saturnalia Posted January 15, 2007 Posted January 15, 2007 To make a very long and convoluted situation short and read-able, I was dating two men for about six weeks. Neither knew of the other. B and I shared an incendiary sexual relationship and a common interest; however, his education and career status weren't on par with mine. I met J shortly after, the "perfect on paper" guy who seemed more compatible with regard to career, intelligence, and personality. No, the sex wasn't as hot as with B, but it was good and I decided that I had to regretfully inform B that I had met someone else. J is great, in love with me, compatible in many ways. I couldnt deny we were having a wonderful time together, even though B and I shared this silent, intuitive connection and unreal,scorching hot sex. B is just too relaxed, basically the image of the grown-up surfer/boating boy who lives for the weekend. So sweet, kind but more live-for-the-moment than career-oriented Type-A me. Opposites attract and we found ourselves growing closer and I realized that B was seriously falling for me.... So yesterday I told B that there is another guy and we had to end it. His response was, as expected, understanding. I cried as I was leaving his place, and have been sad about this since. I could tell he was upset in his quiet way but later texted me to tell me how he was glad I was honest, that I was amazing and any man would be lucky to have me. This response did more to make me miss B than anything thus far.... his kindness and understanding nature, everything about him is just foreign to what I am used to. And now, though I really like J and we make sense as far as a longterm couple, I almost feel obsessed with B. I guess it could just be the sexual urge because I really have never felt quite as connected with anyone else in bed. But sex can't sustain a LTR. But sometimes it feels like more than that. Not sure what I am getting at, just looking for some validation or comfort here. I need to get over B and fully appreciate what I have with J, the brilliant, successful guy who is totally crazy for me...
sunangel Posted January 15, 2007 Posted January 15, 2007 First i just wanna say that just cause "j" loves you doesn't automatically make you love him in return, it just doesn't work that way..... Obviously you have more than just a sexual attraction with "b" otherwise you would have forgotten him already. Your heart never lies, go with your instincts. Besides, he may not have a great job or money etc.... But if he's the one that lights that fire inside of you then you CAN'T DENY IT! You need to choose one cause keeping them both around is unfair to either of them.
Lostandfound Posted January 15, 2007 Posted January 15, 2007 Two on the go, wow, there are people on here that would,love the opportunity with one, and you have or had 2 at the same time. My two penneth, great sex does not mean its a great relationship, as i am sure you have found out, so the other guy may be better for you, and have fun teaching him how to make love better, im sure you will
notmakingsense Posted January 16, 2007 Posted January 16, 2007 The obsessing about B does indicate that it might have been more than just sex., but I think you made a reasonable decision. Sex never lasts as long as sharing a true bond, emotional compatibility, values, and goals. Besides, as LostAndFound points out -- you can always teach him about what works best! I had an unbelievable sexual chemistry with my last ex -- but ultimately, it was not enough to overcome the other challenges we had....
GooGooDoll Posted January 16, 2007 Posted January 16, 2007 The question you have to ask yourself is if its the sex your missing. Its hard to believe that thats all there was if it's this bad. If there are other circumstances about how you feel towards him then thats the sort of thing you'll have to figure out on your own. Sometimes perfect on paper isnt so perfect after all.
Salicious Crumb Posted January 16, 2007 Posted January 16, 2007 If you don't think you can get over B, then break it off with J because it is not fair to him. J needs a woman whose heart is his completely, not partially shared with the guy you just think is hot in bed.
D-Lish Posted January 16, 2007 Posted January 16, 2007 I had an incredible emotional connection with my ex, but he had NO LIBIDO. Because our sex drives were on opposite ends of the spectrum, I began to feel irritable and stopped feeling sexy about myself. It eventually took it's toll on our relationship and it came to an end. Sexual chemistry is really important- but so is balance. There needs to be more than physical attraction present- and as you know, the physical part wans over time. When that happens, there better be a strong emotional bond present to keep the relationship alive. I think it's smart to look ahead to the future and imagine what possibilities each man offers you. Sexual attraction can be pretty powerful, but it seldom sustains a relationship for the long haul. Gawd... you just reminded me I need to get laid soon.
Author saturnalia Posted January 16, 2007 Author Posted January 16, 2007 Thanks, everyone. It's quite a dilemma, especially since I intend to remain friends with B. He's a great guy, we have been partners in a sport we have in common. I just don't see relationship potential given our different goals and backgrounds. Of course I am treading lightly with this friendship thing as I don't want to hurt him or create jealousy. If I can focus on my relationship with J but learn to see B only as a friend, that should help the obsessing (although I am being careful with regard to B's feelings). Yes, it's a quandary. But with time it will get better, I think....
notmakingsense Posted January 16, 2007 Posted January 16, 2007 Thanks, everyone. It's quite a dilemma, especially since I intend to remain friends with B. He's a great guy, we have been partners in a sport we have in common. I just don't see relationship potential given our different goals and backgrounds. Of course I am treading lightly with this friendship thing as I don't want to hurt him or create jealousy. If I can focus on my relationship with J but learn to see B only as a friend, that should help the obsessing (although I am being careful with regard to B's feelings). Yes, it's a quandary. But with time it will get better, I think.... Please be very careful with B -- it will be very difficult for him to get over you if he thinks there is a chance at a relationship.
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