BohemeRose Posted January 16, 2007 Posted January 16, 2007 M'kay, so I've been in an LDR since May (some of you may have seen me post before) and the last we saw each other in person was late July. We've been alright for the most part, but as I was out of school for winter break (and emmensely bored) and he had to move into a new apartment, there's been a bit of strain over the past few weeks. Admittedly, I was getting over-emotional quite a bit over the past couple of weeks. There was a week where we couldn't talk because he wouldn't have phone service while he was moving, which was horrible for me to deal with, considering the fact we normally spoke for hours every day. Ever since he did get his phone service back, however, we haven't been talking very much at all. He always has people over. That's a huge change from before, I even had feared him to be a recluse of sorts, but now he has friends over all the time. I like that fact that he's seeing his buddies more, but what I don't like is that I now have to fight for what little phone time we do get. When I get him on the phone, he has his friends talking in the background/to him so it's really hard to have a conversation. Then he always has to call me back, because his friends want to eat/play a videogame/smoke a joint, etc. The biggest kick in the arse of it all? When we do get on the phone, he barely speaks. Who am I kidding, WE barely speak. It's dead air for 75% of the phone call, and I can't completely blame him because I can't think of a thing to say. I love him. He says he still loves me. So, we evidently still love each other. But what is with this rut? I'm trying to back off and give him as much space as I can, but it's difficult considering we never SEE each other. If we can't see each other, I'd like to at least speak to him, and it seems as if I'm slowly being denied that, as well. I'm afraid I'm going to lose him to disinterest before we ever do get to see each other again. I dunno. Maybe I don't even need advice, maybe I just need a place to rant. I know what I want to be told...I want to be told that everyone in an LDR goes through this and we will be fine. I know I don't want to be told that it's over.
InsanityImpaired Posted January 16, 2007 Posted January 16, 2007 LDRs are hard, even in the best of circumstances. Why have the two of you not spent time together IRL since July? I know, jobs and all kinds of commitments make that quite hard. LDRs need the time together, at least on occasion. Have the two of you made plans for the future? Timetables? Because without it, LDRs can go on forever, without things moving towards a non-LD relationship. Can you ask him for a talk about all these issues? Because if you don't this may go on indefinitely .
Author BohemeRose Posted January 16, 2007 Author Posted January 16, 2007 LDRs are hard, even in the best of circumstances. Why have the two of you not spent time together IRL since July? I know, jobs and all kinds of commitments make that quite hard. LDRs need the time together, at least on occasion. Have the two of you made plans for the future? Timetables? Because without it, LDRs can go on forever, without things moving towards a non-LD relationship. Can you ask him for a talk about all these issues? Because if you don't this may go on indefinitely . We've been trying to see each other, but we're both kind of hard on money, so it hasn't been easy between work and school and bills. The plan is for me to go up there for spring break (march 3rd, for me) and spend the week with him, but I'm not sure I'll have my passport in time (didn't need one to get into Canada until now) or the time off of work. I've mentioned to him before that I felt like I was losing him and he says "You're not losing me, I'm not going anywhere, you need to get it out of your head, I love you." and other such variations of the same thing. But the thing is, it's hard to get out of my head when he's acting this way. For example tonight, he was supposed to call me when he got home from work. I know he gets home at about 5ish. Well, I don't hear from him until close to 6 when he comes online and messages me saying "I just got in, I'll call after I settle a bit." then it turns into "I'll call after I eat" then he leaves to eat...an hour ago...and has yet to call. I tried calling him but he didn't pick up. He doesn't have caller ID so he's not dodging me, he's either outside smoking or went out. Either way, he used to call me first. Not anymore.
InsanityImpaired Posted January 16, 2007 Posted January 16, 2007 All the more reason to have a serious talk about the relationship. Without his friends or anything in the background. Because this is certainly not working for you. And he hardly seems to be making any effort - how can you love someone and almost spend no virtual time together?
Author BohemeRose Posted January 16, 2007 Author Posted January 16, 2007 Well, he did eventually call last night and I talked to him. It wasn't until I said something to the effect of "If things keep going this way, they won't be going at all." that he really took me seriously, it seems. Anyway, he apologized for his negligence and agreed that it hasn't been fair, but he got too wrapped up in the new apartment and settling in and everything. Things should calm down again soon enough (he actually kicked his freeloading friends out early last night so we could talk and he could get a decent night's sleep before work) and will be back to normal. I'll tell you what though, if things don't calm down soon? I'm going to tell him to forget it. All of it.
Recommended Posts