RocketMan2 Posted January 15, 2007 Posted January 15, 2007 Hi Everyone, Some of you may have been reading my other posts.. heres a brief summary for those that havent... Got dumped 3 weeks ago completely and utterly out of the blue. Never saw it coming in the slightest. Anyway, its been a real shock to me and im no where near over it yet, but ive been doing a lot of soul searching and I want your guys opinions on this.... I've always had a full time girlfriend non stop since i was 15 (im 22 in 2 months). There were a few people in between though saying that. I love the company of being in a relationship more than anything. The feeling of knowing theres someone to come home to, you know? Being single and pulling random girls is attractive as far as some different sex goes, but that doesnt really hold much weight with me to be honest, id much rather 'make love'. Im just not a typical guy that - for want of not being stereotypical - is just interested in sex, or being a player, has problems expressing emotion bla bla I've always been a bit shy. Not anti social, but... well i guess ive got low self confidence. I know i have and i hate it. The only time i've ever been single and of a dating age was at about 15, and i used to be a bit of a geek then so girls never really took an interest in me. Having a girlfriend ever since has meant ive never presented myself as available, and so still havent recieved any female attention. Its really depressing and makes me feel unwanted and unattractive I dont think im bad looking (but i do have a baby face for 21 - which is really annoying, i look about 16) and my gfs have obviously fancied me, but to me thats only 3 people in like 7 years! Im not a boring person at all, I always go out with my mates, in fact ive been on a massive bender this week, monday, wednesday, friday and last night. The kebab is still making me gurgle, damn it was nice tho Its just when I am out, i feel awkward and like i dont know what to say or how to act. Do you think im too attached to the idea of a girlfriend because of my insecurities? Which is why i put so much effort into relationships, because im scared of them ending and having to try and find someone else, which ive got no confidence in doing? Am i using 'having a gf' as an excuse to avoid confronting my low self confidence? I think im answering my own question here. Any thoughts? How can I get out of this trap
Lauriebell82 Posted January 15, 2007 Posted January 15, 2007 wow u sound just like me except i'm a girl. i too enjoy being in a relationship. casual sex and dating are just not my style, i prefer to be committed to someone. it sounds to me like u are hung up on the idea of having a gf, and u've let urself validate that as ur sense of being. i know this cause i do it too. i have only been in one real long term relationship, and i have been single a lot more. i think what u have to do is be happy being single. i know its hard cause u want a gf so badly and ur not happy, but maybe think about the things that make single fun. go out with ur friends to a bar. concentrate on other things that will make ur life great, and then when u least expect it the perfect person will come along. before u can truely be happy in a relationship, u have to be happy with urself. i have made the mistake of wanting a bf soooo bad that it drove me crazy. don't fall into that, it will just make u miserable. for the time being i think u should just concentrate on other things and enjoy not having to worry about the stress of a relationship. having a gf doesnt define who u are, and u shouldnt let ur self esteem take a hit just because some girl isnt fawning over u. be happy with urself, and when the time comes, u'll be so much happier in a relationship. well i hope i helped u.
Author RocketMan2 Posted January 16, 2007 Author Posted January 16, 2007 Its nice to hear im not the only one. I feel like i've lost the plot because all my mates are single guys and i just stick out Do you think its a bad thing for me to be like this at my age? Is it unrealistic to think ill find someone who feels the same way? Thats the way things look its like i really want a long term relationship but noone i meet does and i always get screwed
Lauriebell82 Posted January 16, 2007 Posted January 16, 2007 well if all ur friends are single then go out with them!!! all my friends have bfs so when i'm single it sucks! stop worrying about a relationship, u'll find a girl who wants the same thing u do. trust me they are out there. until it happens go have fun with ur friends!!! and no its not a bad thing that u want a long term relationship..actually most guys our age (i'm 24 by the way so i'm young too) don't want that, they just want to go out and get trashed with their friends. there are girls out there that want the same thing, just enjoy being single with ur friends and BAMM it will happen when u least expect it to, perhaps the love of ur life. thats how i met the love of mine!
Author RocketMan2 Posted January 16, 2007 Author Posted January 16, 2007 Thats good to hear I felt like i'm the only one! Thanks for the pick me up
whichwayisup Posted January 16, 2007 Posted January 16, 2007 I've always had a full time girlfriend non stop since i was 15 (im 22 in 2 months). You now need to be alone and have friends, but don't have a girlfriend. Be alone so you can find out who YOU are! Don't look at it as a negative thing - Live life, have fun and enjoy being single. You don't have to have a girl at your side to be happy.
JCD Posted January 16, 2007 Posted January 16, 2007 You need to find out who you are and then maybe you'll discover that you don't have self confidence issues but instead that is how you are. If you can accept that then you've just became your own man so to speak.
Author RocketMan2 Posted January 16, 2007 Author Posted January 16, 2007 Be alone so you can find out who YOU are! You need to find out who you are and then maybe you'll discover that you don't have self confidence issues but instead that is how you are. Thanks for the advice guys, but what does that actually mean? lol What is, 'finding out who you are' ?
My Fair Katie Posted January 16, 2007 Posted January 16, 2007 You sound a lot like My Fair Husband and though I married him, early in our dating history he almost shot himself in the foot. I am not a serial monogamist. I *enjoyed* dating. I liked playing the field. I didn't go on 3 dates and expect a committment. I take a really long time to get to know people and become comfortable with them so that we can be at a place where exclusivity is discussed. To me, exclusivity is a BIG thing, huge step, and one I don't take lightly. My Fair Husband is also a geek, somewhat socially shy (but brilliant in professional settings), but also attractive and great fun. When I met him he had been single for about three months after breaking up with a girlfriend of a few years. He'd dated in that time, but nothing came of it. He scared off women by moving too far too fast. He's often credited me with forcing him out of his shell by refusing to be his girlfriend right away. So, yes, it is very possible that you use an exclusive relationship to hide behind. My Fair Husband sure did.* *Note to people who think that they can change a man, no you can't. I did not change My Fair Husband. I just stayed true to myself and let him decide whether or not to pursue me knowing that I wasn't ready for exclusivity. The boost in confidence was a side affect of him having to sink or swim without a chick on his arm. I still strongly believe and assert that woman cannot change their man no matter how hard they try. /Disclaimer.
CaliGuy Posted January 16, 2007 Posted January 16, 2007 I think that until you figure out what is missing in your life that you feel you have to be in a relationship, I would take a long break. If you can't make yourself happy alone, how are you going to be able to make someone else happy in a relationship? Learn to be happy single first. That's the key.
magichands Posted January 16, 2007 Posted January 16, 2007 How can I get out of this trap I thought you just broke up? I don't understand... (Lots of great advice here, so I thought I would mix it up.)
magichands Posted January 16, 2007 Posted January 16, 2007 He scared off women by moving too far too fast. That's rich. You did sleep with him on your first date, remember?
whichwayisup Posted January 16, 2007 Posted January 16, 2007 Thanks for the advice guys, but what does that actually mean? lol What is, 'finding out who you are' ? Finding out who you are: -Being independant, self efficient and not having to rely on anybody but yourself for happiness, self satisifaction....Taking care of yourself, being responsible for your own actions, making choices/decisions for yourself... Hope that makes more sense to you now.
magichands Posted January 16, 2007 Posted January 16, 2007 and not having to rely on anybody but yourself for happiness, self satisifaction Self satisfaction is the best. Three times a day - if you can manage it. Taking care of yourself,I think someone's obsessed.
My Fair Katie Posted January 16, 2007 Posted January 16, 2007 That's rich. You did sleep with him on your first date, remember? LOL, yep, but it was *supposed* to be a ONS. I just flubbed it up. After he wanted to pursue things further we put a halt on the physical part to avoid confusion. Sure, bass ackwards, but there you have it.
magichands Posted January 16, 2007 Posted January 16, 2007 After he wanted to pursue things further we put a halt on the physical part to avoid confusion. Sure, bass ackwards, but there you have it. I like your thinking... give them a taste, then make them beg for more. Just like a dealer sucking in a potential lifelong customer.
My Fair Katie Posted January 16, 2007 Posted January 16, 2007 I like your thinking... give them a taste, then make them beg for more. Just like a dealer sucking in a potential lifelong customer. LOL, I'm not sure my skills in bed are quite that phenomenal, but if you want to think one taste of Katie is enough to hook a man for life, who am I to try to dissuade you from your opinion.
magichands Posted January 16, 2007 Posted January 16, 2007 LOL, I'm not sure my skills in bed are quite that phenomenal, but if you want to think one taste of Katie is enough to hook a man for life, who am I to try to dissuade you from your opinion. That poor sucker never had a chance. Hmmm. If one would delete all my "hijacking" posts, I don't think there would be anything of mine left. Yay for my complete lack of credibility.
clatan Posted January 17, 2007 Posted January 17, 2007 wow u sound just like me except i'm a girl. i too enjoy being in a relationship. casual sex and dating are just not my style, i prefer to be committed to someone. Hey, I've done my share too, but if you're not married... it's ALWAYS casual sex. What is it with this commitment thing? Sorry, marriage is the only real commitment. Otherwise you're just screwing.
Recommended Posts