sitti Posted January 15, 2007 Posted January 15, 2007 Okay.. this is the first time I tried to ask advice online.. Im sounding so desperate and I guess I am and I want to get advice from other people. So here I go Well to start I have been seening this girl for some time now. About 5 months, and I think were just doing fine then. I met her during a varsity try-out and at start we were just friends. I noticed that she always looked tired every time I saw her at the start of the try-out, so one day I asked her why does she look so tired every time she goes to our gym. And there she opened up and we clicked right away. after a few months I finally asked her if I could court her and she was exited and said yes.. (she is those girls that are very traditional; those kinds of girls that you should ask if you could court them or be their boyfriends) well anways, after a few dates.. I asked her if she feels the same with me and she said that what we have is very mutual. And I was very happy! i sometimes surprise her by bring lunch after her class since her class is just after lunch time. And I try to be very sweet to her. But im having a very hard time, being traditional she expects me to make the 1st moves and true to my expectations, she never made the 1st initiation to contact me or text me via mobile just to ask if how im doing.. NOTHING!! Its always me.. I duno if im being very low but I think after 5 months of mutual understanding I think she would atleast be more initiative. Just recently im being very open with my feelings and she doesnt SAY ANYTHING ABOUT IT!! I mean I tell her that I miss her but RECENLTY she just ignores what im saying and doesn’t reply, maybe im being to open?? Or being to fast?? My friends told me to relax.. 5 months is not that long but I should rush into things just yet.. yes I agree but may be it would give the wrong impression to my girl.. she might get the message of “just friends” I really don’t know… I try making things more exited by giving her gifts for no reason at all.. I just say that I was thinking about her and decided to buy a gift for her.. but recently she told me “why do I keep giving me stuff toys??... its like your giving me 3 jackets to wear” I don’t get it.. I mean im still courting her.. what wrong wid stuff toys?? She never said anything about hating stuff toys!! And just recently we are fighting a lot (still in courting stage) for the simplest thing, well I think im being very shallow cause im thinking so much… I keep thinking that she does’nt want me anymore and i told her whats happening to me and she said that “your thinking too much” and I agree but she’s is becoming abit less concern about me… and im being very available to her.. maybe that’s my problem?? Being to “available”?? Well I hope I didn’t bore you reading this LONG story and i think i just embarrassed myself in cyberspace!!! But i dont care what you guys think.. just tell me whats wrong , that’s my story.. any advice??
Walk Posted January 15, 2007 Posted January 15, 2007 You're not shallow. You are too available. Stop treating her as if she's "traditional". She doesn't want a puppet, she wants a man. I would bet if given the choice she'd rather have a man who's true to himself, then someone who's just trying to impress her. You're trying to hard to impress her. Just out of curiosity, how old are both of you? You mentioned something about varsity and it seems like that would mean high school. I like the way you think though. Shows quite a lot of depth and maturity. You still have a ways to go in figuring out the twisted minds of women, but you are definitely NOT shallow.
whichwayisup Posted January 15, 2007 Posted January 15, 2007 Yup I agree with Walk. You're making yourself too available...Back off slightly, let her chase you. Just take things slowly, go with the flow, enjoy her company. You have a good heart!
JCD Posted January 16, 2007 Posted January 16, 2007 I think you should quit her and find yourself a girl that appreciates you for who you are. You shouldn't be changing to fit her because then you're not being yourself. I know how sucky it is to be the one that initiates all the time and it's draining because you don't have a feedback from her. So you think you did something wrong. But if she came to you and talked to you, etc. then you know she appreciates you and wants to be with you. Both should give 50/50 to the relationship so if you feel down she should step up and ask you what's wrong, etc.
Author sitti Posted January 16, 2007 Author Posted January 16, 2007 ohh yeah.. were in college.. she is a sophamore and im a junior! thanx for the advice. i'll keep you guys up to date on what happens!~
Pink Amulet Posted January 17, 2007 Posted January 17, 2007 FIVE MONTHS?! Buddy, that is by no stretch "still in the courting stage". I think you should ask this girl exactly how she feels about you, or you will walk.
RecordProducer Posted January 17, 2007 Posted January 17, 2007 I think she enjoys the courting and can't believe you still didn't give up. She doesn't like you as a potential boyfriend, but wants to keep you as a friend and certainly enjoys your attention. Be friends with her. You don't have to conquer every woman you like. Of course, I can't be 100% sure that I am right. But ho come you were so persistent? It's a great quality to not give up. Use it in other areas of your life and you will achieve great professional success.
Walk Posted January 17, 2007 Posted January 17, 2007 ohh yeah.. were in college.. she is a sophamore and im a junior! thanx for the advice. i'll keep you guys up to date on what happens!~ Have you discussed the official status of your relationship with her? Agreed to be bf/gf in a monogamous relationship? I'm kind of in agreement with RP on this.. You're both adults... I could see the type of relationship you described happening between highschool kids.. I don't see it with college aged adults. I think she considers you a friend who does lots of really great things for her. I think she knows you like her as more than a friend. But I don't think she wants you as a boyfriend.
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