Marky Mark Posted January 15, 2007 Posted January 15, 2007 I just found out that my girlfriend of 3 1/2 years has cheated on me for the 3rd time. She lives with me because of problems at her home. I don't know what to do about this because 1)she has no where to go[and I don't want to see her have to live at home no matter how much she has hurt me] and because 2) I am so deeply in love with her that I don't even know what I would do without her. We've shared so many good times together that I can't, and DON'T WANT TO let go. Everybody that I talk to always tells me the same thing ("You need to get rid of her") But it isn't that easy, and yet again, something I don't want to do. I just want to know that it will be okay from now until the rest of our lives. We are engaged, and today I asked for my ring back. All of these people that she begins to have feelings for are her co-workers. And that makes it even worse because she says she will quit her job. I don't want any of that I just wish she had self control and loved me and was as faithful to me as I am to her. Everybody looks at others, but it just plain weak, and unacceptable to act on these feelings without telling your lover how you feel. So I just need some reply's to help me get through this. I am a 19 year old guy, I believe that I am too young, and too good of a guy to be going through the pain that I have been going through for a long time now. Please help me out...
littlepiggy1 Posted January 15, 2007 Posted January 15, 2007 I just want to know that it will be okay from now until the rest of our lives. It won't be. She cheated on you three times. Fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me. You do need to dump her and move on. As long as she can get away with hurting you, she will continue to do so. You both are very young, probably too young for marriage. It will be painful and will get worse before it gets better, but in the long run you'll be saving yourself even worse pain.
LakesideDream Posted January 15, 2007 Posted January 15, 2007 Time to kick her to the curb. It ain't gonna get better. If you don't unburden yourself with this woman soon you will be supporting her children (you might be the father, might not) and kicking yourself for being so stupid.
Salicious Crumb Posted January 15, 2007 Posted January 15, 2007 I am a 19 year old guy, I believe that I am too young, and too good of a guy to be going through the pain that I have been going through for a long time now. Please help me out... Kick her out. She is no good for you....no cheater is. She cheated on you 3 times so she obviously does not love you no matter what she says and she sure as hell doesn't respect you. You need to move on and find a decent woman.
CaliGuy Posted January 16, 2007 Posted January 16, 2007 Unfortunately her infidelity has made your choice for you. You have to boot her out. She already doesn't respect you and now you are going to let her see another man while living under your roof? Where is your self-respect and sense of boundaries?! Kick her out, she doesn't love or respect you.
Star Gazer Posted January 16, 2007 Posted January 16, 2007 KICK HER OUT. She made her bed with THREE other dudes. Let her sleep in it.
Woggle Posted January 16, 2007 Posted January 16, 2007 I agree with the others when they say kick her out. She will cheat again because you put up with it. At this point I would not care if she were sleeping on the street because she made her bed and has to lie in it.
Author Marky Mark Posted January 16, 2007 Author Posted January 16, 2007 Thanks for the advice everybody. But how do I stop having feelings? I can't help it. For instance, I just got out of bed and came to the computer because I can't get the picture of her with somebody else out of my head.. and yet I still want to hold her so bad. Nobody can tell me how stupid I am being, because I know it myself.. Does anybody think that instead of ending it, that counciling could help? Like I said, I agree to the fullest with you guys, but I just can't see myself without her, and I know right now that it would be the longest and most difficult thing I have ever faced in my life....
Woggle Posted January 16, 2007 Posted January 16, 2007 You are in lobe with who you thought she was but that was a lie. Start seeing her for who she really is.
Star Gazer Posted January 16, 2007 Posted January 16, 2007 Just give it time, for which there is no substitute. Trust me, you'll get through this. It won't be easy, but you'll make it through. Be strong and decisive...don't be wishy washy with her. Be firm and confident - enough is enough. You'll only continue to hurt YOURSELF more and more and more if you stay with her. By staying with her you're ALLOWING yourself to continually be betrayed and hurt by this girl. She doesn't deserve you. There IS better out there for you...
Star Gazer Posted January 16, 2007 Posted January 16, 2007 End it. Period. Do not make excuses for her. Do not think of things that will "fix" this situation or her - like counseling. Do not hope she'll change. Do not think that if she "just had some self control"...blah blah. She has RUINED your relationship and there is NOTHING that can be done to repair it. Through her actions she has flat out told you how she feels about your relationship...it means little to her. The girl has some deep seeded issues to cheat on someone she's living with three freakin' times. She's not going to change, at least not anytime soon (and when I say "soon" I mean like 15 YEARS). Move on.
Star Gazer Posted January 16, 2007 Posted January 16, 2007 I know right now that it would be the longest and most difficult thing I have ever faced in my life.... Maybe for now, but there will be more difficult things you experience in life...at least, if you're lucky to live long enough to experience them.
LostHeart Posted January 16, 2007 Posted January 16, 2007 Dude, it's YOUR place and she is not only disrespecting you but the respect you have given her. You let her in your place, you keep her warm and safe by doing so...and she totally disregards that and goes and does her little thing. Don't stand for it. Tell her that's that--make her leave. It'll hurt like hell, yes...but seriously she may learn a lesson by having to fend for herself for once. Don't hand everything she wants to her like you have been doing! Make her grow up!
most Posted January 16, 2007 Posted January 16, 2007 my sympathys...i'm going thru a simular issue. only my guy met the woman, dumped me to date her. i'm having a hard time too. he made me the center of the universe...everyday he showerd love & affection. got so many emails, cards, lil love notes in my shoes....then oneday just BOOM, he wants to see someone else. so he didn't cheat techn. but it hurts the same. now i am forcing myself to date others and its not fair to them, becuase its not where i really want to be...he said he loves me, but just got freaked out by the commitment. i just can't believe this happend.
CaliGuy Posted January 16, 2007 Posted January 16, 2007 Thanks for the advice everybody. But how do I stop having feelings? I can't help it. For instance, I just got out of bed and came to the computer because I can't get the picture of her with somebody else out of my head.. and yet I still want to hold her so bad. Nobody can tell me how stupid I am being, because I know it myself.. Does anybody think that instead of ending it, that counciling could help? Like I said, I agree to the fullest with you guys, but I just can't see myself without her, and I know right now that it would be the longest and most difficult thing I have ever faced in my life.... Feelings don't start overnight and they don't end overnight. You may never stop loving her completely, but over time that love will go from a wildfire to a flame to a ficker and then a small ember. You need to understand that and accept it. Then you need to forgive her, accept that it's over and make a promise that you are not going to let what happened in this relationship define who you are. Learn from it and use those lessons to help you succeed with the next relationship. Also, I highly suggest seeing a Counselor. They're very good at giving you ways to help you move on. You need to figure out what needs she was meeting for you and learn how to meet them on your own for now. And whatever you do, remember that wasting emotional energy on things you can't change (like the past) is what causes depression and slows down the healing process. Focus your energy on now and today and the things you can do to help yourself move on.
Lostgurl Posted January 16, 2007 Posted January 16, 2007 Marky Mark, I was married at a VERY young age to my first serious boyfriend. I had suspicions of him cheating before we got married, but i didn't have any proof. There were MANY issues in our marriage, but one of the biggest.. Was that he cheated on me. I ALMOST backed out of the wedding the night before. I seen a side of him that i never had seen before. But every one INSISTED it was only a case of cold feet. Another, on my part was not being ready for marriage and such a young age. I made alot of mistakes as well as him. What i am trying to get at here, is that i suspected him of cheating... You have been cheated on 3x already. The only thing that will come out of this marriage, if you do indeed decide to take her back and carry through with the marriage is regret, and heartache. You have sooo much to experience yet. I know that you love her, but that just isn't enough. Especially when it's apparent that she doesn't love you as much as you love her. Let her go, you'll heal with time. She will only continue to cheat on you, councilling won't help.
CaliGuy Posted January 16, 2007 Posted January 16, 2007 councilling won't help. Together, no. After he boots her from the house, then yes, I think he should go on his own. He lacks a sense of self worth and self-esteem. His confidence is probably shot as well. And he does deserve better. He just doesn't know it yet.
littlepiggy1 Posted January 16, 2007 Posted January 16, 2007 Does anybody think that instead of ending it, that counciling could help? Maybe if she'd cheated on you once. But three times? And it's obviously your idea, not hers to do counseling. That speaks volumes right there. I agree with others that you might want to see a counselor solo to help you with the grief and rebuild your self-esteem. Like I said, I agree to the fullest with you guys, but I just can't see myself without her, and I know right now that it would be the longest and most difficult thing I have ever faced in my life.... It will be incredibly difficult. You'll probably be in a fog for quite some time, facing an uncertain future. But here's the thing: YOU CAN DO IT. It won't be easy. You'll have to take it one day at a time. Some days will be better. Some days will be worse. But gradually the better days will start to outweigh the bad days. And eventually, the bad days will disappear. And then you'll feel so much better for it.
Salicious Crumb Posted January 16, 2007 Posted January 16, 2007 Easy decision here....dump her. She is not worthy.
SurferGirlTx Posted January 18, 2007 Posted January 18, 2007 Oh my goodness you are so young - for heavens sake you are only 19 - you have your whole life ahead of you - why are you investing so much into this one girl - who one day will just be a blip in your memory? You should be out having fun dating alot of girls and enjoying life. I look back at when I was your age (I'm mid 40 something now) and everything always seemed such a life or death matter! That's the problem with youth! Get to be my age and you won't even remember this chick's name.
Salicious Crumb Posted January 22, 2007 Posted January 22, 2007 Thanks for the advice everybody. But how do I stop having feelings? . Easy, nothing heals a broken heart like finding another woman.
lovelorcet Posted January 22, 2007 Posted January 22, 2007 Kick the b*tch to the curb... And listen to Caliguy...
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