Angel Goddess 13 22 Posted January 16, 2007 Posted January 16, 2007 I was in a 15 yr relationship with a man that was 13 yrs older than myself. I had a breakdown from doing to much and not having outlets for my mental garbage can in 2000. I have been getting better and just b4 I left my husband I started talking to a man from New York and I am in Regina Sk Canada. My new friend quickly became my boyfriend via the net. I found $600 to send to him so he could come to see me. Things went well with us and how he got along with my 2 boys for the 2 weeks he was here Jan 06. Then I managed-living on social services-to get a return ticket to fly to see him and his family-I met the important ones and one friend and we all got along well and they made me feel like I am a great person that didn't need to change. My old relationship was all about me needing to change all the time cause I was ****ed up! My new man quit his jobs and come to live with me in May 06 and we have been together all this time. We found that he can't work till about 9 months after we marry here in Canada, so we desided to move to the usa in hopes that he can work enough to get us our own place. We made this desision in Nov 06. I share custody with my ex-4 days on 4 days off-of my 7 & 11 yr old boys. By moving I would have to give up all custody of my boys. I thought if I could build something in the usa then they could come live with me when they are 16 and get a usa university education-my oldest wants to play pro football and this would give him a better chance of this happening. I just found out that to come across the line with my household things I would have to have a fiancee visa which will take about 6 months to recieve if I sen in the $165 and the proper forms but I would have to marry within 3 months of crossing the line. My bf has a theater job that will take about 6 weeks in the usa in march/april and that is when we were going to move to NYC. I think this visa thing is a blessing cause I have been having some problems lately. I was worried that even though we have one of his friends to drive here to take a truck of my stuff to the usa if anything goes wrong then there is no one to bring back my stuff. I have recently inherited all the things from my childhood from my mom and gma(who took care of my till I was 6) and there is nowhere to store my stuff here. I have fibromyalgia and have meny health related problems that keep me from working a normal job that is why I am on disability social services, this is also the reason that I have smoked a joint once in a while when I was at my worst-I am also bipolar and it helps me to feel more normal when I have bad days. My new man is totally against drugs drinking and smoking and b4 he came here he knew I liked to do all 3. I am bi with a foot fetish and he is very pleased with this-but I wonder why with the bi thing. To me when you are in a relationship you only have sex with your partner regardless of the sex unless you are in an open relationship. He does the dishes and laundry for me and is on the computer-reads-and plays games with my boys. When I clean house he always wants me to tell him what to do and how. He wants me to be the boss in all ways and he wants to be my slave. I get frustrated because he doesn't seem to be able to think for himself except in strange ways. He has been in book sales a long time and is a stage manager in the theater. He refuses to get a job that isn't manager in a book store other then his off and on theater. When found him he lived with his mom and he is 37 yrs old never really living away from home he admits he doesn't know how to make money work. I sometimes sleep in the day or go to bed b4 him and I get the feeling he wanted to stay up without me and found out why. He would watch porno-femdom mostly and feet-and play and give his precious fluid to a handfull of kleenex. I told him this bothered me. When we have sex he is all about pleasing me and isnt hard much-totally a new thing for me. He seems to only be able to come once and that is it so if he is horny I wanted him to come to me. He quit watching porno and I found him watching women on cam playing with himself watching them play for him. I told him it feels that he is cheating on me and so he said he would quit-he said"I only need to know the rules" I feel bad cause masterbation is a natural thing I even have done it lots myself-but not when I have a man around but started to stroke myself with his encouragement when we have sex. Then I found that he was going onto yahoo and he had told me b4 that yahoo is where he has playing friends. He would chat and play talking to men about having a bi experience. I wanted him to talk to me about it but he said there is nothing to talk about. I told him it is ok to play but I find it hurts when he keeps it from me-why not tell me-how else am I to learn about him and his needs and how they mesh with my own. He is going to NYC without me now-my decision. At xmas I started smoking pot again and it makes me feel better and get more done and I feel that I think clearly. I am worried-I really like this man-have grown to care for him tremendously. There is so much to work out and I don't think I should be in a rush to get married again. There is more and will poste when I get a chance. He is always desiding what he should tell me and what not to tell me by how important he thinks it is-that is why I think he has never really had a real relationship how can I get through to him-or should I just stop trying-he says he loves me the way I am but I think he wants to change lots about me. I am seeking comments-I can read about others but I can't find anyone around me to talk to and feel the need to talk about this stuff. I have to go but would love to read any help I can get on making me feel better with all that is on my mind. Do I sound like a confused bitch? He was just playing games with my boys and saw this -he is always over my shoulder reading everything and I come to see him and purposly dont look to give him privacy. He is upset that I want to talk to anyone about us!!!! Help!!!
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