest in mind and not their wallet. I'd like that, but unfortunately I am on medicare now and it's so messed up. I can only go to one place and if I do, I barely get 15 minutes of talk time. I even found out the other day that the Psych department closed my case....back in October. Which I find weird as I did not get any verbal or written notifications. I don't see why, I never missed an appt. And the person I have to contact, is never there. I'm always on the phone, trying to find out what happened. I'll keep everyone updated with that one.
Capatinacen Posted January 17, 2007 Posted January 17, 2007 At first he said it was him, then he said it was me, then it was him again. So I was pretty confused. He never talked in depth of what he was feeling. I wish he would've, it would've saved a lot of heartache. Ok now it's making sense. So he said that things needed to change. Ok I understand that but what gets me now is that he went back and forth with it being him and you and him. So this isn't all about you. And yes he should have talking about what he was feeling. When are you both going to sit down and talk about this. Did he say?
SuziwithaQ Posted January 17, 2007 Posted January 17, 2007 Dyingheart I feel for you sweetie. I'm in the same situation, but my non-boyfriend is the one who needs the help. I agree that you need to work on YOU. Go to another doctor who can get your meds right. I tried several before Lexapro started helping me. It is very mild but takes most of the anxiety away and it doesn't affect my energy. I wish you the best of luck. I do believe that love is worth fighting for, but give this guy his space and discover who you are without him. I am in the same boat and trying hard to take my own advice.
Author DyingHeart Posted January 17, 2007 Author Posted January 17, 2007 When are you both going to sit down and talk about this. Did he say? Don't know. As of now he only sees our relationship as a friendship and he says that any talk of a romatic relationship is out of the question. As I've pushed him away with trying to get answers out of him. I shouldv'e taken the no contact thing seriously, but he's so confusing. So, I'm just going to leave him a lone. I don't remember the exact date that he dumped me, but it was right before Christmas. I still feel so hurt. I'm reading through the posts and I see that I'm not alone with this one. As we have only really been apart for a few weeks. And that the healing process is a long one. I have my moments when I feel happy, but most of the time I'm still pining away for him. I wish I wouldv'e found this site when it first happened. Maybe then I would know truly about the no contact rule Because that's where I really messed it up, by always trying to talk to him...
CaliGuy Posted January 17, 2007 Posted January 17, 2007 Don't know. As of now he only sees our relationship as a friendship and he says that any talk of a romatic relationship is out of the question. As I've pushed him away with trying to get answers out of him. I shouldv'e taken the no contact thing seriously, but he's so confusing. So, I'm just going to leave him a lone. I don't remember the exact date that he dumped me, but it was right before Christmas. I still feel so hurt. I'm reading through the posts and I see that I'm not alone with this one. As we have only really been apart for a few weeks. And that the healing process is a long one. I have my moments when I feel happy, but most of the time I'm still pining away for him. I wish I wouldv'e found this site when it first happened. Maybe then I would know truly about the no contact rule Because that's where I really messed it up, by always trying to talk to him... If you have some time, read "Love Must Be Tough" by Dobson. It explains why pushing someone to reconcile only pushes them away and explains how to build confidence and self-esteem, as well as healthy boundaries, that can help you draw them back in. Right now if he is saying "friends" that is a very bad thing. Pull WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY back!
Author DyingHeart Posted January 17, 2007 Author Posted January 17, 2007 Yea, it's not wise to keep a friendship going when I love the guy to death. And it will only lead to fighting and more pushing away. Neither of us need that. It hurts him to fight with me and it hurts me that I can't be with him. Soooooo, no contact. It's so hard not to just pick up the phone and talk or go to his house. He only lives about 4 miles from me. I do hope that we can get it working again in the future. 7 years is a long time to throw away. Only time will tell, and I hope everything turns out great. I really do. If not, then, well, I'm sure I'd be able to be friends with him, but not for a very long time. I'd have to be completely over him in order to do that. I know I'll always love him. He's been nothing but the best. Always was there, supported me in every way. I know the pain will stop one day. I can only hope that each day I feel less and less pain.
CaliGuy Posted January 17, 2007 Posted January 17, 2007 Yea, it's not wise to keep a friendship going when I love the guy to death. And it will only lead to fighting and more pushing away. Neither of us need that. It hurts him to fight with me and it hurts me that I can't be with him. Soooooo, no contact. It's so hard not to just pick up the phone and talk or go to his house. He only lives about 4 miles from me. I do hope that we can get it working again in the future. 7 years is a long time to throw away. Only time will tell, and I hope everything turns out great. I really do. If not, then, well, I'm sure I'd be able to be friends with him, but not for a very long time. I'd have to be completely over him in order to do that. I know I'll always love him. He's been nothing but the best. Always was there, supported me in every way. I know the pain will stop one day. I can only hope that each day I feel less and less pain. When you are completely over him your desire to remain friends will most likely fade as well. I see no logical reason to be friends with an ex unless you share a child. Otherwise, what benefit is it to either of you be friends? All that is left is old wounds, new lovers and peeling back scabs. You must act as though he is never coming back and stick to that mindset. It is indeed the quickest way to heal. Even if he does come back and you are healed, you will finally see him in a different light and quite possibly not want him back. The stronger you are the more likely you are to draw stronger people to you. Water seeks it's own level. When you are not healthy you will be attracted to people who are not healthy for you. When you are healthy you will attract those to you who are healthy. It's the way life and relationships work.
Capatinacen Posted January 17, 2007 Posted January 17, 2007 Right now if he is saying "friends" that is a very bad thing. Pull WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY back! Yes I would pull way back also and treat this as if he isn't coming back. When you are completely over him your desire to remain friends will most likely fade as well. I see no logical reason to be friends with an ex unless you share a child. Otherwise, what benefit is it to either of you be friends? All that is left is old wounds, new lovers and peeling back scabs. You must act as though he is never coming back and stick to that mindset. It is indeed the quickest way to heal. Even if he does come back and you are healed, you will finally see him in a different light and quite possibly not want him back. The stronger you are the more likely you are to draw stronger people to you. Water seeks it's own level. When you are not healthy you will be attracted to people who are not healthy for you. When you are healthy you will attract those to you who are healthy. It's the way life and relationships work. Yes I agree with you to. Should try to start changing for YOURSELF, not him and see what happends. If he doesn't come back, maybe that's a good thing. Probably not right now it doesn't seem like it but later you might meet someone else.
Author DyingHeart Posted January 17, 2007 Author Posted January 17, 2007 Yep, as much as that hurts me, it's what I'm doing. Plus, I got in contact with the psych department, and I will be getting a therapist and be tapered from my meds properly. So, that's good.
dropdeadlegs Posted January 17, 2007 Posted January 17, 2007 Yep, as much as that hurts me, it's what I'm doing. Plus, I got in contact with the psych department, and I will be getting a therapist and be tapered from my meds properly. So, that's good. DyingHeart, you did MY heart some good today. I am glad that you are taking steps that are in the right direction. I see a strong person in you, and the "real" that's behind the meds and the anxiety you must be something to behold! You go girl!
Author DyingHeart Posted January 18, 2007 Author Posted January 18, 2007 Thanks! I feel a little better. One thing though. I was reading one of the threads about porn and masterbation. I cannot get an orgasm. At all. I've tried and tried, and nothing. You think it has something to do with the pain and loss I'm feeling? Never had a problem with it before... Even my ex had told me last week that he can barely get a hard on, and it takes him about 2 hours. He never had a problem with that, I can assure you, lol. Maybe he's feeling a bit down too? I don't know. I'm trying to keep up with this no contact thing, it's tempting to ask how he's doing, but I won't do it. nope.
dropdeadlegs Posted January 22, 2007 Posted January 22, 2007 I can't speak for your ex, maybe he is feeling down, etc, But for you, the meds can affect your libido. Antidepressants are known to do so. I hear they are making real headway in that area, though. Even if you need to switch, I understand that not all have the same side effects. I have only taken Prozac and Effexor, and I can say that both made me not want sex at all. I still had sex, but I didn't enjoy it in a physical way. Don't worry about that at this moment. I recognize that it is worthy of long term concern. I think it may take care of itself with a proper tapering off of the medications you are on. Cross one bridge at a time, DyingHeart. One bridge is a huge milestone.
Author DyingHeart Posted January 22, 2007 Author Posted January 22, 2007 Heh, but the only way he gets aroused is through me, which obviosly I cannot do at this moment. He's never been on antidepressants or any kind of meds. He's also very confusing. Yesterday I had asked him to return my items, and he asked me why. And it wasn't a mean why, it was just a curious why. I've been keeping up with no contact except for then. I just wanted to get my things back. He was a little mean on the phone with me after that, but he is definately struggling with something. After being with him for so long, I can read him like a book. Well, that is until now. He's being very evasive and odd. I told him that I needed to not talk to him for a while so we can both sort out our problems. But, later that night, he IMs me and apologizes for being mean and for hurting me. And we talked for a bit, and then when I was ready to go to sleep, I said goodbye and he started calling me the little pet name he always called me. Since the break up in Dec. he has not done that at all. Only called me by my full first name, Christine. Somehow, I think he's testing me. To see if I can really be that person he once met. He even told me that to see me like that again would be wonderful. I think he thinks that if he acts distant to me, then I will have no other choice but to depend on myself. He's kind of weird like that. He's very blunt, but he can be confusing to say the least. So, I'm going to keep up the NC and get myself back on track and maybe he'll come around. I really hope he does, but I have to condition myself for the worst, so I wont be too hurt if nothing ever comes from this. It's so damn hard though. 7 years is a long time. It's hard not to associate everything with him, as we have done everything together. I've had good hours and not so good hours. I still cry. Not all the time, but there are sometimes when I just have to. I think what gets to me most are the dreams I have. I always keep dreaming about him being with someone else. I hate that. I've always had those dreams, because I think it's what I feared most in our time together. So, now that we aren't together, I fear it even more, if that makes sense. I don't think about it much, just when I have a dream, and ugh, it disturbs me. Sometimes I wish I had a magic switch that could turn my emotions off.
Author DyingHeart Posted January 22, 2007 Author Posted January 22, 2007 I have only taken Prozac and Effexor, and I can say that both made me not want sex at all. I still had sex, but I didn't enjoy it in a physical way. YEP! YEP! Paxil did that to me. I hated it. And they told me the side effects would go away after taking them for a while. NOPE! not at all. Ugh, If I ever get back with my ex, no paxil for me. I hear that Wellbutrin is pretty good without sexual side effects and good for cutting back on smoking....which I need to do badly. I'll have to bring this up with the pill giver next time.
dropdeadlegs Posted January 22, 2007 Posted January 22, 2007 YEP! YEP! Paxil did that to me. I hated it. And they told me the side effects would go away after taking them for a while. NOPE! not at all. Ugh, If I ever get back with my ex, no paxil for me. I hear that Wellbutrin is pretty good without sexual side effects and good for cutting back on smoking....which I need to do badly. I'll have to bring this up with the pill giver next time. I agree with your thoughts on Wellbutrin. I have also "heard" that Lexipro is better i the sexual side affects are. Personally, I probably didn't take anything long enough for it to "go away." How long is someone supposed to accept that kind of effect? I managed about 8 months on each before I had had enough. Definitely bring this up!
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