weeble78 Posted January 15, 2007 Posted January 15, 2007 Hey everyone I'm a big romantic (aren't we all ) and also very idealistic but I realise that sometimes I have to come down to earth -I have a question that's been going round in my head. If you love your boyfriend more than anything in the world, should you be happy wherever you live in the world? 1 1/2 yrs ago I moved to a new city with my boyfriend of 4 years (living together for 2). He's doing really well and is pursuing his dreams (very successfully), I hate it here and want to move back home. I feel like I should love him enough to stay for a few more years. Does this mean our relationship isn't good enough?? Anyone got any advice for a confused lady??
TheDC Posted January 15, 2007 Posted January 15, 2007 Your enjoyment of the city that you live in has absolutely nothing to do with how much you love your BF. What is it that you don't like about where you live? Perhaps you need to get more involved with your community so that you feel more "at home" and make this new place your own. Is more a sense of homesickness? Perhaps you aren't giving the new place a fair shake because you are comparing it to the place you left and nothing measures up? You should be trying to figure out why you dislike it so much and not why you should like it.
Author weeble78 Posted January 15, 2007 Author Posted January 15, 2007 Ok, the reason I hate the new place I live is mostly the attitude of people here. I have lived in many different places and always made friends easily, but here it's so difficult because people seem to want to keep to what they know. I even did a course for a year here to meet people and still didn't make any friends. Also, I hate it as it's a city and I'm a country girl at heart - I hate living in a box and not being able to get to the sea. It really stresses me out and I feel I've tried hard here, but it seems increasingly like there is no other choice without me losing my mind!! I don't feel like this is homesickness as I really enjoyed it the first three months I was here, but now it seems the longer I stay here the more I hate it!! I just wish we'd never moved here now.
Walk Posted January 15, 2007 Posted January 15, 2007 It could be partly related to what's going on in your life right now. I know you've stated that you have some reservations and doubts about your bf's continued contact with his ex. If there's some insecurity created by his actions and words, then you're probably not going to feel stable and secure there. It's not going to feel like it's "home" because of the uncertainty in the background. What if your bf never wants to leave? Even if you do go back home and try a LDR, will you eventually have to move back out there in order to be with him in the future? I can imagine your bf absolutely loves it there. He has you there whenever he wants, a great job that probably makes him feel good about himself, and ex who once rejected him now chasing after him as if he's made of gold.... Why wouldn't he love it there? Why would he want to leave all that? There should be plenty of reasons to love where you live. If you can't find enough to make you happy, then change things until you are happy. Even if that means moving back home. But look at each change, and decide if it was location that determined happiness, or the people and feelings in your life. And if so, why? You've gotta ask yourself those questions though. It's not something someone else can answer.
Author weeble78 Posted January 15, 2007 Author Posted January 15, 2007 Thanks Walk - I guess it might be as things have been strained for the last few months although I think we're both at the stage where we're starting to get a little more insight into how we can both handle things better which is making things easier. Thinking about what you've said, I guess it has always been the people in my life who are important to me. I guess I can be a little lazy about making the effort with new people although I must admit I have had more setbacks than usual in the last year! I think a place is just a place, and I know it's up to you to make it what you want. Maybe I've just been feeling isolated and lonely and I should make more effort. I sometimes feel like I'm all on my own and there's nobody around who cares, and I get scared and feel like I have to run away from the pressure. (Boo hoo, I know this sounds very self-indulgent - I'm just having a good moan!!) Thanks xxx
LaughMachine Posted January 15, 2007 Posted January 15, 2007 Oh this is a tricky one. You being in love with your boyfriend doesn't make certain environmental issues okay. I think for anyone who is a new comer to moving somewhere will just have to try to adjust and adapt to the change. How much would you risk if you decided to move back home?
Author weeble78 Posted January 15, 2007 Author Posted January 15, 2007 Thanks for your reply - well emotionally I'd be risking my relationship, and occupation-wise I'd be risking giving up some good experience for my CV and a good wage. Also, I might risk moving back home and realising it isn't that great after all! It's so hard because I have got the best job I've ever had, I'm also gaining valuable experience which I need to make headway in my career - I guess I'm just still finding it hard to adjust even after 1 1/2 years!!
funkify Posted January 15, 2007 Posted January 15, 2007 Ok I haven't read your post but my vote is that no, love doesn't conquer all.
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