corny1 Posted January 15, 2007 Posted January 15, 2007 My ex girlfriend and I haven't had any kind of contact since the night she left me on Dec. 4th. Just a quick recap. She left me because my business at the time was a bit slow and it was because of my own lack of drive at the time. There were some other minor issues such as jealousy, but this was the main reason why she left. I think that she saw our future as being a bit of a gamble because of the way my business was going at the time. Since our breakup I have worked my ass off to get things up to speed at my office and have been seeing more business than I ever have in my 4 years since I opened. Now I know that this girl was really into me, but was scared away because of the responsibility it takes to run a business financially amongst other things it takes such as time and energy. Now she is green behind the ears as far as money goes. Mom and dad have pretty much sheltered her her whole life. My question to you is would you contact her to let her know that things are going as good as ever at my business and hope that she would want to be with me again under different circumstances, or would you just let it go and move on to someone new? I would hate to try and contact her and then get nothing in response. I have been a month and a half of no contact now and I dont want to compromise how far I have come in my recovery. Our relationship was fricken great other than the issue with my business. Any thoughts as to what you would do?
LaughMachine Posted January 15, 2007 Posted January 15, 2007 Was she afraid that you would take too much time in your business and not too much time with her? Or was she more worried about how much money you would make?
guest Posted January 15, 2007 Posted January 15, 2007 She was unsure of the stability of my business. I believe that she perceived me as being a bit lazy towards my business. I guess I just needed a wake up call. I am more motivated now whether she is with me again or not. I asked her to borrow me some money and it really freaked her out. I think she was scared that my business was not going to make it. I admitted to her that it was my own fault and that I was going to do exactly what I have, but obviously she did not believe me. It was not the time it was the financial situation and my lack of enthusiasm towards the business that scared her. I just feel that if I can prove to her that I am now motivated more than ever that she may have a change of heart. I have a reply under guest.
Author corny1 Posted January 15, 2007 Author Posted January 15, 2007 She was not afraid of the time I put into it. It was actually the opposite. I think that she felt that I was not putting enough effort into it. It really was the case at the time, but now I am working harder than I ever have. It was simply the matter of the future being uncertain becasue she didnt feel sucure about the business supporting our needs as a couple. That has changed now and I wonder if that would make a difference in her mind.
Author corny1 Posted January 15, 2007 Author Posted January 15, 2007 What I don't want to do is try and convince her of this and then have her shoot me down. I have my pride and I know that with or without her that I am going to be successful. It would be awesome if she would be with me, but i will move on without her. It really sucked that she left me in the first place, but I guess I can see her point of view. She does have her future to think about.
Tormented Posted January 15, 2007 Posted January 15, 2007 Corny, this all depends upon how long she hung in there while you "slacked off." If your business started to slow down for only a brief period because you weren't applying yourself, but for the most part, did well for a much longer period of time, then I'd say let her go. If she can't hang in there for a brief period of "tougher times," then she's in it for the "good" life you can provide her, and the minute it dries up...she's gone. On the other hand, if you've been slacking off for quite some time but she patiently waited for you to get off your duff and apply yourself, then perhaps she was justified for leaving. Perhaps she feared living a financially tough life because of your lack of drive...an impoverished life is no fun! If that was the case, who could blame her for her decision? ~T~
LaughMachine Posted January 15, 2007 Posted January 15, 2007 I think your doing a great job. Maybe she was in your life for the moment to push you to speed up the process. It's a " dreamy thougth " but hey your doing good on your own. You don't need to explain anything to her I say let her see it on her own. The fact that she was worried about the support you guys would have as a cuple is maybe a tad bit shallow. I'm young so I guess it hasn't dawned on my yet how important support financially as a cuple can be...I woulden't chase her though, your business and your love can maybe support another fine gal in the future my friend
riobikini Posted January 15, 2007 Posted January 15, 2007 re: Corny1: " Our relationship was fricken great other than the issue with my business. Any thoughts as to what you would do? " I would just substitute the words "my business" with the words "my wallet", re-read it a couple of times and let it sink wa-a-y the heck in. After that you'll never ask that silly question again. -Rio
CaliGuy Posted January 15, 2007 Posted January 15, 2007 re: I would just substitute the words "my business" with the words "my wallet", re-read it a couple of times and let it sink wa-a-y the heck in. After that you'll never ask that silly question again. -Rio I agree, Rio. If she was "in" to him, money wouldn't be an issue or his business. She would have stuck it out to see him through success. Behind every great man is a great woman and behind every rich man is an open hand
Lostandfound Posted January 15, 2007 Posted January 15, 2007 Rio, you do make me laugh, you are a breath of fresh air. I agree whatever the situation if you are "BOTH" in love with each other money, business does not even enter into it
Author corny1 Posted January 15, 2007 Author Posted January 15, 2007 I just wanted to say thank you to all you guys. This is the best therapy for anyone going through heartache. All I can say is that she would have to come back to me and beg me to forgive her for her shallowness and then I may consider a second chance. Until that happens I am going to continue to work hard and become a better person for the next person in my life. Thanks again to all of you for your words of wisdom and support.
ratingsguy Posted January 15, 2007 Posted January 15, 2007 I'm actually impressed that you were able to focus on your business and make it successful since she left. God knows when I've gone through a break up, my business hasn't gotten the full attention it needs. Your mind is usually elsewhere. My view is that a month and a half NC on her part says it all. Move on, brother. You'll be fine... sounds like you already are.
notmakingsense Posted January 16, 2007 Posted January 16, 2007 On the other hand, if you've been slacking off for quite some time but she patiently waited for you to get off your duff and apply yourself, then perhaps she was justified for leaving. Perhaps she feared living a financially tough life because of your lack of drive...an impoverished life is no fun! Tormented has a point here. Was this a situation where she had been sticking it out with you for a long time? If this is the case, then it may not have been issues with your wallet at all -- but more about your drive/motivation. If not -- I definitely agree with the others she is completely shallow, a gold-digger, and you should stay the course and look for someone else.
Author corny1 Posted January 16, 2007 Author Posted January 16, 2007 We were together for about 5 months. My business did really well the first four months we were together. This is the only time that my business has taken a dip in 4 yrs. She lived at my house for the last three months while she still had another apt. I paid for the mortgage, heat, electricity, etc... She paid for some groceries, gas, other small things. My business took a dip about the middle of November. I told her that I was going to do everything that I had in my power to get things back up at the office. I pleaded to her to stay to see it through and that I would love her and take care of her forever. I sent her a dozen roses. I did this once and only once. No reply. Now I have done exactly what I said I was going to do and she isn't here. I can understand her insecurity at the moment, but it wasn't like I was being a lazy ass month after month. My business simply took a dip and I admitted that it was my fault, but that I knew how to fix it, which I have. The thing that bothered me the most was that she didn't give me a chance to prove it to her. And honestly is that really love? If she would have lost her job as a nurse and was laid off for months at time I would never have left her, I would have supported her in any way that I could have because she was the person that I loved. No questions asked. I just feel like women today are so damn easy to give up when times aren't perfect. It's just all so superficial.
notmakingsense Posted January 16, 2007 Posted January 16, 2007 The thing that bothered me the most was that she didn't give me a chance to prove it to her. And honestly is that really love? If she would have lost her job as a nurse and was laid off for months at time I would never have left her, I would have supported her in any way that I could have because she was the person that I loved. No questions asked. I just feel like women today are so damn easy to give up when times aren't perfect. It's just all so superficial. Women today are not all like that, and your ex sounds like a complete jerk. I wouldn't accept her back even if she came crawling back on her hands-and-knees. "Give you a chance" -- indeed!
scrybe74 Posted January 16, 2007 Posted January 16, 2007 re: I would just substitute the words "my business" with the words "my wallet", re-read it a couple of times and let it sink wa-a-y the heck in. After that you'll never ask that silly question again. -Rio Rio is a genius. Listen to her/him
CaliGuy Posted January 16, 2007 Posted January 16, 2007 The thing that bothered me the most was that she didn't give me a chance to prove it to her. And honestly is that really love? What you don't understand because you are a man is that LOVE and ATTRACTION are not "logical." Men think logically. I love you therefore "logically" you should love me back. It has never worked that way. Attraction and love is based on things that do not make sense logically and therefore any attempt at trying to base it on logic will prove fruitless. This has taken me a long time to understand. The less I tried to place logic on love, the more success I had. I didn't realize it at the time because when I was younger I just didn't give a d*mn. But now that I am older and think more on a linear, logical level, I have learned that I don't know JACK about love. All I know is the less I analyze it, the better success I have. Cheers.
Author corny1 Posted January 17, 2007 Author Posted January 17, 2007 One other thing is that she made thirty bucks and hour and had no worries about money. No debt of any kind. Just a car loan and rent at her apartment. I realize that my financial responsibilities far exceeded hers and my debt was more, but I am a medical professional and I have student loans and I had to take a loan out to start my business. Either that or I could have been an associate and made much less, but not as bright a future. She could not see that that is what it takes to have your own business. Lots of sacrifice monetarily and mentally. So frustrating.
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