Guest Posted January 16, 2007 Posted January 16, 2007 Have to come up with the plans? I do, right? Also, do I offer to pay? info: Worked with this guy for one week at a temp job. I was dating someone at the time. BF and I broke up 4 mos ago. Decided to give this guy a call and he was actually in the phone book. Anywho, I thought this guy was intriguing and very cute when I worked with him that week. I am still in shock that he called me...too unreal. I havent casually dated ever...ever. Have always been friends with my bfs first. Advice please ) Thanks )
TheDC Posted January 16, 2007 Posted January 16, 2007 Yes you should come up with the plans. And if it was your idea then you should pay, but expect him to want to at least go dutch. Most men accept the fact that on a date they are the ones who pick up the bill. Just take it easy and have fun and for Ch_ist's sake don't sleep with him on the first date if you want him to actually be interested in you as a GF.
princessa Posted January 16, 2007 Posted January 16, 2007 Yes you should come up with the plans. And if it was your idea then you should pay, but expect him to want to at least go dutch. Sorry this if off-topic... but wtf is "go dutch" or "dutch courage"?? Seems like i've been hearing this all over the place lately.... pls educate me
princessa Posted January 16, 2007 Posted January 16, 2007 As for my advice on the situation, I agree with TheDC, I think you should be the one coming up with plans since you invited him. And offering to pay will surely score you some points as well
TheDC Posted January 16, 2007 Posted January 16, 2007 Going Dutch refers to each paying for what they ordered. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Going_Dutch
dropdeadlegs Posted January 16, 2007 Posted January 16, 2007 I suggest making some plans yet being open to suggestion by him as well. When you don't know someone very well there can be things that won't work on a date with them. For instance, some forms of music just don't do it for others; there could be dietary or allergy issues (macrobiotic diet, seafood allergy); and some people either won't get up and move, or can't sit still. I would definitely expect to pay, but would be willing to compromise if he is uncomfortable with that. Enjoy!
Guest Posted January 16, 2007 Posted January 16, 2007 Thanks for the advice. Anyone have any interesting first date ideas for the cold climate folks? Guys, where/what would you want to do on a first date?
dropdeadlegs Posted January 17, 2007 Posted January 17, 2007 Dinner and a movie is usually a pretty safe bet. Dinner and a club won't allow much conversation at the club but neither will a movie. Maybe drinks at a quiet bar after dinner?
TheDC Posted January 17, 2007 Posted January 17, 2007 Yeah dinner and something, just not a club or a movie. You need to do something that allows you to talk and get to know the other person. Why not something like bowling or mini putt, even going to a museum or a gallery, something that gives you time to be together to learn about one another.
Arianna72 Posted January 17, 2007 Posted January 17, 2007 I have a question along these same lines... the guy I am seeing right now pretty much refuses to ever let me pay for anything (or even split cost). He often invites me to very nice dinners, poker tournaments and other costly dates. The one time I convinced him to let me pay for dinner he picked a very inexpensive place and swore that was what he felt like eating. This makes it somewhat awkward to ask him out or even pick a restaurant to go to as I don't know how much he wants to spend etc. Guess I am just not sure what I should be doing in this case. I don't want him to feel like he is always the one to make plans and pick places to go but I also don't want to be presumptuous knowing he will be the one paying for the date. By the way playing pool is a great date idea... we do that quite often
TheDC Posted January 17, 2007 Posted January 17, 2007 Just tell him outright that he can't buy your affection. Does he make plenty of cash? This could be normal for him and he knows most people can't afford his tastes, that would be reasonable. But if it out of some misguided sense of chivalry or male ego then you have to nip it in the bud. Either that or see how much he is really willing to spend. When he asks you where you would like to go give him the name of the most expensive restaurant in town and order their most expensive entree. Also be sure to order an appetizer and a soup and dessert and a couple of bottles of their most expensive wine. See how far he is willing to take this. If he's rich then it won't matter, and if he isn't then once you have depleted his assets you can finally take him out for a decent evening.
Arianna72 Posted January 17, 2007 Posted January 17, 2007 He definitely makes considerably more money than I do but I also think there is a bit of the chivalry thing going on as well. He is one of those super nice guys. When my car engine blew up he got up an hour early every day for nearly 2 weeks to take me to work and we had only been dating for a couple weeks at that point. He will occasionally let me buy him a drink but then he turns around and buys for the rest of the evening. We have gone to quite a few of the most expensive restaurants in town and while I certainly didn’t push things to see how much he would spend I am fairly certain he would not complain about what I ordered. I invited him to dinner last Thursday but the place I picked was closed (a mid-range place I intended to try to pay for) and we ended up at a really nice place that he of course paid for. So my question is should I… 1. not invite him out at all and wait for him to do the inviting 2. make a bigger stink about paying occasionally knowing he can afford it. 3. some other great idea someone has
princessa Posted January 17, 2007 Posted January 17, 2007 Either that or see how much he is really willing to spend. When he asks you where you would like to go give him the name of the most expensive restaurant in town and order their most expensive entree. Also be sure to order an appetizer and a soup and dessert and a couple of bottles of their most expensive wine. See how far he is willing to take this. If he's rich then it won't matter, and if he isn't then once you have depleted his assets you can finally take him out for a decent evening. Hahahaha I like that
princessa Posted January 17, 2007 Posted January 17, 2007 So my question is should I… 1. not invite him out at all and wait for him to do the inviting 2. make a bigger stink about paying occasionally knowing he can afford it. 3. some other great idea someone has Why don't you invite him to a place you can afford once in a while and pay for it? He can't possibly be allergic to inexpensive stuff!!!
Arianna72 Posted January 17, 2007 Posted January 17, 2007 Even doing that I still have to make a bit of a stink in order to actually pay. He knows about how much money I make (I work in social services and he owns his own contractor buisness ) and that I have a child and a lot of bills where as he has no children and very few bills he has to pay. He says he feels bad letting me pay for things when he has the money to do so. I tell him I do have money as well but I still end up having to wrestle him for the bill. btw.. he isn't just like this with me, when we go to the bars he insists on buying my friends drinks as well. I often wonder just how much money he makes as he seems to throw a lot of money around.
dropdeadlegs Posted January 17, 2007 Posted January 17, 2007 I have a question along these same lines... the guy I am seeing right now pretty much refuses to ever let me pay for anything (or even split cost). He often invites me to very nice dinners, poker tournaments and other costly dates. The one time I convinced him to let me pay for dinner he picked a very inexpensive place and swore that was what he felt like eating. This makes it somewhat awkward to ask him out or even pick a restaurant to go to as I don't know how much he wants to spend etc. Guess I am just not sure what I should be doing in this case. I don't want him to feel like he is always the one to make plans and pick places to go but I also don't want to be presumptuous knowing he will be the one paying for the date. By the way playing pool is a great date idea... we do that quite often OP, I too agree that playing pool is a great option! Arianna72, I understand your discomfort. I think mine comes from never wanting a man to think I'm in it for his money. That sounds funny to me to hear it because I choose men who certainly aren't wealthy! I try to remind myself that sometimes someone wants to treat you nicely and it gives them pleasure to do so. I have many times treated a SO to concert tickets, the hotel room (a very nice one because I wanted to stay somewhere 4 star for a change) and he paid for our very inexpensive dinner which consisted of sandwiches. I did this because I wanted to share the out of town concert experience with him and I could afford to do so. I wanted him to be there, he could not afford it and I knew it, so I just made the arrangements and took him. He said it made him uncomfortable and that he would pay me back for his half. He didn't and I never expected him to because sharing the experience was all I wanted, not his money. Maybe your man feels that way about you. I understand wanting to contribute financially, but don't force the issue if he wants to pay. It will only make him more uncomfortable. On the flip side, I have been taken to a reasonably priced restaurant and been tempted to order a grilled cheese sandwich platter! I should take my own advice! I no longer have the financial resources to spend hundreds of dollars in a weekend and my BF often pays for everything. We watch a lot of football together and have barbeques and such, and I feel guilty that he will buy a case of beer (actually the stingy bastards are only putting 20 bottles in a case around here) because he knows I like beer with my football. He will drink 3 or 4, and I will drink them all! Yet he does it again the next weekend. He will pay for all the meat for the BBQ and if I run to the store for some salad or garlic bread, he tries to give me a $20. I often refuse to take his cash, and later find a rogue $20 down in the bottom of my purse. Okay, he wins at that point. Many women will say that he should pay just to enjoy your company (my friend Dina is staunch in this belief) but I find it endearing that you want to contribute, and just as endearing that he won't let you. As for choosing somewhere to eat, just stick with reasonable places that he has already taken you to. If he balks that the place isn't good enough, bump up the ante and go somewhere nice. Try not to feel uncomfortable, never expect complete generosity, always thank him for his generosity, and all will go well. Enjoy while you can! Money is so often a subject of conflict and he doesn't seem to want it to be so.
dropdeadlegs Posted January 17, 2007 Posted January 17, 2007 He definitely makes considerably more money than I do but I also think there is a bit of the chivalry thing going on as well. He is one of those super nice guys. When my car engine blew up he got up an hour early every day for nearly 2 weeks to take me to work and we had only been dating for a couple weeks at that point. He will occasionally let me buy him a drink but then he turns around and buys for the rest of the evening. We have gone to quite a few of the most expensive restaurants in town and while I certainly didn’t push things to see how much he would spend I am fairly certain he would not complain about what I ordered. I invited him to dinner last Thursday but the place I picked was closed (a mid-range place I intended to try to pay for) and we ended up at a really nice place that he of course paid for. So my question is should I… 1. not invite him out at all and wait for him to do the inviting 2. make a bigger stink about paying occasionally knowing he can afford it. 3. some other great idea someone has Arianna72, there is another thread about called "Money and Who Pays?" and it seems that most of the men agree that if you plan, you pay. However, I say you try to pay, and if he is chivalrous and refuses to allow it, well you have given your best effort. Keep making plans and then go by that advice! If he throws a lot of money around, he must be able to afford it. Construction is very lucrative in my neck of the woods.
Arianna72 Posted January 17, 2007 Posted January 17, 2007 Yeah I was reading that thread as well. I will try that for a bit and see how it goes. I am thinking I may do more of the make him dinner and rent movie type things then I can simply go to the store and buy stuff to cook This is such a change for me, frankly I am actually used to being the one to pay for most everything... as most of my ex's either didn't make as much money as me or simply allowed me to always pay. Construction is rather lucrative around here as well..
dropdeadlegs Posted January 17, 2007 Posted January 17, 2007 Yeah I was reading that thread as well. I will try that for a bit and see how it goes. I am thinking I may do more of the make him dinner and rent movie type things then I can simply go to the store and buy stuff to cook That's a wonderful idea! I do a lot of that myself. This is such a change for me, frankly I am actually used to being the one to pay for most everything... as most of my ex's either didn't make as much money as me or simply allowed me to always pay. Me too. I seem to love blue-collar men. More accurately blue-collar men with lots of debt or ones who work sporadically and experience layoffs. But I'm getting better at choosing!
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